Am I overreacting?

[mirkwood]

2 hours ago, Backroads said:

 

If it did indeed play out pretty much as the daughter said with driving to a park alone, that's just more than a little uncomfortable to me, even as an adult. It's even more uncomfortable as a teenager.

 

I agree.  If that is how it played out, there is a problem with the adult leaders that needs to be addressed.  Both with them and the bishop.

I don't have a problem with the teachers and youth leadership teaching LDS values and standards.  They should not be the ones addressing anything like described, UNLESS it is happening in their presence.  That sort of information should be passed along to the parents to handle.

If they did what was descried they were completely out of line.

 

[yjacket]

Well, my one burning question right now @Lilyflowers88 . Is why is the mother asking questions on an LDS board from her daughters account?

Who's account would it be when the birthdate on the account says 7/15/00 (i.e. the 17 year-old girl) and when in previous thread things are said like:

I can smell BS a mile away and my BS meter is off the charts.  So exactly who posted the OP.  The mother or the daughter?

I highly doubt the mother is posting on this board when the daughter makes comments like that.  Why would the daughter give her mother access to her account when the daughter posts comments like that? If the mother really did make the comments.  Did you know you daughter suffer/ed from depression.  Did you know she suffered from addiction?  Did you know that she hid these things from you?

Want to talk about honesty and being forthright?  Maybe you should investigate a little bit more into just what exactly your daughter has been doing and saying online?  Maybe instead of defending your daughter at every step of the way, take a long good hard look and what she tells you and then what she says online.  If she does this online without your knowledge, what else does she do?  If she can't talk to you about her depression and addiction, what else will she not talk to you about?  It's okay for your daughter to come onto an anonymous message board receive feedback from total complete strangers, yet it's not okay for her leaders who know her and know her situation better than us to lovingly correct her?  

Something is wrong with this picture-deeply wrong. Maybe instead of getting all up in arms at the leaders, maybe took a good hard long look at your kid.  If and I'll make a small exception, if it truly is the mother-it shows a deeply unhealthy relationship between mother and child that the mother does not create her own account to address this issue (and does not state so upfront) and instead uses her daughters account to post this.

Come now @Lilyflowers88 tell us the real deal and no BS. I know you are checking this forum and probably this thread.  You last visited this web site 9 min. ago.

Edited April 18, 2017 by yjacket

[yjacket]

You can't snow the snowman.

[zil]

15 minutes ago, yjacket said:

dang it it's not tagging, I'm stupid---how do you tag someone?

Type the @ sign.  Type a few characters at the start of their login name.  A list will pop up, use the mouse to click a name in the list.  @yjacket - or use the down-arrow to select a name from the list, and then hit enter to insert it in your post.  If it worked, the name will be white text in a blue box while still in the text editor.

[yjacket]

12 minutes ago, zil said:

Type the @ sign.  Type a few characters at the start of their login name.  A list will pop up, use the mouse to click a name in the list.  @yjacket - or use the down-arrow to select a name from the list, and then hit enter to insert it in your post.  If it worked, the name will be white text in a blue box while still in the text editor.

Cool.  Thank you!

[Vort]

1 hour ago, yjacket said:

Well, my one burning question right now @Lilyflowers88 . Is why is the mother asking questions on an LDS board from her daughters account?

Who's account would it be when the birthdate on the account says 7/15/00 (i.e. the 17 year-old girl) and when in previous thread things are said like:

I can smell BS a mile away and my BS meter is off the charts.  So exactly who posted the OP.  The mother or the daughter?

I highly doubt the mother is posting on this board when the daughter makes comments like that.  Why would the daughter give her mother access to her account when the daughter posts comments like that?

Come now @Lilyflowers88 tell us the real deal and no BS. I know you are checking this forum and probably this thread.  You last visited this web site 9 min. ago.

Boom.

[Guest]

1 hour ago, yjacket said:

You can't snow the snowman.

So yjacket was (at least partially) right all along... and no one believed him!

Kind of like George W. . . 

Edited April 18, 2017 by DoctorLemon

[yjacket]

2 minutes ago, DoctorLemon said:

So yjacket was right all along... and no one believed him!

Kind of like George W. . . 

Lol . . .well the response (if there is one) will tell me all I need to know.

[Guest]

If it's the young woman posting, I'm kind of glad, because I think there's something important to know. 

It's normal and healthy to have a best friend that you care deeply about and like spending time with. This does not and should not mean that there's a romantic  component there. It means that you've been blessed with a bonus sister.

 

The world has such a skewed perception of natural and good friendships. Don't believe that view, even when other people might. 

[Vort]

22 minutes ago, Eowyn said:

If it's the young woman posting, I'm kind of glad, because I think there's something important to know. 

It's normal and healthy to have a best friend that you care deeply about and like spending time with. This does not and should not mean that there's a romantic  component there. It means that you've been blessed with a bonus sister.

The world has such a skewed perception of natural and good friendships. Don't believe that view, even when other people might. 

It's an ugly feature of modern Western society. Back in the late 1980s, my wife (or fiancée, or whatever she was at the time) and I went to the BYU International Theater to see a German movie. All I remember about it is that a little boy, maybe six or eight, went to an older man (not his grandfather) for advice or help. The old man stroked the boy's hair and face, sat him on his lap, hugged him, and otherwise comforted him. Most of the theater laughed or otherwise displayed discomfort, as did I.

Yet why should that be so? An old man should not show a young boy that he is loved and protected? What kind of monstrous teachings have convinced us that a man who hugs a boy and sits him on his lap is a molester? This is more than mere "monsters among us". This is a societal rejection of a display of masculine, fatherly love. Patriarchy at its finest and most benevolent is viewed with disgust.

Lord, come quickly.

Edited April 18, 2017 by Vort

[Guest]

Y'all caught me. I've been caught. Great job. Maybe I didn't want people judging me as much as all of you have. You have hardly taken into consideration my side of the story, claiming that it was a stupid decision and that I'm dramatic and immature. So I really don't want to post on this account anymore and I don't really appreciate the negative comments. Thank you for the few helpful comments, but I think that I can handle this. 

[my two cents]

@Lilyflowers88 - In case you hadn't heard this:  "We are disciples and our messages should be authentic. A person or product that is not authentic is false, fake, and fraudulent. Our messages should be truthful, honest, and accurate.  We should not exaggerate, embellish, or pretend to be someone or something we are not. Our content should be trustworthy and constructive. And anonymity on the Internet is not a license to be inauthentic." - Elder David A. Bednar

[Guest]

51 minutes ago, Lilyflowers88 said:

Y'all caught me. I've been caught. Great job. Maybe I didn't want people judging me as much as all of you have. You have hardly taken into consideration my side of the story, claiming that it was a stupid decision and that I'm dramatic and immature. So I really don't want to post on this account anymore and I don't really appreciate the negative comments. Thank you for the few helpful comments, but I think that I can handle this. 

I got the impression more people were on the side of "your mom" or letting your parents make the decision and that the leaders overstepped their authority. I know there were a some who believed differently. But you can't say we all judged you or spoke negatively towards your situation.

Also you need to realize that when you post on a forum and ask a question, you may get all kinds if answers, you need to be prepared to take the positive and negative comments. Even if they don't answer the way want you can sometimes still learn from the answers and maybe find a new or different way of looking at things.

[yjacket]

1 hour ago, Lilyflowers88 said:

Y'all caught me. I've been caught. Great job. Maybe I didn't want people judging me as much as all of you have. You have hardly taken into consideration my side of the story, claiming that it was a stupid decision and that I'm dramatic and immature. So I really don't want to post on this account anymore and I don't really appreciate the negative comments. Thank you for the few helpful comments, but I think that I can handle this. 

Lilyflowers88,I do mean this in sincerity; had you been honest, upfront and forthright at the beginning, I guarantee you the responses would have been different.  I personally tailor my responses to whom I'm speaking to.  I encourage you to read my comments several pages back where I directed my comments specifically to you (where I said STE "to the young lady" having in mind that you were the one mostly likely posting this rather than your mother). If you read those comments, my tone, my tenor and how I approach things is different than the rest of my comments.

What I say to an adult is going to be different than what I say to you as a young lady.  If my kid does something stupid or boneheaded, I will speak much more plainly to my wife about said action then to my child (where I might if necessary speak very plainly to them).

You are not a parent, you don't have kids, you don't have any clue what that is all about (I'm not being negative-it's just a fact and that's okay).  I have no doubt that you believe the version of the truth you are giving; however remember you specifically and intentionally lied about who you represented.  If you willing to intentionally misrepresent yourself so fully on this anonymous message board, what else are you misrepresenting in "real" life. Misrepresenting who you are is by it's very definition immature.

I called you on it; I don't take pleasure in doing so, but it is for your own good. Look at how many pages have been created on this; look at how much discord, arguing, etc. has been caused by a misrepresentation.  You need to accept responsibility for that.  

If you can't accurately represent yourself on an anonymous message board, why in the world would anyone in the real world trust you?

My guess is that these little games you play have probably gone on for a very long time and unfortunately very few people have called you on it.  This is a hard lesson to learn, but the sooner you learn it, the better off you will be in life.

[yjacket]

12 hours ago, Godless said:

I'm also a bit concerned by your apparent disposition to automatically distrust teenagers. 

@Godless See above.

A teenager who is duplicitous in posting on an anonymous message board and misrepresenting who they are and goes to such lengths to do so (and did a really good job of it-I'm quite impressed by the language, tone, etc. very good misrepresentation. . . .but you still can't snow the snowman baby!), is absolutely old enough to receive one-on-one personal guidance from a leader.

You don't get to claim on the one hand the leaders were doing something improper when the kid then does an extremely good job of manipulating an entire board into thinking she is the parent.  As I said at the beginning she has one version of the truth, the parents have another version of the truth and the leaders have another version.  Which one is right? Who knows, but ya dang right I'll trust the leaders over the kid any day of the week!

Edited April 19, 2017 by yjacket

[Vort]

1 hour ago, Lilyflowers88 said:

Y'all caught me. I've been caught. Great job. Maybe I didn't want people judging me as much as all of you have. You have hardly taken into consideration my side of the story, claiming that it was a stupid decision and that I'm dramatic and immature. So I really don't want to post on this account anymore and I don't really appreciate the negative comments. Thank you for the few helpful comments, but I think that I can handle this. 

@Lilyflowers88, what you read were people's authentic reaction to (what they believed to be) your mother's view of the story. Your deception actually got you exactly what you wanted: Real, honest reactions, not the scolding of a child, but adult concerns and adult views of how best to help a beloved daughter get through a difficult situation.

In general, such deceptions are a very bad idea, and I advise you to determine never to "sock-puppet" yourself online any more. However, you can view this as a positive experience, not just because you learned a lesson about not pretending to be someone else, but because you got read adult insights into what you did. This is how people actually think when they don't know you're a teenage girl. You got the raw truth. That's valuable. Take it to heart.

Edited April 19, 2017 by Vort

[Vort]

12 hours ago, Godless said:

I'm also a bit concerned by your apparent disposition to automatically distrust teenagers.

Ouch. Put your foot into that one.

[Guest]

8 minutes ago, yjacket said:

@Godless See above.

Well I, for one, am eating crow on this one!

Well done, yjacket, well done ...

[yjacket]

my bad- probably not for public consumption . .  .it's cool.

Edited April 19, 2017 by yjacket

[Guest]

Good grief, guys, don't encourage him.

[yjacket]

3 minutes ago, Eowyn said:

Good grief, guys, don't encourage him.

Yes please don't.  I don't need my head to get big, beware pride-personally my biggest sin and issue.

Edited April 19, 2017 by yjacket

[The Folk Prophet]

31 minutes ago, Vort said:

@Lilyflowers88, what you read were people's authentic reaction to (what they believed to be) your mother's view of the story. Your deception actually got you exactly what you wanted: Real, honest reactions, not the scolding of a child, but adult concerns and adult views of how best to help a beloved daughter get through a difficult situation.

In general, such deceptions are a very bad idea, and I advise you to determine never to "sock-puppet" yourself online any more. However, you can view this as a positive experience, not just because you learned a lesson about not pretending to be someone else, but because you got read adult insights into what you did. This is how people actually think when they don't know you're a teenage girl. You got the raw truth. That's valuable. Take it to heart.

Except with the more complete picture, my view of the situation and what is best for the "child" in question is different. You see, an innocent youth taking an innocent video with a friend and a mother concerned that a youth leader spoke unfairly to her is a very different situation than a youth doing something (which may or may not have been innocent) getting in trouble, and then lying about it in a forum to gain sympathy. Of course the idea that the thing done by the youth may not have been as innocent as presented is suggested by the dishonesty. Dishonesty in one matter tends to imply dishonesty in others. So what we really have here is a dishonest youth claiming that her leaders were unfair. I'm not sure I believe that any longer. (I was on the fence anyhow).

[Guest Godless]

1 hour ago, Vort said:

Ouch. Put your foot into that one.

Mhmm. 

[Just_A_Guy]

3 minutes ago, Godless said:

Mhmm. 

I'm going to stand by Godless' larger point.  We all know that teenagers' brains aren't fully developed, they are apt to miss or misinterpret social cues, yadda, yadda.

That said, when it comes to honesty (as opposed to misperception); I still don't think teenagers are much more likely to deliberately lie, than any other group.

[Guest MormonGator]

3 minutes ago, Just_A_Guy said:

I'm going to stand by Godless' larger point.  We all know that teenagers' brains aren't fully developed

I think we all know adults who that statement could apply to as well.