Looking for some outside perspective on having children

[Backroads]

About a month ago now, my younger child was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis. It's been a crazy month for us. The good news is that the treatments she'll be on are pretty much preventative and she's quite healthy all things considered. The bad news is we were sort of planning  to have another baby pretty soon.

Now, we're terrified.

Cystic fibrosis is a genetic condition, and as carriers each kid basically has a 1 in 4 chance of having the disease. However, we have met several families in the community we've now found who have multiple children with cystic fibrosis--including one family with 3 of their 4 children. 

Right now, we're on "let's figure this out before we revisit the kid thing". But, what if in the future we choose not to have another kid?

When this offspring was born, my husband felt rather strongly our family was complete. I like babies, so I was the stronger force in the desire to have another kid. 

These days, CF is hardly the end of the world it was back in the day, but having another baby with CF terrifies me. Yet, we are encouraged to have children.

[Fether]

Always act in faith instead of fear.

I would pray about it but don’t let the fear of what could happen keep you from growing your family

[Maureen]

Sorry to hear your news @Backroads. Probably the best people to ask for advice are other parents with CF children. They can give you a better idea of what to expect as your child gets older and the ups and downs of being healthy and those times when they are not healthy.

M.

[lostinwater]

8 minutes ago, Maureen said:

Sorry to hear your news @Backroads. Probably the best people to ask for advice are other parents with CF children. They can give you a better idea of what to expect as your child gets older and the ups and downs of being healthy and those times when they are not healthy.

M.

+1

And maybe also ask people with CF - or even healthy people who having siblings with CF.  They no doubt each have their own unique perspectives.  There look to be some great forums out there - which i'm sure you've already seen.

http://forums.cysticfibrosis.com/forum.php

And so sorry for this - though sorry is such a insufficient word.

[Guest MormonGator]

17 minutes ago, Maureen said:

Sorry to hear your news @Backroads. Probably the best people to ask for advice are other parents with CF children. They can give you a better idea of what to expect as your child gets older and the ups and downs of being healthy and those times when they are not healthy.

M.

Perfect advice. 

You are in my prayers @Backroads. Sending love and support. 

[Midwest LDS]

We are encouraged to have children, but at the same time the Prophets and Apostles have specifically said that the size of each family is a private matter between parents and God. I can't tell you whether or not you should have more kids, but I do know that if after thought and prayer you and your husband feel you are done that's perfectly ok. There is no one size fits all family size.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

13 hours ago, Midwest LDS said:

We are encouraged to have children, but at the same time the Prophets and Apostles have specifically said that the size of each family is a private matter between parents and God. I can't tell you whether or not you should have more kids, but I do know that if after thought and prayer you and your husband feel you are done that's perfectly ok. There is no one size fits all family size.

This ^

Sorry to hear your news, Backroads.  Also keep in mind that adoption is another way to add to your family, there are children who age out of foster care because there are not enough homes...everyone wants a baby . . .    My husband and I have talked about fostering teenagers (with adoption as a possibility) when our youngest is out of the house.  It's not a good idea to foster or adopt a child older than your own.  

Most importantly, pray, get a blessing...and reread Midwest's post.    

[Sunday21]

@Backroads I am so sorry to hear your news! My heart goes out to you! 

Edited June 10, 2018 by Sunday21

[Jane_Doe]

@Backroads, prayers for you and your family!  

Everyone has a different thought/revelatory process.  I actually just posted on the "personal revelation" thread, and I personally believe the specific number of children (and the timing of them) is a personal revelation topic.  Yes, we are commanded to be fruitful in general, but that doesn't mean "everyone pop out as many kids as quickly as possible!"   No, no:   the number and timing of any children is a personal discussion between a couple and the Lord.

 

For me, the investigating big question would be "if I have another baby with CF, would I regret having that child?"

If the answer is "no", and God wants me to raise another child, I would do so.

If the answer is "....."  and God wants me to raise another child, then it's time for another round of prayers.  Does God tell me "have another baby, God gots this"?  Does the Lord encourage me to adopt?   There are many questions.  It's a long discussion to have.

And if could be possible God says "your family is complete as is".  

Or it could be "wait for now, and the three of us will re-touch on this topic later"

 

 

Speaking as a math-genetics person: the odds of being a family with 3/4 kids having CF are very small (<5%).  

[Just_A_Guy]

About ten years ago I home taught a family with five kids, three of whom had CF.  They were an absolute delight and I don’t think the parents regretted their decision at all.  (That said, it was certainly a LOT of work for them, and lots of emotional roller coasters.)

[askandanswer]

On 6/10/2018 at 8:18 PM, Sunday21 said:

My heart goes out to you!

If you're heart has gone elsewhere, are you now heartless?

[askandanswer]

I would look into whether anything can be done to lessen the impacts of CF while the baby is still in your womb. 

[anatess2]

All children are a blessing.  Even those with CF.  Don't look at the next child as a "negative" then you won't fear.  

[askandanswer]

From the front page of lds.org

Faith in an uncertain pregnancy

Four months into her second pregnancy, Delva was told that her baby had a rare chromosome disorder called trisomy 13. There was little chance for the baby’s survival, and because Delva’s life could also be at risk, doctors repeatedly advised her to abort the pregnancy. Faced with an uncertain outcome, Delva chose to trust Heavenly Father no matter what happened.

 

https://www.lds.org/liahona/2018/06/delva-netane-california-usa?lang=eng&amp;_r=1&amp;cid=HP_MO-11-6-2018_dPTH_fLHNA_xLIDyL2-1_

[Lee]

I know a woman from my previous ward who had 6 kids and all 6 had Cystic Fibrosis I was good friends with her son but sadly he passed when we were 23. I think the chance of your  hold having cystic fibrosis if you're both carriers is 25% so she was unlucky not to have a child without it.