classylady

I don't consider myself a scholar, just someone who loves to learn and study. What are some of the better LDS books out there that I should add to my personal library?

Thanks, Jenamarie, I sort of had to laugh when I read your post about blessing treats to "strengthen and nourish our bodies". I have to admit that I sort of cringe whenever I hear that one, especially when just blessing sugary treats. Maybe a more honest request to HF would be to bless the treats so they are not harmful to us?:)

Javajot, this is the reference: I copied it off of LDS.org Joseph Smith (1805–44) First President of the Church “The Prophet Joseph Smith declared—and he never taught a more comforting doctrine—that the eternal sealings of faithful parents and the divine promises made to them for valiant service in the Cause of Truth, would save not only themselves, but likewise their posterity. Though some of the sheep may wander, the eye of the Shepherd is upon them, and sooner or later they will feel the tentacles of Divine Providence reaching out after them and drawing them back to the fold. Either in this life or the life to come, they will return. They will have to pay their debt to justice; they will suffer for their sins; and may tread a thorny path; but if it leads them at last, like the penitent Prodigal, to a loving and forgiving father’s heart and home, the painful experience will not have been in vain. Pray for your careless and disobedient children; hold on to them with your faith. Hope on, trust on, till you see the salvation of God” (Orson F. Whitney, in Conference Report, Apr. 1929, 110). I hope that helps.

I would like a new watch. An inexpensive one is fine--just something that isn't too big and bulky and I can still read the dial.

Another intangible blessing I've thought of is the peace-of-mind that comes knowing you're an eternal family--especially when a spouse or child dies.

What are the temporal blessings we receive in this life from our temple sealing? My husband and I were discussing this the other night. We both pretty much understood the "eternal" blessings that we would receive in the next life. But, we're not as clear on what the temporal blessings are--what are the blessings we receive while in mortality? I can think of some intangibles, such as, a couple would work harder to make their marriage work knowing they have an eternal marriage. And, I have thought about the promise we've been given as parents that our children who have strayed will some day feel the "divine tentacles" of the spirit and will return--it may be in this life or the next. But, what about the couple themselves. Are there any specific blessings they receive while in mortality?

It's not wrong to ask for a calling. Tell the bishop you would like/need to serve. The Lord knows of your desires, but definitely tell the bishop how you're feeling.

It hasn't happened in a lot of years for my husband to call me by his ex-wife's name. And yes, I think he was mortified too. Especially, since once it was in front of his mother. You should have seen the look on his face, and his mother's. Now, I can laugh at it. I know now that it didn't mean anything. But, at the time, being a newly wed, it was hard to hear. I'm glad your husband tells you that he is happier with you than he ever was with his ex-wife. I think with the type of person I am, that I needed to hear that, but never did. So, I always wondered if he was happier with me--or at least as happy. I never knew for sure. After reading the book "The Five Love Languages", I've learned that one of my love languages is "Words of Affirmation". So, now I've told him that I need to hear how much he loves me. After reading that book and taking the quiz, I came out as being trilingual. I had a three way tie for Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, and Acts of Service. So, I'm feeling bad for my husband--he wants to show his love to me. And for me to feel like my "love tank" is full, it takes three love languages to do it! I never thought of myself as "needy", or "high maintenance". I'm pretty easy-going--anyway, so I thought.

I recently retired from working for a major airline. The whole industry changed after 9/11. I used to love to fly, but now, it's a whole different ball-game. It's stressful to me to get through security, and wondering how long the security lines are going to be. I barely made my flight out of Seattle awhile back, because of the long lines--they were just about ready to close the doors of the plane when I got to the gate. I'm okay with the full-body scanner or a pat down. I've had both. When I use my flight benefits, I fly standby, so I don't like to check a bag in case I don't get on my flight. So, that means I have to pack everything into my carry-on, (even though I can check a bag for free--that's one of the perks for being an airline employee). That can be quite a feat, especially when I might be gone for a week or two. For me, who likes to bring all my lotions, shampoo, toothpaste, mousse, etc., it's pretty tough to fit everything into a quart-size baggy. After 9/11 it was a real struggle for most airlines to start operating in a profit mode again. Some airlines didn't make it financially and went under. When people are afraid to fly, it's pretty hard to fill the seats, and without passengers, there will be no profit, and then in the long-run, fewer airlines--which means less competition, which probably would bring about higher fares. Even though going through security can be stressful to me, I'm willing to put up with it because if it deters even one terrorist getting on a plane and trying to bring it down, it is worth it to me!

I believe you can forgive someone and still not totally trust them. Part of life is making judgement calls. We can choose to forgive, choose to love someone for who they are--sons and daughters of God, our brothers and sisters, and we can still choose not to associate with them. That doesn't mean we haven't forgiven them, it just means we have no desire to be with them. Part of making a judgement call, is knowing the past, and knowing the personality of the person, etc. We do need to be careful in our judgements. When someone is trying to repent and really turn their lives around, it's so hard for them to rid themselves of the old "label". Depending on the situation, often, only time will tell if a person has truly turned their life around. JudoMinja, you've forgiven and love your ex, for who he is--a son of God, and your eternal brother. You don't need to associate/respond with/to him to prove that you have forgiven him. You know that within your own heart.

JudoMinja, I have to agree with everyone else. Don't respond. Especially, because of the protection order, I wouldn't respond. If he wants to make child support payments, let him, but again make sure it's through the system that was originally set up, not by him contacting you for him to pay it. I believe you when you say you have forgiven him. You are still being Christ-like in not responding. You are protecting yourself, not only physically, but emotionally, by not responding. You don't need the emotional stress this would bring in your life. Forget it, and go on with your life. From what I read on your posts, you're doing a wonderful job with your son, and I admire you greatly!

Slamjet, I hope all goes well. I'm really happy for you. I mentioned several weeks ago, that I was able to attend the re-baptism for an ex'd neighbor. It was one of the most spiritual events I've ever witnessed! Keep in mind, that Satan is really going to work on you. He doesn't want you to take this step. So, if you don't mind me giving you some advice, stay close to the Lord, say your prayers, read the scriptures, and ask for help from other members (or even us on the forum) if you need it. We are all rooting for you!

This is a tough situation! There is no easy answer. My grandson just turned eight. Last summer he was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. Years prior, and even now, he has had some behavioral problems, (though he never hurt anyone), just acting up in class. At the time we didn't know what the problem was. The Bishop actually gave a calling to a sister in the ward to be with him in Primary. That was her assignment. She wasn't the Primary teacher, but she would sit with him in class and sharing time. She was very loving, and sometimes during Sacrament meeting she would ask my grandson if he would like to sit with her and her family. She would invite my grandson over to her house during the week and sometimes after church. She was wonderful with him, and somehow had a wonderful calming influence with him. I'm so grateful to her and her influence. We had no idea at the time what my grandson's problem was. Now that we know, we know how to deal with his issues. My husband and I once team-taught a primary class (I think 9 or 10 year olds) where we had a young girl with some problems. She would often act up in class and she once actually grabbed my husband by his tie, and yanking strongly, shouted "I'm going to kill you!" She was not joking around. She was upset about the lesson, because part of the lesson had requested the teachers during the week to call a parent of each of the children, and have the parents give us something positive to say about the child. She didn't want the rest of the class to know what her mother had said. We didn't get angry with her. Just firmly told her that was inappropriate behavior. I don't know if what we did next was the best, but for the next few months I had her be my special helper, and showed an outpouring of love for her. That seemed to help, because we didn't have any more out-of-control outbursts from her, and her back-talk wasn't as bad. In her situation, she came from a broken-home and her mother didn't have the best parenting skills. If a child actually has something physically wrong, sometimes the best parenting in the world won't be able to completely overcome a child's problem behavior. Hopefully, over time, a child will learn coping behaviors to help overcome their problems.

Sorry, I knew it was an error. But, I had to laugh. It sort of put a whole new spin on things. :)

Dravin, do you mean immortality instead of immorality?

Wow! I didn't even realize it was a regional thing.

Wait! You forgot Sunday School. I think it went Sundays 7:00 or 8:00 am Priesthood 9:00 or 10:00 am Sunday School go home 1:00 pm Sacrament Meeting. Wasn't it two hours? If not 2 then I think 1 1/2 hours. Wednesdays 4:00 pm Primary Relief Society was mid week. My husband tells me it was in the morning. I don't remember because I didn't attend RS back then. It might have been in the evenings?

I'm sorry if my posts came across that I was asking my husband specific questions about his past relationship with his ex. I haven't asked him to compare us. And he has tried hard not to compare me to his ex. It's just that he has let slip some things through conversations. It's his past, and so of course he contributes to conversations about what he's done. For example, when his brothers or sisters (he has 8 of them) got married and talked about their rings, he likes to be involved in the conversations too, and would talk about the ring he bought for his ex. I'm in the room listening to the conversation, and perhaps it's just because I'm a woman, but my feelings have gotten hurt. He didn't mean to hurt my feelings. He just sometimes says things before thinking--the same way he has mentioned how I reacted differently to our intimate relations than his ex. Again, he doesn't mean to purposely hurt me, but over the course of years, things come out. Plus, we are best friends, so we have pretty much confided everything to each other. He's read this thread. He knows how I feel. And maybe, he's confided a little too much? For him, he has told me, that he hasn't been sure where to draw the line. What does he keep to himself, and what is okay to share? He wants to share everything, because he doesn't want to keep anything from me, but at the same time he doesn't want to hurt me. I probably know too much about their past relationship. I probably have received too much information that should have been kept private--I don't know. It's hard to keep things private over the course of our 30 years together. I've accidentally seen the "naughty" pictures and movie he and the ex took of each other. That was definitely too much information that I would have preferred not to know about. So again, maybe it's a "woman" thing. It's been hard not to feel hurt about certain situations in our relationship.

Is teasing the same thing as bullying? Back in my school days, there was a girl who was always teased about her nose. She really had a Barbra Streisand nose, probably even worse. In high school she had a nose job, and she looked wonderful. But, then she was teased about getting a nose job! Poor girl. She couldn't win. I'm sure she was grateful to finally graduate and get away from all the kids she had grown up with.

Bini, thank you. I find your comment encouraging where you say that "As for my memories of being intimate with my ex-husband, as of now I don't treasure those or really remember our first time together, either...". My husband has mentioned something along those same lines too. He has told me that he doesn't like things that remind him about his past sex life with his ex, or anything intimate with her, because it isn't anything that he treasures, and would prefer it if his memory didn't recall anything intimate with her AT ALL. And he says his memory has faded, that there is a lot that he doesn't recall about the two of them--which he is glad for. And I admit that I'm glad about that too. Anyway, I guess if the memories have faded for you, then I'm hoping that what my husband has said is true too, and he's not just saying this to spare my feelings. Thank you.

I think a lot of mothers have mixed emotions about sending their children on a mission. On one hand, we're worried about our children, feel sad that we won't see them for two years, and then on the other, we're so pleased they have chosen to serve the Lord. It's hard for people, who don't understand the blessings a mission can bring our children (and to others), to comprehend why our sons/daughters would choose to give up two years of their lives to serve the Lord. I've had the opportunity to serve a mission myself, (wonderful experience) and so far, have sent a son and daughter on a mission. I have another son who just turned 17 and plans on going on a mission. It's hard to send them out, but as a family we received so many blessings while they were gone. I'd like to serve a mission with my husband after he retires. I'm looking forward to it, but at the same time, I'm hesitant because even though all my children will be grown by that time, I still feel the need to be there in case something happens. Plus, I certainly will miss my grandchildren. I believe that when we have fears about missions, either for ourselves or for our children, we need to have faith that all will be well.

Jennarator, this issue seriously was bothering me at one time too. My husband's ex-wife has two other children by her subsequent marriages. When I first became aware that her children (two girls) could possibly be considered sealed to my husband, it also "freaked" me out. I didn't know her excommunication would nullify her children being considered BIC. When I found out that because of her excommunication her girls were not BIC, I was surprised at my reaction--I was disappointed. All this time, I had been stressing about this, because I did not want my husband to have any more connection with her than he already did, and then when I find out her two girls are not BIC, and perhaps sealed to him,--I'm disappointed? How could my feelings have changed so drastically on this? And I came to realize, that yes, I was relieved to know that that extra bond would not be there between my husband and his ex, but I was disappointed because I know her two children. And those children need the sealing covenant in their lives. They have not been brought up in the gospel at all. The choices they have made in their lives have brought upon them hardships and sorrows. There's a reason we are given commandments. If we follow the commandments, it will bring us peace and joy. These girls need the blessings of the sealing covenant in their lives. As parents, we have been taught that if our children stray, the sealing covenant will help bring them back--if not in this life, at least in the next. So, I know what I just said doesn't help you much in your feelings, because your husband's ex is not excommunicated. And I don't know if this will help any, but because of my step-children, they have a relationship with their mother's two girls (their half-sisters), so I have gotten to know the girls as well. My husband had custody of his two children (a girl and a boy) from his previous marriage, so I pretty much raised them, and consider them basically as my own. My oldest step-daughter would babysit the girls on a regular basis, with the girls coming to stay with us when their mother would have her military training once a month, and then also when she had her three weeks of training during the summer. Plus, at one time we almost had the chance to adopt the oldest girl, before his ex finally got her life in order. And because I have gotten to know the girls so well--I love them. How can this be, I ask myself? These are not my husband's children. They are his ex's. And there is not a good relationship between his ex and us. But, it is no fault of the girls, that they were born into a home that does not have the gospel in their lives. They are sweet girls, but they are really messed up--to some extent. The oldest girl is married, and pregnant, but the baby's father is not her husbands. The younger girl has a baby, and has never married. She has a drug problem, and was arrested and convicted. She was able to stay out of jail, but she has a probation officer who keeps strict tabs on her--which she hates. I guess, what I'm trying to get across in this, is that your husband's ex's subsequent children, are innocent. They need the blessings of the sealing covenant in their lives as much as your own children. Try not to dwell on the connection between your husband and his ex, but rather look at it from the children's standpoint, the blessings they will receive from being BIC. I'm sorry you have this stress in your life. All will eventually be sorted out.

Banaberry, you mention that you don't drive. Is your ward building very far from where you live? If you can contact your bishop, and let him know what is happening in your life, and that you'd like to return to activity, I'm sure he may be able to help figure a way for you to get to church--line up rides, etc. Even if you live close to the ward building, and don't need assistance in finding a way to church, it would still be a good idea to contact him. Because of his stewardship over the ward members--and that includes you, he is given guidance and insight from the Spirit that we on this forum simply don't have. He may assign you home teachers, who could become a great help and asset to you. If you can find/or make a friend within your ward, you perhaps wouldn't be so panic stricken when going back to church. Your Relief Society president can also be a wonderful asset and help to you. She would probably assign visiting teachers to you. They also could become great helps in your returning to activity. I'm praying all goes well for you and that you can find the strength and courage to do what is best for you and your daughter.

I don't know if anything is specifically mentioned as LDS doctrine on this matter--or where we can find it. My understanding may be LDS myth. I don't know. I was taught that in cases of where a woman is sealed and then her husband dies (she becomes a widow), and then she remarries civilly, that her subsequent children by the second husband are still considered BIC. The children are not sealed to the second husband, but his wife and her 1st husband. The only scriptural references I can find on this are in Genesis chapter 38--the story of Judah's daughter-in-law, Tamar. Her husband Er dies before they have children. Her father-in-law, Judah tells his second son, Onan, in verse 8 "..., Go in unto they brother's wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother. 9 And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother." We know the rest of the story, that Onan was killed, and Judah told Tamar that when his youngest son was old enough that she would be given to him to wife--that didn't happen. So, Tamar poses as a harlot with a veil covering herself, and Judah "came in unto her", and she later bears twins by him. I don't know if Tamar's experience is LDS doctrine, or just the culture of the time. I had never applied it to divorce, but I'm assuming the same theory applies in being widowed or divorced if the children are still considered BIC. And just a side note, as I was studying what to do in Genealogy work, even if the divorced woman is unmarried and has a child out of wedlock, the child is still considered BIC. But, if the woman is excommunicated, then any subsequent children would not be considered BIC, whether if she remarried (civilly) or not. So, I don't think this puts your mind at ease Jennarator. I wish we could find some definitive answers on this. My understanding is that your husband's ex-wife's subsequent children (as long as she has not been excommunicated) will be considered BIC. Does that mean they are sealed to your husband and her? I don't know the definitive answer to that. I was taught that would be the case. But is what I've been taught, Mormon Myth or actually doctrine? As for you and your husband having children before you have a chance to be sealed together, the only experience I have with this, is a friend of mine who was BIC, but her mother was divorced from her first husband and wasn't sealed to my friends biological father before she was born. As a teenager she worried about this a great deal. She would bring it up in Seminary class, Sunday School, with her parents, and her answers were always, not to worry about it--it didn't matter. And maybe it was just typical female teenage angst, but she couldn't seem to stop worrying. So, I don't know. Maybe it would be better to wait until you and your husband can be sealed together before you have children, so your children won't go through the same worries my friend did. Of course if you pray about it, and receive a different answer, then all means go with what the Spirit tells you.