Tarnished

I think it really comes down to each family and their needs. Some families live in a place where they can not afford the cost of living without both parents working. We are currently in that situation. When we first moved here we looked for the cheapest house we could and yet it still required both of us to work. Thankfully we don't have children yet. However we do currently have one on the way. Again, thankfully we are looking at moving as my husband now has a job two hours away from where we currently live, the place we are planning to move to we would be able to have a house where we would only require my husband's income so I would be able to stay home with our baby. My thoughts are divided on this matter. On the one hand I believe that there is a reason mothers are encouraged to stay home with their kids, I think children get untold benefits from having at least one parent home with them, and I think for whatever reason those benefits are greater when that parent is their mother. (no I don't have a reason for why this is) That being said there are many circumstances that many families are in. Not always is there the option for the mother to be at home, sometimes she has to work for whatever reason. That being understood I think there is a lot of judgment that goes on in the church about working mothers. A lot of people condem working mothers for what they are doing, not always knowing what circumstances that mother is going through. I think we need to be more understanding of those women who find themselves needing or maybe even wanting to go into the workfield. I spoke with a woman the other day, she is not a member but she said something that I thought was interesting. She said that when she first had her only child that she wanted to be a stay at home mother, but it wasn't long after spending time at home that she realized that she could just not handle it. She needed a job to keep her sane, staying at home was driving her insane. I think there are different needs emotionally, physically, monitarily, and mentally for each family out there, and they are not going to be the same as every other family. And due to that there are going to be families where the mother does not stay at home, maybe it is the father, maybe the child is placed in day care. And it may not be the best situation for the child, but it is the best their parents or parent can provide. And I think we as a church need to understand that and let these people live the best they can without our unneeded judgments.

No need to change the title, my mind often works in weird ways. And I often read into things, stuff that was not really there. Maybe it is my English major background.

If it was adultery that was committed 10 years ago then he would still have to go through the repentance process. However considering that he said this was something that started when he was about age 4 or 5 then I am guessing it is not adultery and is probably something like pornography. And when it comes to porn as long as the sinner is willing to work on it and repent and work hard at getting it out of their life then I know that a marriage can make it through something like that. It really depends on the couple.

Over the weekend I thought about this topic again. On Saturday while I was home alone with just my dogs someone rang my doorbell, when I looked outside no one was there. I opened my door and found on my front step a little flyer from the neighboor kids. "Neighboors Got Talent" it read. Every year the local neighboor kids put on a talent show in our next door neighboor's driveway. The flyer and no person made me think though of the ding dong ditch, and how my family has done similar things such as treats around Christmas time for needy families. Make the treat, ding dong and ditch it on their front step to make their Christmas happier. Usually when someone rings the doorbell it is not to rob our house but rather to have us come to the door. So it does make me wonder what caused the man to think that the teens were robbing him. I can see where the man was coming from in some ways, I can also see where he took it too far. At the end of the day I think the man took it too far and I think the parents are taking it too far.

Orson Scott Card, best example I can think of this. When I speak with people about his work I say, "Most of his later stuff is safe, but I would stay away from much of his early stuff." Some of the stuff he wrote in his early years would make most people never read another book by him EVER. Some of it is downright pornographic. And yet, he has written books such as Sarah, and Rebecka, and other very good books. It is true that when we hear a writer is a member we often think, "Oh, well this should be safe then." When it is not always the case. When it comes to books I think it is often like many other things, if we are not sure about it then we should ask someone who may have read it previously and see if it would be something we would feel comfortable reading. It is very much like movies, a movie may be rated something we feel safe with and yet have parts in it we are not comfortable with. Unless we know someone who has watched it before and can give us insight into the movie we don't know and are just taking the chance when we watch it. When it comes to Twilight fanaticism I think it really comes down to the fact that some people go overboard with their obsession for things. It is not limited to women or to teens or to chick flick stuff. I know men who are obsessed with sports to a point where it is unhealthy, or video games, or (pick any other thing that can fit as an obsession)... I am sure that when Stephanie Meyer wrote her first book that she had no idea what it would turn into. Same as J.K. Rowling, same as any author who writes a book that makes it big.

When I read the title of this post my first thought was, "Hints for Nursery Teacher, like being called as a Nursery teacher is a hint that you should have children?" Then during the first five years of our marriage my husband and I lived in three different wards and in all three were called as nursery teachers.

Seriously, I have been told that it is better to kill a burglar on your property than let him get away injured because he can then sue you for injuries sustained on your property. If there was someone breaking into my house I would probably kill first ask questions later. The world is not the safe place it used to be and people aren't going to take chances when it comes to their family. The teens are lucky they weren't killed. Oh and the kill a burglar thing I heard from a cop.

Wow, that has sooo many implications.

I agree with what has been said. I have had dreams or even sometimes waking visions that have come true. They aren't as detailed as yours are, usually they are of a place I have never seen and then later I see the place in real life. A lot of times mine seem almost like deja vu. However I do often have dreams that I feel mean something, and I have had inspiration come to me through dreams. So I don't think you are crazy. My great grandmother used to have dreams about things that would happen, she even dreamed of her own death. In my family dreams are taken seriously. I agree with what Cassiopeia said about dating. Dating doesn't only allow you to date the opposite sex and possibly find a spouse, dating also helps you to grow and discover what you are really looking for in a spouse. It helps you develop a sense of yourself as you meet other people. If you are worried about dating someone else because you feel it would be unfaithful to him then just date for fun. Date to meet people, not to develop romantic relationships. Go on a different date each week with a different person. (I don't know if you are in college right now, but if you are there should be enough guys that you could possibly do this) Go on group dates, plan fun activities. And when this dream guy comes along then you will have developed yourself and will have grown.

Neat, I liked all the different things that they listed, but the whole thing was slightly cheesy too. Interesting though.

It is sad, just think, what a great gag gift. Your daughter asks for a pony for her birthday, get her the next best thing, Canned Unicorn! Ok maybe not, but still pretty funny.

Oh, if we are going with stuff from Think Geek we have to include this: ThinkGeek :: Canned Unicorn Meat

Yeah, the cheeseburger outside the can looks much better than the one they have inside the can. That video was strangely intriguing while at the same time being mildy disturbing. Maybe though that was because I watched it with no sound.

I would appreciate it if you would not bring my personal life into a discussion where I have not brought it up first. My friend is writing a variation on the story of David and Bathsheba. A story of adultery from the Bible, something we are encouraged to read from on a daily basis. What I am trying to say with my posts is this: As a writer not always will all your stories be about something from your background. Not always will an LDS writer write only LDS stories. And expecting them to is ignorant. Writing is form of creative expression, and sometimes it may not be exactly what we expect. I am not saying that I think we should encourage our youth to read things that could lead them to unmoral behavior. Do I think Meyer's books are completely teen safe? No, I think her books really should have been geared toward an older audience, but considering what is out there I think she was appropriate with how she handled her "sex" scenes. Consider some of the other books out there that are required reading for teens. Many of them are far worse than the Twilight series. How this all relates to the Twilight series is this. If you don't like the books, don't read them. If you don't like how she writes, don't read her stuff, if you don't different scenes in the books then don't even go near anything that looks like her stuff. But don't judge her LDS morality or her character based on a book she wrote.

I am not talking about writing about depraved subjects, I am talking about writing about non LDS themes, such as people who are not LDS who do not act like LDS members. My friend for example is not planning on having graphic scenes in her book. But the fact is that the book is about adultery and the lies that often come from such an act. And if she gets published I am sure that someone is going to say, "This came from an LDS author? I can't believe that someone LDS would write about adultery." I write twisted fairy tales, I would not give many of the fairy tales I write to children or even teens. That is not to say that I have bad things in my stories, just that they are geared for adults and not children. Then again fairy tales were first created for adults and later adapted for children. Most of the original fairy tales I would not deem appropriate for a child or a teen. What I am saying is that you can be LDS and still write about topics that are not LDS in nature, you can write about non LDS characters and have them do non LDS things. Doing so does not make you a bad person, it does not change your internal character. A person can tastefully write about such issues without making the book raunchy. As far as the Twilight series went I think Meyer did a good job of tastefully fading to black (figuratively) during scenes that could have been a lot more graphic. I think she did quite well with having the main characters wait till they were married to have sex, they were not LDS, they could have had sex before and been completely within accepted society standards.

I would say that lifelong members do take things for granted. I am a lifelong member myself and it took going inactive and making some poor choices that gave me a greater appreciation for the church. I think this is why even people who have grown up in the chruch have to develop a testimony, they have to be converted to the gospel just like someone who did not grow up with the church. Because growing up with the church around you all your life does not give you a testimony, it does not convert you, every person needs to look deep into their own heart and pray in earnest to know that the gospel is true, otherwise you ride on the knowledge and belief of others and never know for yourself. As for the family aspect of the church, I have found that in every ward there is a sense of ward family. Some ward families are stronger than others, but almost always there is a family aspect there, the feeling that people are there for you to support you when things aren't going so well. As someone who has never been a member of another religion I don't know how other religions are in regard to church family. One thing that I do like though in the LDS church, no matter where you go, no matter where in the world the church is the same everywhere. The lessons are the same, the gospel is the same, even the meetings are the same. You can visit another ward and it feels like home because everything is familiar.

Just because you are LDS doesn't mean that you can't write things that are not LDS in nature. I have an LDS friend who is writing a book about a couple that have an affair, none of the characters in her book are LDS, so why would they act like LDS? What a person writes does not always reflect what they believe, and what a person writes does not comment on their character. Sometimes stories come to you and sometimes that are not all sweet and happy.

For some of my blogs and one of my stories I write like authors I never heard of. For two of my stories I write like H.P. Lovecraft, and for the story I am currently working on I write like J.K. Rowling. Craziness!

Members can get married in the church if they can not afford to travel to a temple, then when they have enough money to make the trip they can be sealed in the temple. This often happens in foreign countries where there is not a temple close by. Yes a non member would be able to attend a wedding which is performed in the church as it would not be a eternal marriage but rather a marriage for time or until death do you part and does not have the same covenants that are made in a temple marriage. The custom of who pays for what I think really comes down to what the families and the bride and groom are comfortable with. With our marriage my in-laws paid for the reception they held and my parents paid for the reception they held. The wedding was free as it does not cost to be married in the temple. Any extras that were involved in the wedding costs were paid for by the parents that wanted them. We told our parents ahead of time that we wanted to do things on the cheap and that if they wanted extra things then they could foot the bill for what they wanted. Thus since my mom wanted a professional cake and caterers and a fancy reception she and my dad paid for it. I would have been just as happy with a cake made by a friend, and little cheap snacks we put together on our own. My in-laws chose to have their reception at their house, they had a photographer friend take the pics and they had a cake made by a friend, all the food was cheap and made by the family before the event. We were fine with it. Truthfully I have always been confused by this who pays for what tradition, I never knew marriage could be so complicated until we got engaged and then I began to think seriously of eloping.

I keep reading the title of this post as, "Best home teacher dead." It seems weird to me each time I misread it that it is in the Mormon Jokes forum.

Let me tell you a story. There once was a couple who lived in a ward we attended, the wife was a wonderful woman who did so much service to those around her not a person could question her intentions. The husband on the other hand had a tendency to speak badly not only of his wife but also of church leaders and church schools. Nearly all their children had medical problems. While they lived in our ward the husband tried numerous times to defame his wife in the eyes of the ward. But it did not work because everyone knew who she was and what she was really like. So he found a new job in a different state and arranged for a move. When the move happened he set it up like this. He moved out to the new location first and was out there for about a month before the rest of his family followed. While he was in the new location he attended church and spoke to everyone about his wife, poisoning the entire ward against her. When the rest of his family moved out he immediately filed for divorce against his wife. He made sure that he got custody of his children claiming that his wife had a disease where she was making the children sick just so she could get attention. (much like the woman in "6th Sense") Then he took the children and poisoned them against their mother. The wife stayed in the same area and attended the same ward for awhile, but eventually things became too much. At one point she came to church for Mother's day and her son walked up to her and said straight to her face, "What are you doing here you b*$^#?" Eventually the sickest of their children (a girl who was my age) died, the girl was about 21 when she passed away. The father didn't want the mother to know and tried to hide the information from her so that she could not attend the funeral. Thankfully a friend of the mother had received the info and gave it to the mother so she could attend. The mother still does not have access to her children and at this point most of them have been poisoned against her. I don't know if the situation above could have been changed by someone else stepping in, I do know that it required a ward who believed the BS the husband was spewing against his wife. It required him to move to a place where no one knew his wife so that he would be able to defame her in the public eye. He tried it in the initial ward (the one I grew up in) and it did not work. The whole situation reminds me of the situation you are sharing. This woman should not have her children and the ward poisoned against her, because even if people seem to be not talking, human behavior says they are, and even just a little gossip can damage her reputation forever.

Found the link to the baby calculator. It seems like a really good tool to help figure out what the cost of a baby would be during the first year. Thought I would share it with everyone. Baby Cost Calculator | Tools | BabyCenter

Here is another link, the Pyramid House was something I watched being built when I was a kid. They once had it open for public tours but they closed it. It is a private residence. Fizzer.ph - The Philippines First "Real" Social Network

Because there are too many pictures to post I am just posting the link. 50 Strange Buildings of the World | Village Of Joy

I think at some point most people, if not everyone comes to a point where giving up seems easier than going on. In my life since marrying my husband we have come up against many circumstances where life seemed to be almost too difficult. For us one of the most trying parts of our marriage was at the beggining of our second year. That year for an anniversary present we had received the news that he had cancer for the second time. Just after his mission he had been diagnosed with cancer and the round of chemo he had then had not taken care of it all. The next year was brutal on us. We were still newly married college students, trying to eek out a living, go to college, and deal with the emotional, physical and financial stress that cancer brings. During that time it was my husband that helped to hold me up, even though it was him who was going through the cancer and the treatments for it. I remember that during that time I had a little mantra that I said to myself often. I would say, "If I can make it through this, I can make it through anything." And we did make it through the cancer. It has been eight years now and he has not relapsed. And that mantra has held true. We have made it through many things that would destroy many other marriages, and plan to be together forever. I really think that is something everyone needs to remember. Giving up doesn't make you stronger, it doesn't make things better, and you really don't learn what you needed to from the experience. Sticking with it though causes you to grow in ways you would have never guessed. And it gives you strength to rely upon when things get tough again.