Interesting event at a reception.

[mleblanc138]

I was at a reception for a good friend of mine today and I overheard one of her friends

say something to her about sex. At first I thought "wow, awkward." But then I thought

"wow, that girl has the guts to say the word sex at a Mormon event." And then it

hit me, why are grown adults so scared to even mention something that everyone

does once they're married(and that way too many end up doing before getting married)?

I'm definitely not saying that it should be talked about all the time, but such fear of a

three letter word which is actually part of the means that every one of us came into

this world is stupid.

I am an active member and have been one my whole life. I know that sex is something

wonderful and powerful when done correctly(namely between married people only.)

However, because sex is both of those things that I mentioned, it is one of if not the

best things for Satan to counterfeit and use to bring us down to his level. In spite of

that, it's still something that pretty much everyone does at one point or another. So

why is there such fear over the word sex among Mormons?

[Bini]

It's not fear. There's a time and place for everything. I think most people, regardless of faith, likely don't just openly share information regarding their intimacy between them and their spouse or significant other. That's not to say that it's not an uncommon topic between girl friends and maybe even guy friends. Something to keep in mind though, older generations tend to view sex as a private matter, while I think my generation sees it as less sacred.

[LilyBelle00]

It's not fear. There's a time and place for everything. I think most people, regardless of faith, likely don't just openly share information regarding their intimacy between them and their spouse or significant other. That's not to say that it's not an uncommon topic between girl friends and maybe even guy friends. Something to keep in mind though, older generations tend to view sex as a private matter, while I think my generation sees it as less sacred.

I agree. In fact I get slightly annoyed when people sat things about Mormons being "scared" of sex. It's just more of a private matter. Most people don't see it that way anymore. You should hear some of the awful graphic (and some times funny) things I hear at work!

I don't talk to everyone I know about my finances.... Trust me, I'm not afraid of money!!!

When I was in YW, we had a Wednesday night activity where the YW pres told all of us girls to write questions about sex, marriage, child birth, and the like on little strips of paper. Then she put them all in a hat and pulled them out and answered them one by one. :)

It was a little awkward and embarrassing but it was also something that I'll never forget. The YW president was a very quiet, reserved lady and I know it must have been uncomfortable for her, but she was the one who arranged it because she thought it was important for us.

[Suzie]

I agree. In fact I get slightly annoyed when people sat things about Mormons being "scared" of sex.

Scared of sex? Is that before or after seeing them with their 4 or 5 children in tow?

[mleblanc138]

When I was in YW, we had a Wednesday night activity where the YW pres told all of us girls to write questions about sex, marriage, child birth, and the like on little strips of paper. Then she put them all in a hat and pulled them out and answered them one by one. :)

It was a little awkward and embarrassing but it was also something that I'll never forget. The YW president was a very quiet, reserved lady and I know it must have been uncomfortable for her, but she was the one who arranged it because she thought it was important for us.

I can't help but picture someone somewhere throwing a fit over this. I'm sure it was quite the lesson though. The first paragraph of my original post has been my Facebook status for a day now and it has gotten 8 likes, half of which are from married women. So clearly there are those Mormons(mostly older ones I would guess) that have a fear of the spoken word sex(but not the act itself as the 4-5 kids in tow would prove).

[pam]

Maybe it's not fear that the older ones have but a knowledge of what is appropriate to talk about publically and what isn't.

[mordorbund]

I also assume that the bride flatulates and deficates, but I wouldn't bring it up in a toast.

[jerome1232]

For me it's about another "s" word, sacred. What my wife and I do in our bedroom is very intimate and very sacred. It's a discussion that mostly stays within our marriage except select appropriate times. I don't generally divulge very intimate sacred experiences at public events.

[LilyBelle00]

I can't help but picture someone somewhere throwing a fit over this. I'm sure it was quite the lesson though. The first paragraph of my original post has been my Facebook status for a day now and it has gotten 8 likes, half of which are from married women. So clearly there are those Mormons(mostly older ones I would guess) that have a fear of the spoken word sex(but not the act itself as the 4-5 kids in tow would prove).

Nope. No fits were thrown. The YW president and her counselors were there and it was previously approved by the bishop. I think it was because of the way it was done. It wasn't a bunch of girls giggling over sex talk. It was a sit down serious talk.

[Bini]

My husband and I are very candid in our conversations, we're also a bit more liberal minded than most. I wouldn't have any problems with a teacher having an open discussion regarding sensitive topics, given that he or she informs the parents first and requests for consent. While we'd be okay with that, after reviewing what will be taught, I'm sure that there are parents out there that would rather it not be brought to forefront at all.

[Traveler]

I have for a long time been interested in terms and how words are defined and used in discussions. To be honest I do not like the term "sex". The word is two broad and carries with it too much in the possibilities of misunderstanding. In essence the word "sex" can be used to describe a very necessary and beneficial relationship that is critical to the social and religious survival of families and the species of humans. However the same term, "sex" can also describe a vast array of perversions that degrade individuals, describe various destructive relationships of passion and out right perversions involving various objects or other living things that are not even human.

There are other social - religious based culture concepts that have shaped our traditions and defined beliefs. For example the vast majority of religious peoples that espouse strong beliefs in G-d cringe at the mere mention of passionate sex in the same context of holiness with a compassionate and loving G-d and the divine power of creation. One of the very popular criticism of "Mormonism" is that "Mormons" believe they will become G-ds forever populating the universe by indulging in eternal sex.

Add to all this the problems that the "opposite" sex has in just understanding each other well enough to have any relationship and the table is set for all kinds or concerns and miscommunications for any individual trying to navigate themselves through the labyrinth of life. It is difficult for an individual trying to find meaningful and helpful friendships on which they can forge purpose for their life and contribute something they can know and understand as meaningful both for themselves and the society in which they live.

The problem is that all men will have problems "completing" themselves with any woman and vise versa. Every individual is different and what one couple find in solution may not work for another any more that what a parent discovers works in teaching and disciplining one child will work for all children.

I believe there are some principles that do apply to every thing divine and eternal in nature and I also believe those principles are explained (but not in detail) in the divine law of chastity. But like so many things of eternal value they must be "discovered" by careful and deliberate discipline coupled with the ultimate sacrifice of self and selfish desires. Or as Jesus in essence said that only in loosing one's self can one find one's self.

The Traveler

[NeuroTypical]

When I was in YW, we had a Wednesday night activity where the YW pres told all of us girls to write questions about sex, marriage, child birth, and the like on little strips of paper. Then she put them all in a hat and pulled them out and answered them one by one. :)

It was a little awkward and embarrassing but it was also something that I'll never forget. The YW president was a very quiet, reserved lady and I know it must have been uncomfortable for her, but she was the one who arranged it because she thought it was important for us.

Heh - when my wife was in YW, institute had a stake organized event that was supposed to be the same sort of thing. The stuffed-suit who showed up, however, had absolutely no intention of discussing anything at all in any sort of detail. He blurted a bunch of words like "sacred" and "covenant" over and over, and then ended the meeting early because "the kids wouldn't stop being disruptive".

The institute instructor couldn't apologize enough, and gave his class daily updates on who he yelled at, how he yelled, and how nobody was going to fix it.

Just one in my bag of many instances of the stake messing things up horribly.

[Twisted_Fairytales]

I think it was brave of the person to bring it up at a wedding reception It is definitely a taboo in our church. I always hated being seen as the innocent little virgin before I got married then a more accepted 'woman' once I was married.

I was quite uptight about sex before I got married too, if Im honest. It was always perceieved to be something that was off-limits, and 'bad'. It was never talked about as a good thing, even when it was talked about in a supposedly positive way, words like sacred, pro-creation etc didnt help me, it made it seem something that was to be done out of necessity, then kept quiet and not talked about. Ill admit it took me a while to feel completely comfortable with sex after we got married. I had to learn to relax and enjoy it which was hard after having it drummed into me for my entire life it was something I should NOT do to then all of a sudden be like. Ok, off you go now. It was a hard shift to make so suddenly and drasticaly even though I loved my husband. I think it should be talked about more often Kudos to the young women leader who bravely undertook a difficult task to talk to her YW about those matters We had something similar when I was in youth.

Me and my close girlfriend in the church talk about sex a lot. Yes some things are private but in general terms I think its ok

[Praetorian_Brow]

Sacred is not secret. I honestly believe more harm is done with the code of silence, than it prevents by keeping people ignorant. I for one, wished I had learned about the dark matter in church, rather through anecdotal references in school, television and friends, as I have no doubt, it would have prevented a lot of heart ache. I shudder to think about how many women have done their wifely duty and how much dysfunction was created because of the taboo topic.

Share away.

[Traveler]

I am sorry but reading this thread again and thinking about a couple of things caused me to chuckle a little - nervous chuckle mind you.

First off - there do not seem to be many posts that indicate this topic has never ever been an issue in their marriage. And there are few (if any) posts that indicate that the topic is completely been solved in their marriage.

As for myself - I certainly cannot offer a very good example. But I can use the excuse that I am from the "do not discuss it" generation (which is true). As funny or as sad as a reader make take it - the conversations in the Traveler's household on this topic seem to end something like this:

(wife): Good grief you think everything has to lead to the bedroom!

(me): Not really but I do think that something ought to lead to the bedroom! I was just wondering what that might be?

So for fun - I would put out the following questions:

1. How many feel this topic needs more discussion in their home with their spouse?

2. How many feel this topic has been over discussed in their home and wish their spouse would quit rehashing old stuff that does not matter?

3. How many feel that their intimate situation is idea - or lopsided and could use some improvements?

The Traveler

PS. As odd as this may seem in this household the best discussions come when children (now married) come to us with their spouse and ask all the hard questions - but I begin to wonder if some far off extra terrestrial society has taken my beloved and left a substitute.

Sorry if these thoughts are over the top (so no one would dare respond) and if my chuckles about my circumstance (and perhaps someone else's) offends anyone.

Edited June 28, 2013 by Traveler