classylady

Is teasing the same thing as bullying? Back in my school days, there was a girl who was always teased about her nose. She really had a Barbra Streisand nose, probably even worse. In high school she had a nose job, and she looked wonderful. But, then she was teased about getting a nose job! Poor girl. She couldn't win. I'm sure she was grateful to finally graduate and get away from all the kids she had grown up with.

Bini, thank you. I find your comment encouraging where you say that "As for my memories of being intimate with my ex-husband, as of now I don't treasure those or really remember our first time together, either...". My husband has mentioned something along those same lines too. He has told me that he doesn't like things that remind him about his past sex life with his ex, or anything intimate with her, because it isn't anything that he treasures, and would prefer it if his memory didn't recall anything intimate with her AT ALL. And he says his memory has faded, that there is a lot that he doesn't recall about the two of them--which he is glad for. And I admit that I'm glad about that too. Anyway, I guess if the memories have faded for you, then I'm hoping that what my husband has said is true too, and he's not just saying this to spare my feelings. Thank you.

I think a lot of mothers have mixed emotions about sending their children on a mission. On one hand, we're worried about our children, feel sad that we won't see them for two years, and then on the other, we're so pleased they have chosen to serve the Lord. It's hard for people, who don't understand the blessings a mission can bring our children (and to others), to comprehend why our sons/daughters would choose to give up two years of their lives to serve the Lord. I've had the opportunity to serve a mission myself, (wonderful experience) and so far, have sent a son and daughter on a mission. I have another son who just turned 17 and plans on going on a mission. It's hard to send them out, but as a family we received so many blessings while they were gone. I'd like to serve a mission with my husband after he retires. I'm looking forward to it, but at the same time, I'm hesitant because even though all my children will be grown by that time, I still feel the need to be there in case something happens. Plus, I certainly will miss my grandchildren. I believe that when we have fears about missions, either for ourselves or for our children, we need to have faith that all will be well.

Jennarator, this issue seriously was bothering me at one time too. My husband's ex-wife has two other children by her subsequent marriages. When I first became aware that her children (two girls) could possibly be considered sealed to my husband, it also "freaked" me out. I didn't know her excommunication would nullify her children being considered BIC. When I found out that because of her excommunication her girls were not BIC, I was surprised at my reaction--I was disappointed. All this time, I had been stressing about this, because I did not want my husband to have any more connection with her than he already did, and then when I find out her two girls are not BIC, and perhaps sealed to him,--I'm disappointed? How could my feelings have changed so drastically on this? And I came to realize, that yes, I was relieved to know that that extra bond would not be there between my husband and his ex, but I was disappointed because I know her two children. And those children need the sealing covenant in their lives. They have not been brought up in the gospel at all. The choices they have made in their lives have brought upon them hardships and sorrows. There's a reason we are given commandments. If we follow the commandments, it will bring us peace and joy. These girls need the blessings of the sealing covenant in their lives. As parents, we have been taught that if our children stray, the sealing covenant will help bring them back--if not in this life, at least in the next. So, I know what I just said doesn't help you much in your feelings, because your husband's ex is not excommunicated. And I don't know if this will help any, but because of my step-children, they have a relationship with their mother's two girls (their half-sisters), so I have gotten to know the girls as well. My husband had custody of his two children (a girl and a boy) from his previous marriage, so I pretty much raised them, and consider them basically as my own. My oldest step-daughter would babysit the girls on a regular basis, with the girls coming to stay with us when their mother would have her military training once a month, and then also when she had her three weeks of training during the summer. Plus, at one time we almost had the chance to adopt the oldest girl, before his ex finally got her life in order. And because I have gotten to know the girls so well--I love them. How can this be, I ask myself? These are not my husband's children. They are his ex's. And there is not a good relationship between his ex and us. But, it is no fault of the girls, that they were born into a home that does not have the gospel in their lives. They are sweet girls, but they are really messed up--to some extent. The oldest girl is married, and pregnant, but the baby's father is not her husbands. The younger girl has a baby, and has never married. She has a drug problem, and was arrested and convicted. She was able to stay out of jail, but she has a probation officer who keeps strict tabs on her--which she hates. I guess, what I'm trying to get across in this, is that your husband's ex's subsequent children, are innocent. They need the blessings of the sealing covenant in their lives as much as your own children. Try not to dwell on the connection between your husband and his ex, but rather look at it from the children's standpoint, the blessings they will receive from being BIC. I'm sorry you have this stress in your life. All will eventually be sorted out.

Banaberry, you mention that you don't drive. Is your ward building very far from where you live? If you can contact your bishop, and let him know what is happening in your life, and that you'd like to return to activity, I'm sure he may be able to help figure a way for you to get to church--line up rides, etc. Even if you live close to the ward building, and don't need assistance in finding a way to church, it would still be a good idea to contact him. Because of his stewardship over the ward members--and that includes you, he is given guidance and insight from the Spirit that we on this forum simply don't have. He may assign you home teachers, who could become a great help and asset to you. If you can find/or make a friend within your ward, you perhaps wouldn't be so panic stricken when going back to church. Your Relief Society president can also be a wonderful asset and help to you. She would probably assign visiting teachers to you. They also could become great helps in your returning to activity. I'm praying all goes well for you and that you can find the strength and courage to do what is best for you and your daughter.

I don't know if anything is specifically mentioned as LDS doctrine on this matter--or where we can find it. My understanding may be LDS myth. I don't know. I was taught that in cases of where a woman is sealed and then her husband dies (she becomes a widow), and then she remarries civilly, that her subsequent children by the second husband are still considered BIC. The children are not sealed to the second husband, but his wife and her 1st husband. The only scriptural references I can find on this are in Genesis chapter 38--the story of Judah's daughter-in-law, Tamar. Her husband Er dies before they have children. Her father-in-law, Judah tells his second son, Onan, in verse 8 "..., Go in unto they brother's wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother. 9 And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother." We know the rest of the story, that Onan was killed, and Judah told Tamar that when his youngest son was old enough that she would be given to him to wife--that didn't happen. So, Tamar poses as a harlot with a veil covering herself, and Judah "came in unto her", and she later bears twins by him. I don't know if Tamar's experience is LDS doctrine, or just the culture of the time. I had never applied it to divorce, but I'm assuming the same theory applies in being widowed or divorced if the children are still considered BIC. And just a side note, as I was studying what to do in Genealogy work, even if the divorced woman is unmarried and has a child out of wedlock, the child is still considered BIC. But, if the woman is excommunicated, then any subsequent children would not be considered BIC, whether if she remarried (civilly) or not. So, I don't think this puts your mind at ease Jennarator. I wish we could find some definitive answers on this. My understanding is that your husband's ex-wife's subsequent children (as long as she has not been excommunicated) will be considered BIC. Does that mean they are sealed to your husband and her? I don't know the definitive answer to that. I was taught that would be the case. But is what I've been taught, Mormon Myth or actually doctrine? As for you and your husband having children before you have a chance to be sealed together, the only experience I have with this, is a friend of mine who was BIC, but her mother was divorced from her first husband and wasn't sealed to my friends biological father before she was born. As a teenager she worried about this a great deal. She would bring it up in Seminary class, Sunday School, with her parents, and her answers were always, not to worry about it--it didn't matter. And maybe it was just typical female teenage angst, but she couldn't seem to stop worrying. So, I don't know. Maybe it would be better to wait until you and your husband can be sealed together before you have children, so your children won't go through the same worries my friend did. Of course if you pray about it, and receive a different answer, then all means go with what the Spirit tells you.

Just an update, Slamjet. We did as you suggested. We sat down, and did talk about our first time together. I was able to go over some of the details--what room we were in, what he said, etc, and it did jog his memory somewhat. We had a loving talk about it. I think he feels better, because he was feeling bad about the situation with him not remembering any thing at all--and now he can remember a few of the details. As for me, with the talk, I understand him a little more. He told me that he was sorry, but his first time with his ex was simply more memorable because it was his first time--not that it was more significant because it was with her, but more significant to him because it was his first time. And, yes he tells me he is sorry, that he can remember exactly where he was with her, and what quilt they used, and so on, and couldn't remember a thing about us until I reminded him, but I am not any less significant to him than she was--the same way he says, he remembers other significant firsts in his life with his ex such as his marriage proposal to her, and remembering her new name in the temple. These events, he says, were not any more significant with her than they were with me, but it was the first time, so it sticks in his memory, and unfortunately (and he wishes he could) he doesn't remember those events with me. And he explained that even though he has experienced most of his life's significant events first with his ex, such as the birth of his first son and daughter, living with a woman as husband and wife for the first time, buying a house, etc., that those events will always be imprinted in his mind, but I am not, and our experiences together, are not any less significant. So, do I feel any better about the situation? I'm still hurting, but I'm more secure in our relationship. Thank you, Slamjet, for your care and concern, and everyone else who has posted on this thread. It has meant a lot to me.

I have to agree with Pam here. I can't see this targeting Utah Mormons. I don't know of any Utah Mormons who would go on vacation in Provo. There may be some, but I would think they would be in the minority. I've lived in Utah and outside of Utah. I've found good and not-so-good Mormons everywhere. I don't think I can put a distinction on "Utah Mormons" versus "Outside-of-Utah Mormons". Any tag placed on a Utah Mormon could just as well be placed on a Mormon living outside of Utah. IMO of course.

My older brother has been a bee keeper, and we always had bees on our dairy farm when I was growing up. It was fascinating to watch my brother gather the honey and care for the hives. It's been sad these last few years to see so many of the bees and the hives die off. I watched a documentary about the bees dying off. In China (maybe it was Japan), they are having to pollinate the pear blossoms manually because of no bees. Can you imagine what would happen to agriculture if the bees all died off?

The first time I went to the temple, I was totally unprepared. I didn't know anything except that you wore white in the temple and afterwards you would be wearing garments. I didn't attend a temple prep class, read any pamphlets, or even have a one-on-one with my mother. I was definitely a little "weirded out" by the whole experience--especially the washing and anointing. And even the endowment was frightening to me--I didn't know I would have to make such strong promises. I've grown up in the church, so the garment wasn't strange. It did take me several years to find the fabric I liked and the style that worked best for me. And new fabrics come out occasionally, and I've switched fabrics just this past year. For me, what helped the most was regular attendance to the temple. Through the years I've learned to appreciate the lessons that are taught in the temple. If I go with an open mind, I still learn something new. And the reinforcement (repeatedly hearing what I already know), is also helpful to me, and reminds me how important the covenants are that I make with the Lord. Just know that you are not alone in your feelings. My heart goes out to you. Also know that the sealing ceremony is wonderful. I'm glad you were able to take out your endowments separately from when you are being sealed. This way you can fully appreciate your temple sealing/wedding without the stress of the endowment. All the advice you've received is good--especially prayer. Good luck in your upcoming marriage!

This past week my internet was down, and I was amazed at how lost I felt. I still had my iphone, so I wasn't totally out of the loop. But, I have to admit, it was hard. Our house phone is with Vonage so that was down too. It's amazing what we do with the internet. I pay bills, facebook, email, chat with friends and family, and skype (I have a daughter who lives in Asia). I do research--if I have a question, all I have to do is "google it", and usually I can get some sort of answer. I look up recipes, do couponing, do "Bountiful Baskets", look up my visiting teaching message, genealogy, etc. etc. etc. And my son was totally lost without his internet gaming. He had to revert back to his other games--that one didn't bother me so much. And of course without internet, there would be no lds.net. I look back just 10/15 years ago, and how different our lives are because of Internet. I know there's a lot of negativity in regards to the internet, but I feel like it's an absolute blessing in my life. How about you?

I wonder if people like me get counted in the unemployment stats. I was going to be furloughed, but luckily I had worked long enough, (10 years) for this company, and barely made the age requirement, so I was able to retire. My retirement would have only been $67.00 a month, or I had the option to take a lump sum. I took the lump sum and rolled it over. So, obviously I'm not eligible for unemployment. I was able to find a temporary, part time position during the holidays. I need to work, but I haven't found anything--so, I'm doing the full-time homemaking thing--which I actually love, but I really need a full time paying job.

Even women appreciate some special attention when feeling sick. I'm generally a healthy person, so when I get sick, I hate it!! I hate being all stuffy, unable to breath, and achy!! When my husband is truly sick (not allergies), he does tend to be a bit of a baby. I don't mind doing the nurturing "thing" for him. But there is a limit. But, my husband also nurtures me when I'm sick. I'd probably feel a little resentful if it was all one-sided.

I want to visit Loch Ness someday! Along with Nessie, I am also open-minded about "Bigfoot"! As for ghosts, I believe, but I don't like to dwell on it, and certainly never want to live in an environment where they are "invited" into my home. If I felt there was one in my home, I'd have a priesthood blessing on the house.

In several cases that I've been aware of, it seems that the apostate members were looking for excuses to leave. When you're looking for fault, you'll find it, because, simply put, our Bishops, Stake Presidents, Relief Society Presidents, etc., are human and imperfect. They have their weaknesses and imperfections just like us. The Lord uses us as His tools to build up His kingdom, and there is no requirement of perfection in order to serve--just a willingness. These wonderful men and women who are called to serve, did not ask or volunteer for these positions, but they do it willingly. What bothers me, is I often don't see some of their imperfections, until someone else points it out to me. And then after I've heard the criticism, it's hard to get it out of my mind. I often wish, "Please just keep it to yourself."

I looked this up on youtube. Seems do-able. But, I think I'm still going to have problems just because of the sheer size of the king or queen size sheets. Maybe for me, practice makes perfect? I'm glad I'm not the only one who has had problems with folding fitted bottom sheets. Any other ideas out there?

Anatess, you're a Wunder Frau! Apparently, I was born without the housekeeping gene.

This may sound like a silly question, but now that fitted bottom sheets are so huge, I'm having a heck of a time folding them so they look nice and neat when I place them on the shelf in my cupboard. Does anyone have any "magic" tricks up their sleeve that they use? Or am I the only one who is perplexed by these humongous pieces of fabric, that no matter what I do, it looks like a little kid has pulled them from the dryer, and then just bunched them up and threw them on the closet shelf?

I agree, let him play. He may not cause a problem at all. And if he does, you can quietly talk to him and explain "this sort of behavior isn't accepted here". It may be a positive experience for him. It may possibly be that you and your family are this boys' "angels". You may be the ones that are meant to help him. And it may possibly be, that this will be the last activity he does with your family, and he quietly goes off and lives his own life from now on. I think your family can handle the situation for one evening. Sounds like you have a good, strong family--they'll survive.

So, how is this all done in a Christlike manner? I guess, that's what I'm trying to get across. How do we walk the fine line between being charitable to one another, and then at the same time, defending ourselves and our children? There are times when I do let others take advantage of me and my family. Not in the manner of being so meek, that I allow them to walk all over me. But, rather, because I think that is how Christ would have done it. If I can offer my extended family a place to live, clothes to wear, food to eat, I do it gladly. Even, when I know I'm being taken advantage of. My husband and I have opened up our home to a number of nieces and nephews, coworkers, friends of my children, etc. We give them a place to stay, and allow them to eat our food, and if needed, even clothing, and transportation to and from work. But, we do it out of concern and I would hope love. I've paid for doctor's visits, prescriptions, gas money, etc. And we've done this, even when we can barely put food on the table for our own family. My youngest son has moved out of his own bedroom on several different occasions and slept on the family room couch for months at a time, in order to make room for someone who needs/wants a place to stay. Are we being taken advantage of? Perhaps--and in some cases--probably. But, I don't mind. In the OP situation, how can this woman, in a Christlike manner, defend her daughter, and keep the peace within the family? Can it even be done? I believe, if she (and I have no idea if she's LDS), prayerfully tackles the situation, she would be guided in how to solve the situation. Not with just the "trading" of the clothes, and her DS daughter being taken advantage of, but also in the relationship she has with her SIL.

I'm reminded of the scripture Luke 6:29 "And unto him that smiteth thee on the one cheek offer also the other; and him that taketh away thy cloke forbid not to take thy coat also." So, I'm thinking, maybe the coworker could call SIL and say, "Obviously your daughter needs some clothes. I have some pants here that she might like too". But, then, naughty me, I'm being kind of spiteful in my tone. So if I truly wanted to be Christlike, it wouldn't be said in a spiteful tone, but rather with true love and good intent.

I don't know, how far do you push the issue? The co-worker already talked to the SIL, and so I assume SIL knows how the mother of the Down Syndrome child feels. It's obviously not appropriate to take a disabled child's clothing away from her. And maybe I'm just naive, but I'm thinking there was some underlying issue here for the SIL to "trade" clothes between children. It still doesn't make it right, but I'm thinking because of the bad feelings between the two women, the SIL is getting back at the other woman. So, again, I would have to ask myself, is it worth pushing it to perhaps completely destroy any family relationship between them?

I have to agree here. Sounds like the SIL isn't an easy one to get along with. If it was me, I'd drop the issue just to keep peace in the family. (But, then I'm very non-confrontational). I would have to ask myself, is it worth x amount of dollars to possibly have a major family blow-up? To me it wouldn't be worth it.

One of my favorite scriptures is Isaiah 1:18 "...though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool." What a blessing repentance and the atonement are in our lives! I'm so grateful for our Elder Brother, our Savior.