classylady

Where's my laugh button?

When I first read your New Era article, it reminded me about your post on sending a package to your friend in Ireland--I believe that was an internet friendship? So, it was fun to see that the article was actually written by you.

Yes, I seriously thought that. And then when I read your post today, I had to get my New Era out and look up the article again, just to make sure it was the same article. And, yep, it was. When I read it the first time, and was thinking it was so like you, I didn't put two-and-two together that Elisabeth and Lizzy could be one and the same. lol.

I received my copy of the New Era just last week. And, no kidding, when I was reading your article the other day, I thought to myself, this sounds so similar to lizzy16 and what she would do. Crazy, huh? I loved your article. It was well written.

Brokendoll, my heart goes out to you. All of us make make mistakes in our lives. We all have need to repent. One of the hardest things to do is to forgive ourselves. I know that for me, that has been the hardest. I've made some big mistakes in my life, and I couldn't forgive myself for the longest time. The only thing I could do was pray and pray about it and live my life the way I knew I should. I've finally found some peace--I will admit, not total peace, but some peace, because I've finally been able to forgive myself. Some of the decisions I have made in my life have eternal repercussions that have impacted my family, and I can't take that away. I can't control what they do. But, I can control what I do and how I live my life. Continue to pray. Continue to love your husband. Continue to live your life being the best example that you can be. Your husband's testimony may return. Pray for him. Pray that his heart will be softened. Pray for your children. The Lord knows the intent of your heart. He knows of your sorrows. He is pleased that you have repented. Someday, things will all work out. We would like everything to be fixed, now. But, the Lord knows your husband and your children. He knows what will bring them back into the gospel. They will have life experiences and people sent into their lives that will temper them, and soften their hearts. Just, don't give up. Do what you can to be the best example of our Savior and of His gospel. I'm sending you hugs!

This is just a short thanks to all our moderators on LDS.net. I appreciate your vigilance in keeping the anti-mormon propaganda off the site. Those of us who haven't been on these forums for long, don't always, at first, recognize the trolls. Thanks!

PrisonChaplain, I love your outline. I too wish I could have been there to hear it. I hope that the way I live my life shows that I'm a Christian. Thank you for the reminders on how we should live to prepare ourselves for Christ's coming.

I've been doing some more thinking on the original question of why there are so many divorces. One of the reasons would be that women have more options available to them. In the past, women pretty much were stuck. If they were in a bad marriage, they didn't have the options available to them that women now do. Women in the past weren't trained to work outside of the home--nor was it acceptable for women to work. They would not have been able to support themselves or their children. So, financial freedom for women has been a factor--which I believe is a good thing--not that I'm saying that divorce is a good thing, but it's good that women now have options. And with that financial freedom, the husband or wife may be more apt to leave a so-so marriage knowing that the woman can work and support herself. Also, the stigma of divorce is no longer a factor like it was in the past.

I've seen many people lose their testimonies when their testimonies were based on the leaders of the church. None of the leaders of this church have been perfect. They are men, just like you. But, the principles of the Gospel are true. Jesus Christ is our Savior. This is his restored church. In order to have the church restored, and have his Gospel here on the earth, He has had to use men and women. We are His tools in building His kingdom here on earth. Each person has their own personalities, and weaknesses and strengths. And because of the imperfections of man, mistakes are sometimes made within the church. Does that make the church false? No. And really basically, it comes down to this--either the church is true or it isn't. There's no in between gray area. The church is more than just a nice church that promotes family values. This is the Lord's restored church. The Book of Mormon was translated by Joseph Smith. And, if the Book of Mormon is true, then Joseph Smith was a true prophet. I received a witness from the Holy Ghost of the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon. For me, that is all I need to counter the anti stuff I have heard or read. I don't know what advice to give. There are a lot of great scholars on this forum who could probably help you with specifics. My heart goes out to you and your struggle with your faith.

Lizzy16, that's wonderful! Congratulations!

Back to the op, why are so many marriages ending in divorce? I think most of the reasons have already been mentioned--selfishness, "me" mentality, etc. I wonder if the example of their parents might be another reason. If their parents divorced--then when the going gets tough, the example has been set, and maybe they find it easier to get divorced too. Of course, I could be wrong on this. I know kids that came from divorced families, and they have sworn that they will not do to their children what their parents did to them.

I agree "to everything there is a season". But, I wonder, what if one of his children or grandchildren were getting sealed in the temple--wouldn't he want to attend? I would imagine there would be some sort of accommodation made for him/her--btw, we're all assuming the president would be a man--it could possibly be a woman.

Aren't there quite a few Secret Service that are LDS? I imagine he could have endowed Secret Service go through the temple with him.

Or, the couple later divorce, and forget to erase or throw them away. Fast forward a couple of years, and husband is now remarried. He, along with new wife (me) are going through his old family movies and photos trying to decide what to keep. OOPS!!! and OMg, SO SORRY!!! Husband then takes old movies outside and literally stomps on them and lights them on fire. Unfortunately, the damage has already been done. I can see the humor in it now (29 years later). But, at the time, it was VERY hard on me emotionally.

Pam, I'm not sure of my schedule yet, but I'd love to come. So count me as a "maybe". Sorry, I can't give a definite yes or no. And Slamjet, I would not throw a fresh, garden grown tomato at you. That would be wasting a perfectly good vegetable--or is it a fruit? I'm more the "dumping a glass of ice-water over someone's head" type. Though, it would really take A LOT to get me to that point.

Miswol, I'm sorry for the pain you are going through. I don't have a lot of advice. Divorce is hard. And marriage can be hard too. I'll always remember something that my cousin said to me after she went through a divorce. "It takes two to make a marriage work. He wanted out, so what could I do? I had to let him go". You mentioned "I know I did the right thing". Trust you instinct. Right now you are grieving. You are grieving for the loss of your marriage, your dreams, and hopes. You loved your husband. But, it sounds to me that he was not living up to his covenants that he made with you. From what you said, you already gave him chances to change, but he has chosen not to. If he was unwilling to be committed to your relationship, even if you chose to stay, you would not have a covenant marriage. I'm sorry you are hurting. I'm sending hugs your way.

My husband and I take my grandson to church every Sunday. He just turned 8. My husband and I have purchased his Sunday clothes throughout the years. My grandson's father is LDS, but not active. He doesn't want his son to get baptized yet. I think it's wonderful that you want to take your granddaughter to church. In my situation, I feel like the only religious teachings and values my grandson is going to receive is from us. I'm just doing the best I can, and pray that the values instilled in him will last throughout his life. Teach her about appropriate dress for church. If you granddaughter doesn't like to wear dresses, will she wear a skirt with leggings? Take her shopping with you, and let her choose something that she likes.

My prayers are with you Dr. T.

It sounds like your friend/sister has had to harden herself just to survive. Wanting to be loved is a basic human need. Seems like she has chosen the life she has chosen in order to no longer feel hurt/pain from others. I don't know how you could convey this to her, but her Father in Heaven loves her. He is very much aware of her burdens and all the trials that she has had to face in this life. It may be that she isn't ready to hear this yet. But, she has loving family members (ancestors) on the other side of the veil, who know of her, and want the best for her. My heart aches for your friend/sister. She must feel terribly alone, and has dealt with life in perhaps the only way she knows how, by shutting most everyone out.

You're right Anatess. I was lumping everything that involved winning or losing into competition. But, for me personally I still have a hard time with competition. Even when I win, on my own merits, I still have a hard time with it, because I know someone else lost. That's the way I feel in our side-business. I hate winning a trip and knowing that our coworkers didn't win it also. Another area where there is competition, is with school. Subjects in school (except for math) came easy for me. I could ace tests without even studying. My best friend would study for hours for a test and come away with a B, and I didn't study and would get an A. That just didn't seem fair. But, I did not get A's in math. In college, with Calculus and Physics I would study for hours and hours, do my homework, and the best I could get was a C. I even retook Calculus and Physics, and still could not get an A. I had to learn that for me, a C in math was okay, and that was a hard pill to swallow. People are not created equal. We have strengths and weaknesses. For some, no matter how much effort is put into something, they won't "win"--the ability/talent simply isn't there.

When I read the OP I was in agreement. I really, really, dislike competition. I don't like losing, and I don't like winning to the detriment of someone else losing. I have such a hard time with winning, I am willing to give up my winnings to the loser. For example, I took a quilting class. There were about ten of us in the class, and we quilted a quilt that we then raffled off among the class members. I won the quilt. I felt so bad about winning the quilt, that I told the class that I didn't really want it, (but I really did), and so I suggested we draw again for someone else to win the quilt. My husband and I have worked in a side business that is very much into competition. There are trips given away and other perks to those that perform the best. I understand it's to help motivate people. I just have a really hard time with it. Even if I'm one of the winners--I'm uncomfortable with it. But, how else can you motivate people? In the world we live in, how can we not have a society that is competitive? I just don't see our society working without competition.

Whenever my husband was critical about how clean the house was, I just told him, "It's as clean as you want it to be". Here's my two cents and this is coming from my own experience. When my husband worked full time and I was a stay-at-home mom, I figured the cooking, cleaning, laundry, diapers etc., were my responsibilities. This is work that I dislike. I love the snuggling and nurturing part of having children. I don't like housekeeping. But, I did it, because it had to be done. My home wasn't spotless, but I tried to keep the living room picked up in case company came over unexpectedly, and of course dishes and laundry done. I don't think a home needs to be spotless in order to be a house of order. I also worked many years full time outside of the home. I still had small children at home. In that circumstance I expected my husband to help with the household chores. He managed to do a batch of laundry occasionally and change a few diapers during the week. In our thirty years of marriage he has probably washed the dishes and vacuumed less than ten times each. I am not joking. Not to put him in a totally bad light, he did pick up the slack with the cooking. He will cook meat. And for him, as long as there is meat, he's happy. So, if I felt we needed a more balanced meal, I would fix a salad and veggies to go along with whatever meat he cooked. Now days, there doesn't seem to be such a division in labor as there used to be. I think the younger men are more willing to help around the house, especially if their wives work out side of the home. My feeling is if women are helping with the bread-winning responsibility, then men should be helping with the house keeping responsibility--just wish my husband would have been taught that. And, I'm sorry to say, I allowed him to behave that way. Both of us came from a generation where there were specific gender roles and duties--very hard to break away from that.

Most likely if it bothers him now, it won't get any better after marriage--only worse. When you're dating and looking for a spouse, there are certain things you look for. What's important to one person may not be important to another--everyone's list will be different. I just see this as a red flag. There were some red flags with my husband before I married him. I wish I would have paid more attention to them. Those red flags have never gone away. What bothered me then, still bothers me now today--30 years later, and it hasn't gotten any better.

Diane, I am so sorry. My heart goes out to you and your family. Some people who haven't experienced the loss of a loved one often don't understand the grief that is experienced, and might say things that simply aren't helpful at all. As stated in some of the other posts, anger is one of the stages of grief. When my 19 year old daughter died in a car accident, I was devastated, and I definitely had feelings of anger. I was angry at her for not having her seat belt on. That might have saved her life. I was angry at God for not stepping in and preventing the accident--He could have. It's been 8 years now, and I have to admit I'm not totally over the grief. Maybe I won't ever be. The anger has faded, but I still get a twinge of it every now and then. This I do know. Your brother is a beloved son of our Father in Heaven. And you are a beloved daughter. The Father knows your grief and sorrow. He knew of your brother's trials and sorrows. All will be well. Bless you.

My husband remembers it well. Even though he was living in Spokane, he could see the gray sky towards the west, and by late afternoon the ash was falling in Spokane. He says he rode his motorcycle up and down the road, leaving huge dust trails behind him. He worked for the Air National Guard and had the "privilege" of cleaning up ash in the Sprague area among others. To this day, it has left a lasting impression on him.