Mormon men crying

[Maxel]

The topic I was hoping to discuss is why Mormon men tend to be so weepy compared with others. Is that a true observation? If so, why is it like that? If not, why is there that perception?

I've heard this observation many other places before. I think there's truth to it- see my explanation about how I think the Gift of the Holy Ghost is involved.

Off the top of my head, I don't recall any incident of another man showing emotion during a talk or prayer or whatever that I thought, "Hey, that's really inappropriate. For heaven's sake, why doesn't that guy get ahold of himself?" I suppose I was really referring to myself and my own embarrassment -- which perhaps shows that I need to quit worrying so much about myself.

From what you've shared, Vort, I'd probably agree with the latter explanation. I can imagine a show of emotion at a time like you described as a means of the Holy Ghost witnessing to the audience about the severity and deep meaning of the situation. Ultimately, I think this serves to turn our hearts to God- which is the purpose of prayer.

I do believe that the machismo culture so prevalent in certain segments of our society is an evil, something that encourages men to be less than they are and to feel less than they otherwise might. But that culture arises from some kernel of thought that emotional expression can sometimes be a bad thing. I think this is true, so maybe I'm just wondering how that works in with the LDS world.

It's all about degrees, methinks, and understanding the proper "times and seasons" for everything. I like to contrast Christ's chasing of the moneychangers from the temple with His tender shows of mercy for the downtrodden and His example of crying mourning with those who mourned, and crying because of the sadness He felt. I think the key is putting off the world's opinions on the matter and searching the Scriptures and the Spirit of God to find out when it's appropriate to cry, and when it's appropriate to put one's foot down and act.

I have never watched Glenn Beck or listened to his radio program.

You're missing out, my friend.

[Gwen]

first off, vort, how can a man with your avatar be that concerned that someone would think he's not macho cause he cried?

i find religious men (not just lds) will tear up when they are moved by the spirit (often something that is emotionally significant to them). i think that IF lds men cry more it would be due to the amt of time we spend exposing ourselves to opportunities to feel the spirit combined with the gift of the holy ghost. if the spirit/strong emotion can trigger tears then it would make since that those exposed to those situations more would tear up more.

that's my theory anyway.... and if you need a more macho theory here is another...

most women find a guy tearing up over something special/emotional/spiritual to them to be a very sexy trait... maybe lds men just have women more figured out than the rest... isn't being able to woo the women a mocho thing for guys?

[Vort]

Gwen, if this forum had a LOL button, I would have used it. To answer your question:

first off, vort, how can a man with your avatar be that concerned that someone would think he's not macho cause he cried?

I'm not concerned about looking macho. Even IRL, I'm not too worried about that, and certainly not on a more or less anonymous discussion list. If I were, I certainly would not have come on this forum and disclosed my shameful secret. Rather, I was ashamed that it happened, and I wanted to hear what others thought about such things.

[Vort]

Vort, what if Heavenly Father felt that was an appropriate time for you to cry?

I don't know. If that was the case, so much the better. But it would be more comfortable for me if I were clued in. :)

[bytor2112]

When I am touched by the Spirit I nearly always become teary eyed and i get really choked up. I spoke about the gift of the Holy Ghost at a baptism recently and struggled to get through it because of the tears. Before the Church......I NEVER would do that. I am thankful for the Spirit....it softens us and makes us easier for the Lord to mold and shape.

[nmdesertrose]

I've had many occassions to have moments where I have seen spiritual men, not all LDS either, but spiritual men tear up as they spoke of the things that were special and dear to their hearts. They were all special moments for me too because I know the Holy Ghost was present and testifying to me and to the emotional man of the truthfulness of whatever they were saying at the time. I don't think that weepy men is something that is unique only to the LDS Church, because the Holy Ghost can touch on anyone when he wants to testify. Personally, I love to see a man tear up. Not because I think it makes him weak but because I know in that moment that he is so touched by the Spirit that he can't help but let it show. And I think it is a beautiful, special instance to be cherished.

[pam]

I don't think it's always necessarily that the Holy Ghost is present. Men can get emotional over their families. Their love shows through by their emotion

[Palerider]

Back in 1999 when my St Louis Rams won the Super Bowl...Dick Vermeil who was the Coach....he cried after every game and in every press conference.

[pam]

President Faust is an example of wonderful emotion when he spoke and gave the story of the Amish people and the deaths of the little girls in the schoolhouse.

[Wildflower]

My mother has always said that there is nothing she loves more than a grown man who isn't afraid to cry. To her it is very manly. My father is one of those men. He is one of the most wonderful men I have ever known. He is also no sissy. He is very expressive, and as far as I can remember, I have seen him cry many times throughout my life. I think mormon men do have a tendency to cry more than men in the general population. I believe it is because of the Spirit that is in the church. I'm sure it is also partly because of cultural acceptance. I think that society has conditioned a lot of men to keep their emotions buried, and I don't think it's healthy. Men are made to feel that they are weak if they cry, but they are human beings with emotions, just like everyone else! It is not something to be ashamed of.

[cleanvisit]

Personally, I don't think it is that men are holding back their emotions so much as it is they are more contemplative than we give them credit for. Sometimes they are really spiritually "touched/moved" but they let the impression sink deep into their hearts. This gives us the impression that they are "acting macho" when in fact they are just deeply considering how they feel.

I don't know, this is just my own opinion :)

[pam]

Hey nice way to let them keep their machoism. lol

[cleanvisit]

haha, lol Yeah, I know, I'm a sucker...

[RachelleDrew]

Bring on the wusses. Men who cry are insanely hot to me for some reason.

Women who cry? I just want to punch them in the head. I have no idea why I appreciate when men do it, but dislike it when women do.

I think it's because i've seen too many women fake crying for various reasons.

[pam]

Are you men listening? We like men who can cry and show emotion.

[cleanvisit]

I wonder if men will ever even go to this part of the forum...?

[Moksha]

I wonder if men will ever even go to this part of the forum...?

Not a good bet. Anything that ensnares both Glen Beck and a gospel discussion in the same thread will draw a crowd here.

That said, bring on the crying. It affirms our humanity. I have written many times how nice it would be if hugging would become De rigueur for men and women after Sacrament meeting. Affirms our humanity, fellowship and devotion all in the same act.

:)

[Churchmouse]

Being forced to read an article by Glenn Beck would make me cry.

Personally, I tear up whenever we sing the hymn "How Great Thou Art" It's the only one, but I do it everytime.

Edited October 24, 2009 by Churchmouse

[Gramajane]

"Jesus wept" is the shortest verse in the King James Bible-- and aren't we supposed to follow his example? Elder Eyering (sp?) of the 12 apostles also tears up quite frequently.

I believe when YOU are also in the spirit-- if the one weeping also is-- then you will feel touched too.

I have though had a VERY FEW times, (over my long years) when I felt that a person was "putting it on"-- that was an awful feeling! I sure felt sorry for them! sigh. Gramajane

[Connie]

I agree with Gwen and Rachelle. It is sexy. That is seriously one of the reasons i married my husband.

[martybess]

It is because a man must act when it is time to act. When a man's emotions -- anger, fear, sadness, or whatever -- interfere with the performance of his duty, he has failed, even if that duty is something as simple as offering a congregational benediction.

Vort the gospel/church is not the military or police force. We are not trained to hold feelings in so we can accomplish our objective. If you were put into a situation where lives depended on your valor then yes weeping is not exceptable.

I just had a son marry a wonderful women (well I have three boys marry this year) but this one has had a hard life. His mission to mexico city just about killed him. He came home standing 5' 11" tall and only 120 pounds. He's now 29 years old and a newlywed I was asked to speak a bit about him during a dinner with the in laws and I cried like a baby. I was pretty embarrassed about it so I know where your coming from but I just tell myself it's that time in life for me. BTW I have seen members of the 12 and president Hinckley weep. Yes some in your ward might of thought what a baby but I can guarantee you more were touched by it.

-Marty

[HEthePrimate]

Um, since when is it "unmanly" to weep? Seems to me that not crying is just an unhealthy expectation placed on men by a Gentile society. LDS men cry on occasion because they are human, and I think all the more highly of them for it.

The Primate

[HEthePrimate]

being forced to read an article by glenn beck would make me cry.

LOL!

[jameslentz]

gramajane got to it before i did...but i was going to say that Pres. Eyring is probably the most emotional of the current apostles....i also remember back in April there was a youtube video that had parts of a talk by Elder Holland and video from Jesus the Christ put together testifying of the Easter season and the resurrection of the Lord.

i gave a talk in August and my topic was faith. I started talking about Abraham being commanded to take Isaac and sacrifice him....didn't make it through before i started crying....i was thinking about what it would have been like to be told to take your only son and sacrifice him....which made me imagine myself in Abrahams place with one of my sons....it got me.

I do find that I am emotional when the spirit is present, but i always try to make sure that it is genuine because i remember an article in one of the ensigns this year talked about making sure that signs of emotion weren't linked to the spirit being present because that is not always the case. I am trying to find that article.

The hymn Joseph Smith's First Prayer...i hear the opening notes and it starts...for me i associate that song with the vision (of course) but i have already tied it to my own thoughts about what it must have been like for Joseph to see our HF and our Savior standing about him....makes my heart swell.

but anyway, i too get embarrassed but i don't let it bother me too much because i love the feelings of the spirit.

now....which of the ladies thinks crying men are sexy again??

[candyprpl]

Okay girls -- I agree, I like a man who will cry when they are sad, moved by the Spirit, or happy at seeing the newborn baby, etc.

HOWEVER! I would not want to see them break down and cry if confronted by a big burly guy about to rob us. I get to do that! (Please know that I am only saying this for fun!!!)

My father was an emotional man and I loved the message he gave me and my sisters. We learned that a man crying didn't mean he wasn't manly but kind and loving. He was not LDS but what I saw in the non-LDS world is that it is not the norm to see men express themselves with tears.

I love to watch my Bishop when during the talks in sacrament. He will always tear up when the Atonement is brought up. It comforts me to know that my Bishop has such an understanding of our blessed Savior.

Vort -- you're awesome! Even I, a female, get embarrassed when I can't control the tears during a prayer or talk. That was just the human side -- not so much the gender side.