DO NOT try this!

[NeedleinA]

So... this totally back fired in my face and I would highly suggest not duplicating it either. This happened a couple of days ago. In my "wisdom" I decided to do a prank on my family since I had access to a fog/smoke machine for an upcoming Youth Dance. I sneaked the machine downstairs and waited until my wife and kids were all upstairs cooking and getting ready for dinner. This smoke machine is definitely a high output device. I turned on the machine close to the basement stairs leading up to the kitchen area. Smoke quickly filled the down stairs and to my surprise, thinking it was a "fog" machine, the smoke detectors all started going off. The alarms triggered the start of the panic upstairs.
"What is going on?"
"Are you burning the food?"
"Where is your father?!?'
As they called/screamed for me I remained silent down stairs. Shortly afterwards the smoke made it's way upstairs... finally they saw the smoke and that it was coming from downstairs. This set off a higher level of panic and some choice words from my loving wife (who never swears, ever!). As they called down for me from the upstairs, I still remained silent. So with all the alarms blaring, panicked kids, swearing wife I decided to emerge while laughing.

Well... the reaction of my wife realizing it was a joke/prank almost left me one step away from being divorced  I have seen her mad before, but she was MAAADDDD x1,000,000. Oh boy!

So lessons learned:
1. Don't prank involving your death. My wife thought I had died or was dying downstairs.
2. Realize that your family will basically panic in a house fire situation unless you have practiced this.
3. Realize that you are going to burn downstairs because no one came to rescue Dad...he is disposable

So again... don't try this if you want a happy marriage. Don't do this because you might come to the shocking realization that your family loves you, but not enough to risk their lives to go help you downstairs.

Edited October 13, 2016 by NeedleinA

[Guest]

So, basically, don't cross the streams.

[Colirio]

Chapter 6:24. And thus he did prove the reasoning for being left downstairs during the fire. 

25. And afterwards he did repent, after being smitten by the Familyites. 

26. Yet, they were slow to forgive due to his foolishness. 

27. Thus, he did come home bearing flowers. 

 

 

Seriously, if one of the family had called the fire department, he might have had to repent with a hefty fine....

[Traveler]

 

There is a gender thing when it comes to humor.  I use to commute to work down town SLC from my home in Sandy daily on my bicycle - part of keeping in shape.  One day (April 1st) while commuting home I stopped at the local super mart and purchased a small bottle of catchup which I use to decorate myself with before coming in the house.  I should have known better from similar experiences - Sisters of the Gospel just do not have a sense of humor when it comes to such things.

For the life of me I do not understand - If I walk into a pole when walking with my wife and get a bloody nose because I noticed a lady in an outfit that is like 60% off -- That is very funny to her.

 

The Traveler

[NeedleinA]

5 minutes ago, Traveler said:

 a small bottle of catchup

I apparently don't see the word spelled like this enough, so I figured, "Well, that was the problem of his joke, yuck".

 

[Guest]

What the heck is "pre"-biotic?

[NeedleinA]

15 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

What the heck is "pre"-biotic?

fertilizer for your gut?

[NeuroTypical]

[dahlia]

On 10/13/2016 at 0:37 PM, Colirio said:

Chapter 6:24. And thus he did prove the reasoning for being left downstairs during the fire. 

25. And afterwards he did repent, after being smitten by the Familyites. 

26. Yet, they were slow to forgive due to his foolishness. 

27. Thus, he did come home bearing flowers. 

 

 

Seriously, if one of the family had called the fire department, he might have had to repent with a hefty fine....

Gee, this sounded like the intro speak Van Alden gave to the new agents. I can just hear Michael Shannon's cadence in my head.  

[Guest]

I just looked it up

Quote

pre·bi·ot·ic

ˌprēˌbīˈätik/

noun

plural noun: prebiotics

1. a nondigestible food ingredient that promotes the growth of beneficial microorganisms in the intestines.

 

[mordorbund]

I learned that when Mothers Day rolls around and the ward honors mothers by singling out particular demographics (newest, family size, etc), that you should NOT try to help that special lady in your life stand as one of the "oldest mothers".

1. You WILL receive a very firm slap on the back (not an "attaboy")
2. The bishop WILL draw attention to your comeuppance
3. No one laughs with you

I learned this lesson as a teenager when that "special lady" was my mom, so I've had a pretty good marriage.

[dahlia]

23 hours ago, mordorbund said:

I learned that when Mothers Day rolls around and the ward honors mothers by singling out particular demographics (newest, family size, etc), that you should NOT try to help that special lady in your life stand as one of the "oldest mothers".

We just all get a big candy bar. Probably safer. : )

[Jamie123]

On ‎13‎/‎10‎/‎2016 at 7:11 PM, Traveler said:

There is a gender thing when it comes to humor.

It's not just a gender thing either but an age-thing. Children (of both sexes) laugh at the same sorts of things that men do, while the adult women shout: "That's not funny, it's disgusting!"

A case in point: my daughter and I were at my brother's house once, and the song "Seasons in the Sun" came on the radio. My brother and I, along with my daughter and my brother's two kids all sang along to the chorus with the hilarious words:

Quote

We had joy we had fun, flicking bogeys in the sun,

But the sun was so hot that the bogeys turned to snot.

and were in stitches for ages afterwards. My brother's wife however didn't even raise a smile, and just said we were all disgusting. (My own wife wasn't with us at the time, but when I told her afterwards she said she totally agreed with my sister-in-law.)

Edited October 24, 2016 by Jamie123

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

LOL, Needle, you are right....don't do that again.   

Years ago, I worked graveyard in a halfway house.  There was just me, my partner, Craig, and a bunch of residents.  It was policy to have one staff in the office at all times so once when I went to the restroom and came back, I was very surprised to find the office area empty.  Still I assumed that Craig had some good reason to step out, so I sat down to wait for him.  

Pretty soon, I thought I heard a sound behind me.  I turned to look but there was nothing/no one there.  I went back to my paperwork.  Then I thought I heard it again, still nothing...except that I was starting to get jumpy.  I didn't know where Craig was and I was hearing weird sounds.

Then he jumped out from where he had been hiding (in a cabinet behind me (obviously we were good friends).  Scared the Beejeebees out of me.  It's been more than 20 years and I still remember how scared I was.  The rascal.  

BUT I didn't love him, and I didn't think he was dead.  That's the difference.  Buy your wife some flowers!