liveinlight

Perpetually unemployed, confused about my sexuality, and drifting

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I'm 22. I graduated from college last spring with a double major in Environmental Studies and History, and I've been job searching ever since and living at home with my parents. Well, actually, I had a minimum-wage job with my state's Dept. of Natural Resources for a few months, but I finally decided that the horrible, uninteresting work and an hour's commute just weren't worth minimum wage, so I quit in October, and have been unemployed since then. I've applied for probably 200 jobs at this point, everything from jobs semi-related to my Environmental Studies major, like research assistant positions and internships, to completely unrelated jobs, like a flight attendant or administrative assistant. I've had a few phone interviews and one face-to-face interview for a flight attendant job, but nothing has come of them. I'm about ready to give up. I have been racking my brain trying to figure out what to do. My entire life is on hold because I literally can't do anything without money.

In addition to the sea of job rejections that I've been plunged into, I've been struggling internally for years with my sexuality. It started when I was about 17. Before that, I guess I just assumed that I was straight. I was homeschooled throughout middle school and high school and grew up in a very Christian family, and I didn't have a lot of friends my age and didn't know any gay people, so I didn't even realize being gay was a thing. And I had a huge crush on a male celebrity as a young teenager, so I had no reason to think I was anything other than straight until I started noticing feelings for girls. It started when I was on Tumblr and came across this lesbian singer. I started watching all her videos, and before I knew it, realized that I had developed a big crush on her. Then I started developing really strong feelings for one of my (straight, female) friends freshman year of college, and that was when I knew it was more than just a short phase or admiration of a singer who happened to be gay; I WAS gay, or at least bisexual with a preference for women.

Around age 15 or 16 (before I had any inkling that I might be gay) I had started to explore the LDS church. Even though I had grown up in a Protestant Christian environment, I met someone who was Mormon, which had led me to google the church, and something about it attracted me and made me want to know more about it. I didn't tell my parents, of course, because they would've gotten upset, and I never actually went to any LDS church services because I couldn't have done so on my own without them knowing, but I started reading the Book of Mormon online and thought that once I moved out of my parents' house, then I'd start to attend an LDS church. Well, fast-forward to 2012 - I had just realized that I really was something other than straight, and at first it terrified me. As I started to accept it, I also started to leave religion (of any form) by the wayside and follow my own path. I never really rebelled (I didn't even date women because I didn't know how to meet them), and I never drank except for the occasional few glasses of wine on the weekends with a friend. I just stopped considering myself a Christian because it was easier, and I knew that there was no place for me as a non-straight person in most Christian churches.

Now I'm 22, and I've still never been in a relationship with anyone (male or female). Up until a few days ago still gave no thought to God or religion. I went back to the place where I lived as a teenager, back when I first started to explore the LDS church and before everything became so complicated and confusing and I didn't know where to turn. It changed something in me somehow. I started wondering if living life on my own without God was a good plan. I only gave up on Him because I thought I had no other option if I was attracted to women; I thought my options were to either live my life alone and try to maintain my relationship with God, or set off on my own in order to maybe one day fall in love. But I've been single, alone, AND isolated from God, and it's taken its toll on me. Something has to change, and I don't think that pursuing a relationship with a woman is the best solution. The thing is, it's not that I can't see myself falling in love with a man. I can. (In fact, I thought I really was in love with that male celebrity when I was 15!) It's just that I'm not physically attracted to men in general. I can certainly appreciate a handsome face and pretty eyes and a kind smile, it's just that the thought of a sexual relationship with a man is unnerving and gross to me because I don't see men that way. I didn't have any bad experiences with men in the past or anything; I just am not attracted. I feel like if I could be in a romantic but non-sexual relationship with a man, I'd probably be just fine. It's just that the odds of that happening seem to be slim and none.

I guess the reason why I posted this was 1. so I could vent all of my feelings and frustrations to people who might understand and 2. to ask for advice on what I should do. My unemployment, separation from God, and lack of any purpose in life has taken a huge toll on me, and I don't know where to turn. If it weren't for the issue with my sexuality, I would jump wholeheartedly back into my relationship with God and going to church, but I'm not 100% sure that I'm okay with being single for life, and the chances of finding a man to be with on my own terms are dismal, especially when a lot of people my age are already in serious relationships or even married. But I can't continue to try to make it on my own without any sense of guidance, and deep down I know that only God can help me to figure out life.

Any suggestions for what to do in my situation? I realize that even if I do start to rebuild my relationship with God, it won't be easy, and I'll still face the same issues of unemployment and struggling with sexuality, it's just that I feel like at least I won't be alone in the struggle.

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I only have 1 advice.  Go back to Church and pray and vent all your frustrations and struggles to God Himself. 

We are all struggling in different ways.  That's what Church is for.  To join a community of strugglers trying to find peace.  So yes, you might have some people in Church be nice, some be mean, some be jerks, some be super friendly... they're all strugglers.  Just like you.

 

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For employment, perhaps you should try taking something close by and not taxing, like part time seating host at a restaurant, while you figure out what to do next?  Getting out and working four hours a day to break up the job search can really help your mental state and put a few dollars in your pocket.  And, while you work this job, you can keep applying until something really good comes up.

As for God, you can fix that right now, this instant.  Pray and ask God to come into your life and help you, and follow up by going to church, reading scriptures, and so forth.  If you take one small step towards God, He will take one hundred steps towards you!  This will help with your questions on sexuality - enlist the help of the Lord, and He will help you.

 

Edited by DoctorLemon

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On ‎2‎/‎5‎/‎2017 at 6:35 PM, liveinlight said:
  • Any suggestions for what to do in my situation? I realize that even if I do start to rebuild my relationship with God, it won't be easy, and I'll still face the same issues of unemployment and struggling with sexuality, it's just that I feel like at least I won't be alone in the struggle

First off, you are not alone in your struggling, Maybe the struggle is different but we all struggle.

1. Employment - this is a tough one. Take a moment and Breathe - finding a job is stressful. I suggest for right now, Volunteer somewhere to give yourself a mental break - maybe go to a retirement home and offer to visit some of the seniors who are lonely (ask the facility first about policies concerning this).

2. Relationship with Heavenly Father. - That's the wonderful thing about Heavenly Father, His arms are always open and welcoming. I would advise you turn back to him and seek after him.

3. Sexuality - I can't advise much but I can tell you that IF Heavenly Father wants you to remain chaste and single, He will help you through it. I Corinthians 10:13 says
"There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it." -  May I suggest that you search about Asexuality - who knows but their could be a nice man out there who does not desire sex. It's possible that maybe this is Heavenly Father's plan for your life. I believe He does call some to live a life of Chasity in this lifetime.

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On 2/5/2017 at 7:35 PM, liveinlight said:

I'm 22. I graduated from college last spring with a double major in Environmental Studies and History, and I've been job searching ever since and living at home with my parents. Well, actually, I had a minimum-wage job with my state's Dept. of Natural Resources for a few months, but I finally decided that the horrible, uninteresting work and an hour's commute just weren't worth minimum wage, so I quit in October, and have been unemployed since then.

OK - that's likely part of your problem: you decided to quit without having another job lined up. 

A lot of employers are just going to be looking at the fact that you quit, and not asking why. You're going to have to work to overcome this, perhaps through networking or meeting with people in person. 

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Thanks for the kind replies, everyone. I recently applied for a few health food/grocery stores like Whole Foods (mostly because they pay a bit more than minimum wage and seem like decent places to work), and I've already been contacted for an interview. Unfortunately since I'm living with my parents in a small town, the store where I applied is about 30 minutes away, but there's not much in my town. I'll try interviewing for a part-time job and see what happens from there. At least it will probably allow me to make monthly payments on my student loans.

I've been taking walks every night and praying and just asking the Lord to guide me and help me to know what to do. I don't really know what else can be done at the moment. Since I live with them, my parents are all up in my business and want to know where I'm going whenever I leave the house, so if I decided to attend my local LDS congregation one Sunday, I'd have to tell them where I was going, and I don't necessarily want to tell them until I'm 100% sure that I want to join the church. Also, there are very few Mormons in my area (small-town, southeastern Michigan) so the ward I'm assigned to is also about 30 minutes away.  I have a BoM somewhere; I'll try to find it.

2 hours ago, Jsmith85 said:

3. Sexuality - I can't advise much but I can tell you that IF Heavenly Father wants you to remain chaste and single, He will help you through it. I Corinthians 10:13 says
"There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it." -  May I suggest that you search about Asexuality - who knows but their could be a nice man out there who does not desire sex. It's possible that maybe this is Heavenly Father's plan for your life. I believe He does call some to live a life of Chasity in this lifetime.

Yes, for a while I thought maybe I was just asexual; that might be the case. I just don't see that that's much better than being gay. Either way it looks like I'll be single for life, because it seems highly unlikely to find a man who is asexual, LDS, not already taken, and who I click with. It's a good thought, though.

46 minutes ago, Ironhold said:

OK - that's likely part of your problem: you decided to quit without having another job lined up. 

A lot of employers are just going to be looking at the fact that you quit, and not asking why. You're going to have to work to overcome this, perhaps through networking or meeting with people in person. 

I understand that might not look good on a resume, but I quit because 1. It was a temporary assignment anyway (supposed to be through Americorps, leading to my second point) 2. My boss mistreated me and lied to me about signing me up for Americorps, when in fact I was never signed up because of his disorganization, and 3. It was an hour from home, and I couldn't afford to get a place closer on minimum wage. It was one of those jobs with an enormous turnover rate because everyone hated it and quit; one person even quit after the first day.

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My advice on sexuality and relationships:

You'll need to be able to differentiate Love from Sex.  Basically, who you want to have sex with doesn't necessarily define who you want to marry (or date which is the precursor to marriage).  Who you want to have sex with simply defines who you want to have sex with.  Love is a whole lot more than that.  Love is that burning desire to bring someone happiness.  And, as Christians, we believe that the perfect model for true happiness is Christ.  So, love is that burning desire to bring someone closer to Christ.  Homosexual activity does not lead to true happiness because it doesn't get us closer to Christ.  Heterosexual activity, though, can lead us to true happiness as it leads to eternal marriage and eternal families in the pattern laid out by Christ.

Of course, if you don't have a testimony of Christ as the source of true happiness, or if you don't have a testimony of what Christ teaches, you won't be able to trust that bringing someone closer to Christ leads to happiness.  So, that's why my first advice is to pray to God, go back to Church, do all these things for you to humbly and honestly and diligently seek the truth in all things.

Edited by anatess2

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@liveinlight,

Here's some advice that may be both reassuring and disturbing.  So be prepared for both.

The official position of the Church is that

  1. Same Sex Attraction (SSA) is a trait.  It is not a defining characteristic.  This is simply an urge or feeling.  It is not "who you are" any more than a heterosexual attraction would define someone.
  2. Such a trait in and of itself is not a sin.  ACTING on it is a sin.  It is not how we feel that makes or breaks us.  It is what we do about how we feel.  Jesus Himself would rather have not partaken of the bitter cup.  But because of perfect obedience and love, He was willing to accept it.  And He did.

Some "guy" could have the "urge" to fornicate with any pretty girl he sees.  But if he does not "entertain it in his thoughts" or in any way act on it, it is no sin to simply have "the feeling".  

The other thing I'd mention to you is that you may think you're old enough to know better.  But you're really young.  The brain doesn't even completely form until 25 years old.  You say you're still confused.  That means you're still in flux until you can fully form your neural pathways.  You can still choose to change this now.  As you get older, you'll have a MUCH harder time of it.  You may not have chosen to have SSA to start with.  But you can choose how you're going to treat those urges in the future.  Choose now.  Not when you're in the middle of strong emotional urge to do otherwise.

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On 2/5/2017 at 8:35 PM, liveinlight said:

I'm 22. I graduated from college last spring with a double major in Environmental Studies and History, and I've been job searching ever since and living at home with my parents.

Full stop here. I'm terribly sorry to say that your parents are enabling you (my guess is they paid for college too) and contributing to this whole malaise you are in.

Necessity is the mother of invention.

On 2/5/2017 at 8:35 PM, liveinlight said:

Well, actually, I had a minimum-wage job with my state's Dept. of Natural Resources for a few months, but I finally decided that the horrible, uninteresting work and an hour's commute just weren't worth minimum wage, so I quit in October, and have been unemployed since then.

 I'm going to give you some tough love.  Welcome to life child.  

You believe that you are special and that just because you found the work "horrible, uninteresting, an hour's commute and minimum wage" that you just deserve so, so much better in life (even though you had a government job!!! the cushiest out there).  You are sooo special that you get to quit your job, go on the dole and move back in with mom and dad.

What makes you so much more special than all the other millions of people out there that have horrible, uninteresting jobs with long commutes that don't pay what they want? Why do you get to be special and quit, move back in with mom and dad while the rest of us poor slobs get to slog it out every day.

I'll give you a hint, you are spoiled.  I don't know another word for it.

Yes, life is hard, yes life is rough. And when you are starting out, you start out at the very bottom of the rung of the ladder.  Generations before you started in the same place once they got out on their own, they didn't get paid much, they took what they could find, they suffered, they endured, they survived and then they succeeded they moved up the rung.  They triumphed.  They learned what it was like to scrap, to save, to suffer, to work hard-and in that crucible they forged a spirit that helped them endure the rest that life threw at them.

You had a job that while uninteresting at least gave you a reason to get up in the morning, now you have no job, can't find one and part of the reason for getting up in the morning is gone.  I hope this is a lesson.

Best advice, you'll get right now-move out on your own. Stop being a child and be an adult.

As for the other things about sexuality-it is only within the bands of matrimony of male and female that children should be raised. If you want children in life (and my guess is that eventually you will once you mature), you'll need to find a spouse and at that point you'll need to make a decision-do I decide to be attracted to a man or not.

And as sidenote, generally speaking in prior generations, if women didn't want to work in jobs that paid money, that was okay (in fact it was understood that for survival of the species it was actually better if on average they didn't get jobs that paid money), b/c they found a spouse to take care of them, while they did the most important job of raising the next generation.

Another sidenote: . . .big sigh . . what a generation of wimps we are raising-literally we had the missionaries over for dinner a few weeks ago and we were discussing our missions and one of the missionaries said "I feel like they baby us a lot compared to your missions" (and my mission was only ~15 years ago), to that all we could respond was yeap, we know.

Edited by yjacket

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26 minutes ago, yjacket said:

Another sidenote: . . .big sigh . . what a generation of wimps we are raising-literally we had the missionaries over for dinner a few weeks ago and we were discussing our missions and one of the missionaries said "I feel like they baby us a lot compared to your missions" (and my mission was only ~15 years ago), to that all we could respond was yeap, we know.

Leave it to yjacket to give us the salt-of-the-earth advice.  I usually cringe at your acerbic way of tough love, not because I find it distasteful but because I know it's not the "accepted way" of America these days.  I mean, in my culture, that's the norm.  We don't do flowery words so much so that my native language don't have it in their language (do you know that we don't even have the word "Hi" because... it's a flowery word).

But yeah, all that you posted above, especially the paragraph I quoted, I believe hits the nail right there on its head and I appreciate your courage in saying it like it is.

Edited by anatess2

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30 minutes ago, yjacket said:

Full stop here. I'm terribly sorry to say that your parents are enabling you (my guess is they paid for college too) and contributing to this whole malaise you are in.

Necessity is the mother of invention.

 I'm going to give you some tough love.  Welcome to life child.  

You believe that you are special and that just because you found the work "horrible, uninteresting, an hour's commute and minimum wage" that you just deserve so, so much better in life (even though you had a government job!!! the cushiest out there).  You are sooo special that you get to quit your job, go on the dole and move back in with mom and dad.

What makes you so much more special than all the other millions of people out there that have horrible, uninteresting jobs with long commutes that don't pay what they want? Why do you get to be special and quit, move back in with mom and dad while the rest of us poor slobs get to slog it out every day.

I'll give you a hint, you are spoiled.  I don't know another word for it.

Yes, life is hard, yes life is rough. And when you are starting out, you start out at the very bottom of the rung of the ladder.  Generations before you started in the same place once they got out on their own, they didn't get paid much, they took what they could find, they suffered, they endured, they survived and then they succeeded they moved up the rung.  They triumphed.  They learned what it was like to scrap, to save, to suffer, to work hard-and in that crucible they forged a spirit that helped them endure the rest that life threw at them.

You had a job that while uninteresting at least gave you a reason to get up in the morning, now you have no job, can't find one and part of the reason for getting up in the morning is gone.  I hope this is a lesson.

Best advice, you'll get right now-move out on your own. Stop being a child and be an adult.

As for the other things about sexuality-it is only within the bands of matrimony of male and female that children should be raised. If you want children in life (and my guess is that eventually you will once you mature), you'll need to find a spouse and at that point you'll need to make a decision-do I decide to be attracted to a man or not.

And as sidenote, generally speaking in prior generations, if women didn't want to work in jobs that paid money, that was okay (in fact it was understood that for survival of the species it was actually better if on average they didn't get jobs that paid money), b/c they found a spouse to take care of them, while they did the most important job of raising the next generation.

Another sidenote: . . .big sigh . . what a generation of wimps we are raising-literally we had the missionaries over for dinner a few weeks ago and we were discussing our missions and one of the missionaries said "I feel like they baby us a lot compared to your missions" (and my mission was only ~15 years ago), to that all we could respond was yeap, we know.

Sorry that you felt the need to go on the offensive, especially given that I didn't provide all the details of my situation to make such judgments. I'm here searching for (constructive, kind) advice, not to argue or attack, but I will say this: while I understand that living at home is part of my problem, as I've been somewhat stifled by my parents and I need to start life out on my own, I cannot move out with money that I do not have. I don't know if you realize this, but the minimum wage is not enough to survive on. I was working 40 hours per week doing grueling, outdoor work in the dead of summer, and still not making nearly enough to pay for rent, utilities, car upkeep, etc. Thus, in order not to dig myself into greater debt, I decided to live at home, which my parents supported because they knew that I was working hard and trying hard to better myself. I admit that I haven't pursued any more minimum-wage, service jobs, mostly because I haven't lost all hope in finding something that actually puts my skills to use. And no, contrary to your assumption, my parents did not pay for my college tuition. I worked hard in high school to be accepted by the University of Michigan, which is something that I'm proud of, but I'm now saddled with the debt from the majority of my tuition, housing, and fees, making it all the more ridiculous that with my dual degrees, I'm forced to pursue dead-end jobs that pay starvation wages. Unfortunately, I think that the unemployment/underemployment crisis among young university grads is something that previous generations can't quite wrap their heads around; we're told, "Just go get a job, who cares if you make minimum wage? You have to start somewhere!" But many people forget that that's not a feasible option. With rising cost of living and student loan payments (with exorbitantly high interest, of course), anyone trying to do that would live in poverty, at least in my area, and I'm guessing many other areas are similar.

And a side note, while I understand your viewpoint that children should only be raised in a mother-and-father household, you must acknowledge that one can't simply "choose" to be attracted to men, any more than a straight person could "choose" to have same-sex attraction. This is the kind of harmful rhetoric that jeopardizes the very heterosexual marriages you speak of - if one partner experiences attraction and the other doesn't, it's almost certainly going to lead to problems in the long-term.

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On 2/5/2017 at 5:35 PM, liveinlight said:

I graduated from college last spring with a double major in Environmental Studies and History

At the risk of sounding snarky, I think I see the problem...

On 2/5/2017 at 5:35 PM, liveinlight said:

I had a minimum-wage job with my state's Dept. of Natural Resources for a few months, but I finally decided that the horrible, uninteresting work and an hour's commute just weren't worth minimum wage, so I quit in October, and have been unemployed since then. I've applied for probably 200 jobs at this point, everything from jobs semi-related to my Environmental Studies major, like research assistant positions and internships, to completely unrelated jobs, like a flight attendant or administrative assistant. I've had a few phone interviews and one face-to-face interview for a flight attendant job, but nothing has come of them. I'm about ready to give up. I have been racking my brain trying to figure out what to do. My entire life is on hold because I literally can't do anything without money.

I kind of have to agree with yjacket, harsh though he may have been. You never quit a job you have until you have another. Hopefully you learned that lesson.

My advice: Run, don't walk, to your neighborhood McDonald's and start working the evening shift. You'll be gainfully employed while looking for work in your off hours. In general, employers are much more interested in hiring someone who is currently working than someone who is "between jobs".

On 2/5/2017 at 5:35 PM, liveinlight said:

I've been struggling internally for years with my sexuality.

Can't give you much first-hand advice here, but just because you had a "crush" on a female singer doesn't mean you're homosexual. And while you may not be able to control your feelings directly, you can always control your actions and learn to control your thoughts. When those things are in your control, you start having a lot more direct control over your feelings.

My advice: Pray to God and search for him. Read your scriptures. Find God in your own life, and learn to feel his guidance.

And get a job. You'll have a lot easier time finding good work. If you keep staying with your folks, ask if you can pay them $500 (or $200, or some reasonable sum) per month for your room and board. Oh, and next time you get a good job, even if it's boring and soul-crushing, stick with it. You'll become a better worker and a better person, and your life will almost magically start going better.

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42 minutes ago, liveinlight said:

I cannot move out with money that I do not have. I don't know if you realize this, but the minimum wage is not enough to survive on.

This is a false statement made by someone who is not willing to make the necessary sacrifices to be personally responsible.

I've worked for minimum wage.  I have been homeless.   I've done a heck of a lot worse than you financially.  But I was willing to be homeless and live off of beans and rice for months until I could get enough money to live in an apartment.

I tried to be nicer before.  But when I went through this and keep hearing from people that what I did personally was impossible, it does not bring out my compassionate side.  I am not a superman.  I'm as mortal as you are.  The only difference was that I was willing to make certain sacrifices and you don't seem to be willing to do so.

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On the not having money to move out - i feel you on that but you can live on a minimum wage job and still live not with your parents. I make just over minimum wage and yet I make it by living with roommates in a roomshare situation. (We share a house, seperate bedrooms) - my guy does the same and he is working minimum wage. Yeah, you have to give up the luxuries but it can work well. 

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The harshness and lack of love in the last several posts has been astounding. I really do understand that you all are motivated by the quote un-quote "tough love" approach, but honestly I do not believe that telling someone to "stop being a child" and literally attacking their choice not be homeless is the way to respond to an individual going through a hard time. Unfortunately this thread has turned from the original purpose of seeking constructive advice about my personal life to being attacked, called "spoiled", privileged, what-have-you, so instead I'll seek advice elsewhere from those who have a better grasp of my situation. Thanks so much to those who reached out in compassion to make suggestions without attacking.

Moderators, please feel free to delete this thread.

Note that I'm not upset with anyone for expressing their views (however harsh or somewhat misguided they may be) or trying to help. I've just realized that it may be better to approach someone in person who knows all the details of my situation. May the Holy Spirit bless you all. :)

Edited by liveinlight

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2 minutes ago, liveinlight said:

May the Holy Spirit bless you all. :)

You as well. We're all praying for you. 

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First, congratulations on finishing college - not everyone does.  I suggest you separate your various issues and not entangle them (and shelve your sexuality/dating for now).  You can start developing a relationship with God regardless of your sexuality and that is something you can do immediately to feel like you're making progress and getting out of your rut. Say a prayer now, read some scriptures now, etc.  As far as having a purpose, start serving others!  Do something every day for someone else either personally or with an organization (or several).  This will give you something to do and also helps you see outside of yourself.  It could also build your resume.  Win-Win-Win!  As far as money - start a blog or etsy shop (I've heard some do really well!) or go around the neighborhood offering to run errands, do all sorts of odd jobs or even be a nanny.  Have you looked into being a sub for the school district?  I don't know how many jobs you'll find in your field/s but I have a brother-in-law who graduated from college and has never worked in a job that he got a degree in (realized it would never support a family).  Sometimes a degree is just to boost your resume since it shows perseverance.  Hope this is helpful and that things turn around for you soon. 

Edited by my two cents

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1 hour ago, anatess2 said:

Leave it to yjacket to give us the salt-of-the-earth advice.  I usually cringe at your acerbic way of tough love, not because I find it distasteful but because I know it's not the "accepted way" of America these days.  I mean, in my culture, that's the norm.  We don't do flowery words so much so that my native language don't have it in their language (do you know that we don't even have the word "Hi" because... it's a flowery word).

But yeah, all that you posted above, especially the paragraph I quoted, I believe hits the nail right there on its head and I appreciate your courage in saying it like it is.

Lol . . I know anatess2; the older I get the more traditional I get (the old ways were the better ways) and the more plain-give it to you straight I get.  It is certainly out of style these days-but again it wasn't so long ago that it was the American way.

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Putting my admin hat on here.  This particular forum was designed that those struggling could come and discuss and get advice.  The responses should be encouraging and uplifting and nothing more than that.  Let's keep that in mind when we are responding.  

This is what it says in the description for this forum:

No judgement, demeaning or derogatory posts allowed: "To the wounded and the weary / I would show a gentle heart." Focus on the positives, the pure love of Christ, and how we can rise above to overcome difficult times.

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Adults who don't make enough to live alone have roommates. Or used to... that's what I did before I got married. I just got to the point that I couldn't stand living with my parents anymore. I agree with Vort: get what work you can while you look for what you want, and give your parents some money until you can find a place (or people looking for a roommate) so that you're in the habit of paying your way.

 

Edited by Eowyn

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48 minutes ago, liveinlight said:

The harshness and lack of love in the last several posts has been astounding. I really do understand that you all are motivated by the quote un-quote "tough love" approach, but honestly I do not believe that telling someone to "stop being a child" and literally attacking their choice not be homeless is the way to respond to an individual going through a hard time. Unfortunately this thread has turned from the original purpose of seeking constructive advice about my personal life to being attacked, called "spoiled", privileged, what-have-you, so instead I'll seek advice elsewhere from those who have a better grasp of my situation. Thanks so much to those who reached out in compassion to make suggestions without attacking.

Moderators, please feel free to delete this thread.

Note that I'm not upset with anyone for expressing their views (however harsh or somewhat misguided they may be) or trying to help. I've just realized that it may be better to approach someone in person who knows all the details of my situation. May the Holy Spirit bless you all. :)

Unfortunately, this is the response in today's society.  I obviously don't "understand" this person well enough to give advice-so the advice falls on deaf ears b/c it isn't what they want to hear.

I don't know what else to call it, except yes refusing to take responsibility for your own life is being a child; you are 22 living at home, unemployed. You had a job, decided to quit the job b/c you didn't like it and are now complaining about the lack of a job and that b/c of said lack of job, moving out would make you "homeless".

I'm not being harsh and saying you are a horrible, evil person, or worthless or any other sort of nonsense-not in the least bit-I don't think that at all. Your actions are just indicative of a lack of ownership for your own life, which indicates a child-like mentality.

What I am saying is that the solution to your problems (which is what you do want right? to not live with your parents, to have a job and not feel horrible?), is to be more independent.  There is no secret to this; it's just what works. Take ownership of your life, don't expect things to be given to you (pretty much anybody who works has dealt with horrible, mean, nasty bosses-and you just learn to deal with it until you find something better- and that dealing with it doesn't involve mooching off of others), seize the day and be independent.

Edited by yjacket

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2 hours ago, liveinlight said:

 I've been somewhat stifled by my parents and I need to start life out on my own

It's great that you realize this.  Self mastery is key.

2 hours ago, liveinlight said:

I cannot move out with money that I do not have. I don't know if you realize this, but the minimum wage is not enough to survive on.

Solution: roommates.  You can find plenty on Craigslist.  Up until 4 years ago, that's how I got all of my apartments for over a decade.  

2 hours ago, liveinlight said:

 I admit that I haven't pursued any more minimum-wage, service jobs, mostly because I haven't lost all hope in finding something that actually puts my skills to use. 

It is much easier to find a job and much easier to get hired if you are currently working a job, even if it's McDonalds.  Having a blank space on your current resume is the biggest turnoff for employers because they assume you are lazy (that doesn't make it right/correct, but that is the reality bias).  

2 hours ago, liveinlight said:

I worked hard in high school to be accepted by the University of Michigan

That's great.

2 hours ago, liveinlight said:

Unfortunately, I think that the unemployment/underemployment crisis among young university grads is something that previous generations can't quite wrap their heads around; we're told, "Just go get a job, who cares if you make minimum wage? You have to start somewhere!" But many people forget that that's not a feasible option. With rising cost of living and student loan payments (with exorbitantly high interest, of course), anyone trying to do that would live in poverty, at least in my area, and I'm guessing many other areas are similar.

Background on me: I graduated in 2010 with my bachelors.  I currently work at a University and have many friends among the undergrads (or used to be undergrads).  I understand the frustrations of the graduate-and-try-to-find-non-existant-job first hand.  I currently live in poverty.  I know where you are coming from.  Life can utterly suck and be totally unfair.  And frankly, that's what we have to deal with.  In this case it sucks but if you have to find a job-- *ANY* job.  Find roommates.  Budget.  Buy food on sale.  No $20 movies or eating out. Yes, you must live in poverty until you find a better job, which will go much better with first have the monkey-can-do-it job.  It sucks, it's unfair, but that's what it is.

2 hours ago, liveinlight said:

And a side note, while I understand your viewpoint that children should only be raised in a mother-and-father household, you must acknowledge that one can't simply "choose" to be attracted to men, any more than a straight person could "choose" to have same-sex attraction. This is the kind of harmful rhetoric that jeopardizes the very heterosexual marriages you speak of - if one partner experiences attraction and the other doesn't, it's almost certainly going to lead to problems in the long-term.

I don't think any one suggested that nor would recommend it.  What was suggested what to choose how you *handle* said urges.  

 

Edited by Jane_Doe

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Guest MormonGator
1 hour ago, my two cents said:

First, congratulations on finishing college - not everyone does.  I suggest you separate your various issues and not entangle them (and shelve your sexuality/dating for now).  You can start developing a relationship with God regardless of your sexuality and that is something you can do immediately to feel like your making progress and getting out of your rut. Say a prayer now, read some scriptures now, etc.  As far as having a purpose, start serving others!  Do something every day for someone else either personally or with an organization (or several).  This will give you something to do and also helps you see outside of yourself.  It could also build your resume.  Win-Win-Win!  As far as money - start a blog or etsy shop (I've heard some do really well!) or go around the neighborhood offering to run errands, do all sorts of odd jobs or even be a nanny.  Have you looked into being a sub for the school district?  I don't know how many jobs you'll find in your field/s but I have a brother-in-law who graduated from college and has never worked in a job that he got a degree in (realized it would never support a family).  Sometimes a degree is just to boost your resume since it shows perseverance.  Hope this is helpful and that things turn around for you soon. 

Amen. Perfect advice. 

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