Do women feel their husbands need to earn respect before they give it?

[classylady]

I read this blog Your husband doesn’t have to earn your respect | The Matt Walsh Blog and found it to be heartbreaking that we seem to live in a culture that disrespects men. What do you think?

[Quin]

Fully upfront, I haven't real the article, yet.

But "Do women feel their husbands need to earn respect before they give it?"

Got an immediate knee jerk response :

Only once they've lost it!!!

Q

[Wingnut]

Fully upfront, I haven't real the article, yet.

But "Do women feel their husbands need to earn respect before they give it?"

Got an immediate knee jerk response :

Only once they've lost it!!!

Q

That was my exact thought. To expound a little further on it...only if my husband has given me legitimate reason to not respect him. And in that case, we've got bigger problems to work through than my being petty.

[Backroads]

There may be layers here.

In general, I say no. But I'm also referring to a basic respect that I try to give everyone. Further respect can grow or decrease from there.

But I've also noticed too often in our society that women should treat their men terribly UNTIL they earn respect.

[Guest]

I think that a decent guy who is trying deserves respect as much as a decent woman who is trying. Further, I think that a man (or woman) will rise (or sink) to how you think of/talk about/treat them.

[Wingnut]

I guess maybe I don't get it. Why on earth would you marry a guy you didn't respect? And if you did, why would you stop after the wedding? And if you arbitrarily did, isn't that your problem and not his?

[Bini]

The mere fact that DH is my husband means that he already has my respect. I wouldn't have married him if I didn't respect him for who he is. Saying this, respect can rise and fall depending on the state of your marriage - if it's nurtured, you likely see your husband as an equal, or even possibly as your "better half" - if it's not nurtured, you likely see your husband as a constant pain in the butt and maybe even equate him to your "other child" (a term I've heard wives used to describe men that don't meet their expectations).

[Just_A_Guy]

"Earn" respect?

I thought that was what courtship was for?

[Windseeker]

My wife and I were married in her early thirties.

I remember her telling me how disgusted and irritated she was to often hear wives in Relief Society go off about how lame their husbands were.

..now that we've been married 5 years..the complaints about RS have strangely stopped.

[MorningStar]

My wife and I were married in her early thirties.

I remember her telling me how disgusted and irritated she was to often hear wives in Relief Society go off about how lame their husbands were.

..now that we've been married 5 years..the complaints about RS have strangely stopped.

Maybe it improved? I can't remember hearing women complain about their husbands in RS.

[Guest]

Maybe it improved? I can't remember hearing women complain about their husbands in RS.

Not necessarily in RS. But, I've noticed that in my neck of the woods, when wives get together they talk about their husbands! And not in a good way! This is the reason I quit going to those "Tupperware" parties. It really is very offensive to me.

I respect my husband 100% even when we disagree. That's why I married him!

[Quin]

I guess maybe I don't get it. Why on earth would you marry a guy you didn't respect? And if you did, why would you stop after the wedding? And if you arbitrarily did, isn't that your problem and not his?

I respected my husband when I married him.

Why did I stop?

Indifference, unkindness, cruelty.

Broken promises.

Lies.

Abuse.

And then the cycle of abuse.

Where I'd forgive him, and believe him, and then he'd just do it all over again.

Breaking trust.

Each time forgiveness took longer.

Less trust was given.

Less respect available to be earned.

(If he'd made an honest go of it, in time he could have earned it all back, but there was never enough time between his episodes to allow things to heal.)

Granted, my ex thought I lost my respect for him arbitrarily.

Because, clearly, it was my fault I made him mad, which -of course- makes him lose his temper.

Just like our son waking up in the middle of the night sick, made him get less sleep, which made hi pick him up and throw him against the wall.

And if I hadn't phoned the police, and thrown him out for doing that, and just let him get a full nights sleep... Then I might "deserve" to be treated well.

Yah.

Divorce is a wonderful and beautiful thing.

Q

[Wingnut]

Quin, I'm so sorry for your experiences. When I first posted that comment, I left out the word "arbitrarily," but I immediately added it in, because I felt it was important to my train of thought. Experiences such as your justify a loss of respect. Simply time spent together after the courting is done and you're bored is not a justifiable reason for loss of respect.

[pam]

I have respect for everyone until they prove me wrong.

[skippy740]

Not necessarily in RS. But, I've noticed that in my neck of the woods, when wives get together they talk about their husbands! And not in a good way! This is the reason I quit going to those "Tupperware" parties. It really is very offensive to me.

I respect my husband 100% even when we disagree. That's why I married him!

Looking back, I didn't seem to have as many issues in my marriage until my wife was called into the RS Presidency. I still kinda wonder what they had been talking about and if that was a deciding/contributing factor.

Yes, we had problems, but no one needs any additional "peer pressure" saying "he doesn't deserve your respect" or something like that (paraphrasing the article above that I didn't read).

[Palerider]

I had some Sisters come to me and talk about their husbands and how he won't do anything to help her. Sometimes while walking down the hallway at church I heard a few sisters talking about how they get no help from their husbands. Not long after this I taught a Priesthoid class on this subject.

[MorningStar]

We should treat everyone the way we would want to be treated. There might be a loss of trust or confidence at times, but that's no excuse to mistreat anyone.

[Roseslipper]

I respected my husband when I married him.

Why did I stop?

Indifference, unkindness, cruelty.

Broken promises.

Lies.

Abuse.

And then the cycle of abuse.

Where I'd forgive him, and believe him, and then he'd just do it all over again.

Breaking trust.

Each time forgiveness took longer.

Less trust was given.

Less respect available to be earned.

(If he'd made an honest go of it, in time he could have earned it all back, but there was never enough time between his episodes to allow things to heal.)

Granted, my ex thought I lost my respect for him arbitrarily.

Because, clearly, it was my fault I made him mad, which -of course- makes him lose his temper.

Just like our son waking up in the middle of the night sick, made him get less sleep, which made hi pick him up and throw him against the wall.

And if I hadn't phoned the police, and thrown him out for doing that, and just let him get a full nights sleep... Then I might "deserve" to be treated well.

Yah.

Divorce is a wonderful and beautiful thing.

Q

I'm sorry you went throw that Q.

[Roseslipper]

That's good u had that class pale. Some times we all need some of those harder classes taught because of things that do go on that shouldn't. I do believe that we should respect each other even if u don't like me,example I don't diserve to be treated disrespectly. Can u just imagine if we could just respect each other Wow what a world it would be...It be almost celestial. Not all this fighting going on...etc.

But in cases were some one is abused, which is so sad that it got to that point that is not right nor good at all and we need to get out of a situation like that for sure.

p.s. I didn't have the chance to read the article.

Edited February 25, 2014 by Roseslipper
added the ps.

[classylady]

Here is a quote from the article where the blogger was talking about a recent meeting with a married couple:

"She disagreed with everything he said.

She contradicted nearly every statement.

She even nagged him.

She brought up a “funny” story that made him out to be incompetent and foolish. He laughed, but he was embarrassed.

She was gutting him right in front of us. Emasculating him. Neutering him. Damaging him.

It was excruciating.

It was tragic.

It also was, or is becoming, pretty par-for-the-course.

The respect deficiency in our culture has reached crisis levels."

The blogger goes on to say that with the way husbands/fathers are portrayed on television, there would be an instant uproar if women were portrayed in this manner.

I believe that men and women both should be respected, but it seems like husbands/fathers have been getting a bad rap lately.

[Still_Small_Voice]

The Apostle Paul counseled husbands and wives in Ephesians chapter 5:

24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

[Praetorian_Brow]

Since I have been in the dating world and listened to women speak of men, I have realized that women in general can be far more vicious and cruel than men on a comparative scale. As noted already, in general men are more willing resort to physical violence, but I rarely hear instances of a man waging a social campaign to ostracize and defame a woman for the rest of her life.

It is also a bit funny to me that the same women who complain that there are no more men (as if their idea of a man is what a man is) belittle men for failing them in some regard. It seems strange to me that the women I know, expect to be chased, to be pandered, to be served, but act as if they will only return the effort once their whims have been satisfied, which seems to be never

Its understood that men don't communicate the same as women, but I always thought it odd that women don't seem all that keen on attempting to communicate how a male does, but complain that he doesn't communicate well while he is busy apologizing for not remembering that she wanted that shade of off-white fuscia neon orange for her nails.

I went to a dance once and we were sitting in a circle talking preferences in the other gender and I said hair is usually a good indicator of a woman's personality. Immediately, every single women there started to defend their hair, as if my comments were directed intentionally at them. The men just sat there and were and content to not believe it was all about them.

There is an increasing and rapid divide between men and women succeeding in school, which seems to be at pace with social norms and I am not all that surprised.

Edited February 25, 2014 by Praetorian_Brow

[Blackmarch]

I read this blog Your husband doesn’t have to earn your respect | The Matt Walsh Blog and found it to be heartbreaking that we seem to live in a culture that disrespects men. What do you think?

I find that in a culture where one needs to earn respect, there is going to be a lot of heartbreak.