Uh oh.. Temple Prep Class..

[girlygirl]

For those who haven't seen my other posts a brief background on my marriage, I married a year ago to a non member, was looked down on for doing so by family and told not to, but did knowing in my heart he would be baptized in 'his time' and not because my family was pressuring him to do so. We now attend church regularly (he got baptized last November), and he is really getting a strong testimony of the gospel which I am happy to see as I knew it would happen through much prayer :)

HOWEVER. The temple has always scared him. We drove to our closest one once so I could show him one in real life and he said it looked like a scary impenetrable fortress I am not endowed as yet but he has asked me many questions about garments, baptism for the dead etc. which I am not able to answer to him which makes him even more worried about the 'secrecy' of the temple. He was able to depend on me to answer all of his other gospel questions, and is super anxious that I can't answer really anything about what happens inside the temple other then the illusive 'sacred ordances' ect..

Because we have been married for over a year and he will be coming up to one year as a member we were approached last sunday to take temple prep classes. My family has really been emphasizing to him that he MUST get married to me in the temple which freaks him out. I said yes to the classes, however after church he talked to me and said he really does not want to go to the temple, and that taking the classes will just give the impression we want to go which he doesn't want to do so we shouldn't be going.

He is a really methodical person and needs to mull over something in his mind until it makes sense and he can commit to it- this is what he did with getting baptized, he had to really look into the gospel before he could commit to it. However I think he hates that he can't know what he is committing to before he accepts to go to the temple and its too late to turn back.. I can really understand his worries.

I think he has looked some stuff up on the internet and doesn't understand why he can't learn about this before he has to go. So my question is, should I push us to go to the temple prep classes or tell bishop we are not ready and we do not want to go?? He promised me he would go before we have kids but I get the feeling he wants to delay the temple sealing because up till not he has really accepted the gospel but he feels the temple side of it is where it gets 'cultish', which he doesn't want to be apart of.

[slamjet]

If he is as methodical and over-analytical as I am, I would. Tell him that there is no harm in going to the class to get information and see what the purpose of it is. They're not going to go into all the nuances and rituals because of the sacred nature of them, but they will give a good overview and explain the purpose for these rituals.

I can understand where he is coming from. It takes me day's just to pick out a TV because I research, think, analyze, and repeat ad-nauseum. And the worst thing for me is to not know what's going on and not know what's going to happen. In this instance, it's a matter of two things: Does he want what the Temple have to offer, and is he willing to exercise faith to go through with it. He'll have to come to those conclusions on his own. It may take some time so just work with him and be gentle.

[MarginOfError]

If your husband doesn't want to go to the temple, he shouldn't go. It will cheapen the experience if he doesn't have a desire to be there.

More importantly, your family needs to back off. I know that's harsh, but it's the truth. Putting unnecessary pressure on him will only delay his preparedness and will make him resent having to go. They are doing more harm than good, and you need to stand up to them and tell them that if they can't accept your marriage outside of the temple, then they won't be invited to join in celebrating the sealing inside the temple.

Lastly, your husband needs to get clear honest answers about what goes on in the temple. There is actually very little that happens in the temple that can't be talked about outside the temple. People have built way too much mystique around the ordinances, in my opinion.

Some pointed questions he could ask a trusted and well informed member who is wiling to share:

• what covenants do we make in the temple?
• I keep hearing something about an endowment video. What's in the video?
• What is this ceremonial clothing I am reading about?
• Can you explain to me what the Garment represents?
• What is the initiatory?
• If I were to go to the temple, could you walk me through what I would do, step-by-step?
• Could you describe the process and form of each of the ordinances?

Remember, people naturally fear the unknown. The Mormon unwillingness to talk about the temple is why people fear it. If he genuinely wants to know more about the temple to decide if it is normal enough for him to participate, then it's time that someone shared more information with him.

Also, let's make it abundantly clear that the endowment ceremony was established in a 19th century culture that valued ceremonialism a lot more than we do today. I promise you, you and he will find elements of the ceremony to be weird. That's normal and okay. I still think they're a little weird--but having learned the symbolism and purpose behind them, the weirdness isn't creepy.

And I'll reiterate. Your family needs to back off or they'll torpedo any desire he has to go to the temple.

[NeuroTypical]

He is a really methodical person and needs to mull over something in his mind until it makes sense and he can commit to it

I'm having a hard time seeing where the problem is here. Tell him that temple prep class is a great place to ask every single question he can think of. Allow him the time to mull things over as much as he wants. If his family is pushing him to the point of being manipulative, then defend him. If they're just being annoying, then be annoyed too and support him.

Rushing someone into a temple experience they are not prepared for or don't accept, could be a horrible mistake.

[girlygirl]

Yes, the family thing really doesn't help, its getting to the point where when they introduce my husband to other mormons by saying, 'yes he is a new member baptised almost a year now, soon to be taking our daughter/ sister/ whatever to the temple to be sealed'.

If we take the classes, should we say upfront we will take them but not sure if we plan on going immediately after the classes? Or will it matter? I just don't want to take them and then feel super pressured.

Also MarinofError will they actually answer these questions? Before my husband got baptised the missionaries asked him if he had any questions. He wanted to know what garments were- and you know what his answer was? He said he didn't fully know himself. Then told us how his parents have seven kids but he doesn't ask his parents how they go there and the details.. alluding that we don't have to know about the garments. Afterwards this obviously worries me and my husband that they basically skirted around the question.

Im worried as well as he is that we are going to these classes, won't get any answers, and just the warm fuzzies of how families can be together forever and allusiveness about how important the temple is. That would be pretty frustrating if we want to know answers and wont get any..

[Suzie]

Girlygirl, if your husband doesn't want to go to the Temple, he shouldn't go and you shouldn't pressure him in any way, IMO. I cannot promise that he will receive all the answers he is looking for in the Temple Preparation Class (it is most likely he won't) however, the basic questions such as the purpose of going to the temple, the covenants that are made there, purpose of garments, etc SHOULD be easily answered by a teacher who is supposed to know what he/she is doing.

[rameumptom]

As a member of the Church, if he holds the Aaronic Priesthood, he can attend the temple and do baptisms for the dead right now. Have him visit with the bishop and get a limited temple recommend for baptisms, and then set it up with the temple for him to go. Once inside, and he sees it is not a fortress but rather a beautiful house of God, many of his fears and concerns will ebb.

[AGStacker]

For those who haven't seen my other posts a brief background on my marriage, I married a year ago to a non member, was looked down on for doing so by family and told not to, but did knowing in my heart he would be baptized in 'his time' and not because my family was pressuring him to do so. We now attend church regularly (he got baptized last November), and he is really getting a strong testimony of the gospel which I am happy to see as I knew it would happen through much prayer :)

HOWEVER. The temple has always scared him. We drove to our closest one once so I could show him one in real life and he said it looked like a scary impenetrable fortress I am not endowed as yet but he has asked me many questions about garments, baptism for the dead etc. which I am not able to answer to him which makes him even more worried about the 'secrecy' of the temple. He was able to depend on me to answer all of his other gospel questions, and is super anxious that I can't answer really anything about what happens inside the temple other then the illusive 'sacred ordances' ect..

Because we have been married for over a year and he will be coming up to one year as a member we were approached last sunday to take temple prep classes. My family has really been emphasizing to him that he MUST get married to me in the temple which freaks him out. I said yes to the classes, however after church he talked to me and said he really does not want to go to the temple, and that taking the classes will just give the impression we want to go which he doesn't want to do so we shouldn't be going.

He is a really methodical person and needs to mull over something in his mind until it makes sense and he can commit to it- this is what he did with getting baptized, he had to really look into the gospel before he could commit to it. However I think he hates that he can't know what he is committing to before he accepts to go to the temple and its too late to turn back.. I can really understand his worries.

I think he has looked some stuff up on the internet and doesn't understand why he can't learn about this before he has to go. So my question is, should I push us to go to the temple prep classes or tell bishop we are not ready and we do not want to go?? He promised me he would go before we have kids but I get the feeling he wants to delay the temple sealing because up till not he has really accepted the gospel but he feels the temple side of it is where it gets 'cultish', which he doesn't want to be apart of.

He can always back out of the temple session if he feels uncomfortable.

[AGStacker]

Yes, the family thing really doesn't help, its getting to the point where when they introduce my husband to other mormons by saying, 'yes he is a new member baptised almost a year now, soon to be taking our daughter/ sister/ whatever to the temple to be sealed'.

If we take the classes, should we say upfront we will take them but not sure if we plan on going immediately after the classes? Or will it matter? I just don't want to take them and then feel super pressured.

Also MarinofError will they actually answer these questions? Before my husband got baptised the missionaries asked him if he had any questions. He wanted to know what garments were- and you know what his answer was? He said he didn't fully know himself. Then told us how his parents have seven kids but he doesn't ask his parents how they go there and the details.. alluding that we don't have to know about the garments. Afterwards this obviously worries me and my husband that they basically skirted around the question.

Im worried as well as he is that we are going to these classes, won't get any answers, and just the warm fuzzies of how families can be together forever and allusiveness about how important the temple is. That would be pretty frustrating if we want to know answers and wont get any..

Not to be rude but your family is the type that give Mormons a bad name in certain aspects in my opinion. I am sure in many ways they are good examples to non members also but I can't understand why so many members become so self righteous and think they are God's great gift to this Earth. Highly judgmental many Mormons are. Your husband would be more willing to attend the temple if he didn't feel like it was being forced upon him by your family. Good luck to you and your husband.

Edited August 10, 2011 by AGStacker

[Blocky]

I'm going to say it. The temple is no big deal.

There I said it.

There is no big bad secret thing that happens there that is a huge deal. It is only the next step in what he's already started by being baptized.

If he's not ready to go, that's ok. He hasn't even been a member for a year. If he wants to ask questions about the temple, see pictures of it inside, and such, then the temple prep class is a great place to do that. When I had my temple prep class there were about 18 people in it. Of those, only 3 went to the temple in the next 6 months.

I was pretty darn nervous going to the temple for the first time, especially since I was going without my spouse. Really though the only 'weird' thing about it was some of the symbolism of the temple clothes. I really like them now.

I don't' want to minimize the importance or the blessing of the temple. They are huge. But if he's not ready, he's not ready and that's his own personal area he's at in life. Before I went I was worried it wasn't the right time to go, even though I really wanted to and was worthy. After wards I was very glad I went because I was willing to keep trying to choose the right and committing each day to the Lord.

[mordorbund]

I like what was said earlier about finding a trusted friend and asking him his questions. We tout that it's "sacred not secret" but it practice it ends up getting treated as secret, and that's a shame. I include my trusted friends in sacred events. Until he finds someone to talk to, there are some officially-sanctioned resources he can turn to.

The House of the Lord by Elder James E. Talmage

The Holy Temple by Elder Boyd K. Packer

and of course the temple prep classes. Hopefully there's a good teacher for that.

[skippy740]

A virtual tour of the temple may be helpful. The temples with murals help show the path of the endowment ceremony from room-to-room. Not many temples do this anymore. The link below should help.

Inside the LDS Salt Lake Temple - LDS Temple Tour on Moroni's Unofficial Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and Mormon History Page

Also, be sure to read the Pearl of Great Price - Moses & Abraham.

The covenants made in the temple are similar to those we make at baptism, but more learning, more sacred, more blessings, more counsel and more "Old Testament".

The learning is by symbolism and parables... just as the Savior taught during his ministry.

Just as there are prayers & ordinances that are word-for-word (like Sacrament & baptism and others)... this is even more so in the temple. It is very ritualistic... as you should expect in a temple, versus a meetinghouse. It's not just the person officiating, but everyone who is participating... so in that respect it'll be different from almost any other ordinance in the church.

That's probably the best I can share in an online setting like this. So many people are afraid that it'll be so different and strange that they forget that it's part of the same church. By "likening" it to other familiar things, I hope it's easier to see how the temple ordinances are an extension of existing priesthood ordinances.

[MarginOfError]

Yes, the family thing really doesn't help, its getting to the point where when they introduce my husband to other mormons by saying, 'yes he is a new member baptised almost a year now, soon to be taking our daughter/ sister/ whatever to the temple to be sealed'.

And I'll reiterate. You need to take the initiative and tell your family to back off. I was serious when I suggested threatening not to invite them to the sealing if they don't. If they aren't going to accept that it's your sealing done on your terms, then they shouldn't get the privilege of enjoying it.

If we take the classes, should we say upfront we will take them but not sure if we plan on going immediately after the classes? Or will it matter? I just don't want to take them and then feel super pressured.

Sure. There's nothing wrong with taking the class as an exploratory measure. I suspect the majority of members will respect your husband for saying he doesn't feel right about going.

Also MarinofError will they actually answer these questions? Before my husband got baptised the missionaries asked him if he had any questions. He wanted to know what garments were- and you know what his answer was? He said he didn't fully know himself. Then told us how his parents have seven kids but he doesn't ask his parents how they go there and the details.. alluding that we don't have to know about the garments. Afterwards this obviously worries me and my husband that they basically skirted around the question.

As a general rule, full time missionaries (of the younger variety) are idiots when it comes to this kind of question. They just don't have the experience and wisdom necessary to deal with these situations properly. You need to ask someone older, wiser, and preferably a trusted friend. If that person won't answer, ask someone else. If all else fails, PM me and I'll answer them (I won't do it on the boards because I'm a little more open than the moderating staff is comfortable with for a public discussion forum--and probably rightfully so).

Im worried as well as he is that we are going to these classes, won't get any answers, and just the warm fuzzies of how families can be together forever and allusiveness about how important the temple is. That would be pretty frustrating if we want to know answers and wont get any..

That's certainly possible. I hope your teacher isn't that much of a prude.

[Madriglace]

The manual for the temple classes is on line .... have your husband have a look at it. Nothing to be worried about. When I went the first time I realized I knew all that I was told ... it just added to my knowledge. Funny thing ... I went for myself 20+ years ago but it wasn't until I finally got my self motivated and started working for my ancestors that I finally had the lights come on ... now the temple excites me. Maybe have your husband start his genealogy (it is part of the classes) and take some of his family names to do baptisms. Takes it to a whole other place!

[JudoMinja]

My best-friend is kinda in the same boat as your husband. :) I think I'm going to share this thread with her, because there's a lot of good stuff here. The big difference between her and your husband though is that she is still not a member of the church at all. She is extremely analytical and thoughtful and has to know exactly what she is getting into before she commits to anything. She has told me that she believes the church is true and she only has two reservations about getting baptised-

1. She does not yet feel she is strong enough to commit to changing her lifestyle. She lives with her boyfriend and drinks and doesn't live the law of chastity, and she doesn't want to have to let go of everything she is doing. Basically- while she believes it she doesn't want to make covenants she knows she will not keep since she does not have a strong enough desire to do so.

2. The temple. The exact same problem your husband is having. However, we came to an agreement. Once I go through the endowment session, I will talk with her about it. She trusts me to be honest and clear about it, and I know we can have this conversation in a way that will still respect the sacredness and sanctity of the temple. While I already know quite a bit about the temple ordinances, she doesn't want to accept what I've read/studied/heard from others as solid information. She wants it first hand from me.

Many members of the church have a hard time talking about the temple and explaining it to non-members because they either do not understand it themselves or they don't know how to keep it sacred without keeping it secret. As someone else already said- young full-time missionaries are ill-prepared for these kind of questions because they are usually just as confused and unknowledgable about it as a non-member. Even members that have already gone through the temple sometimes do so without fully understanding what they are doing. For many, really understanding it all just isn't all that necessary or important because the spirit and their testimony are strong enough that a lack of understanding is okay. However, that certainly makes it harder for them to explain it to those who do want to understand.

The thing is, while studying something out and analyzing it is a good idea, you just cannot logically fully understand spiritual matters. At some point, he is going to reach a plateau where he understands as much as he is going to and some things still don't quite connect logically. He will have to make a leap of faith. He will have to rely on his testimony and trust in the Lord.

[Vort]

However, we came to an agreement. Once I go through the endowment session, I will talk with her about it. She trusts me to be honest and clear about it, and I know we can have this conversation in a way that will still respect the sacredness and sanctity of the temple. While I already know quite a bit about the temple ordinances, she doesn't want to accept what I've read/studied/heard from others as solid information. She wants it first hand from me.

Two problems with this:

• You will not be able to tell her anything she can't already read or find out legitimately. Some of what is presented is only done so under covenant that you never reveal it. The rest is already available in scripture and in books, as mentioned above. So unless you plan on violating covenants (which I am sure you do not), you won't have any new information to offer.

• To be blunt: Unless you are highly unusual, you will not understand much of the temple endowment presentation the first time you experience it. You will probably need to go through the temple a dozen times or more just to get a good feel for what's going on, and many more times after that to start investigating the actual meanings of the symbolic presentations given. It's a lifetime of study, and more. Going through the temple once will not prepare you to give much of a lesson on what goes on in the temple.

[JudoMinja]

Two problems with this:

• You will not be able to tell her anything she can't already read or find out legitimately. Some of what is presented is only done so under covenant that you never reveal it. The rest is already available in scripture and in books, as mentioned above. So unless you plan on violating covenants (which I am sure you do not), you won't have any new information to offer.

• To be blunt: Unless you are highly unusual, you will not understand much of the temple endowment presentation the first time you experience it. You will probably need to go through the temple a dozen times or more just to get a good feel for what's going on, and many more times after that to start investigating the actual meanings of the symbolic presentations given. It's a lifetime of study, and more. Going through the temple once will not prepare you to give much of a lesson on what goes on in the temple.

I understand both those points and I've already explained such to my friend. She is okay with that and I think really just wants to know that I've done it and I'm okay with it and its not in any way "crazy" or going to violate her. She trusts me, and there are very few people in this world that she trusts.