Help! Feeling torn about life-altering decision.

[Jenamarie]

DH got offered a job today. He applied to it because he's frustrated with the work environment at his current employer, and this job would move us significantly closer to family, which we desperately want to do (we're currently 12 hours from my parents, and 14 hours from DH's. This would move us to just 20 minutes from a large chunk of DH's family, although still 12 hours from my parents, but I'd have a sibling and his family nearby, and other extended family). There'd also be more educational opportunities for me, should I decide to go back to school (which I'm leaning heavily towards), and we'd be in an area that just has more stuff to do!

BUT, it would mean a 30% cut in pay, we'd be moving from a state with no income tax (WA) to a state that does have income tax (UT), COL is only slightly lower than where we are currently, it would be a lateral move, career-wise, for DH, and while houses in our neighborhood are selling and we're not underwater on our loan, we'd be lucky to get anything out of the sale after real-estate fees.

(and yes we looked into all of this before applying, but we honestly didn't expect the offered pay to be so LOW!!! If it were only a 20% pay cut we'd feel more comfortable with accepting it)

I just feel conflicted. I really really really want to move closer to family, but would it be worth it to take this drastic a pay-cut to do it? And if we turn it down because of the pay (they told DH the max amount of $ they're willing to pay), will I someday regret choosing the money over family? It would mean scaling back our budget quiet a bit, but by golly we'd be near family!

Help me sift through this!

[Guest]

This would be how I would look at it:

Is it worth 30% pay-cut to get away from a job I hate and move closer to the family I love?

If I can make the resulting paycheck cover our budget, I'd go for a yes. I can always work towards a raise in the future.

[Guest]

I'd make budget cuts before I'd have my husband spending every day at a job that makes him miserable. In fact, that's life right now. Stability used to mean more to me, now his happiness does (as long as we can pay the bills and take care of the kids).

Being near family has its pros and cons. :) That would be a peripheral consideration for us.

[pam]

You've been wanting to do this for a long time. I realize 30% is a lot of money to lose but famiy is also missing out on seeing your kids growing up etc.

I'm with anatess...he could always work towards a raise in the future and who knows? There might be other opportunities he could pursue once you actually got here.

[Misshalfway]

Is there another "low impact" way to make up for that 30 %? Like a little part time job in the new town?

But it does make one heartsick to take a loss on the sale of the house and all that. I can see why you are so conflicted.

[annewandering]

What are the opportunities for job climbs in the offered job??

[estradling75]

Its between You, your DH and the Lord.

Something to consider as you wrestle with it. One of the reason you give is that he is unhappy with his current job and that is a good reason. However 30% is lot. For many men another aspect of their happiness is in their ability to provide for their families. If this is the case for your DH then you really need to discuss the possibility that you would be just changing the cause of the unhappiness, and not eliminating it.

[estradling75]

Its between You, your DH and the Lord.

Something to consider as you wrestle with it. One of the reason you give is that he is unhappy with his current job and that is a good reason. However 30% is lot. For many men another aspect of their happiness is in their ability to provide for their families. If this is the case for your DH then you really need to discuss the possibility that you would be just changing the cause of the unhappiness, and not eliminating it.

[Jenamarie]

I'd make budget cuts before I'd have my husband spending every day at a job that makes him miserable. In fact, that's life right now. Stability used to mean more to me, now his happiness does (as long as we can pay the bills and take care of the kids).

Being near family has its pros and cons. :) That would be a peripheral consideration for us.

He's not so much miserable as frustrated. He has excellent co-workers, and he genuinely enjoys what he does, but management is frustrating to deal with, and they're at the absolute minimum number of people they need doing his job to remain within state and federal regulations (hospital), so he often has a lot on his plate.

What are the opportunities for job climbs in the offered job??

Not much. He'd likely to have to do another job search.

Its between You, your DH and the Lord.

Something to consider as you wrestle with it. One of the reason you give is that he is unhappy with his current job and that is a good reason. However 30% is lot. For many men another aspect of their happiness is in their ability to provide for their families. If this is the case for your DH then you really need to discuss the possibility that you would be just changing the cause of the unhappiness, and not eliminating it.

This is what I worry about. We're pretty cozy in our financial situation right now. I worry about losing that "coziness" and if it might be just exchanging one bag of troubles for another.

Edited September 6, 2012 by Jenamarie

[skalenfehl]

I am now earning about half of what I used to as a contractor in Utah. I now work for someone else. My point is, I used to live in a monster size home that I didn't need. I now live in a small rental modular. I no longer have TV or other luxuries. I plan on growing a big garden in the Spring and become more self sufficient and debt free. My point is it is entirely possible to do what you gotta do to be happy. Live providently, learn to budget, live on what you need vs. want and need, etc. If you plan this out with DH and also include your children, they will be an integral part of the process and experience the joy that comes from doing it together. I live in UT, a transplant from TX. It was a culture shock, even though I'm LDS, the economy and politics here are unique, too. All in all, it can be done. Good luck! :)

[Jenamarie]

I am now earning about half of what I used to as a contractor in Utah. I now work for someone else. My point is, I used to live in a monster size home that I didn't need. I now live in a small rental modular. I no longer have TV or other luxuries. I plan on growing a big garden in the Spring and become more self sufficient and debt free. My point is it is entirely possible to do what you gotta do to be happy. Live providently, learn to budget, live on what you need vs. want and need, etc. If you plan this out with DH and also include your children, they will be an integral part of the process and experience the joy that comes from doing it together. I live in UT, a transplant from TX. It was a culture shock, even though I'm LDS, the economy and politics here are unique, too. All in all, it can be done. Good luck! :)

We already live very frugally. Our house is very small (less than 1000sq/ft), we only have one car, I buy most of our clothes at thrift stores, and our only debt is our house. Our luxuries are a zoo membership, dance lessons for me and DD, my licensing fee I need to teach aerobics (I barely break even doing this, but I LOVE doing it), and a Netflix subscription. None of those things are very expensive, but we'd likely have to cut them out, at least for a while, plus tighten the purse strings a bit more on things like groceries and road trips that use up gas. (BUT this move would make it absolutely necessary to buy a second car).

Crunching the numbers makes it look like we'd have *just* enough to cover our expenses, and that's only with rough estimates, assuming our utility and grocery bills aren't higher there (UT) than they are here (WA). We'd be lucky to break even while still waiting for our house here in WA to sell, and who knows if we'd be able to find a mortgage for as cheap. We paid 120k for our house. How likely are we to find a reasonable home in the Salt Lake area for that much?

[mirkwood]

All my friends make more money than I do. Most of them signifacantly more. On the other hand...I like my job far more then any of them do. Sometimes being happy at work is more important.

[applepansy]

There is a lot to be said for a job that doesn't tear you down. Right now I'd be happy with a cut in pay if my husband could find a job he's happy doing. His boss tears him down continually and its to the point its affecting his sense of self worth and since he's in his 50s its worse because he so uncertain about finding another job. No matter what I try to say I can't get him to even apply anywhere else. Or start his business back up. I can't even get him to work on his computer skills at home so that he's be more employable if he chose to go back to retail management. I can't even get him to talk about going back to school.

Sigh

Take the cut and move. You'll both be happier in the long run.

Good Luck.

[Jenamarie]

There is a lot to be said for a job that doesn't tear you down. Right now I'd be happy with a cut in pay if my husband could find a job he's happy doing. His boss tears him down continually and its to the point its affecting his sense of self worth and since he's in his 50s its worse because he so uncertain about finding another job. No matter what I try to say I can't get him to even apply anywhere else. Or start his business back up. I can't even get him to work on his computer skills at home so that he's be more employable if he chose to go back to retail management. I can't even get him to talk about going back to school.

Sigh

Take the cut and move. You'll both be happier in the long run.

Good Luck.

Thankfully his current job isn't *that* soul-crushing, but we also aren't too sure about what the environment at this new employer would be like (there's been no on-site interview).

We've been crunching the numbers, and this job could potentially have us living paycheck to paycheck, the pay cut and added state taxes/moving expenses/etc. are that much.

[applepansy]

Thankfully his current job isn't *that* soul-crushing, but we also aren't too sure about what the environment at this new employer would be like (there's been no on-site interview).

We've been crunching the numbers, and this job could potentially have us living paycheck to paycheck, the pay cut and added state taxes/moving expenses/etc. are that much.

Have you fasted and prayed about the decision? Also, get your names on the temple prayer roll. Send me a PM if you want me to call the Bountiful and SL Temples for you.

[Jenamarie]

Have you fasted and prayed about the decision? Also, get your names on the temple prayer roll. Send me a PM if you want me to call the Bountiful and SL Temples for you.

Yes, we've fasted, and we'll be praying quiet a bit today. We've also talked to my parents, and we'll be talking to DH's parents today to get their input and prayers. (I know his parents have already been putting our names into the Temple, ever since we started contemplating this move)

[applepansy]

Yes, we've fasted, and we'll be praying quiet a bit today. We've also talked to my parents, and we'll be talking to DH's parents today to get their input and prayers. (I know his parents have already been putting our names into the Temple, ever since we started contemplating this move)

You're in my prayers too.

[Guest]

If you're already living pretty slim and then taking a 30% cut, I can see how that would be tougher. I don't know what part of WA you're in, but for my family who moved from Logan to Moses Lake, they're seeing much cheaper electricity, but much more expensive groceries. Or they have to drive at least an hour to get better prices on food, and it's hard to find good second hand stores. If that helps.

When we were going to move to CO from ID a couple of years ago, we found some websites that compared cost of living, too. We were going to be taking a 10% pay raise, but the cost of living was around 25% higher, so it didn't make up the difference. Maybe look for things like that. Study it out and pray hard. :) Good luck!

[Jenamarie]

If you're already living pretty slim and then taking a 30% cut, I can see how that would be tougher. I don't know what part of WA you're in, but for my family who moved from Logan to Moses Lake, they're seeing much cheaper electricity, but much more expensive groceries. Or they have to drive at least an hour to get better prices on food, and it's hard to find good second hand stores. If that helps.

When we were going to move to CO from ID a couple of years ago, we found some websites that compared cost of living, too. We were going to be taking a 10% pay raise, but the cost of living was around 25% higher, so it didn't make up the difference. Maybe look for things like that. Study it out and pray hard. :) Good luck!

We found a similar website, and while things like healthcare and gas would be cheaper, groceries were equal, housing was higher (particularly if we want to live close to the new job), and we'd definitely be paying higher electricity costs since we currently don't need AC here, but we would there, and it gets much colder in the winters. And we'd also need a second car, so there would go the savings on gas.

[skippy740]

Have you considered renting instead of buying for a while?

Check out craigslist for some rentals in the area you're considering. You might be surprised by the quality of what you find for the rental prices while you're working your way up the 'economic food chain'.

[Kaelee]

Could you get a job to make up some of the difference?

[carlimac]

Reality check. We moved from the midwest where we had been living for a decade,to the west two yrs ago to be closer to family. Luckily for us the pay at the new job was better, too. We have a bigger house, an abundant life and feel very blessed. Although we don't live in the same town as our families we get to see them much more often which can be a blessing or a curse if you know what I mean. As much as my mother in law squalked about us living so far away, she had a rough time adjusting to us being back. But eventually things smoothed out and she got used to having us around again.

BUT with all these blessings, there are still many aspects of our life that aren't perfect. We miss so many things about the midwest. DH doesn't love his job. We don't love the town we live in. The education system took a steep dip from where we lived before. We actually have so many more expenses even though the cost of living is lower.

My point is that, no matter where you live, as you astutely pointed out, you will ALWAYS be trading one bundle of problems for another. There is no perfect house to live in. There is no perfect place to live. There are always problems in life. So if you do take the job and move, keep in mind that you WILL have challenges no matter where life takes you. Being around family won't necessarily solve all your problems and make your DH happier just like getting a pay raise, getting a bigger house and being closer to family didn't really make us any happier than we already were. You just need to decide to be happy. Bloom where you are planted. Serve your community, neighborhood, and church. Etc... I'm not saying don't ever take opportunities that come. Just don't ever think a change will automatically make you happier.

I'm reminding myself of this, too, again.

Edited September 6, 2012 by carlimac

[classylady]

Why would a 2nd car be needed? Would it be possible for DH to take the bus to work leaving the car for you? Of course a bus pass would be an added expense, but maybe not as much as a 2nd car. We're getting by with just one car. On the days that I need it, I drive my DH to work and then pick him up at the end of the day.

[Jenamarie]

Why would a 2nd car be needed? Would it be possible for DH to take the bus to work leaving the car for you? Of course a bus pass would be an added expense, but maybe not as much as a 2nd car. We're getting by with just one car. On the days that I need it, I drive my DH to work and then pick him up at the end of the day.

My IL's live 45 minutes away from the new job (longer if there's traffic). Taking the bus would mean a 2 hour commute.

[classylady]

My IL's live 45 minutes away from the new job (longer if there's traffic). Taking the bus would mean a 2 hour commute.

That would be hard. The bus was never really an option with my job or my DH either. For years we didn't have bus service in the community we lived in, or the bus didn't go out to my job.