classylady

Just an update, Slamjet. We did as you suggested. We sat down, and did talk about our first time together. I was able to go over some of the details--what room we were in, what he said, etc, and it did jog his memory somewhat. We had a loving talk about it. I think he feels better, because he was feeling bad about the situation with him not remembering any thing at all--and now he can remember a few of the details. As for me, with the talk, I understand him a little more. He told me that he was sorry, but his first time with his ex was simply more memorable because it was his first time--not that it was more significant because it was with her, but more significant to him because it was his first time. And, yes he tells me he is sorry, that he can remember exactly where he was with her, and what quilt they used, and so on, and couldn't remember a thing about us until I reminded him, but I am not any less significant to him than she was--the same way he says, he remembers other significant firsts in his life with his ex such as his marriage proposal to her, and remembering her new name in the temple. These events, he says, were not any more significant with her than they were with me, but it was the first time, so it sticks in his memory, and unfortunately (and he wishes he could) he doesn't remember those events with me. And he explained that even though he has experienced most of his life's significant events first with his ex, such as the birth of his first son and daughter, living with a woman as husband and wife for the first time, buying a house, etc., that those events will always be imprinted in his mind, but I am not, and our experiences together, are not any less significant. So, do I feel any better about the situation? I'm still hurting, but I'm more secure in our relationship. Thank you, Slamjet, for your care and concern, and everyone else who has posted on this thread. It has meant a lot to me.

I have to agree with Pam here. I can't see this targeting Utah Mormons. I don't know of any Utah Mormons who would go on vacation in Provo. There may be some, but I would think they would be in the minority. I've lived in Utah and outside of Utah. I've found good and not-so-good Mormons everywhere. I don't think I can put a distinction on "Utah Mormons" versus "Outside-of-Utah Mormons". Any tag placed on a Utah Mormon could just as well be placed on a Mormon living outside of Utah. IMO of course.

My older brother has been a bee keeper, and we always had bees on our dairy farm when I was growing up. It was fascinating to watch my brother gather the honey and care for the hives. It's been sad these last few years to see so many of the bees and the hives die off. I watched a documentary about the bees dying off. In China (maybe it was Japan), they are having to pollinate the pear blossoms manually because of no bees. Can you imagine what would happen to agriculture if the bees all died off?

The first time I went to the temple, I was totally unprepared. I didn't know anything except that you wore white in the temple and afterwards you would be wearing garments. I didn't attend a temple prep class, read any pamphlets, or even have a one-on-one with my mother. I was definitely a little "weirded out" by the whole experience--especially the washing and anointing. And even the endowment was frightening to me--I didn't know I would have to make such strong promises. I've grown up in the church, so the garment wasn't strange. It did take me several years to find the fabric I liked and the style that worked best for me. And new fabrics come out occasionally, and I've switched fabrics just this past year. For me, what helped the most was regular attendance to the temple. Through the years I've learned to appreciate the lessons that are taught in the temple. If I go with an open mind, I still learn something new. And the reinforcement (repeatedly hearing what I already know), is also helpful to me, and reminds me how important the covenants are that I make with the Lord. Just know that you are not alone in your feelings. My heart goes out to you. Also know that the sealing ceremony is wonderful. I'm glad you were able to take out your endowments separately from when you are being sealed. This way you can fully appreciate your temple sealing/wedding without the stress of the endowment. All the advice you've received is good--especially prayer. Good luck in your upcoming marriage!

This past week my internet was down, and I was amazed at how lost I felt. I still had my iphone, so I wasn't totally out of the loop. But, I have to admit, it was hard. Our house phone is with Vonage so that was down too. It's amazing what we do with the internet. I pay bills, facebook, email, chat with friends and family, and skype (I have a daughter who lives in Asia). I do research--if I have a question, all I have to do is "google it", and usually I can get some sort of answer. I look up recipes, do couponing, do "Bountiful Baskets", look up my visiting teaching message, genealogy, etc. etc. etc. And my son was totally lost without his internet gaming. He had to revert back to his other games--that one didn't bother me so much. And of course without internet, there would be no lds.net. I look back just 10/15 years ago, and how different our lives are because of Internet. I know there's a lot of negativity in regards to the internet, but I feel like it's an absolute blessing in my life. How about you?

I wonder if people like me get counted in the unemployment stats. I was going to be furloughed, but luckily I had worked long enough, (10 years) for this company, and barely made the age requirement, so I was able to retire. My retirement would have only been $67.00 a month, or I had the option to take a lump sum. I took the lump sum and rolled it over. So, obviously I'm not eligible for unemployment. I was able to find a temporary, part time position during the holidays. I need to work, but I haven't found anything--so, I'm doing the full-time homemaking thing--which I actually love, but I really need a full time paying job.

Even women appreciate some special attention when feeling sick. I'm generally a healthy person, so when I get sick, I hate it!! I hate being all stuffy, unable to breath, and achy!! When my husband is truly sick (not allergies), he does tend to be a bit of a baby. I don't mind doing the nurturing "thing" for him. But there is a limit. But, my husband also nurtures me when I'm sick. I'd probably feel a little resentful if it was all one-sided.

I want to visit Loch Ness someday! Along with Nessie, I am also open-minded about "Bigfoot"! As for ghosts, I believe, but I don't like to dwell on it, and certainly never want to live in an environment where they are "invited" into my home. If I felt there was one in my home, I'd have a priesthood blessing on the house.

In several cases that I've been aware of, it seems that the apostate members were looking for excuses to leave. When you're looking for fault, you'll find it, because, simply put, our Bishops, Stake Presidents, Relief Society Presidents, etc., are human and imperfect. They have their weaknesses and imperfections just like us. The Lord uses us as His tools to build up His kingdom, and there is no requirement of perfection in order to serve--just a willingness. These wonderful men and women who are called to serve, did not ask or volunteer for these positions, but they do it willingly. What bothers me, is I often don't see some of their imperfections, until someone else points it out to me. And then after I've heard the criticism, it's hard to get it out of my mind. I often wish, "Please just keep it to yourself."

I looked this up on youtube. Seems do-able. But, I think I'm still going to have problems just because of the sheer size of the king or queen size sheets. Maybe for me, practice makes perfect? I'm glad I'm not the only one who has had problems with folding fitted bottom sheets. Any other ideas out there?

Anatess, you're a Wunder Frau! Apparently, I was born without the housekeeping gene.

This may sound like a silly question, but now that fitted bottom sheets are so huge, I'm having a heck of a time folding them so they look nice and neat when I place them on the shelf in my cupboard. Does anyone have any "magic" tricks up their sleeve that they use? Or am I the only one who is perplexed by these humongous pieces of fabric, that no matter what I do, it looks like a little kid has pulled them from the dryer, and then just bunched them up and threw them on the closet shelf?

I agree, let him play. He may not cause a problem at all. And if he does, you can quietly talk to him and explain "this sort of behavior isn't accepted here". It may be a positive experience for him. It may possibly be that you and your family are this boys' "angels". You may be the ones that are meant to help him. And it may possibly be, that this will be the last activity he does with your family, and he quietly goes off and lives his own life from now on. I think your family can handle the situation for one evening. Sounds like you have a good, strong family--they'll survive.

So, how is this all done in a Christlike manner? I guess, that's what I'm trying to get across. How do we walk the fine line between being charitable to one another, and then at the same time, defending ourselves and our children? There are times when I do let others take advantage of me and my family. Not in the manner of being so meek, that I allow them to walk all over me. But, rather, because I think that is how Christ would have done it. If I can offer my extended family a place to live, clothes to wear, food to eat, I do it gladly. Even, when I know I'm being taken advantage of. My husband and I have opened up our home to a number of nieces and nephews, coworkers, friends of my children, etc. We give them a place to stay, and allow them to eat our food, and if needed, even clothing, and transportation to and from work. But, we do it out of concern and I would hope love. I've paid for doctor's visits, prescriptions, gas money, etc. And we've done this, even when we can barely put food on the table for our own family. My youngest son has moved out of his own bedroom on several different occasions and slept on the family room couch for months at a time, in order to make room for someone who needs/wants a place to stay. Are we being taken advantage of? Perhaps--and in some cases--probably. But, I don't mind. In the OP situation, how can this woman, in a Christlike manner, defend her daughter, and keep the peace within the family? Can it even be done? I believe, if she (and I have no idea if she's LDS), prayerfully tackles the situation, she would be guided in how to solve the situation. Not with just the "trading" of the clothes, and her DS daughter being taken advantage of, but also in the relationship she has with her SIL.

I'm reminded of the scripture Luke 6:29 "And unto him that smiteth thee on the one cheek offer also the other; and him that taketh away thy cloke forbid not to take thy coat also." So, I'm thinking, maybe the coworker could call SIL and say, "Obviously your daughter needs some clothes. I have some pants here that she might like too". But, then, naughty me, I'm being kind of spiteful in my tone. So if I truly wanted to be Christlike, it wouldn't be said in a spiteful tone, but rather with true love and good intent.

I don't know, how far do you push the issue? The co-worker already talked to the SIL, and so I assume SIL knows how the mother of the Down Syndrome child feels. It's obviously not appropriate to take a disabled child's clothing away from her. And maybe I'm just naive, but I'm thinking there was some underlying issue here for the SIL to "trade" clothes between children. It still doesn't make it right, but I'm thinking because of the bad feelings between the two women, the SIL is getting back at the other woman. So, again, I would have to ask myself, is it worth pushing it to perhaps completely destroy any family relationship between them?

I have to agree here. Sounds like the SIL isn't an easy one to get along with. If it was me, I'd drop the issue just to keep peace in the family. (But, then I'm very non-confrontational). I would have to ask myself, is it worth x amount of dollars to possibly have a major family blow-up? To me it wouldn't be worth it.

One of my favorite scriptures is Isaiah 1:18 "...though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool." What a blessing repentance and the atonement are in our lives! I'm so grateful for our Elder Brother, our Savior.

Last night I had the opportunity to attend the baptism for an excommunicated neighbor. This was one of the most spiritual experiences I have ever witnessed! I Visit Teach his wife, and so I know how special this is to her and the family. She was in tears practically the whole evening. This is something he has diligently worked towards for some time. And last night, I could see his spirit just shine. After the baptism, confirmation, and then ordination of the Melch. Priesthood (Elder), he was given the opportunity to bear his testimony. It was wonderful. He told of his experience of how he originally received his testimony, (it was a powerful one), and then how he turned away from that and listened to Satan, and made choices which eventually put him in prison. He publicly apologized to his wife, children, and grandchildren, and then thanked them for being patient with him. He expressed his love, and then expressed his testimony again. I came away with such a spiritual high! I love this neighbor and his family. It's such a joy to see repentance and the atonement work in this gentleman's life. I have no questions for the forum, just wanted to share!

22 years ago when my husband and I first moved into our smallish Utah town, there were about 6 or 7 wards. We now have around 39 wards. Our particular street that we live on seems to be the dividing line for the wards. One ward division, took our neighbors across the street. The next division, our side of the street was included. Next division, put our whole street back into the original ward. The next division after that we were put into the ward we were in prior to the last change--confusing? So, while we've been in the same house, we've been in the 4th, 17th, 3rd, 4th, and 3rd wards--in that order. The ward boundary changes were particularly difficult for my children. My children seem to associate with the kids they go to church with, and it was very hard for them to no longer be in the same ward as their friends. For my husband and me, our social life seems to be with the ward. So, whenever a division was made, it's like an invisible wall goes up, and we never see our old friends/neighbors anymore--or at least very seldom. It seems like there are tears every time there's a division. We're a very close-knit neighborhood. The division before last, our Stake President apologized to our street and promised we wouldn't be the dividing line anymore. He kept his promise. But, we now have a new Stake Presidency.

As the weather gets warmer, start checking out the yard sales. Sometimes I can find some great stuff for almost nothing.

When I was a teenager (many, many, many years ago), and I noticed I was saying swear words in my mind, I decided to change those words for something rather innocuous--like "monkey's feet", or "dog's breath", or something else just as cheesy. This even helps me to this day. I love to sing along with songs, and there's a particular Gwen Stefani song, "Hollaback Girl", that I love to sing along with. I'll sing "Ship" instead of the actual word, and sing it loud enough to drown out the actual word. My teenaged daughter thought I was weird! (I probably should have switched the song to a different song. Never said I was perfect). It's hard when you're in an environment where you're surrounded by bad language. My own experience has been, that at first I would cringe whenever I heard a bad word, then I stopped cringing, and then started thinking those words in my mind. Luckily I never got to the point where I was actually saying the words. But, I don't even want those words in my mind! And now days, you hear the bad language wherever you go. I feel bad for the kids in high school. It's so prevalent.

Sometimes I let my feelings run rampant and have a one person (myself) "pity party". I'll sit and mope for awhile and think about my woes, maybe even cry, and then I get on with my life. Reading my Patriarchal Blessing, scriptures, and praying will usually help me feel better. There are a few problems and feelings that I bottle up inside of me (sometimes for years) and then my poor husband gets the brunt of the explosion! I'm usually even-tempered, so for me to get upset, means something pretty drastic has happened. After the death of my 19 year old daughter, grief was a constant for a number of years. As long as I stayed busy, I was okay. It would be in the quiet moments--like driving to and from work, right before falling asleep, that grief would consume me. I would just have to take my mind to a different place and do a lot of praying. Every individual is different, so you just need to find out what works for you. It'll probably be a combination of things. Good luck!

Morningstar, I'm glad you mentioned the Ensign article "Fidelity in Marriage: It's more than you Think" Sept. 2009. This is such a great article! I remember after reading that article, that I then read it out loud to my husband. It's such a good reminder about setting boundaries with coworkers, friends, etc. Thanks for the great post!