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  1. Like
    seashmore reacted to Suzie in Temple Workers   
    Generally speaking, perhaps everyone needs a chill pill. Sometimes, people aren't looking for attention or sympathy. They turn to the internet because they don't have anyone else to turn to, and perhaps being kind is way more important than being right.
  2. Like
    seashmore reacted to Fether in Temple Workers   
    Obviously we shouldn't judge, and I am not sure just telling you "don't judge others" will teach anything (won't even teach you not to judge) but we can't help but ignore the fact that there may be people who are unworthy performing our ordinances. We often times can fall under that.
    The same can be said about taking the sacrament. But why do we still take it the sacrament when those authorizing,  preparing,  blessing and passing it may be unworthy?
    The question I had was what is the difference between performing an ordinance unworthily and performing an ordinance without authority? Is there a difference? If not, that opens a whole slew of questions dealing with the authenticity of ordinances.
    Worrying about other's worthiness will often keep us from the possibility of greater blessings in our own lives. You avoiding the temple is a good example. Try to be more selfish  who cares about their unworthiness  this is your salvation! (Maybe not the best way to think of it)
  3. Like
    seashmore reacted to Vort in Temple Workers   
    I disagree with this.
  4. Like
    seashmore reacted to Elgama in Did you marry the in-laws too?   
    I have a different perspective I grew up in a family like Mahone - My Gran lived in the same town and so did her sisters I saw all my Great Aunts and Uncles and cousins on a regular basis and my Gran many days of the week, I grew up surrounded by my family history and I can tell stories and recognise all those people in he sepia photos - my husband can just about recognise one of his Grandmothers. Because of that I feel like I know ancestors that were born in the 1830s.
    However older generation died off, divorce devestated what was once a strong family and I hate the fact my kids don't have that
  5. Like
    seashmore reacted to aduncan8090 in Can I get sealed to my deceased fiancée?   
    I am so sorry for the loss of your fiancé.  I agree with ZIL. I would recommend yo speak to your bishop and maybe even the temple president. Have you ever seen the movie 17 miracles?  Sarah Franks and George Padley were pioneers and we're engaged to be married but wanted to wait until they arrived to Zion. You could bring their story up in your plea to your bishop and temple president.  Good luck and please update.  May God bless you on your journey! 
  6. Like
    seashmore reacted to pam in Can I get sealed to my deceased fiancée?   
    Just to add to this a bit so she understands.  Sarah Franks and George Padley were in the Martin handcart company on their way to Utah.  Unfortunately he died along the way.  When President Faust heard of their love story, he arranged to have them sealed.
  7. Like
    seashmore reacted to Backroads in Am I overreacting?   
    This is where I'm at. I have no problem, in fact, I encourage leaders to offer instruction and correction. In the appropriate setting.
    But... this whole thing seems seedy and I personally can't think of anything that makes it a big misunderstanding. You don't isolate a person for instruction, particularly a minor. 
  8. Like
    seashmore reacted to zil in Am I overreacting?   
    I have to say that @yjacket's more tempered response seems reasonable - get more info first, then move forward.  I can honestly say I've regretted going off half-cocked pretty much every time.  I'm not sure I've ever regretted getting more information first...
    And I'm having no problem sitting here making up a credible story in my head which turns this all into one big fat misunderstanding.  Since it's possible that it was a misunderstanding, perhaps wisdom lies in getting more info...
  9. Like
    seashmore reacted to yjacket in Am I overreacting?   
    Vort said it much better than me!! Completely agree with Vort.
    I would add, that I would only be ticked at the leadership not for pulling an end around but for not letting me know so I could also impress upon my child the inappropriateness of doing this behavior.
    But if the parent thinks this type of stuff is totally cool-not much you can do about that.
  10. Like
    seashmore reacted to Vort in Am I overreacting?   
    @Lilyflowers88, there are two issues at play here.
    ISSUE #1: How the YW leaders handled this situation
    They handled it very poorly. The YW leaders, in seeking not to embarrass your daughter, blindsided her instead. Worse yet, they actually circumvented your authority. I expect they had only the best of intentions, so I'm not ready to condemn them for their foolish actions. But there is no doubt what they did was inappropriate. Your daughter's recounting of the "confrontation" was almost harrowing, but reading between the lines, I sense that they were really trying to allow her to save face in front of you while still trying to impress upon her just how unwise her actions were. Their thanks for her efforts to "reactivate" her friend while simultaneously telling her not to see the friend any more for a while suggests that they really did have good intentions, and were trying to look out for her welfare. Still, their actions were hamfisted and inappropriate.
    What do you do about it? I would start by talking with the leaders directly. Be as kind as you can muster, but let them know that doing an end-around on you was wrong. If they have a problem with your daughter's actions outside of Church, they should consult with you. And yes, I do think you should let the bishop know, though not in some offical register-a-complaint way. Just a "By the way, Bishop, this unpleasant thing happened that I think you should know about."
    ISSUE #2: What your daughter actually did
    From your description, it sounds to me like there was nothing immoral about your daughter's actions per se. But I agree with the gist of what the YW leaders said: It was unwise and inappropriate. When you have videos of girls in showers or bathtubs, that implies nudity. Wearing swim suits may cover the nudity, but not the implication. Consider: Why did they do a video in a BATHTUB? And why in SWIMSUITS? Why not in Levi's and parkas? Obviously, it was a big joke about a "bathtub video" that didn't show any actual nudity.
    Seriously, is it a normal thing in 21st-century America for young women to sit together in a bathtub in their swimsuits while they chat and listen to music? A hot tub, maybe. But a bathtub? I don't know, but that sounds plenty weird to me. If my teenage daughter were in the habit of sitting with a friend in a bathtub, I would tell her I thought it was inappropriate and a bad idea. If she were making videos of said bathtub adventures, that increases the weirdness quotient tenfold. No way would I ever allow her to publish such things to social media. yjacket is pretty much spot on in this area. However poorly the YW leaders handled this, not only was their heart (probably) in the right place, but what they were attempting to accomplish (poorly and outside of how they should have approached it) was probably what should happen. Your daughter needs guidance. She needs to be told that some things are not wise. She needs boundaries. You, her mother, should set those. This is where the YW leaders messed up; they should have gone to you, and YOU should have had that talk with your daughter, not them.
  11. Like
    seashmore reacted to unixknight in Am I overreacting?   
    I'm in the "Bishop needs to know" camp.  These women took her on false pretenses of ward business.  If that doesn't warrant telling the Bishop, I don't know what does.
  12. Like
    seashmore reacted to estradling75 in Am I overreacting?   
    Pro-tip...  If you feel the need to lie(like they did)... for just about any reason... that means the spirit is not with you... And if the spirit is not with you then you not in a position to rebuke anyone with sharpness per D&C 121.
    I would set up a appointment with the Bishop and share with him the story.  Because in many ways from what you say they did a bishop level worthiness interview.. without the calling or authority to do so.
    Now there most likely is more to the story then you know.. so go find out.
  13. Like
    seashmore reacted to omegaseamaster75 in Am I overreacting?   
    I would lose my mind if this happened, A face to face confrontation with both the YW president and 1st counselor is necessary.  While I am sure everyone can appreciate their concern they have clearly over stepped their boundaries.  I wouldn't email, wouldn't text, I would meet them in the same park and let them have it. 
  14. Like
    seashmore reacted to NeuroTypical in Bullying at Church   
    It's hard to want to remain active when one has been hurt by other active members.  The greater the hurt, the greater the social standing, the greater the difficulty.
    My wife has overcome tremendous odds to remain active.  The battle was won, and her "I care what other's think" was left dead on the battlefield to rot.  These days, she sums it up like this:
    "I trust God to act like God, and I trust man to act like man."
  15. Like
    seashmore reacted to mordorbund in Bullying at Church   
    I like both of these posts because they acknowledge (as PaleRider did) that bullies exist in the adult world as well and you need a strategy for dealing with that as well. And I'm pretty sure telling your senior parents to talk to your boss's (or coworker's) parents isn't going to cut it.
  16. Like
    seashmore reacted to Backroads in Bullying at Church   
    I and some other staff are currently keeping a file on one of my students as she has reported being bullied. The school counselor is also making this file. After a month, all we have is evidence this girl is the bully who torments other kids and cries bullying when they stand up for themselves.
  17. Like
    seashmore reacted to NeuroTypical in Bullying at Church   
    Yep, getting arrested, or in trouble at school, or accused of assault, or you hear about your kid bullying - all are red flags.
    Bullying is a symptom of something.
  18. Like
    seashmore reacted to Mahone in Bullying at Church   
    Something that I think is implied in your post but not explicitly mentioned is also checking for signs of your own children bullying other kids.
    Many parents check for signs of their children being bullied, but rarely check for signs that their children ARE the bullies. I do think this should be emphasized more.
  19. Like
    seashmore reacted to Backroads in Bullying at Church   
    I'm miffed at the current advice of getting an adult when bullied in lieu of standing up to the bully. The book Sticks and Stones had research against adults becoming overly involved in bullying cases. An adult stepping in does not affect the social balance of kids.
  20. Like
    seashmore reacted in Bullying at Church   
    That is EXACTLY what is in our playbook.  Bullies tend to hone in on easy targets.
    My kids have shown that not only do they not give an aura of being easy targets, they extend that aura to those around them so that bullies think twice about picking on a seemingly easy target within visual/hearing distance of my kids.  And it seems like most of these happen on the school bus!
  21. Like
    seashmore reacted to NeuroTypical in Bullying at Church   
    First, recognize bullying and the signs of being bullied.  Be street smart.  Don't be clueless or ignorant.  Know about it.  Know your kids.  Know what their lives look like.  Know their joys and sorrows and challenges.  Listen to them.  
    No really.  Be able to rattle off the warning signs of drug abuse, suicide risk, abuse, gang activity, and the whole lot.  If you can't do it, that's because you are ignorant of the warning signs.  No really, stop being ignorant.  That's the first step.  You can't help kids from a position of anxious, well-meaning, righteous cluelessness.
    I think articles like this are sort of wrongheaded.  Human inhumanity to other humans are part of our mortal existence.  Focusing on stopping some humans from harming other humans is fine and dandy, but a portion of that effort should be on helping the humans deal with their own problems.  In other words, you can't stop bullying.  Teach your kids how to stick up for themselves.   Teach them to defend themselves and innocents.  Martial arts.  Self-esteem building activities are great, when they actually build self-esteem, which many of them don't.  You build self-esteem by accomplishing things and overcoming obstacles, not by learning how to feel good about yourself.
    Don't raise victims who know how to get help.  Raise capable kids who can fix their own problems, and know how to get help.
  22. Like
    seashmore reacted to Palerider in Bullying at Church   
    I think we see some adults who bully other adults to get their opinion
  23. Like
    seashmore reacted to notquiteperfect in Bullying at Church   
    It's not just a problem with the youth.  I know of two adults who had no business working with kids!  
    As far as what leaders can do - set aside the "we're supposed to be nice" idea and remember that Christ cleared out the temple.  In other words, do whatever needs to be done.
  24. Like
    seashmore reacted to ldsister in Finding out your kid used to be a bully and dealing with everyone involved   
    That  breaks my heart. That poor child. 
  25. Like
    seashmore reacted to bytebear in Finding out your kid used to be a bully and dealing with everyone involved   
    I grew up in a ward full of "popular girls" and was one of only two boys.  It was awful, honestly.  We had a Youth activity where we were supposed to go on a scavenger hunt around the neighborhood and eventually meet back at the church for donuts.  We were in two teams, the populars and the rest of us.  Anyway, we did all of our tasks and when we finally got back to the church, the donuts had been eaten and a note said, "We got bored after the first thing, so came back early.  Have a good night."  I think the worst part was their guide was an adult.  Took a lot of prayer to forgive that one.  Please, stand up to bullies!