Backroads Posted January 24, 2013 Report Share Posted January 24, 2013 I mentioned this in an unrelated thread, so here is the official looking-for-opinions thread. Baby Girl is due in the middle of March. Husband leaves for a 5-month military training in Missouri at the very end of April. We're trying to decide if I and Baby come with him, I and Baby come out later, or if I and Baby stay in Utah. Various factors for consideration: The reimbursement from the training will more than make up for our combined incomes, plus we get a nice housing/living expenses budget. My parents will be down to one kid (a young adult with a full-time career) at home, so there will be room for me to live there and have support for baby. My maternity leave plan pretty much opens me up for... whenever... to return. I don't know if I want to come back to work (Husband may have a better-paying) job at the end of the year. This is pretty much coming down to Keep Family Together vs Keep First-Time Mom Getting Support. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LiterateParakeet Posted January 24, 2013 Report Share Posted January 24, 2013 How long is your husband going to be in Missouri? Do you have an experience with babies? My mom had a "whoops" baby when I was 16, and I also had plenty of baby sitting experiences, so I was amused when I used to watch Baby Story TV shows and see these people who had virtually no prior experience with babies. My first thought was to be near your husband if possible, but then again, if he is not going to be gone "too long"...it might be worth it to stay with your parents for the help during the night, and possible post-partum depression, and just over all learning curve! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mdfxdb Posted January 24, 2013 Report Share Posted January 24, 2013 Keep your family together. There will be support wherever you move. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted January 24, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2013 How long is your husband going to be in Missouri?Do you have an experience with babies? My mom had a "whoops" baby when I was 16, and I also had plenty of baby sitting experiences, so I was amused when I used to watch Baby Story TV shows and see these people who had virtually no prior experience with babies. My first thought was to be near your husband if possible, but then again, if he is not going to be gone "too long"...it might be worth it to stay with your parents for the help during the night, and possible post-partum depression, and just over all learning curve!Husband will be gone 5 months.I have plenty of experience with babies, but I"m also used to handing them back over to their parents. Never been the parent before. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BadWolf Posted January 24, 2013 Report Share Posted January 24, 2013 Both. I'm exmilitary, and a military brat to boot. What most families I know (including mine! But not me, I was active duty. Work till labor & 3 days off. Gotta love the USMC) do/did is to plan on the first 2-4 months with family, and then schlep out to the post. Since Hubs will be there for 1 month, a suggestion: 1 month with H 1-2 months w Fam 2-3 months at the post That gives everyone some transition time & focused attention when they need it most (you with help, Jim's will going hardcore in the beginning of training to rack up the brownie points), and then if your like most new moms you will be THRILLED to "finally" be on your own (although super grateful for the help & sleep, we all become experts with our kids very quickly). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwen Posted January 24, 2013 Report Share Posted January 24, 2013 I'm a keep the family together kind of person so I can't really say without bias. I've known women who really needed the help after (especially with c-sections). I didn't have too many complications so for me getting up and going wasn't too bad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irishcolleen Posted January 24, 2013 Report Share Posted January 24, 2013 I'd stay by hubby. Just be prepared- the humidity in MO during the summer is nasty! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
classylady Posted January 24, 2013 Report Share Posted January 24, 2013 If your baby is due mid March and your hubby doesn't leave until the end of April, you will still have the support you would like from your family with the new baby for about a month. I didn't need a lot of extra support from my family after giving birth. It was nice for a day or two to have my mother with me, then I was fine on my own. I didn't need any more than that. But, if you mean support, as in having family watching the baby while you and hubby go out on a date, then you won't have them as babysitters by moving to be with husband. But, then if hubby is gone, and you stay behind, you wouldn't be going out on dates anyway. If you do move out to MO to be with your husband, you can find good support from your new LDS ward. I'm for husband and wife staying together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LilyBelle00 Posted January 25, 2013 Report Share Posted January 25, 2013 I vote for staying together. I'm not close with my mom or my MIL. When I had my first child no one stayed with me, I just did it on my own. Most things seemed to come naturally. I honestly feel like I'm glad I was alone (besides my husband of course). I really didn't need anyone's help and it was a nice bonding experience. My babies might have just been super easy. :) For me, I could take care of myself and a new baby no problem, but I can't imagine being away from my husband that long. Seriously, he went away for a few days a couple of years ago and we cried and talked on the phone like teenagers. Only you know what's best for you though! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maureen Posted January 25, 2013 Report Share Posted January 25, 2013 ...I don't know if I want to come back to work (Husband may have a better-paying) job at the end of the year... From my own experience with maternity leave and going back to work, chances are you will not want to return to work, even if you have to. Once you meet your baby and spend so much time with that little one, it is very difficult to leave them. I went back to work for both my kids, and it is the hardest thing to do, especially at the beginning; but once you're in a routine (and you have good childcare), it gets easier. I don't know if that will help your decision. Good luck!M. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
M_T_E Posted January 25, 2013 Report Share Posted January 25, 2013 Family is the most important aspect of life to me, but I am a father and somewhat more enlightened so my opinion is a little biased. I'd say go with, staying together would provide a great deal of support for both. Long distance is never fun, been there and never again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MsMagnolia Posted January 25, 2013 Report Share Posted January 25, 2013 I just had my second child 10 days ago.. I have to say I cannot imagine being away from my hubby during this time. My hormones are on a roller coaster and I absolutely need my eternal companion to keep me from going insane! He has to do this on a pretty regular basis anyway lol. Go with your hubby is my two cents. It will be a great bonding experience for you guys. Mags Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Star_ Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 (edited) · Hidden Hidden It is up to you and your husband. What does your husband think? What do you guys want to do? Being a military wife, I know that training requires total concentration and focus. It depends on how intense the training is but often they don't have extra time. You might move out there and feel like you hardly spend much time together. You might be a distraction to your husband when he really needs to focus on this training. If your husband does not learn all he needs to and is distracted during training then deploys, his life could be at an even bigger risk. Moving from Utah to MO (especially alone) would be really stressful for me with a newborn. Are you allowed to live with him or would you have to a find a rental? It can be hard to find a short term rental. Also, if you lived with him he would likely be sleep deprived with a newborn. He needs his sleep during this training. Being apart is not fun but it is a fact of military life sometimes. Your marriage will become stronger and you will appreciate each other more. You will be so incredibly happy to be reunited. It is an experience words can not describe and you will never forget it. You can stay in touch with letters, emails, phone calls, skype sessions (depending on what he is allowed to bring/use). If you don't move out there, definitely go visit if you can. Maybe at the end you could visit and travel back together. It is totally up to you and your husband. Do what feels right to you. Pray about it. Edited January 30, 2013 by Star_ Link to comment
pam Posted January 28, 2013 Report Share Posted January 28, 2013 Having been a military wife and having gone through numerous deployments and separations, I'd be more inclined to stay where I am for 5 months. I have to agree with Star that during training they many times are so busy with it that you might find yourself spending a lot of time alone. And knowing how training schedules can be so erratic and inconsistent makes it even more difficult. If I had family back home, I'd much prefer to remain there. 5 months goes by quickly. But that's just me and experience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prisonchaplain Posted January 28, 2013 Report Share Posted January 28, 2013 We had the best of both worlds. MIL came out and stayed with us for about a month after each baby. Looking back, it was so good to have her. We did not live near grandparents during the earliest years, and sure envied those young parents that did. So it may do long term good to let grandparents bond with the baby. They'll love your kids no matter what, but when they get to bond with the babies sometimes that relationship becomes very special. So, do what you find peace to do, but I'd suggest giving the live-with-parents-during-training scenario serious thought. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bini Posted January 28, 2013 Report Share Posted January 28, 2013 Totally depends! If your husband is physically going to be out of the house most times, I would consider remaining planted where you have solid support. Acquaintances and friends can be helpful but they cannot be there for everything. IF you have the option where grandma is around to assist you pretty much whenever for the first few months when baby is newborn - take it! I'm biased though, I had a colicky baby from Hades, postpartum depression, and didn't utilise my support systems as I should have. Think about it. Either way, the situation is temporary BUT what will keep you SANE during that duration eh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningStar Posted January 28, 2013 Report Share Posted January 28, 2013 If I were making the decision for myself, I would probably go with. 1. Because I want him to bond with our baby. 2. I would miss him too much. 3. Because of everything I saw and heard when my husband was in the military, he could end up with a pretty immoral roommate who makes his life a living heck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.