Vort Posted January 9, 2017 Report Posted January 9, 2017 1 hour ago, anatess2 said: Geeks can't even spell CPU back then. Back in the day, the joke was that Cougar football players were those who could spell "BYU". Those who couldn't went to play for the Utes. anatess2 and Sunday21 2 Quote
Vort Posted January 9, 2017 Report Posted January 9, 2017 1 hour ago, anatess2 said: Rabbi 1 to Rabbi 2: I sent my son to Israel and he came home a Christian. Rabbi 2: You know what, I sent my son to Israel and he came home a Christian too! Rabbi 1 and Rabbi 2 to Rabbie 3: We sent our sons to Israel and they came home a Christian. Rabbi 3: You know what, I sent my son to Israel and he came home a Christian too! So all 3 Rabbis decided to go to Israel and figure out what's going on. Together they prayed at the western wall. Rabbis: God, we sent our sons to Israel and they came home a Christian. We seek to know why. God: You know what... I don't get it. *chagrin* I assume the last line has something to do with God telling the rabbis that he's Christ or something of the sort, but the punchline sailed overhead, so far up that I didn't even catch a glimpse. Quote
anatess2 Posted January 9, 2017 Report Posted January 9, 2017 51 minutes ago, Vort said: I don't get it. *chagrin* I assume the last line has something to do with God telling the rabbis that he's Christ or something of the sort, but the punchline sailed overhead, so far up that I didn't even catch a glimpse. It would become just so lame if I have to explain it... Quote
zil Posted January 9, 2017 Author Report Posted January 9, 2017 4 hours ago, Vort said: Back in the day, the joke was that Cougar football players were those who could spell "BYU". Those who couldn't went to play for the Utes. Oklahoma joke: Why do all the best football players go to OU1? Because it's easier to spell than OSU2. 1 Oklahoma University 2 Oklahoma State University Quote
Guest Posted January 10, 2017 Report Posted January 10, 2017 15 hours ago, zil said: Oklahoma joke: Why do all the best football players go to OU1? Because it's easier to spell than OSU2. 1 Oklahoma University 2 Oklahoma State University Oh! So that's what those initials stand for. Quote
Guest Posted January 13, 2017 Report Posted January 13, 2017 On 12/23/2016 at 11:33 AM, Vort said: What do you get when you cross and elephant with a rhinoceros? Geekier answer: (Elephant) (Rhinoceros) (sin θ) I passed this around the family that is full of technical individuals. Only the two rocket scientists got it. Quote
anatess2 Posted January 13, 2017 Report Posted January 13, 2017 1 hour ago, Carborendum said: I passed this around the family that is full of technical individuals. Only the two rocket scientists got it. I showed this to my sons who are "rocket scientists" thanks to Eve Online. Both of them said... it's "an" not "and". Don't know what to make of that. I didn't notice it! They both didn't get it (neither did I) but at least the older kid knew to call it theta. Quote
mordorbund Posted January 13, 2017 Report Posted January 13, 2017 3 minutes ago, anatess2 said: I showed this to my sons who are "rocket scientists" thanks to Eve Online. Both of them said... it's "an" not "and". Don't know what to make of that. I didn't notice it! They both didn't get it (neither did I) but at least the older kid knew to call it theta. Sometimes it's easier to understand after you cross your t's and dot product your i's and j's. Vort 1 Quote
anatess2 Posted February 6, 2017 Report Posted February 6, 2017 The best match-up to go on the Democrat ticket in 2020 to oppose Trump/Pence: 1.) Al Franken and Jill Stein = FrankenStein 2.) Anthony Weiner and Eric Holder = Weiner Holder Vort 1 Quote
askandanswer Posted February 6, 2017 Report Posted February 6, 2017 (edited) For Vort and speakers of what President Uchtdorf mistakenly believes is the "celestial language" No matter how kind you think you are, German kids are kinder Edited February 6, 2017 by askandanswer Vort and Sunday21 2 Quote
Vort Posted February 7, 2017 Report Posted February 7, 2017 6 hours ago, askandanswer said: For Vort and speakers of what President Uchtdorf mistakenly believes is the "celestial language" No matter how kind you think you are, German kids are kinder But that joke isn't lame. It's awesome. askandanswer, SilentOne, mordorbund and 1 other 4 Quote
askandanswer Posted February 7, 2017 Report Posted February 7, 2017 My vacuum cleaner sucks Sunday21 and Jamie123 2 Quote
Vort Posted February 13, 2017 Report Posted February 13, 2017 THE TRUE STORY OF THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME The bellringer at the cathedral of Notre Dame had died, and a lengthy search for a successor had failed. Finally the archbishop himself began interviewing candidates for the job. No one suitable was found, and the archbishop began to despair of filling the vacancy. Then one morning, in walked a short, hunchbacked, armless, incredibly ugly man, who said to the archbishop, "I am here to apply for the bellringer position." The archbishop looked the man over, then gently said, "My son, this job is too difficult for you. The bell is very heavy, and you have no arms to pull it." The man pleaded, "Just give me a chance!" Finally, the archbishop relented and escorted the applicant to the top of the bell tower. Upon reaching the bell, the man took off in a sudden sprint, then threw himself face-first at the bell. The most magnificent, beautiful tone rang out from the old bell. The man stood watching as the archbishop marveled at the miracle that had occurred. When the archbishop finally found his voice, he said, "Welcome, new bellringer!" So began a year of wondrous beauty, as the hunchback bellringer faithfully executed his duties, to the delight of Paris. Never had such beautiful music emanated from the old bell tower of Notre Dame! But one fateful, rainy night, while the hunchback scaled the tower to perform his duties, he slipped on the wet stairs by a window and plummeted to his death. A crowd quickly gathered around him. "It's the bellringer!" cried the people. "The bellringer is dead!", The archbishop, weeping, came out to witness the tragic sight. Someone in the small crowd asked, "What was this man's name?" The archbishop replied, "I don't remember his name, but his face sure rings a bell." Quote
Vort Posted February 13, 2017 Report Posted February 13, 2017 THE TRUE STORY OF THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME, PART DEUX Naturally, the bellringer position needed to be filled again. And once again, the search was long and arduous, and the archbishop was on the edge of despair. But one morning, in walked a ugly armless hunchback. The archbishop was speechless -- it was as if his old bellringer had risen from the dead! And like the old bellringer, the man rung the bell in the same unusual manner, and with the same sublime results. Naturally, he was hired on the spot, and faithfully filled his duties. But one rainy night a year later, the unthinkable happened yet again, and the bellringer plunged to his death. Again the crowd gathered, the lamentations sounded, and the archbishop in tears came to the tragedy. Someone asked, "Who was this poor bellringer?" The archbishop responded, "I don't know, but he's a dead ringer for the last guy." askandanswer and Jamie123 2 Quote
Vort Posted February 15, 2017 Report Posted February 15, 2017 My son and I were texting Tom Swifties to each other yesterday. Here are a few: "I hate bananas," Tom cried dolefully. "Fan the flames!" Tom bellowed. "There's no room on the Place de la Concorde," Tom said ruefully. "I prefer pumpernickel," Tom said wryly. "You cut me off at the ankles," said Tom, defeated. "I'm too passive" was said by Tom. "I'm a raven!" Tom crowed. "It's on the other side of the road," Tom said crossly. Jamie123, askandanswer, anatess2 and 2 others 5 Quote
Jamie123 Posted February 16, 2017 Report Posted February 16, 2017 (edited) 12 hours ago, Vort said: My son and I were texting Tom Swifties to each other yesterday. Here are a few: "I hate bananas," Tom cried dolefully. "Fan the flames!" Tom bellowed. "There's no room on the Place de la Concorde," Tom said ruefully. "I prefer pumpernickel," Tom said wryly. "You cut me off at the ankles," said Tom, defeated. "I'm too passive" was said by Tom. "I'm a raven!" Tom crowed. "It's on the other side of the road," Tom said crossly. "Who's in line for the New Year's Honours?" wondered Tom as he peered at the list. "Don't waste our time with your fairy tales!" his brothers warned him grimly. Edited February 16, 2017 by Jamie123 Vort and askandanswer 2 Quote
Guest Posted February 16, 2017 Report Posted February 16, 2017 (edited) Jane: Let me see if I understand this correctly. You took our baby into a knife fight? Jeff: It was a fair fight. Two of them. Two of us. Jane: I can't believe you forgot the (baby's) formula. Edited February 16, 2017 by Guest Quote
Vort Posted February 16, 2017 Report Posted February 16, 2017 50 minutes ago, Carborendum said: Jane: Let me see if I understand this correctly. You took our baby into a knife fight? Jeff: It was a fair fight. Two of them. Two of us. Jane: I can't believe you forgot the (baby's) formula. Funny movie. Quote
Jamie123 Posted February 16, 2017 Report Posted February 16, 2017 My sister bet me a thousand pounds I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti... ....You should have seen her face as I drove pasta! askandanswer and Sunday21 2 Quote
zil Posted February 16, 2017 Author Report Posted February 16, 2017 14 minutes ago, Jamie123 said: My sister bet me a thousand pounds I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti... ....You should have seen her face as I drove pasta! Groooaaaan Quote
Jamie123 Posted February 17, 2017 Report Posted February 17, 2017 "I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank. "Oh no, I dropped the toothpaste again," said Tom, crestfallen. "I punched him right on the nose," said Tom, bashfully. mordorbund, Sunday21, askandanswer and 1 other 4 Quote
zil Posted February 17, 2017 Author Report Posted February 17, 2017 What do you call dinner on Fast Sunday? . . . . The Feast of the Fast-Over Sunday21 1 Quote
Vort Posted February 17, 2017 Report Posted February 17, 2017 9 hours ago, Jamie123 said: "I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank. "New Jersey has the best hot dogs," Tom stated frankly. "I believe the tree is some sort of Irish conifer," Tom opined. "An orca!" Tom wailed*. *Doesn't actually work for me, since I pronounce the animal as a /ˈhwāl/. askandanswer, Jamie123 and zil 3 Quote
Jamie123 Posted February 20, 2017 Report Posted February 20, 2017 "We could go camping this summer," was Tom's tentative suggestion. "We haven't nearly enough slates to cover the roof," said Tom, realising the project was futile. Sunday21 and askandanswer 2 Quote
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.