classylady

Jenn, I'm so sorry you're having these problems with your pregnancy. I'm excited for you, because I know from your prior posts that you've wanted another baby. The desire for children for many women overrides the discomfort and and in some cases life threatening complications. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers. Please ask for help. If I lived close I'd be there in a heartbeat. Don't be so embarrassed at the state of your home that you're afraid to have others come in and help--that's been me in the past. Even the young women in the ward might be able to help--someone to come in and pick up toys, gather things in a pick-up basket to be put away, someone to help clear the table and counters, do dishes, sweep and mop floors,etc. Young women can help as a service project, or RS can come in and help. Your emotional health is important too. Sounds like you're depressed along with being physically ill. Let your doctor know how you're feeling. Just know you have many of us here at LDS.net who care about you. Even though we can't be there in person for you, we're here to offer emotional support and prayers. Hugs!

I love this thread! My understanding of Paul has certainly been enlightened.

I agree that we will not be forced to be with someone, such as an ex spouse, in the next life. But, if the sealing is still intact, and all has been forgiven of one another, and all will love one another in the Celestial Kingdom, what would stop the first wife from being with her ex husband if that is what she desires and that is what he desires too? Their marriage didn't work out during their lifetime, but is it possible that after all is forgiven, that they could want to be together in the next life? It's my understanding that they could possibly be together in the next life, if they so choose.

As a spouse, I would definitely want to know what is going on. If my husband told me he didn't believe any more, it would be so hard for me. Would it be a deal-breaker, that would cause a divorce? I simply dont know. No marriage is perfect and there are issues in any relationship. Is this the "straw that will break the camel's back"? Only you and you wife can answer that. It would be heart-breaking to me to no longer have a husband I could go to and ask for a priesthood blessing. I haven't asked for them very often in our 30 years of marriage (just during the births of our 5 children and a couple of times with illness). Though, I haven't asked for a blessing very often, it's been a comfort all these years to know I could go to him if needed.

I believe that my husband and I are a good match, but definitely do not believe that we were predestined to be together. I'm not saying that it's not possible, but I just can't see how it would be a routine thing. If I believed that marriages were predestined, then for sure my husband and I were not meant for each other because he had previously been married and sealed in the temple to his ex-wife. If marriage was predestined, then his predestined match would have been with his first wife, not with me.

My oldest daughter teaches English in Inchon. She's LDS and has been other there for nearly three years now. She had the option of going to an English speaking ward, or a Native Korean ward. She opted for the Korean speaking ward. (That's not what I would have chosen, but she felt it was right for her). There are many English speaking missionaries over there, in fact my nephew just returned from serving a mission there. I love the pictures my daughter sends home or posts on face book. My husband and I plan on going out to visit her early next year. Good Luck!

This is wonderful, Slamjet! I'll keep you in my prayers. I'll pray that you may overcome whatever the adversary may throw your way. He does not want you to return to the "fold". Hold tight to the iron rod.

I haven't been over to London for years, but I have traveled to Europe numerous times within the past 10 years. (Wonderful to have free flight benefits). I love "Rick Steves" travel books. He gives great advice on places to stay, how to get around, places to eat, approximate prices, etc. His books are my "bible" when I travel. Because I don't use a travel agent, and I find all my hotels, car rentals, train passes, etc. by myself, I have found his books invaluable. I've also found the internet site "EuroCheapo" for hotels helpful. I travel on a really strict budget and it can be done. To save money, I'll often shop in grocery stores over there for bread and make my own sandwiches etc. I've also used the Lonely Planet, Frommers, and Michelin guide books to name a few. Rick Steves is still my favorite. If I had the finances I'd travel with you. Right now, we're struggling without me working.

Blended families are hard. My husband received custody of his two children from his first marriage. His ex-wife was excommunicated and did not live gospel standards after their divorce. It was hard to allow the children to stay with her when she had visitation, because we didn't know what kind of atmosphere she was putting the children in. We never knew when she would have boyfriends over while the children were there, etc. And as a lot of custodial parents can tell you, when the children visit the non-custodial parent, it is often like visiting Santa Claus. The non-custodial parent has a tendency to indulge the children--and that's understandable to some degree. They don't see the children on a regular basis, so they try to make up for it when they have the children. And they tend to be more lenient with discipline because they want to make sure the children like visiting them. Again, that is understandable to some degree. But, it does make it hard on the custodial parent. And it is very hard to step back and allow the other parent to discipline and care for their children in the manner that they see fit. As long as there isn't any abuse, there's not a whole lot that can be done. The ideal situation is for all adults to agree on discipline and to treat each other with respect. Sadly, that is often not the case. Has your wife and her ex been divorced long? It seems like the first years after a divorce are the hardest. Often, there is still some bitterness involved, and they often get the new spouses involved with the bitterness. From my perspective, the bitterness fades over the years. And in my case, it got easier over the years. But, it's so hard when you're right smack-dab-in-the-middle-of-it. My advice is to let your step-son know that you love him. You may not be his biological father, but you still love him, and you care about him. You want the best for him. You want to see him succeed. Let him know this by word and by how you treat him. Communication is so important, but at the same time can be difficult. Set him the example of a loving, concerned parent. He will, as he matures, see that in you. Best of luck! Hope things get better soon.

Hi, Dory. Sorry, you're going through this. My marriage (30 years) has definitely been hard on me. But, luckily my husband and I have a great friendship and are committed to each other. I understand about being hurt and damage that can occur in a relationship. For me, even though I've forgiven my husband, I've never been able to fully regain my feelings for him--I guess you could say, that my feelings are "different" from what they were when we first married. And, I don't think that's particularly a bad thing. Just something that we have to work on. Is it wrong to divorce when no abuse or infidelity has occurred? That's something that you would need to pray about and receive your own answer to. Each marriage is unique. And only you and the answer you receive to prayer can answer that. After having been married for over 32 years, it certainly doesn't sound like it's a hasty decision. Just remember, that divorce won't automatically bring you happiness. You'll have a whole new set of problems and circumstances that you'll have to deal with. Will finances be a problem? Do you have children? Often, children will take sides, and it can cause a rift in the family. They'll have to decide what parent to visit on holidays or vacation, etc. Divorce just opens up a whole new set of problems. I wish you the best. I'll keep you in my prayers.

If I was in your situation, I would renew my temple recommend and go alone. I don't believe you would need to have your husband's permission. I would certainly discuss it with him, and see how he feels. And I also would have a very difficult time married to someone where I had to have permission for every little thing. There is no possible way for us to judge anyone, and that isn't our job to do so. None of us are perfect, even if we are worthy to attend the temple. And we all have need of repentance. That is the key--repentance. So, I decided long ago to assume that everyone I associate with is worthy of the highest degree of glory. I understand that not all who have gone through the temple will actually be worthy of the highest degree, but it's not my place to judge. It's my understanding that if one spouse makes it to the Celestial Kingdom and the other doesn't, you will be given the chance to be with someone who is worthy. My husband has also forgotten my "name" in the temple. And even I forgot my own "name". I had been endowed several years before I was sealed to my husband. There is a procedure for temple patrons who have forgotten their "name". I was given a list with several different names on it, and was asked if I could see my name there. I knew immediately which one it was. I'm assuming the temple has a further procedure in place if that didn't work. I'm not too worried about my husband not remembering my name. We've discussed about asking at the temple about it, but just haven't gotten around to doing it. Also, I believe that in the next life, we will have that memory given to us. Your children could be sealed to you and your husband in the next life--that's why temple work is done. It could also be done in this life if they get baptized. One of my daughter-in-laws was sealed to her mother and her step-father. Her mother divorced her biological father (who was LDS), but her father was never worthy to go to the temple. Her mother remarried and was sealed to her second husband. My DIL, who was an adult, and already had been through the temple, was sealed to them. Also, my cousin was widowed with two children, but not sealed to her first husband--also LDS, but not worthy. She remarried, but to a nonmember. They had TEN children together. He then got baptized, and when they went to the temple, her two oldest children from her first marriage, chose to be sealed to their mother and their step-father. Again, they were adults, and had already been through the temple. My husband is also rather laid back. If it was left up to him, we probably would never have Family Home Evening, scripture study, or family prayer. I'm the one who has to do the FHE lessons, but my husband still presides. Same with prayer--I'm the one who remembers, but my husband is the one who presides, and will ask someone to give the prayer. If he chose not to preside, such as asking someone to give the prayer, than I assume that I would do the asking. That's what I do when he isn't home. I don't believe a wife should follow her husband to "hell". I'm not saying that's the way it is in your home--your husband sounds like a good man. But, we as women, have wonderful spiritual gifts that can be shared with our children and spouse. Sometimes, just our example can be a great blessing in the home. If you do the best that you can, then that's all you need to do. I believe that if we set the example, often times our spouse will follow (whether husband or wife). Pray for your husband. Wonderful things happen when prayer is involved.

I have a cousin who lives in the Elk Grove, CA area and trained at the DI in the Sacramento area. She loved it. I don't know anything more beyond that. If you want, I could ask her more information about it.

Okay, I'm a techno idiot. What is a "clipboard"? I'm assuming we're not talking about a wooden or plastic board with a clip on the top?

Vort, I like your posts because you get right to the problem. You don't beat-around-the-bush or sugar-coat an answer. You're concise and understandable, and usually correct with the doctrine. There have been a couple of times when I thought you were a little harsh, but most of those times, I'm thinking the person probably needed a bit of a wake-up call.

I love your posts, Vort. Don't stop or decide you post too many.

My niece is around 28 or 29 years old.

My relief society president, who was just released and was put into the stake relief society presidency, is a medical doctor. She's married and has four children. It can be done. But she did make the decision to only work part time quite a few years ago. My niece, who just finished her residency, met her husband while attending med school. They've both found positions with a hospital in a small city in the state of WA. They are in different fields of medicine.

Well, I got it--along with the "half to". And I also have to be careful of being too judgmental of people who have poor speech patterns. I tell myself "Well, don't make me no difference". When I was child, we had a helper on our farm that actually said that, and we've made good use of it ever since. Whenever anyone in the family used improper English, we would say that to them--"don't make me no difference". I'm not saying that I'm perfect with my speech. Most of us could use improvement.

Pronunciation of words that drive me crazy: Probly or prolly instead of probably. Fer instead of for. Kindiegarten instead of kindergarten. My husband says "fer" instead of "for" all the time. I tell him he sounds like an uneducated hillbilly when he says it. For example: "We went fer a drive". Aagh! Another word that gets misused, in Utah at least, is the word forget. Many people here use the present tense when they should be using the past tense--I forget instead of I forgot.

Take it for granite--instead of take it for granted

I agree,, we just can't judge. In my SIL's situation, her second husband had never been married before. Will he forever be denied the blessings of exaltation because he married a woman who was widowed and previously sealed, so he was unable to be sealed to her? I think in cases such as these, there will be opportunities in the next life for things to be worked out. Saintish, I had also heard for men there was no "taking care of it later", but I'm thinking that might possibly be Mormon Myth, or opinions of some early church leaders. I simply don't know if there's any church doctrine on this. If anyone knows differently I'd like to know the sources. I do know that my husband's grandmother, after she was widowed (and she had been sealed to her first husband) chose not to marry a man who had never been married before because she didn't want to deny him the blessings of an eternal marriage, and was afraid that he would lose his chances of exaltation. I know this has been the opinion of quite a few in the church.

Congratulations, Lizzy!

Occasionally my ward has done this--not on a regular basis, though. I love it. For me, music can be so spiritually uplifting.

With marriage for time only in the temple, the man does not necessarily need to have been sealed previously. My SIL's second husband had not been sealed previously. And that can lead to some problems because then the man is not sealed, and perhaps may not have the blessing of being sealed in this life time. That's when we really have to rely on the promise that all will be taken care of in the next life.

July/August in Vegas will be extremely hot--sometimes almost too hot to be outside for long--imo. I don't do well with heat, but that's me--it could easily be 110 degrees or higher outside. There are things to do that doesn't involve gambling. Hoover Dam tour is nice.