Backroads Posted February 11, 2012 Report Share Posted February 11, 2012 I'm asking about this because of a co-worker's situation. Her eldest son is getting married, the reserved sealing room holds about 50 people, according to what she said. She, her husband, and son invited less than 20 people to the sealing. Two days ago, the bride informs everyone she and her family have invited 120 people to the sealing and would the groom's family please cull their list? My own sealing is over and done with, but I'm a little curious to the various views on just who comes to the sealing... as co-worker doesn't understand why she has to uninvite family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iggy Posted February 11, 2012 Report Share Posted February 11, 2012 When I reserved the sealing room when hubby and I got sealed, I was told that I should only invite immediate family, our witness's and if space permits, two to four very close friends. When I asked the definition of immediate family I was told: parents, siblings & spouses, grandparents (if alive), Aunts & Uncles. In that order. If there isn't enough space, the Aunts & Uncles should be eliminated from the list. Also, your co-worker needs to call the Temple and ask for clarification. She can make an appointment to converse face to face regarding how many to invite to the sealing. A Temple Marriage/Sealing is NOT like a formal wedding where you fill the building to the rafters with friends, co-workers, 2nd, 3rd (etc) cousins, Great Aunts & Uncles, etc., etc. Safe all of that for the reception after in the rented hall or hotel conference room. There really is no need for a best man, maid of honor, flower girl, ring bearer. Granted, Hubby & I were married civilly, then sealed 1.5 years later. The Sealer told us that this sealing was the same as if we were being married & sealed. So, if someone was married/sealed in the Temple, if I am wrong, please correct me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenamarie Posted February 11, 2012 Report Share Posted February 11, 2012 Most Endowment rooms don't even hold that many people! My Sealing room only held 15, and I think the largest one in that Temple (Oakland), sat maybe 30 people? No way have I ever heard of one that could accommodate the number of people the bride wants to invite! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted February 11, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2012 My thoughts were that if even my co-worker (and the groom!) uninvited all their people, the bride's guest list is still going to overwhelm the room! We invited family and some close friends and called it good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just_A_Guy Posted February 12, 2012 Report Share Posted February 12, 2012 I'm asking about this because of a co-worker's situation. Her eldest son is getting married, the reserved sealing room holds about 50 people, according to what she said. She, her husband, and son invited less than 20 people to the sealing. Two days ago, the bride informs everyone she and her family have invited 120 people to the sealing and would the groom's family please cull their list?No.That is all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just_A_Guy Posted February 12, 2012 Report Share Posted February 12, 2012 OK, that is not all. The issue isn't who should come. The issue is, if bride and her family are going to be such clods now, the marriage (and I'm not talking about the ceremony) is going to have some real issues going forward. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwen Posted February 12, 2012 Report Share Posted February 12, 2012 If I were the groom I would be reconsidering the woman I was about to marry. Sounds like a good time for a "first fight" if they haven't had one. He'll find out real fast just how well she compromises. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyler90AZ Posted February 12, 2012 Report Share Posted February 12, 2012 Sounds like it is going to be an interesting marriage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarginOfError Posted February 12, 2012 Report Share Posted February 12, 2012 When my wife and I were preparing for our wedding, we had agreed that any immediate family who were able to attend could join us in the sealing room. It ended up being my parents, my sister, and her parents. My mother-in-law-to-be had expressed dissatisfaction with the limitations on our list. She had been getting questions about when the ceremony would be and people were indicating that they would like to come. She asked, "what are you going to do if they show up at the door? turn them away?" I answered very plainly, "Yes." I did so because I feel very strongly that this is an ordinance and a sacred moment in life and not a public spectacle. Now, I'm not going to try and say that everyone should stick to the criteria I have, but there's still such a thing as being reasonable. 120 people is not reasonable. Even more so when your desire to have your chosen 120 interferes with the ability of your spouse-to-be to have the people closest to him present. If it were me, I'd seriously be questioning if the long term implications of her actions were worth putting up with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john doe Posted February 12, 2012 Report Share Posted February 12, 2012 OK, that is not all.The issue isn't who should come. The issue is, if bride and her family are going to be such clods now, the marriage (and I'm not talking about the ceremony) is going to have some real issues going forward.I tend to agree. If the bride's family is willing to overrun the marriage ceremony like this, they are sending out definite signals that the groom and his family are insignificant to them. They are setting the ground rules for the marriage for all future events. That is, they expect him to bend to their every whim without regard for his wishes or his family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annewandering Posted February 12, 2012 Report Share Posted February 12, 2012 The only thing I can say is they better cull it down a lot or they are due for a big surprise on the wedding day. Wonder how often the temples have to deal with people who think its a public exhibition instead of a sacred covenant making ceremony? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bytebear Posted February 12, 2012 Report Share Posted February 12, 2012 The sealing room simply can;t handle that many people. Now if she wants people to wait at the temple in the waiting areas or on the grounds, then that's the thing to do. Then you can do photos with 500 people if you really want in front of the temple. Just say something that makes them feel special in being invited to the temple and to be part of the memories. I think most people (especially active LDS) will get it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted February 12, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2012 I kind of want to meet the girl. Co-worker, after her rants, tries to explain she does like the girl and thinks she is merely stressed and trying to please everyone--but I have had similar thoughts to how picky the girl is. I also said that if they're aiming for 120, what's an extra 20? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dravin Posted February 12, 2012 Report Share Posted February 12, 2012 I kind of want to meet the girl. Co-worker, after her rants, tries to explain she does like the girl and thinks she is merely stressed and trying to please everyone--but I have had similar thoughts to how picky the girl is.There is a lot we (talking about us board folks) don't know. That disclaimer made, I'd be inclined to chalk it up to naivete except for the request for the groom to cut his list. So it's not like they think the sealing room is the size of a chapel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maureen Posted February 12, 2012 Report Share Posted February 12, 2012 I'm asking about this because of a co-worker's situation. Her eldest son is getting married, the reserved sealing room holds about 50 people, according to what she said. She, her husband, and son invited less than 20 people to the sealing. Two days ago, the bride informs everyone she and her family have invited 120 people to the sealing and would the groom's family please cull their list?...I have a question. Is it common for one family to know 120 people (family and friends) that have temple recommends?M. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dravin Posted February 12, 2012 Report Share Posted February 12, 2012 (edited) I have a question. Is it common for one family to know 120 people (family and friends) that have temple recommends?M.Depends what you mean by 'know', invitations can get rather seven degrees of Kevin Baconish for those who get sucked into the trap of, "I have to invite anyone who knows me or my parents or they'll be offended!" As far as positively knowing the temple recommend status of 120 people, I doubt it. Though I suspect if they are active and you don't know otherwise the assumption of a recommend is made for adult members and the invite goes out. Edited February 12, 2012 by Dravin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted February 12, 2012 Report Share Posted February 12, 2012 I have a question. Is it common for one family to know 120 people (family and friends) that have temple recommends?M. Could be in Utah. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted February 12, 2012 Report Share Posted February 12, 2012 I have a question. Is it common for one family to know 120 people (family and friends) that have temple recommends?Yes, it is common. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
classylady Posted February 12, 2012 Report Share Posted February 12, 2012 (edited) I have a question. Is it common for one family to know 120 people (family and friends) that have temple recommends?M.In Utah, most definitely it would be common to know personally more than 120 people who hold temple recommends. Most of my family and my husband's family all have recommends. And we both come from large families--he has 8 siblings and I have 6. Add their spouses to that and their adult children with their spouses. Plus, aunts and uncles, cousins, and grandparents. Also, return missionaries often have best friends from the mission field, who hold temple recommends. And then add the neighbors that you're close to. We know everyone on our block, plus pretty much every family within our ward boundaries. The vast majority are all members of the church and are active with temple recommends. That can add up to a lot of people you personally know and are close to who hold temple recommends. Edited February 12, 2012 by classylady Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bytebear Posted February 12, 2012 Report Share Posted February 12, 2012 I kind of want to meet the girl. Co-worker, after her rants, tries to explain she does like the girl and thinks she is merely stressed and trying to please everyone--but I have had similar thoughts to how picky the girl is.I also said that if they're aiming for 120, what's an extra 20?Well, another thing is she may just not understand how temple weddings work. Most brides have not been through the temple so don't know how small the room is. She may think it's a big cathedral and you can fit hundreds in the room. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annewandering Posted February 12, 2012 Report Share Posted February 12, 2012 The good thing is that the people who have recommends know better. Supposedly that would include her mom and dad? Hopefully someone will discuss it with her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted February 13, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 13, 2012 Supposedly it would include her mom and dad, I assume. The girl is a RM, so I assume she knows something about the temple! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted February 13, 2012 Report Share Posted February 13, 2012 I'm asking about this because of a co-worker's situation. Her eldest son is getting married, the reserved sealing room holds about 50 people, according to what she said. She, her husband, and son invited less than 20 people to the sealing. Two days ago, the bride informs everyone she and her family have invited 120 people to the sealing and would the groom's family please cull their list?My own sealing is over and done with, but I'm a little curious to the various views on just who comes to the sealing... as co-worker doesn't understand why she has to uninvite family.The temple will only allow 50. That is the biggest room in most temples, even the SLC. She can invited all she wants but if there is a conflict the temple will tell the bride and groom they can have immediate family only. At least that's what I've seen done when something this selfish happens. There is no room in the temple for selfishness.Maybe the groom needs to sit up at take notice of this now before he is sealed and there are similar issues down the road. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted February 13, 2012 Report Share Posted February 13, 2012 The only thing I can say is they better cull it down a lot or they are due for a big surprise on the wedding day. Wonder how often the temples have to deal with people who think its a public exhibition instead of a sacred covenant making ceremony?It happens more than you'd think.The temple tries to deal with these issues before hand. They are very clear about how many people the rooms will hold. The rooms can not hold more than they tell you. It just physically can't happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted February 13, 2012 Report Share Posted February 13, 2012 I have a question. Is it common for one family to know 120 people (family and friends) that have temple recommends?M.Yes it is a possibility. If both the bride and the groom come from large active families where their parents all came from active large families...yup!!! 120 isn't a hard number to reach. It doesn't happen very often because usually in large active families they have done a lot of temple sealings in their families and know that 120 in a sealing room just isn't going to happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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