NeedleinA

@Jane_Doe Why not plan out how bad you are going to trash their "Just Married" car instead? I mean you could really do a super number on that thing. Then leave a note saying, "I wasn't allowed to help on anything else, so voila! Enjoy!" I decorated my friends car after his wedding. Like an idiot I used white shoe polish on his car tires and did crazy designs. Apparently white shoe polish does not come off black tires, at least not for a couple of years anyways. Ooooops! My friend = When you say your sister "doesn't want me to...", does that mean she actually doesn't want your personal help, or rather someone else is doing it and therefore that assignment is already taken care of and your help is simply not needed? If push comes to shove, plan an all expenses paid vacation for everyone in the Bahamas during the same time as her wedding. Show her who the boss is! Boom, in your face sistah!

Okay Meg, With your husband away, perhaps now is a great time to seek out some help from others, even professionals. Good job in speaking with his father, even if it didn't appear to bare any fruit, you never know. You need help from others. Even if you mother is hurt/sad, it is good she knows. It is much harder for others to help you if they are kept in the dark and unaware. Yes, you should speak with your Bishop. When speaking with him, convey that you absolutely need home teachers that will "support" you, be specific, he will understand. Use this time to educate yourself. This education can come from several sources: 1. Most important of all, like @zil mentioned, do your daily part to invite the Spirit to come and teach you via your prayers & scripture study. 2. Speak with your Bishop 3. I personally would speak with a Marriage Counselor. This could be your chance to educate yourself on a variety of topics: How do I become strong for myself? How do I become strong for my kids? How do I deal with depression? How can I best ignore/address my husband in his anger? How do I stand up for myself and not feel the victim? Etc. Etc. a. The Church offers LDS Counseling in certain areas. This can be a free service to you, speak to your Bishop about this. b. The Military offers free help as well: " Every military couple experiences and handles stress differently. Not only are deployments themselves stressful, so is the time before and after them. You and your partner might feel sad, irritable, angry or frustrated. You might find yourself picking fights, avoiding difficult discussions or withdrawing altogether. Those feelings are totally normal for military couples throughout the deployment cycle. But that’s why counseling support can be invaluable – addressing concerns before they escalate can help alleviate that pressure and make your relationship better. Military OneSource offers service members and their spouses and children free, non-medical counseling. After a short phone screening, a Military OneSource employee will refer a service member or eligible family member to a local, licensed professional counselor for free. The counseling can be done face-to-face, over the phone or online. It’s meant to be short term, and covers up to 12 free sessions per issue, per person. For more information call 800-342-9647 orvisit Military OneSource." If your husband is not allowing you to work on your marriage currently, then step up and work on the one person you can change..."you". Strengthen yourself, prepare yourself, invite the Spirit to teach you things you didn't know or didn't think to do before. Again, hang in there!

Yes, solutions...ideas...and "peace"...

Ah, the wording is simply Shakespeare, wonderful Eowyn!

Hello Megs, I must say that my heart hurts for you and the situation that you and your children find yourselves in currently, I'm sorry. I would like to share a couple of observations and past experiences in the hopes that it might help... a little. 1. I grew up with a military Colonel for a father. Wonderful in many, many regards, and horrible in others. So speaking about my father, and not military personnel in general, here are some of the observations I realized: He was used to two things, either kissing the rear of higher ups, or having his rear kissed by subordinates. He did not function well when we as a family didn't "fall in line" instantly, obey orders or give instant respect all the time. In his mind, his Brothers at work, began to understand him better than his Brothers in the Gospel did.This was very hard for him to separate "military" life vs. "home" life. Many people can toggle this switch between the two, but many can not. 2. Do you have other military personnel in your ward who are active/strong? You could specifically request military personnel as your family's Home Teachers, etc. This may give him a better role model upon returning state side. Express your concerns to your Bishop and request help. 3. Military units are assigned Chaplains. You would be surprised how many of them are LDS. Regardless if they are or not, you can contact his unit Commander and request the Chaplain pay him a "random courtesy" visit to check up on him. This may give him someone "else" to talk to besides only soldiers. 4. I worked in a Juvenile Prison for a couple of years. Being around hurt,pain,scum, swearing, etc. takes a toll on you no matter what anyone thinks or says. The worst part is that others around you see it happening to you, but you may not. @mirkwood might be able to share a story or two. I think you saw what I'm talking about when you said, "He quit working his civilian (police officer) job about a month and a half before he left. Things got a lot better." This is not a comment at all about law enforcement, it is comment that perhaps your husband doesn't have the personal skills to deal with this line of work AND balance it with a family successfully. Rather than work on these skills, it appears he his choosing to run from/distance himself instead. 5. At first, while reading your post, I thought this was only an issue between you and your husband. That thought left once you stated, "I'm sad for my kids. He has had no contact with them in 4 months now.". This sounds like he is facing larger issues than simply "you". If he is ignoring the kids as well, I would suggest something bigger is looming with him. So, what do you do now?? If you have not already, I would start by pooling your resources together. Meaning, speak with your Parents, his parents and your Bishop. Start sharing your problems with those that are close to you and openly admit you need their help. It sounds like your personal skills are lacking now too as you ask "what can I do?". Start with those 3 groups. Even if they can't provide you with a silver bullet, it may be very helpful for you to have shoulder to cry on. It sounds like your marriage is bleeding out right now. Don't wait until it is dead to react, react now before it is dead. Heavenly Father loves you as his daughter and has not forgotten you. Pray to him harder than you ever have before and listen for the Spirit to prompt you through this hard time. Hang in there the best you can and love your kids extra hard. Needle

Oh boy, Piggly Wiggly and grits... I sure miss living in Alabama...not!

Without getting too deep and writing a novel. Speaking as a son to my mother and husband to my wife, I always see the "heart" as the person that radiates the most selfless love, care, empathy, concern for their family, especially if there are children involved. 1. Which parent do our kids want when it is time for bed? Mom. Dad simply puts them to bed. Mom gives endless hugs and sings songs to them. 2. Which parent do our kids want when they get hurt? Mom. Dad tells them to suck it up. Mom kisses the hurt spot, gets out the Neosporin and band-aids. Then hugs them and sings them a song 3. Which parent do you go to when you are trouble? Mom. Dad is going to give you your punishment. Mom is going to repeat all the steps from item #2. I realize in many households, roles might be reversed, so this is simply a reflection of what I have seen growing up and now married to a super loving wife.

I keep getting this same sensation too.

Um...never heard of it before. Got me? Closest I could think of was soggy bread pudding or toast in runny cream of wheat, both of which I enjoy!

Learned a lot about you today Zil, thanks for sharing and being an example to others!

Your call...

Welcome @letmeoff Thank you for opening up and being willing to share some of your past with us. In addition to what you have already posted, I would challenge you to also post at least two concrete positive things from your life.

You avatar looks fine to me "Soft he wo"! Makes sense to me. Joking Any chance you can shrink your gif. yourself and make it work?

I can come by rats. The problem is once you get to the adult rabbit, adult chicken, baby pig sizes that it becomes a problem. When we lived in Utah, we had large Burmese pythons, our largest was about 16'. We would go to to local animal control station and get rabbits, guinea pigs, etc. all the time. The employees all knew what it was for and were glad the animals were put to good use instead of simply being euthanized and discarded.

Here are some of our babies. Dream Pet: Purple Albino Reticulated Python (finding a reliable food supply has always stopped me)

Wow, what a wide variety NT! The creepiest of them all is this guy trying to balance his head on his shoulders

@Sunday21 Let me know if you find a different image you prefer better!

and they are ones who consume all the hot water anyways!

That was your back-of-the-envelope math?? Please try harder next time Vort. Geez, my envelope math is more like: 2 ducks + 1 duck = 2.5 ducks I hope everyone realizes I was joking about using those heads... My showers in Chile and Costa Rica with those would last about 2 minutes max... the fear!

^^^^ This is what I would personally do. This reminds me of taking showers on my mission. Most were cold water, but there was the occasional house with a "water heater", a little electronic device attached at the shower head. So yes, electricity and water... each morning was "Is today the day I'm going to get electrocuted?" Not my picture, but pretty close. In finding this picture they sell more advanced looking ones for $100 if you are really daring

I would send Pam a message and ask her this one AI. http://lds.net/forums/profile/1959-pam/

I use Chrome, it happens to me sometimes as well. The less I "lick" the submit button, the more success I seem to have though

Hi ebie- Sounds like you have a choice to make. My wife (convert) and I had to make a similar choice at one time too. We had to decide: Happiness without her family OR misery with her family. It was painful to be stuck in such a decision, but we made it, rather my wife made it and I supported her in it. We simply stepped away from her family, took a vacation from them. Visits/calls etc. all dried up for a while. It was incredible to watch my wife's happiness increase 10 fold. Whatever benefit she was receiving prior from her sisters was always overshadowed by their harm/jealousy/insults. Her letting go was a blessing to everyone, including them. I love this quote: "Arguing with a fool proves there are two" Once we stopped dealing with them, our lives were much better off. Once they had no one to argue with, their foolishness began to go away too. They slowly began to realize that we weren't going to be around them unless it was a healthy happy environment. My wife chose "our" happiness over theirs. Your in-laws had "hurt feelings especially surrounding our wedding", now that it is working out for you, they are still upset. Seems you can't win either way. You have already tried being around them. I would try harder at "we have been distancing ourselves for a while anyway in the hope that giving space may make things better." Toxic is not good for anyone. You can't change them and their behaviors, but you can change yourself. They get to decide what kind of LDS member they want to be, but don't let it define what kind of LDS member you are going to be. If they already lie/insult/no interest now, what is the worst they could do without you around... say more lies/insults/no interest? I would give it a real try. Good luck! p.s. Once others have given their advice/suggestions. Have your husband come read this thread with you, as it could be beneficial for him as well.

Yep, Home Alone as well. DVD in the mini van for a month straight almost. 1. Once a year we watch all the Star Wars Movies & all Harry Potter movies. 2. Each Sunday after church we watch a "family" movie. Yesterday was "The Race to Witch Mountain". Our local movie theater invested in automatic lazy boy style leather recliner seats along with in movie dining... we enjoy that now and it makes the "regular old" theaters seem boring Only problem is sitting next to drunk people trying to talk or make out during the show. It lasts about 10 minutes and then they end up asleep instead.