Need Help!!


Chrissy3818
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My last relationship crashed and burned by going to fast. A year later (now) my best friends from elementary looks me up an contacts me. He was the same guy I had a crush on in 5th grade too.

Anyways we talk over face book and texting and we met last tuesday and this tuesday. At first I didn't really like it, but then the second meet up came and it was okay. I had fun and all. Both times we spent four hours talking. First time was at the mall while the second was bowling and lunch.

He's the same guy, he's very sweet, mature, and loving like he was back then... We also talked on the phone for two hours.

After our second date I was freaking out an going back and forth trying to contemplate my feelings for him and I was unsure. I'd rather give up on the relationship before anyone gets burned, but in a way I want it to go somewhere, but I'm not sure if I like him enough.

Last night (after our meet up). I was taking a shower and about to pray and ask God what I should do. He called. So I didn't pray got out and answered. He said he liked me, but was trying to be respectful and he just wanted to get that out there so when ever I am ready he's here.

At first I was taken back and trying to process it, but then I was flattered about it. Today I spent every waking moment up to now trying to figure out if I like him or not and why in the world I got a call at the exact same time I was about to pray... Help? And Advice?

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Two dates is not enough time to decide whether you want to marry the guy. However, as you stated before you did have a crush on him and remember it well, so the idea of confusing yourself about whether or not you "like" him seems moot.

That being said, don't waste his time by being more flattered than enjoying spending time with him.

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Is everything a Coincidence or just from God?

For example I was just about to pray about what I should do about this guy that likes me and whether I liked him back, I then got a call from him telling me he liked me.

Next morning I was laying in bed pondering on whether I liked him and what I should do. I was about to pray, but I wanted to stop thinking about it so I turned on the radio to a pop rock station and all these 90s love songs came on. The guys were singing about a girl the wanted.

Are these just Coincidental or from God? I could never tell and this is half the problem and sometimes why I don't pose question to God because I can never tell whether they're from him or just me.

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God doesn't choose the guy for you. You get to choose the guy yourself. Free agency, you see.

Now, if you pick a guy, then you ask God in sincere prayer and in humility if this is the right path for you, you may feel the Spirit of promise confirm it. It will feel peaceful. It will feel right. It will rarely come from a pop rock station, although, the Holy Spirit speaks in different ways unique to the person receiving the revelation, so I can't really say he will never go through the DJ to give you an answer. But, unless you ask the question, how can he give an answer?

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Sometimes a coincidence is just a coincidence.

Philosophers have debated whether truly random numbers exist in nature, either from a human psychology perspective or from a naturalistic perspective. The physicist's answer to this is: I don't know if random numbers exist, but we can find numbers that are "random enough" for our use, which is all we care about. They look random, they smell random, they act random, so we consider them random.

I suggest the same reasoning can be applied to random-seeming coincidence: Whether random coincidence actually exists or not, some things look so randomly coincidental that we might as well assume they are.

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Obsessive thought also produces "coincindence." If you had been pondering what to have for dinner and the song, "Eat it" came on, would you think that was a sign from God?

Seriously, sometimes, we need to recognize that our own thoughts can create coincindences. Just like when we buy a car and suddenly we notice that car on the road ALL THE TIME. When in actuality, that car had always been on the road and we never noticed it until now because our thoughts are consumed with our new car.

I see this most, though, when it comes to romance. "I went to the temple and suddenly the thought of Cute Boy came into my head--is that a sign from God?" "When I was reading my patriarchal blessing, I read about me getting married and suddenly I thought of Cute Girl. Then I got a text from her right then. Is that a sign?"

God typically doesn't answer a question if we haven't asked about it first. And even then, we usually have to work it out on our own and ask Him for confirmation (see D&C 9:7-9 for the principle).

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How old are you? Best friend from elementary.....sounds kind of weird. Anyways, you've only seen him twice. Big deal... you are getting out way over your skii's. Date him a little. If you like him it will become apparent. If you don't, then break it off. Every relationship doesn't start with fireworks and signs from God. And the whole phoned while you were showering thing...coencidence.

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The only way to know is to test the waters. Go on a date. See if it turns out to be anything.

1) could get you to date them and learn something

2) could turn into marriage

3) just another relationship

Somethings are "coincidences" some are not. I have found during the "seek ponder and pray" many of the answers get answered during the ponder stage before you even ask in prayer. So I never do. That is what God wants us to do to avoid excessive and pointless prayers. Not to say we shouldn't pray always but he doesn't want us praying over EVERY SINGLE question. Thus the pondering stage gets out quick answers than the important ones go to the asking stage.

I don't really believe in coincidences though. Everything happens for a reason due to our agency it may come off as a coincidence.

Edited by ElectofGod
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I'm thinking coincidence, not a sign from God.

I had gone out on one one date with a guy, and then we happened to see each other the next week at a Temple session in the Ogden Temple. He thought it was a sign from God that we were meant for each other. I saw it as coincidence. Coincidence won. I didn't marry him.

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Next morning I was laying in bed pondering on whether I liked him and what I should do. I was about to pray, but I wanted to stop thinking about it so I turned on the radio to a pop rock station and all these 90s love songs came on. The guys were singing about a girl the wanted.

Aren't about 90% of the songs played on a pop rock station having something to do with love?

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I'm inclined to go with coincidence here as well.

I have gotten answers to prayers through music before but it's usually one specific song that touches me after I've prayed. Rarely is it when I've not asked and instantly to my thoughts on the subject.

One of the principles of the gospel is we should ask.

You should also consider what you ask. I dated a guy that I knew I was supposed to date but I also knew I was not supposed to marry. I didn't have to pray to know this, it was very powerful and I knew. So my prayers were not about marriage but "why? what was I supposed to learn from or give this relationship?" I didn't get the answer for a long time, when I finally met my husband.

I believe that sometimes god does choose our companion (just because I think it was true for me does not mean I think it's true for everyone). It is still our agency to accept or reject that is never gone. There has been more than one time in my life that what I desperately wanted (not unrighteous desires) I was told the lord wanted something different from me.

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So it sounds like you don't want this relationship to go too fast because you crashed and burned in the first relationship, right? You had a crush on this guy in elementary school, but are unsure if you still have those feelings?

Do you feel like this would be a rebound relationship? Make sure you have dealt with the issues from the previous relationship. Getting into a new relationship to solve problems from a different relationship is not a good idea.

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After our second date I was freaking out an going back and forth trying to contemplate my feelings for him and I was unsure. I'd rather give up on the relationship before anyone gets burned, but in a way I want it to go somewhere, but I'm not sure if I like him enough.

If you give up on relationships before anyone can get burned you are basically giving up on relationships, at least anything that isn't superficial. With developed connections comes the potential for pain, but also joy. Also, how are you supposed to figure out if you like him enough if you preemptively terminate the relationship? It strikes me as akin to leaving a movie during the opening credits because you don't want to risk not liking the ending and then agonizing over whether you liked the movie or not.

Today I spent every waking moment up to now trying to figure out if I like him or not and why in the world I got a call at the exact same time I was about to pray... Help? And Advice?

As far as why you got the call when you did, I redirect you back to your own thread: http://www.lds.net/forums/general-discussion/53812-coincidence-god.html

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  • 1 month later...

I feel like God is telling me to break up with my boyfriend... I've talked to my counselor and mom about this and she thinks it's because I'm scared because we're already in a long distance relationship and when I go to college it will be even harder.

My question is why did God bring us together for us to just to break up 3 months later? I know he did there's no way he could have came back into my life. We were childhood friends separated for 7 years. After my last relationship went horribly wrong I began praying for a best friend (a guy) to come a long and my now boyfriend told me he was praying for a nice girl to come in his life. Well my name popped into his head so he looked me up and found me.

At first I didn't want to be in a relationship with him, but now more and more he's growing on me.

I feel like he could be the one I marry or maybe he isn't.

But then I feel like we need to break up.

Is it just me or is it God telling me to break up with him?

I deal with depression and anxiety but I am taking medication to help. I was feeling fine and happy for 3 days (Wed, Thur, Fri). but then Saturday through now my mood has gotten worse. I did up my medication because either way I still seem to be depressed.

Also not sure if this has anything to do with God telling me to break up with him or not but I am sick to my stomach and have been since yesterday afternoon. (my boyfriend and I spent the whole day together).

Last time I saw him I also felt sick to my stomach and puked.

Everything seems to be so contradictory. I just don't know how to handle it.

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Zurie, do not be troubled. I know this time in your life is a struggle and I find that Heavenly Father does answer our prayers. There may be a purpose to your young friend being in your life during this troubling time period for you. I understand the angst of leaving him when you go off to college. My question would be to you is have you continued in prayer? Maybe there is a possibility you will continue dating or stay friends. Please consider asking a priesthood holder for a blessing of peace and comfort.

John 14:27

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

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Think of it as a similar experience as the early saints felt when they were commanded to build a temple, but could not due to the persecutions:

Doctrine and Covenants 115:7 

7 Let the city, Far West, be a holy and consecrated land unto me; and it shall be called most holy, for the ground upon which thou standest is aholy.

8 Therefore, I command you to abuild a house unto me, for the gathering together of my saints, that they may bworship me.

9 And let there be a beginning of this work, and a foundation, and a preparatory work, this following summer;

10 And let the beginning be made on the fourth day of July next; and from that time forth let my people alabor diligently to build a house unto my name;

11 And in aone year from this day let them re-commence laying the foundation of my bhouse.

12 Thus let them from that time forth labor diligently until it shall be finished, from the cornerstone thereof unto the top thereof, until there shall not anything remain that is not finished.

Doctrine and Covenants 124: 

Revelation given to Joseph Smith the Prophet, at Nauvoo, Illinois, January 19, 1841. Because of increasing persecutions and illegal procedures against them by public officers, the Saints had been compelled to leave Missouri.

Sometimes we are led to do things for the experiences that we need.

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Anxiety is not necessarily God communicating with you about what you should do. I chased a woman for four years, long distance and she ran away on a regular basis because of anxiety that she interpreted as a divine answer for me being unsuitable, despite 4 years of daily communication and her cheating on me. The reality is that I am slightly broken, which is understood, but the real issue is that she couldn't handle stress at all and figured it was brought on by external sources, aka me. She is a runner, are you one too?

My point is, that you should examine the source of the anxiety. Is it because of the unknown with the onset of college? Is it anxiety at being separated from him? Did you two mess up in some fashion? Family issues?

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Think of it as a similar experience as the early saints felt when they were commanded to build a temple, but could not due to the persecutions:

Doctrine and Covenants 115:7Â*

Doctrine and Covenants 124:Â*

Sometimes we are led to do things for the experiences that we need.

Anxiety is not necessarily God communicating with you about what you should do. I chased a woman for four years, long distance and she ran away on a regular basis because of anxiety that she interpreted as a divine answer for me being unsuitable, despite 4 years of daily communication and her cheating on me. The reality is that I am slightly broken, which is understood, but the real issue is that she couldn't handle stress at all and figured it was brought on by external sources, aka me. She is a runner, are you one too?

My point is, that you should examine the source of the anxiety. Is it because of the unknown with the onset of college? Is it anxiety at being separated from him? Did you two mess up in some fashion? Family issues?

hmm I think you may be right. I sat down and talked with him planning on breaking up with him and then he stated "you get this way every time I leave your house."

He knows my past and how I lost so many people in my life and am currently going through another death. Each time I decide not to break up with him because it's just because I feel like I should every time he leaves and has to go home or do house things. I guess it's my fear of loosing him.

God brough him back to me. Why on earth does he want to take him away from me after three months and especially when I am becoming more emotionally attached.

I guess in a way I am a runner because I want to protect myself. I would never cheat on him. I guess my fears are something I have to get passed. And realize its not God telling me to break up with him it's more likely me or Satan because of my fears of loosing him.

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Zurie you are very young, and need to solve some of your own problems before you can honestly commit to a relationship to another.

I'd give this guy a rest. Three months is not a long time and how well do you really know each other?;)

I'm not sure the Holland speech is applicable, because you are taking drugs for depression. Again, you need to get your personal issues resolved before you should move on in life.

Edited by mrmarklin
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God brough him back to me. Why on earth does he want to take him away from me after three months and especially when I am becoming more emotionally attached.

But then, God may not have brought him back to you nor took him away from you. It might just be that your friend used his free agency to move to where you are and then used his free agency to stay where he is when you move somewhere else. It's not like God plopped him out of wherever he was and dropped him on your doorstep... Sometimes, we tend to forget that everybody on this planet are free to make their own choices and we are also free to choose how to respond to those choices. God merely guides us on which choices lead to celestial glory if we ask him in all humility and sincerity.

There's not just one person for somebody. The person becomes "the guy" suited for you by your choices as well as his. You can pick any single guy walking down the street - if both of you have eyes single to the glory of God and follow his commandments to a T, you will find joy.

Edited by anatess
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