I can't get married and neither can my friends.

[classylady]

Heavenly Father does not condone this, but in western societies a lot of people no longer get married.  They just live with each other.  If children come, whether there is marriage or not, there is still child support to pay.  If you don't want to worry about child support, stay away from any relationship with women.  Problem solved!!!

[FunkyTown]

I think I will quote the Saviour when he was approached by people who were angry that marriage seemed too hard for men. Specifically, this occurred when men were told they weren't allowed to divorce save for instances of adultery.

 

"For there are some Eunuchs , which were so born from their mothers womb:

And there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men.

And there be eunuchs, which have made of themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake.

He that is able to receive it, let him receive it."

 

Basically, hey - If you can't get married, no big deal. Just don't sleep around. Consider that part of your life cut off and accept it and you're listening to the Saviour. 

[james12]

Stringofcoins, Here is why the "issue" you have brought up appears to me to be a smoke screen for deeper seated concerns:  

 

1. It requires that you have a girl friend.

2. You must date this future woman (who you are convinced will leave you), and ultimately decide to marry her.

3. You must not sign a prenuptial agreement.

4. You must decide to have children.

5. She must then decide to divorce you.

6. The courts must decide to leave her with the kids and you pay child support. 

 

Do you see the string of events you must bring to pass in order for your concern to even materialize? You have distorted your thinking to such an extent that you believe item number six is already an established fact even though you are stuck on number one! This distortion has determined your friends, has effected your relationship with women, and is putting a dark cloud over your future. 

 

So, the first step is to recognize this cognitive distortion for what it is. Break your false chain of thinking and you will start to see a brighter tomorrow. 

[omegaseamaster75]

Lawyer up, get a prenuptial agreement outlining all of your fantasies.

 

SO do you hate the government or women? or both? which is it?

[Guest MormonGator]

Lawyer up, get a prenuptial agreement outlining all of your fantasies.

 

SO do you hate the government or women? or both? which is it?

No. Just because the OP has legit concerns about getting cheated on/cleaned out in a divorce that isn't his fault hardly means he "hates women". 

 

I actually DO think he has troubling views on marriage but that doesn't mean he hates women. 

 

But your post proves the point. If you say anything, anything that could even be considered "anti-woman" (even if it isn't) people are quick to jump on you. 

if you say anything that could be anti-male, nothing to see folks. Move along. 

Edited June 16, 2015 by MormonGator

[Bini]

I've only read the first post and I strongly recommend that you DON'T get married - ever - with that mindset. If your thinking changes and your heart softens, that's a step in the right direction but meanwhile, I'd say stick with being single.

[omegaseamaster75]

 

 

But your post proves the point. If you say anything, anything that could even be considered "anti-woman" (even if it isn't) people are quick to jump on you. 

if you say anything that could be anti-male, nothing to see folks. Move along. 

My post does not prove any point if a woman was making the same remarks I would jump on her for it also, there is no double standard here..

[mdfxdb]

My post does not prove any point if a woman was making the same remarks I would jump on her for it also, there is no double standard here..

That's true, Omega treats all haters alike...

[rameumptom]

Sounds like an excuse to not accept some responsibility and risk.  The most important things in life require sacrifice and risk. Marriage is tough, but if both are willing to work on it, it is great.  And not all women (or men) are cheating on their spouses. That seems like an excuse to maintain bachelorhood.  I suggest you and your friends humble yourselves, listen to the prophets, and then start actually looking for righteous women to marry in the temple for eternity.  Then make it an eternal marriage.

[rameumptom]

BTW, you are saying you "cannot" get married, when you should be saying you "won't" get married.  Big difference. There are no solutions for you, because you are not willing to take the risks that go with marriage or any big venture in life.  

 

Divorce is not harder on the man in most cases.  My wife was devastated in her first marriage - it is usually the man who is unfaithful and abusive, not the woman.  He tried screwing her over several times in and out of the courts, threatening her (and after she married me, threatening me), and trying to get out of paying child support.  

 

My wife could have decided that all men were heels, but she trusted the Lord could find her a good guy, and He brought her and me together.  We're celebrating 29 years in a couple months, and look forward to an eternity together.

 

Stop with the excuses on how not to get married.  Accept that there are risks, and quit blaming women.  I would guess that in at least a few instances,  your male friends were just as guilty in causing their divorces, but you are only hearing one side of the story.  Grow up, trust God, focus on eternal things, and then find someone.  If her parents are happily married for decades, it is a good chance you can be too with her.

[rameumptom]

With the huge concerns stringofcoins has, he should not be getting married until his concerns are resolved. He seems to have women throwing themselves at him, and yet he sees all of them as potential disasters. This seems to be more of an emotional/psychological issue, pushed upon him by his paranoid and angry friends. 

 

Stringofcoins, I suggest you go speak with a therapist. Discuss your concerns and weed through them to find which are valid, and which are your unfounded fears. The therapist can help you work through these issues, and teach you what you need to know and do to be a great husband, and to find a great wife, so you can have a great marriage with less chance of divorce.

[NightSG]

With the huge concerns stringofcoins has, he should not be getting married until his concerns are resolved. He seems to have women throwing themselves at him, and yet he sees all of them as potential disasters.

 

Considering his attitude, I'd say he's dead on right about any women that are throwing themselves at him.

[Trumpetguy]

To the OP, that attitude is pretty common these days, yet there are lot's of common beliefs as well that aren't necessarily true.  You are in a church that strongly emphasis's traditional values in marriage, something most out side of any church does not, so by all means, don't marry outside of the church, else you are not having your faith to keep you bound together and help guide you both towards a happy marriage.    Still, regardless of where you meet, take the time out to court them properly.  Get to know each other yet really get to know all of their friends and family, see the full picture, you aren't marrying just one person per say, you are marrying into the family, and trust me, you'll pick up on red flags during the process soon enough since it's a bit difficult to hide your true nature, good or bad, when you are around your own friends and family.

 

Moving forward here, it was stated before, love leaves yourself vulnerable, and it's the whole trust issue that has to be first established, else it can't go anywhere.  We also have to have faith that God will guide our steps, just as long as you are being honest with yourself and realistic.  Don't wait too long though, the older you get the fewer truly single, available women you will encounter.  I'm still single and I'm older then you, it really, really bites, but I'm giving you fair warning, life is too short to go at it alone, it really is. 

[carlimac]

I dunno all of my divorced (male) friends, my father, all the divorced men I know around my father's age, they all say, basically, don't sell your life short by giving up your life to earn money for a woman and a family she now has with someone else.

I appreciate the reply and the rare good marriages sound really nice but divorce basically means your life is over, of you're a man. Maybe you get lucky like you did and get joint custody and physical custody (of course no child support for you, women will never be held to a man's standard) or maybe you don't get super lucky and you end up like half the guys I grew up with.

I still do not see enough reason to get married under the state contract. State marriage gives me nothing, nothing at all, to protect myself but requires me to give so much. It's just insane. I honestly struggle to understand how any of you can support this sheer insanity. It just boggles my mind.

 

Sounds like you need new friends. I don't think any of this crossed my husband's mind when we got married. (30 years ago this Aug.) What makes you think you'll get divorced anyway? It's not a given. In fact if you commit to living the gospel principles and go into marriage with "unselfishness and service" as your motto, chances are awfully good that these demons of divorce and cheating women out there will never be a part of your life.

 

37 years out of high school I am still close with a group of 14 friends-women. Out of 14, all married in the temple, one got divorced, one left the church ( same one who got divorced. She has issues) and one died of cancer. Pretty good odds. There are strong, loving, women out there with healthy self esteem and desire for eternal marriage. You must just be looking in the wrong places.

 

You can and do need to get married. Me thinks all these "can'ts" are just code for, " I know I should but don't know how" or "I'm just too self centered to ever have to give to another human being over myself."   I do have compassion for people with unrealistic fears. I've had them myself and I knew how silly I sounded to the outside world. But truthfully, that is what these are- Unrealistic fears. If you can't do it by yourself, you need to find some counseling to get over them. This is not a normal attitude toward marriage or women.. 

Edited June 22, 2015 by carlimac