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mdfxdb

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Posts posted by mdfxdb

  2. Counselor youth interviews & LOC

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    As many here may or may not be aware, there are required interviews for the youth given at least annually by the Bishop, and on the six month mark by the Counselors for the Bishopric.  

    I was wondering what is the content of these interviews?  How invasive are the questions?  Handbook 1 specifically states that part of the discussion should be about following the law of chastity, and not viewing pornography.  The problem is that the guidelines seem overly vague, and I want to know exactly what types of questions get asked.  At what age do they start quizzing on the law of chastity?  What types of questions are asked?  Does anyone have any insight/been in this position?

  3. Update on Wanting to Leave Marriage

    in Marriage and Relationship Advice

    Posted

    This man sounds like an unfit parent. I do not like the sound of this guy. Can you get a blessing or go to the temple? This guy sounds like an accident waiting to happen - an angry man.

    Yet, despite this and "manipulative" as posted by another, the OP decided to stay with this "bad" man and make 2 babies.  

     

    The OP declares"When we were first married, I was much more affectionate. I appreciated him more, said nicer things, did more things for him, etc. And it's stopped."

     

    There is plenty of blame to go around here I think.  

  4. Sins & depression

    in Advice Board

    Posted

    So....I'm not sure how to word this...But i have been struggling with depression for a while now. It seemed to have just come out of no where last year. It has been really hard for me. I don't know the cause of it. I also struggled with an addiction about 4 years ago and finally overcame it last year. 

    Bold by me.

     

    I call B.S. on the whole thing.  

     

    If she struggled with addiction for 4 years, then her parents are aware, and if not then they are either the worst parents in the world, she is a liar, or the whole thing is made up

  5. Severely Need Relationship Advice

    in Marriage and Relationship Advice

    Posted · Edited by mdfxdb

    She was clear with you on where she is.

     

    You are very young.  

     

    There are lots of women out there without this type of baggage.  Find one of them.  

     

    Sounds too simple right?  Well it is that simple.  

     

    Go and date lots of other women.  You will find the world is full of beautiful women who want to get married, and don't have the type of baggage this one carries.  

  6. I want to please my family and friends by being myself.

    in Family

    Posted

    Here's my idea:

     

    - Move away, let your family fend for themselves.  They are taking advantage of you.

     

    You are entitled to your own life unencumbered by guilt associated with their perception that you have to take care of them at the expense of your own happiness.

     

    Lose weight, find a priesthood holder, get married, live your own life.

     

    You are not abandoning them.  They are adults who have lived their lives.  You can only abandon small children and pets.

  7. Update on Wanting to Leave Marriage

    in Marriage and Relationship Advice

    Posted

    If you recognize all those things in yourself, then work on changing yourself.  At this point you are a long ways away from calling it quits.  You need to be in a position where you can honestly look in the mirror, and say I have done all I can do  to change myself, my attitude, my treatment of others (all to the better).  If he can't react to those changes then it might be time to leave, maybe.  

     

    Don't make the mistake of expecting him to change.  He was good enough to marry, good enough to make a baby with, and despite everything you chose to make another baby with him.  You have a deep obligation to him and your children to make it work. 

     

    There must be something there otherwise you wouldn't have made 2 babies with this man.  

  8. How much would you support married children?

    in Advice Board

    Posted · Edited by mdfxdb

    That being said.  If someone wants to get married and do grown up stuff, then they need to be treated like grown ups.  

     

    If a parent has set aside, or committed a certain amount of $ towards education, then it is appropriate for them to keep that money flowing post marriage of their child.  However, they should not subsidize any type of lifestyle of the married couple, just because things are tough for newlyweds.

     

    If my child wants to get married, then they get no more $$, other than what I may have set aside for their education only.  

     

    They need to figure out where to live, how to eat, etc, etc. 

  9. Can't Keep Living Like This

    in Marriage and Relationship Advice

    Posted

    With his anger, my son gets stuck in the middle. As much as I dislike spanking, his first reaction when angry is to hit. Not slap or do anything hard, but spank his bottom (he's 18 months). I've expressed my discomfort with this. I feel he's too rough with our son. He has zero patience for him and treats him like he's much older, not a baby. I just feel like we are constantly on eggshells around him.

    I don't know if I can stick around anymore. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of his short temper. I'm tired of him always being angry. I'm tired of it always being everyone else's fault. He refuses to take responsibility for any of his actions. I'm tired of my son being thrown in the middle of this. I'm tired of the garbage he watches and listens to, and how he exposes it to our boy without a care. I'm tired of the way he speaks to me. I'm not perfect either. I lose my temper with him. I'll say mean things to him as well. I'm not always calm and collected myself. I snap at him when I feel I'm being stretched too thin. We're both conflicting, not just him. I just feel like a perfectly good day can go sour so quickly because of his temper. 

    Thanks for reading.

     I'm not sure how corporal punishment benefits a 18 month old.....

     

    You need to set some boundaries.  Real things he needs to change, or get help with.  Also, look in the mirror, and look closely.  Are you giving your best?

     

    I wouldn't leave/bring up the big D word at this point, but I would at a minimum seek out marital counseling from a qualified professional.  If he wont go, then you should go for yourself.  Decide now what your deal breakers are, and make sure they are good ones.  Make sure to communicate your deal breakers with your husband.  

  10. Can men and women who are not married to each other be friends?

    in LDS Gospel Discussion

    Posted · Edited by mdfxdb

    handbook 2: 13.6.24

     

    A man and a woman should not travel alone together for Church activities, meetings, or assignments unless they are married to each other or are both single.

     

     I think you need to use good ole' common sense. When I hang out with my BFF, we don't hold hands, or lurk in strange hotels. We'll embrace, kiss quickly on the cheek and then start talking. She's also a non member, so she doesn't have to play by our rules. 

     

    My handbook reference was in reply to a comment regarding members supposed thoughts on the matter.  In official church capacities, the handbook is very clear.

     

    I'm not sure it applies to dealings with non-members.

     

    In general men and women cannot be friends.  There are studies which prove this out.  All other statements/anecdotes are exceptions.  

  13. Update about wife who left church.

    in Marriage and Relationship Advice

    Posted · Edited by mdfxdb

     

     

    I'm trying to just let this go.  Most everybody is telling me it won't make a difference with divorce proceedings that she has started this relationship.   I'm not going to pursue it any further.    

     

    Spend real $$$ on a really good Attorney.  Don't listen to everybody.  Don't pursue/not pursue anything unless your Attorney instructs you to do so.  Protect your assets and your rights.  

     

    I would give your wife the same advice.....

     

    since she clearly doesn't want to be amicable, then you have to let it not be amicable.....

  15. How much military experience did Captain Moroni and his officers have?

    in Scripture Study Forum

    Posted · Edited by mdfxdb

    I think Moroni's training was primarily on the job - he was, after all, called to be a general in his twenties.

    I think probably not.  Like many cultures I suspect, (at a young age), maybe even as early as 3 years old he was  carrying a sword/weapon of some sort and practicing with it.  He was obviously educated, and as such his education would have been in military exercise and war along with other disciplines.   I think it reasonable to surmise he excelled in military exercise as well as academic.  He was clearly a natural born leader, as well as a spiritual man.  His being asked to be a general in his early twenties speaks more to his training, preparation, and experience more than anything.  Likely he had fought, many battles and distinguished himself as a commander well prior to being asked to be a general.  

  16. Holidays and paganism?

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    I have been seeing a lot of sources talk about holidays and them having roots from paganism/satanism. And that things like Christmas, Easter, Halloween, ect. have some pretty dark/twisted history and symbolics to them, and that they aren't as innocent in nature as the majority of us believe. A lot of people are apparantly of the opinion that no real christian would celebrate them. Which when i hear the facts that they are claiming are facts, i can see why it would go against christianity.. but it seems i have only scratched the surface.

     

    Personally i have always loved traditions. So i am so bummed about hearing some of these claims.. but would rather know the truth than not. At this point i would like to see which claims have legitimacy or not, but its a whole sea of information out there on this.

     

    So i am curious if anyone has searched this subject - and what their thoughts and conclusions have been?

    Have the church spoken on it?

     

    Any input would be appreciated :)

    Most holidays have their roots in "pagan" days, or days of celebration for other religions i.e. non christian.  When the Catholic church (defined as all embracing/universal) came to preeminence, they tried to encompass all the traditions and replace the meaning of various days of celebration with Christ centered meanings.  They were trying to be all encompassing, and universal...Catholic

     

    I think they were pretty successful.  

     

    But, yeah, most of the holidays we celebrate have no historical meaning for "christian" churches.  No one really believes that Jesus was born on the 25th of December do they?

  17. I feel like we're in a cult

    in Advice Board

    Posted

    We are (or used to be) a very close family. This is hurting our marriage and our kids. They cry for him and ask why he's always gone. I'm 9 months pregnant and feeling abandoned. I try not to get angry with him because I know it's not his fault but it is frustrating. He feels like he can't say anything because the branch is so small and they "need" him for everything. I feel like the other men are piling too much on him and not realizing that he's the only one who also has a young family and a job to worry about (they are mostly either retired or semi retired).

    And the guilt!! Last time he tried to bring up the fact that he was feeling stretched thin and like he wasn't spending enough time with his family, they told him that he needed to pray about his feelings...and continued to call him for everything. He also gets singled out sometimes in the meetings if we miss one of the branch activities. We like to do things together as a family, not with other people. We both work full time so we also enjoy our time off together...but he's made feel guilty if we skip out.

    This, because in light of what the handbook of instructions states, things are being administered poorly at best.  Of course I am choosing to believe everything that is said by the OP.  If it is true, then a change needs to be made.  Inactivity is not the answer of course, but the husband does need to learn to say no.  

     

    Also, they don't "need" anyone for anything.  Regardless of how important we think we are the work will go on, and we need to take  care of our families.  

  19. I feel like we're in a cult

    in Advice Board

    Posted

    handbook 2: as referenced from 19.1.1:

    Although service in Church callings requires sacrifice, it should not compromise a member’s ability to fulfill family and employment responsibilities (see 17.2.1). Before calling a married person to an assignment that requires a significant time commitment, Church leaders consider the effect of the calling on the marriage and family.

     

     17.2.1
    Family Circumstances

    When extending callings, scheduling leadership meetings, and planning activities, leaders consider the family circumstances of members. Church service and participation always entail a measure of sacrifice. However, strong families are vital to the Church, and members should not be asked to make excessive family sacrifices to serve or to support programs or activities.

    One family circumstance to consider is the Church calling(s) held by a member’s husband or wife. Individual families should not be overburdened with Church responsibilities. Another circumstance to consider is the overall time demands that members face in supporting their families and taking care of other personal matters. In some areas of the world, members of necessity work two or three jobs. These are legitimate considerations for leaders to weigh in extending callings, scheduling leadership meetings, and planning activities.

     

     

  20. Reports of new church policies re: same sex couples and children

    in Current Events

    Posted

    I have a problem with this policy change most specifically 16.13.

     

    We are becoming more exclusionary, 

     

    The flip side of it is that it is not doctrine only policy.

    I don't have a problem with the policy.  It is not any more exclusionary than restricting someone from joining based on any of the other disqualifiers we have.  In many ways it is in the best interest of the child to have them wait until they are out of the house to make those kinds of decisions.  Families break apart over religion all the time, and they aren't even gay.  Why put more wedges into a potentially otherwise stable household?  When the child is an adult they can choose their path with out the 24/7 influence of their "parents".  

     

    Not only that but we wouldn't consciously baptize someone with a predisposed agenda would we?  Or baptize someone whose parents would try to influence/butt in now that their child is a member, and they feel like they have a say in things.  This policy probably avoids more legal problems than anything.....

  24. Girlfriend help

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    Dude, let her go.  Don't make one of the biggest mistakes men make when they are seeking women.  Don't be her knight in shining armor.  As previously mentioned, you can't save anyone.  Heck, you do not want to save her, trust me she will not thank you for it.  The behaviors you see now are only an example of future behaviors, which will likely escalate and / or get worse.  Let her live her life and become someone other dudes problem.