Men taking wife's name

[JosephP]

Neither my fiancé or I like my last name. I had wanted to change it when I was 17 before I enlisted, but couldn't afford the court fees. I've felt stuck with it all my life.

In the state where we plan to marry the wife can use her maiden name and the husband can use the wife's name when getting married.

I have had some pretty extreme responses to this, and I'm just testing the waters in this forum. Opinions please. It's a big irreversible decision and I want to be happy with the choice.

[Jenamarie]

If you and your fiance are okay with both using HER name instead of yours, then by all means do it. What does it matter what others think? It's YOUR name.

[JosephP]

If you and your fiance are okay with both using HER name instead of yours, then by all means do it. What does it matter what others think? It's YOUR name.

There is the feelings in my family about laying it aside. I'm also curious what it will be like at work having a new identity.

[Guest]

Why not? I say go for it. I'm not crazy about my married last name but my maiden name was too common. Maybe we should have just chosen one we liked. :)

[NightSG]

I know most states will allows either or both spouses a complete name change during a divorce. Pretty sure the same is true during a marriage.

[slamjet]

Having Hispanic heritage and raised that way as well as having been raised in a Spanish unit, I find nothing remotely strange about it. But be ready for the pain of the red tape. When I was getting a divorce, my soon to be ex asked if she could keep my last name. Mainly because she didn't want to have a different name than the kids and she absolutely didn't want to change all her ID's, bank, Social Security, etc. Of course I was more than pleased and said yes.

[classylady]

My daughter's husband is changing his Korean name to an American name. He will be dropping his last name and using my daughter's maiden name as his last name. I'm okay with it, but at the same time I feel sad that he is giving up his Korean identity.

[Vort]

I see nothing at all morally wrong with it. Socially is another matter entirely. Your family might feel you are abandoning them. Not sure what to say about that; I don't really have any advice to offer.

[Guest]

How do they sound hyphenated?

[ClickyClack]

Having Hispanic heritage and raised that way as well as having been raised in a Spanish unit

Spanish... now there's where you get a lot of names.

Although I did once baptize a lady whose surnames were Gutierrez Gutierrez de Gutierrez.

Anyway, OP, when my wife's brother got married, he took his wife's surname. No idea why, he never gave any reason. His family was pretty unhappy about it. How your family would take it, only you can say.

[Echo2002]

I don't see anything wrong with it if you and your fiance both agree on it. Your family might have some hard feelings toward you, I guess you would have to deal with that.

[Backroads]

I'm old-fashioned personally and didn't hesitate about taking my husband's last name (then again, his is a pretty regular, unembarrassing last name) but not so much I would spend a lot of time worrying over someone who took his wife's last name. I say go for it.

[MarginOfError]

I'm all for it if you are. My wife chose to take my name when we got married, and I wasn't smart enough at the time to think about if that is what she wanted. But if she were to come to me now and say she wanted to go back to her maiden name, my only issue would be that I'd want her to raise the money to pay the fees.

[Irishcolleen]

Not a bad idea... If my husband did that I would be thrilled because I could have my Irish name again! But, it's all worked out as he let's me raise the kids Irish.

[RMGuy]

Go for it!

-RM

[Guest]

Honestly, hardly anyone you come across would even know whose last name you were both using, and even fewer people would care.

How does one "raise children Irish"?

[beefche]

How does one "raise children Irish"?

Guiness in the bottle....

[Traveler]

The ancient understanding of a name and the connection a name has with covenant has been lost - and it seems to me the full extent of name and covenant has not been restored (yet?). It is also interesting to note that it was not uncommon anciently to be assigned a "new name" as a direct meaning and purpose in the covenant.

Also somewhat lost is the importance of family and ancestor embedded into our personal family (if by birth, marriage or adoption) covenant and certain names that are part of that covenant. I would suggest that one of the blessings that comes from family research and genealogy is the inspiration and connection to ancestry in blessing one's offspring by giving an ancestral name. I carry a very important ancestral family name and know by personal experience the blessing and responsibility that having a covenant family name has.

I would also suggest that if someone is not pleased with their current name that they do some genealogical research on their direct family lines (both father and mother) and prayerfully consider establishing a new family name as part of their covenant - in essence a family covenant. One's seed or offspring is very important - but if someone desires to debate this understanding as though it has no sacred purpose - then perhaps this post should be discarded - but if one seeks understanding prayerfully consider opening new possibilities for understanding.

The Traveler

[J-DawgFluffy]

I once had a girl ask me to marry her so she could have my last name (Pillow) We dated for a while, but nothing ever came from it. I do have to say I'd be all for taking on my wife's name if she wanted it, as long as it wasn't the last name from a previous marriage.

[Irishcolleen]

How does one "raise children Irish"?

We have generations of Irish nationalists in our family. Even though we are American we support a united Ireland free from British occupation. We are do so through non-violent means, unlike earlier generations of our family.

Our children were taught Irish history, literature, and arts. We are learning to make Carricmacross lace, Mountmellick embroidery and I crochet Irish lace. My youngest is learning to speak Gaeilge. She also intends to study at the National University of Ireland, Galway.

26+6= 1:shamrock:

Edited October 5, 2012 by Irishcolleen

[EarlJibbs]

We have generations of Irish nationalists in our family. Even though we are American we support a united Ireland free from British occupation. We are do so through non-violent means, unlike earlier generations of our family.

Our children were taught Irish history, literature, and arts. We are learning to make Carricmacross lace, Mountmellick embroidery and I crochet Irish lace. My youngest is learning to speak Gaeilge. She also intends to study at the National University of Ireland, Galway.

26+6= 1:shamrock:

My wifes family is Irish (Her mom is still an Irish Citizen with full living rights here in the United States- Just no voting rights). While I share your enthusiasm for raising them with Irish traditions, I still find it humerous that you would say you are "raising them Irish" as if it is a religion. Just made me smile, that's all.

To the OP, I love my last name, I love its history. I am not sure I would say the same if it was awkward, but I feel it defines me a little, to know where I came from through my name. But hey, you can embrace your wifes also. I so go for it.

[JosephP]

How do they sound hyphenated?

Together they sound like a restaurant no one would dare eat at! ;-)

[JosephP]

To the OP, I love my last name, I love its history. I am not sure I would say the same if it was awkward, but I feel it defines me a little, to know where I came from through my name. But hey, you can embrace your wifes also. I so go for it.

My name is Hispanic (Cuban), but my biological father died when I was four, and my mother remarried a Russian, like herself. My entire background is Russian, I was even an altar boy in a Russian Othodox Church, yet everyone always thinks I'm Mexican just based on my last name, and often expect me to speak and act in a way that is totally foreign to me. I've even been scolded for not embracing my Mexican heritage, so strong are people's misimpression.

My fiancé's name is Scott's/Irish, but at least I'm familiar with the culture.

[DasMarcos]

Hey Joesph. I can give you some background on someone who took his wife's last name. :)

I'm much younger than you so the implications and reactions are obviously different but there were some general reactions in people that I think would be the same nonetheless.

My last name was Hispanic and my wife's is Chinese. I decided to take her short Chinese last name and boot my hispanic last name to my middle name. My family wasn't incredibly excited by what I had done but they did appreciate me keeping the name in the family.

I had thought about doing a hyphenated last name but our personal thoughts were choose one or the other.

So far it's been such a great experience with a new last name! I'm very proud of my wife's Chinese heritage and she actively engages in the Chinese-American community. Just feel out the situation and see whether you'd be comfortable with that new last name. If you really want to personally change it, go for it! You won't regret the change. But maybe keep that hispanic last name in the family, somehow.

[JosephP]

Hey Joesph. I can give you some background on someone who took his wife's last name. :)

I'm much younger than you so the implications and reactions are obviously different but there were some general reactions in people that I think would be the same nonetheless.

My last name was Hispanic and my wife's is Chinese. I decided to take her short Chinese last name and boot my hispanic last name to my middle name. My family wasn't incredibly excited by what I had done but they did appreciate me keeping the name in the family.

I had thought about doing a hyphenated last name but our personal thoughts were choose one or the other.

So far it's been such a great experience with a new last name! I'm very proud of my wife's Chinese heritage and she actively engages in the Chinese-American community. Just feel out the situation and see whether you'd be comfortable with that new last name. If you really want to personally change it, go for it! You won't regret the change. But maybe keep that hispanic last name in the family, somehow.

Yes, that was helpful. I have a brother who has a son so the name continues. I'm beyond having more children and have only an adult daughter.

I think we're going to go for it.

Joseph Macdonald, it doesn't exactly sing, but its not too awkward either.