Reserved Seats in Chapel for Sacrament Meeting?

[lumberjacksdaughter]

I am in the middle of a divorce, really no place to legitimately call home for the time being. After leaving the home that my husband and I shared, while travelling around visiting various relatives I hadn't seen in quite awhile I attended Sacraments in eight different wards during the first eight weeks. I would try to find the meeting times in each location or show up at 9am if I couldn't. I ended up in the Seattle Samoan Ward one Sunday morning at 9am. I couldn't understand the words spoken but I certainly felt the spirit. They sang the hymns with such purity and passion! I stuck out like a sore thumb but a truly great experience!

This morning I attended a ward back closer to where I started out while staying with daughters. I first sat in a chair behind the pews but realized I could not see spare hymn books so I moved up to a center bench that had only a small purse in the middle. When I sat down instead of turning and greeting me the people in the row directly in front of me informed me that that whole row was reserved for their family.

I know I am wrong to have just left the chapel and left the building at that point. Just lost interest, is all.

In the future I don't think I will ever tell a member that a seat in my vacinity is reserved. Now I know what it feels like if you are a little lost and unsure of where you fit in anymore.

[Roseslipper]

I know how you feel many years ago when I was totally inactive I came back to find alot of the places were reserved by people and I too left. It is easy to leave when your inactive and I had just the right excuse. i do still thinkit is wrong to save places or seats in the chapel. Right or wrong we shouldnt let that bother us. Where there for GOd and ourselvres we shouldnt let things like that bother us. But we do cause were human. BUt so are they and no on is perfect. And no matter what ward or branch we go to. Just make yourself as comfortable as possible because you belong there.

[FairChild]

You need to feed your spirit and soul, no matter why anyone else is there. Please, don't let anyone give you excuse to leave. Instead let them know you are visiting and by yourself. Where would be the best place for you to sit?

You have a perfect opportunity to introduce yourself and start a conversation. You are so important. I hope your situation quickly resolves itself. FC

[WmLee]

I do ever understand how you felt. I hate meetings like Stake Conference when the choir is there an hour or so early for a final practice and they spread their scriptures and notebooks out to “save” seats for later. Then, those seats stay vacant until ten minutes before the meeting starts and then the families come in and fill the spots. Others, who have come early, are back in the “cheap seats” (folding chairs). Our Stake Presidency has started holding meetings for new members and investigators 45 minutes before the conference and ONLY those who have been baptized in the past year or those with investigators are allowed in. The choir warms up in the RS room.

We, as members, need to be more sensitive to others.

[semodex]

Saving seats makes me bananas! Got to church today and walked to the 2nd pew that looked totally empty. When we got there, bags were strewn all the way across. The dad gets there early and saves for the rest of his family who always stream in right before they pass the sacrament. It wouldn't be so bad, but the guy smirks at anyone who walks up there thinking the row is empty. I always feel embarassed walking back and quite honestly want to smack him upside his head....not a great feeling to have right before sacrament starts!

I guess I should have known better, but didn't see him until I was almost there....

[talisyn]

-I really hate the whole saved seats thing. I'm assuming this is a big problem with wards that have Sacrament meeting after the other classes. Thankfully my ward has S.M. right off the bat. To be honest, I don't think the people who do this really care about scaring off others. They just comfort themselves with the knowledge that those who leave because of this didn't really believe, anyways

My old ward was really bad about saving seats. That's where I got into my habit of sitting on the comfy couches in the foyer.

[JThimm88]

It seems as though most people who have written are against saving seats, but in regards to someone saving seats for their family, I'm for it. My husband and I don't have the issue of saving seats as it's just the two of us right now, but when I imagine 10 years down the road with a few children in tow (our first is arriving in 6 months), I'm guessing that one of us will be running around with little ones while the other "saves seats" as children are being rounded up. I see nothing wrong with saving them unless you go to sit there and someone is rude about stating that they're just waiting for their family to sit down.

I mean, our church is all about families; we go to church as a family unit -- why not sit with them, regardless of having to save seats or not? (Clearly while some need to save seats, plenty of families also get to church without ever leaving the pew once they sit down, so...) I grew up in a family with 5 children, mom and pop -- all in the same pew.

[talisyn]

IDK, seems to me you come in as a family and find your seats. If you don't get there in time to get the 2nd pew in front then you try harder next time. Wouldn't it be easier and faster if both parents rounded up the kidlings?

In my old ward, it wasn't uncommon to find over half the pews covered in books a full 20 minutes before Sacrament meeting even started.

[Elgama]

It doesn't take much to invite someone who is new to sit with your family, if necessary split the family or sit a little one on your knee.

[Wingnut]

Circumstances vary. The man who reserves seats for his family every week probably shouldn't, if they can't be bothered to arrive before meetings start. Maybe if they didn't have a saved spot, they might have a little more motivation to get there on time.

Other families have one person at church as early as 7:00am for for bishopric and other meetings, or choir practice. The rest of the family doesn't arrive until 8:50. I don't think it's inappropriate for the early person to save the seats.

Maybe a family has visitors from out of town with them, or non-member friends who stepped out to the bathroom, and they want to ensure that their whole group can be together, as the visitors don't know people.

Perhaps the youth are in BYC with the bishop before church, and the parents are saving their spots so that they don't end up talking and texting with the rest of the youth in the back of the chapel the whole way through Sacrament meeting.

Some may have hearing problems, or can only hear effectively out of one ear, so they save their bench on a specific side of the chapel each week, so that they can actually get something out of Sacrament meeting.

Stake Conference is an especially tricky scenario, particularly in stakes that don't split their Sunday sessions. It starts at 10am, but if you want a "good" seat, you have to get there no later than 9:15. The baby needs to be fed before church, and three kids need getting ready, not to mention mom herself. Is it a problem for dad to go early and save seats, so long as mom arrives on time? (Aside from the fact that that adds an extra car to the parking lot melee.)

When my siblings were babies and blessed in Sacrament meeting, we'd invite (non-member) extended family to come to church with us that week and participate in that day with us. Most of the extended family lived within a 90-minute radius, and my parents have 4 and 6 siblings each, not to mention that my last great-grandparent only passed away 3 years ago, and I'll be 30 this year. We took up 2-3 long benches in the chapel, and you better believe we saved seats.

In short, savings seats isn't inappropriate under some basic courtesy conditions:

(1) Someone is actually sitting there, as opposed to scriptures and coats being thrown across benches, unattended (of which I myself am guilty)

(2) The people occupying the saved seats actually arrive to meetings on time.

(3) The seat-saver is careful, kind, and tactful in how he informs would-be sitters that the seats are saved.

Edited August 1, 2010 by Wingnut
add #3 at the end

[Moksha]

I have been to chapels (other than LDS) where some familes have an engraved name plate designating their pew. I think these situations were the result of a large cash donation.

Whenever I see any situation at Church that does not imply egalitarianism, I wonder what went wrong.

[Guest mirancs8]

In our ward people who want to get better seating (not way in the back on the folding chairs) just come a little earlier. There's always plenty of seat in ours... in the back that is. I see many families that come in right at the time it starts and have to sit in the folding chair section. No big deal. Sure it's not as comfy but unfortunately we all can't get the pew seats.

What I do is go 5-10 min. early and I'm fine finding a seat in the pews. I do this when I have the kids. When I am going alone I make it there at the time it starts and just sit in the back with the few other single folks . For me I'd rather give the pew seats to a family as I know with kids they seem to sit better.

I haven't seen since I've been at this ward anyone holding seats or an entire pew with their bags, books, and such.

[miztrniceguy]

I would have smiled and said "I'm sure they won't mind sharing"

[Traveler]

This is most odd. Thought #1. Our ward reserves the seats in the back. I think they are mostly for members that do not want to attend the other meetings in the block.

Thought #2. Are not all the seats at church "saved" because they (the seats) are there every Sunday?

Thought #3. I thought that most of the seat are assigned. After someone has sat in any seats for more than 3 weaks no one else is allow to sit there without their permission.

You could inquire - "Where do inactives struggling to return and find compassionate fellowship, without offending anyone active, allowed to sit"?

BTW - if you come to my ward you may have my reserved seats if you like - or you would be welcome to sit with my wife and I - I need all the friends I can get.

The Traveler

[Suzie]

Maybe my skin is too thick but I just cannot comprehend why I would leave a meeting just because someone tells me the seat I want is "reserved"?. Now if the person who tells me that is being very rude about it, etc then I totally understand, other than that I am puzzled.

[pam]

Thank you Suzie...I was starting to think I was the only one that something like this didn't bother me at all.

[Suzie]

Pam, this reminds me of a dear member in my ward that have been looking "upset" with me for a few Sundays so I asked her what's happening and I was shocked when she said that in "Such and such date, she wanted to talk to me but I was too busy talking with another sister that I did not see her standing around waiting and then going to one of the classrooms".

I was like...."Is this April's Fools Day?"? I could only said "Sorry sister, heavenly father gave me only two eyes".

*shrugs*

[pam]

So why didn't she call you and state, "I wanted to talk to you at Church but you were busy at the time. Do you have a moment now?" Instead of looking upset for a few Sundays.

[Wingnut]

So why didn't she call you and state, "I wanted to talk to you at Church but you were busy at the time. Do you have a moment now?" Instead of looking upset for a few Sundays.

Because it's easier to be a victim. I'm impressed at how long she drew it out, though. There have been times when I've chosen to be a victim, because it helps me feel vindicated and superior. I usually get over it in a few days because I realize how stupid I am.

Usually.

[Suzie]

So why didn't she call you and state, "I wanted to talk to you at Church but you were busy at the time. Do you have a moment now?" Instead of looking upset for a few Sundays.

Exactly. I TRULY did not see her. The interesting is, what she wanted to tell me was not something important that couldn't wait. She even knows my number. It really shocks me how some people ASSUME so quickly instead of analyzing a situation or approach you. (I had to approach her).

Are we as Mormons quite sensitive/thin skinned and easily offended? Generally speaking and in my opinion, I think we are.

[lumberjacksdaughter]

Around 28 years ago we had a family member participating in the Sacrament Meeting presentation. We came very early so all our large family could sit in the front row to support our family member who was giving a talk. The bishop's young daughter (around 8 years old) took it upon herself to inform us that the front row was always reserved for her family. That bishop was quick to correct her and say that we were more than welcome to sit there.

It just felt odd to sit down only to be told I needed to get up and move elsewhere. The entire center row I sat in had nobody and one purse in the middle. My own family over the years has went ahead and set in a couple different sections at times in order to welcome a single member or couple to sit next to those of us already seated. If there had been even a single member already sitting in the row where I had sat down I would have understood more. If the row in front was filled with the family holding the reservation, it would have helped if at least a couple of them had spread out in the empty row. We have done that. Sat a book or purse between our various family members to represent the ones not there yet so that it was more obvious that we would be filling up that space.

Yes. I realize that inactive members should be thick skinned enough to not take offense when told they are not welcome to sit where they've already sat down, that they need to search for a vacancy elsewhere that has not already been reserved. But what if I had been a nonmember who had decided to come in to experience one of our meetings. I guess some of you would point out that the person was just not very sincere about checking out our meeting if a little thing like being told to get up and move elsewhere could discourage them.

The sister who turned and informed me that I had to get up and move elsewhere could have first cordially greeted me and then tactfully explained the situation. Instead, I felt like I was at a movie theater.

I'm not complaining about books, purses, a sweater, etc. holding places. If that were the case, I would have not sat down where I did and there would have been no need to tell me to get up and move elsewhere.

WWJD?

[Suzie]

The entire center row I sat in had nobody and one purse in the middle. My own family over the years has went ahead and set in a couple different sections at times in order to welcome a single member or couple to sit next to those of us already seated. If there had been even a single member already sitting in the row where I had sat down I would have understood more. If the row in front was filled with the family holding the reservation, it would have helped if at least a couple of them had spread out in the empty row. We have done that. Sat a book or purse between our various family members to represent the ones not there yet so that it was more obvious that we would be filling up that space.

Don't you think you are over analyzing this?

Yes. I realize that inactive members should be thick skinned enough to not take offense when told they are not welcome to sit where they've already sat down, that they need to search for a vacancy elsewhere that has not already been reserved. But what if I had been a nonmember who had decided to come in to experience one of our meetings. I guess some of you would point out that the person was just not very sincere about checking out our meeting if a little thing like being told to get up and move elsewhere could discourage them.

It really doesn't have anything to do whether you are inactive, an investigator or even a member, it has to do with personality. We cannot be acting and walking in egg shells all the time because some people are easily offended. Being offended is a choice WE make.

The sister who turned and informed me that I had to get up and move elsewhere could have first cordially greeted me and then tactfully explained the situation. Instead, I felt like I was at a movie theater.

Possibly she could have done that, yes...However she didn't and I am pretty sure she must be at home right now totally unaware of the impact that she had on you (negatively unfortunately). So yes, she could have greeted you first but the fact is that she didn't. Why just not move on instead of dwelling in such a petty thing?

[lumberjacksdaughter]

Why just not move on instead of dwelling in such a petty thing?

Thank you, Suzie. Great advise. I believe I will move on.

[crazypotato]

Maybe my skin is too thick but I just cannot comprehend why I would leave a meeting just because someone tells me the seat I want is "reserved"?. Now if the person who tells me that is being very rude about it, etc then I totally understand, other than that I am puzzled.

Maybe you are not a shy type. Personally, if I was all by myself, in a new ward, and someone said that to me, and I was shy, I would be embarrassed and feelings hurt and would leave. I am not shy, but if I saw this happen to someone, I would think the seat-saving people were jacka--es.

[crazypotato]

Around 28 years ago we had a family member participating in the Sacrament Meeting presentation. We came very early so all our large family could sit in the front row to support our family member who was giving a talk. The bishop's young daughter (around 8 years old) took it upon herself to inform us that the front row was always reserved for her family. That bishop was quick to correct her and say that we were more than welcome to sit there.

It just felt odd to sit down only to be told I needed to get up and move elsewhere. The entire center row I sat in had nobody and one purse in the middle. My own family over the years has went ahead and set in a couple different sections at times in order to welcome a single member or couple to sit next to those of us already seated. If there had been even a single member already sitting in the row where I had sat down I would have understood more. If the row in front was filled with the family holding the reservation, it would have helped if at least a couple of them had spread out in the empty row. We have done that. Sat a book or purse between our various family members to represent the ones not there yet so that it was more obvious that we would be filling up that space.

Yes. I realize that inactive members should be thick skinned enough to not take offense when told they are not welcome to sit where they've already sat down, that they need to search for a vacancy elsewhere that has not already been reserved. But what if I had been a nonmember who had decided to come in to experience one of our meetings. I guess some of you would point out that the person was just not very sincere about checking out our meeting if a little thing like being told to get up and move elsewhere could discourage them.

The sister who turned and informed me that I had to get up and move elsewhere could have first cordially greeted me and then tactfully explained the situation. Instead, I felt like I was at a movie theater.

I'm not complaining about books, purses, a sweater, etc. holding places. If that were the case, I would have not sat down where I did and there would have been no need to tell me to get up and move elsewhere.

WWJD?

Which is more important, saving a seat or being kind to a stranger and welcoming them to the chapel. If I was saving seats and someone sat down in them, I would never dream of asking them to leave.