The Things Kids Say

[craftydana]

I have some very whitty children.

When my daughter was 4 (now7) she was having one of those days where she just wined and cried about everything. (I usually call her Alice when she cries because of this video game my husband played. Alice would cried a lot and filled up the house with tears.) I told her to go to her room untill she was done crying. When she came out I asked if she was done crying and she replied, "I don't know, are you ready to swim?'

I looked at her and said "What" with a confused look, and she responded "Because I'm goona start again." Then we both cracked up laughing untill our sides hurt and we were both crying from laughing so hard.

[onyx]

I have some very whitty children.

When my daughter was 4 (now7) she was having one of those days where she just wined and cried about everything. (I usually call her Alice when she cries because of this video game my husband played. Alice would cried a lot and filled up the house with tears.) I told her to go to her room untill she was done crying. When she came out I asked if she was done crying and she replied, "I don't know, are you ready to swim?'

I looked at her and said "What" with a confused look, and she responded "Because I'm goona start again." Then we both cracked up laughing untill our sides hurt and we were both crying from laughing so hard.

hah hah hah hah!!!!

She was very witty for a 4 year old!

[hanne_line]

Okay, I've told this one before, but most of you are fairly new, so my apologies to those who have already heard this.

When my son was about three, I decided to make a really healthy dinner. I picked some lettuce from" the garden" (veggies that sprang up out of nowhere) and was standing at the sink washing it when my little one came in, looked at the lettuce, and said "What's that?"

I told him it was lettuce for our salad that night. He said "What's a salad?" I explained how I'd cut up the lettuce into little pieces, put it in a bowl, and that was a salad!

He got this incredulous look on his face, pointed to the lettuce and cried out, "We're gonna eat that? (grossed out pause) Plants!?!"

I felt like the worst mother in the world. Keep in mind, he was THREE.

Elphie

He he he he he. cramps!!!!!!!!

What a great laughter you gave me there!!!

Hanne Line

[Iggy]

Yesterday, my family and I were sitting and eating lunch when I asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” to my five year old son. He quickly said, “I still want to be a policeman!” I said, “Then you mother is going to be sad.” He asked, “Why?” I said, “Because it is a dangerous job.” He looked at me quizzically. “They have to go out at catch the bad guys and sometimes they have guns,” I continued. “They have guns?” he asked. I said, “Some of them have big guns” wide eyed. He sat there and pondered this for a minute. He said, “I want to be a fireman then.” I then went into the dangers of that profession too. In the end he came to the idea of becoming a doctor or a dentist. I turned to my three year old son and asked him, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” He sat and thought then asked, “Bad guys have big guns dad?” I said “Yes” happy he understood the danger. He nodded his head and said, “I want to be a bad guy.”

That's what you get for killing the "Fatted Cat" DrT!! Oh, that is soooo funny.

[WillowTheWhisp]

When my youngest daughter was small she was saying her bedtime prayers. It started out "Dear Heavenly Father" but then her voice went very quiet as she mumbled the rest of the prayer and ended "in name of Jess, Chris and men". As I tried not to smile and added "Amen" I said "I really couldn't hear a word of that prayer Em." She turned and smiled at me and said, "Oh that's OK Mum, I wasn't actually talking to you."

[SmilingRedhead]

My daughter is two-and-a-half and a few months ago she was sitting in the kitchen eating a small yoghurt which her Daddy had given her. Her Daddy and I were preparing dinner and after a little while she asks: 'Daddy please can I have a yoghurt?' My husband says she can't as she's just finished one and we're eating dinner soon. A moment goes by and she asks for a yoghurt again and Daddy yet again says no. This goes on for a few more times with her asking and Daddy saying no.

Finally, with a furrowed brow and an exasperated voice our little two-year-old exclaims: 'Daddy, Please Understand!'

We looked at each other and really had to stop ourselves from cracking up. LOL She cracks us up all the time with the things she says and does. :)

[Honor]

I don't have many personal stories about my verbal adventures with my son (he's only 17 months), but I do have one to share from being a Primary Teacher.

A year or two ago, they started teaching the Primary kids a song called "Scripture Power". Being familiar with the song will probably help you appreciate this. Anyway, the start of the verses sounds A LOT like "Can You Feel The Love Tonight" from the Lion King. I made the mistake of pointing it out to my class of 9 & 10 year olds. For the rest of the year they started it like this:

"I can see what's happening,"

"What?"

"And they don't have a clue,"

"Who?"

"They'll fall in love and here's the bottom line, our trio's down to two."

"Oh..."

I doubt that our music director appreciated it very much, but I couldn't help but laugh. I swear I'm working on my reverence.

[Guest Malcolm]

My daughter is two-and-a-half and a few months ago she was sitting in the kitchen eating a small yoghurt which her Daddy had given her. Her Daddy and I were preparing dinner and after a little while she asks: 'Daddy please can I have a yoghurt?' My husband says she can't as she's just finished one and we're eating dinner soon. A moment goes by and she asks for a yoghurt again and Daddy yet again says no. This goes on for a few more times with her asking and Daddy saying no.

Finally, with a furrowed brow and an exasperated voice our little two-year-old exclaims: 'Daddy, Please Understand!'

We looked at each other and really had to stop ourselves from cracking up. LOL She cracks us up all the time with the things she says and does. :)

That was precious.

My oldest daughter Geraldine is now 10. We are Lord of the Rings superfans and we watch the trilogy at least once a month. When she was about 6 we were walking around the supermarket and as we get to the checkout line she asks:

"Dad, are hobbits real or not?"

"Well, the one in the movies are make-believe, we talked about it"

"But dad, what if they ARE real. I mean how do you know there isn't any REAL ONES around?" By this time people in the supermarket line were laughing at her tone and mannerisms.

"Well, I guess there is a small chance that there could be some..." I said.

"Told ya'" she yelled tapping her younger sister in the arm pointing to a VERY short woman right behind us. "She even has hair on her toes and everything!!!" She exclaimed.

The whole line came down in laughter.

[MorningStar]

I love this thread! Hilarious.

Ok, I have a couple and I'm sure I'm forgetting some really good ones.

When my oldest son was about 3, I was leaning forward and he could see down the front of my shirt. He asked, "Hey, Mom ... What's that ... on your boobs? Is that a butt?"

He also didn't want to use the potty because there was a "naughty toilet monster" who wanted to reach up and spank his bottom. He's a crack-up.

Hmm... I'll have to think of more ...

[Flyonthewall]

My son was about 2 or 3 years old and came down with a fever and was feeling very punk. Being our first child, my wife and I fawned all over him when he was sick. My wife would always hold him and look at me with sad eyes and say "baby's sick".

On this occasion my wife was holding my son, and when I came near I asked him how he was feeling. He held out his little hand, and in his little sick voice said "baby hick".

Also, when my son would have a poopy diaper, whomever the lucky one was to change him, would always say "Pew! you stink". We had no idea how he interpreted that until one day I was changing his diaper, and after saying "you stink", he very defiantly shook his little fist at me and yelled "I am not stink!".

[skalenfehl]

These are funny! Okay I got one, actually two, but I need to preface this with the fact that my wife and I are adoptive parents of two now full grown boys. We adopted our first son (or I should say we became his foster parents) when he was 12. After some discussions with missionaries, he decided he wanted to be baptized.

Here's the first experience: When the missionary asked him during a discussion why it was important not to hide our light under a bushel, his reply was because you don't want to burn the bush!

The second experience. The missionary in a later discussion pulled out his flipchart and showed a picture of a boy being baptized (all you return missionaries remember that one?) Anyway, I couldn't find that same image online, but here's a similar one:

My son later told me that he thought that the reason that the man baptizing held his hand up as illustrated was to slap the boy's forehead pushing him into the water. I think he might have seen one too many evangelical commercials. I just couldn't stop laughing.

[pam]

Okay now THAT one was hilarious.

[MorningStar]

These are funny! Okay I got one, actually two, but I need to preface this with the fact that my wife and I are adoptive parents of two now full grown boys. We adopted our first son (or I should say we became his foster parents) when he was 12. After some discussions with missionaries, he decided he wanted to be baptized.

Here's the first experience: When the missionary asked him during a discussion why it was important not to hide our light under a bushel, his reply was because you don't want to burn the bush!

The second experience. The missionary in a later discussion pulled out his flipchart and showed a picture of a boy being baptized (all you return missionaries remember that one?) Anyway, I couldn't find that same image online, but here's a similar one:

My son later told me that he thought that the reason that the man baptizing held his hand up as illustrated was to slap the boy's forehead pushing him into the water. I think he might have seen one too many evangelical commercials. I just couldn't stop laughing.

HAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

[Dr T]

My three year old (at the time) played with a little girl and said matter-of-factly (if that's a word) to his 5 year old brother, "I'm going to marry Katlyn." Then after a short delay added, "but if I don't-you can." It's good that he's willing to share his marriage prospects I guess

[MaidservantX]

REQUEST TO MODS: Can you pin this thread?? THANKS!!! :)

1. My 16 year old son came out to the living room and asked me, "Should I shave my goatee or keep it?" And I basically said, "I have no opinion whatsoever. Either way is fine with me. Ask someone else's opinion." My 13 year old son was in the room. His older brother turned to him and asked, "What's your opinion?" Younger son: "I want one!"

2. My kids and I watch a lot of movies together. In one movie the main character was ill. When my then 4 yr old daughter asked about it, I said that the man had a tumor in his brain. Later, she repeated to someone else what I'd said -- she thought. According to her, the man had a "tune in his brain"! (Don't we all? )

3. Eggnog is yummy, yes? My then 3 yr old son thought so. So good in fact that he remembered the taste and the distinctively colored carton all the way from the previous holiday season when he'd been 2. I came home from the grocery store and he spotted the treat and asked, "Can I have some eggwater?"

4. My son was imitating a line from one of our favorite Disney movies: "I'm a damsel. I'm in distress." His little sister replied: "No, I'm in a dress."

5. We have a folk song we like to sing in our house: "Over my head -- / I hear music in the air --/". But I couldn't top 3 yr old son's version: "Over my head -- / I hear music in my hair --". (I'd like to use some of his shampoo!)

[MorningStar]

I love how my kids mispronounce things. The other night we had "basagna" followed by "Family Home Leavning".

[Canuck Mormon]

Here's some witty responses to a teachers questions:

Kids are Quick

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America ..

MARIA: Here it is.

TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?

CLASS: Maria.

____________________________________

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your maths multiplication on the floor?

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'

GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'

TEACHER: No, that's wrong

GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

____________________________________________

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD: H I J K L M N O.

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

__________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we

didn't have ten years ago.

WINNIE: Me!

__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

_______________________________________

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'

MILLIE: I is...

TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'

MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'

_________________________________

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry

tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his

father didn't punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

______________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

______________________________

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as

your brother's. Did you copy his?

CLYDE : No, it's the same dog.

___________________________________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when

people are no longer interested?

HAROLD: A teacher

:lol::lol:

[Elgama]

My daughter at a play centre yesterday was playing with a little boy called Robbie - they were being Scooby Doo

He Says: You can be a Vampire and eat blood

She Says: Oh but my Mummy ordered me sausages - I don't want to ruin my appetite

-Charley

[MissouriBoiler]

I have a 3.5 year old son. Her are a few that got my wife and I laughing.

1. about 10 months ago he started saying our prayers at dinner and at bedtime. Of course with the help of his mother whispering in his ear what to say. over a few weeks of doing this, my wife tried to entice him to add what he wanted to say and he would extend her phrases. Such as Thank you for this meal and he would change it into "Thank you for this really really big meal." One night when saying family prayer, my wife told him "thank you for my daddy"... He repeats "Thank you for my daddy" She then proceeds "Thank you for my Mommy" and he says:

"Thank you for my really really big mommy.".... We couldn't help but stop and smirk for a few seconds.

2. A few months later as he his ability to say the prayer has increase he now says his own phrases. My wife reminded him to bless the dinner and he did and he did a few other things she whispered to him. He was being his normal serious self and he started to do it on his own thanking for his sister and parents and for church and his friends. Then he changed his tone to more of a playful voice and said

"Thank you for my pillow, I love it so much. I don't want mommy or daddy to get me a new one as this one helps me sleeps so well." He then closed his prayer properly and without looking up began to eat dinner.

3. My son also has a hard time sitting still in church and we just recently moved to a small branch. I was quickly called into the branch presidency and my wife now sat with our 3 year old and 1 year old daughter by herself. The other families help out from time to time if things got out of hand and of course I would step down and help as well. :) My son was sitting near the front with the Branch Presdient's family. He was sitting between the 8 year old daught and the 14 year old daughter very reverently listening to the speaker (A miracle!). The 8 year old girl was not a type of girl that like to play with dolls, be hugged or go out of her way to socialize. My son looked at her, scooted closer to her and put his arm around her and leaned forward as if he meant to kiss her. She was of course petrified and jerked her head back. He just smiled at her and kept his arm around her for as long as she would let him. The people around them and the branch presidency couldn't help but laugh at this scene.

4. This one is not my son but my niece. My sister-in-law was babysitting for her older sister. My sister-in-law took them to the mall for some reason that I can't remember but in the middle of the mall is a large carousel. Our niece(3) and our nephew(5) of course would love to ride the carousel but what they don't know is there Aunt is a poor college student and doesn't have any money on her for such a thing. She tried to explain to our niece that if they had some money she would be more than willing to let them ride.

My niece then stands up and begins to shout with a projecting voice and turn to all present and walking by that "IF we had money we could ride the Carousel". She repeated this some before my Sister-in-law could blushfully get the begging 3 year old to stop.

[skalenfehl]

Sometimes I laugh at the things my son comes up with. He just turned 20 and still living at home. As some of you might know I'm an adoptive father and teaching my boys about the benefit of following the Word of Wisdom hasn't always been easy.

Needless to say my older son smokes. He understands that there is absolutely no smoking inside the house and when he smokes outside he is to throw all his butts in the garbage. Well of course, being the typical youth, he "forgets" to throw some away and consequently my wife and I find butts in our yard.

So my wife confronts him about it recently with a dose of humor. She told him that one of his friends must have come for a visit the other night because there are cigarette butts all over our yard (visible now that all the snow is melting!).

My son then replies by saying that it was the last rain and condensation that's making all the cigarette butts come out and that it wasn't him. Of course my wife reacts with the typical 'yeah right' reply.

"It happens with frogs!" was my son's reply. I'll admit that was very funny and creative and I laughed. The things that kids come up with, even in their later years.

[Gwen]

i've probably shared this before but we have a lot of new ppl and the cigarette story reminded me of it so....lol

my brother smokes and he's great to keep it away from the kids when we visit. since that is about the only time we are around smoking i was trying to explain to my kids about the butts being hot. later i was talking to my son (5 at the time) about my brother and he was asking which uncle i was talking about. i started describing him and he says "oh the one with the hot butt!"

when i told my brother about it he was thrilled; was more than ok with being the uncle with the hot butt.

[Canuck Mormon]

Yesterday me and my son went to visit my parents. On the way home he turns to me and asks "Dad, did you know that Jesus died for you?" I said "Yes, I did" he looks out the window of the car and says "Good". Then he started talking about Pokémon or something.

[MorningStar]

Hahahahaha!!!!!! That's hilarious! I love kids.

[MaidservantX]

Here's one from my friends.

"You know, Mom, how you're supposed to run faster than you walk?" observed the 8-year-old, as he watched a televised women's softball game. "It's weird. Those ladies are not running faster than they walk!" [Ouch!]

AND

The neighbors were building a chicken COOP. My daughter was fascinated by it, and ran to tell me about it, but she didn't realize that the word was 'coop'. She repeated what she thought she heard. "Mom, come see the chicken poop! It's real big!" (Uh . . . I'll pass . . . lol. )

[siouxz72]

hahahahaha!! come see the chicken poop! hahahaha!!

did i tell you the one from when katie was like 4 and she said that all the big T's out in front of the building were becuase it was a turch?! :) she's funny