Your next calling...

[Sunday21]

Can I please be a shirt puller? What calling do you wish your ward had?

I like the sounds of the baby sitter coordinator. I would love to arrange something for married sisters so that they can go to the temple. My plan for retirement? 

I know! @zil! We could have the security shakedown! Frisk people for weapons before entering the building! No guns, knives, bows and arrows! 

http://www.ldsliving.com/Coat-Tail-Puller-to-Road-Kill-Coordinator-The-Most-Unique-Church-Callings/s/87520

Edited February 14, 2018 by Sunday21

[zil]

24 minutes ago, Sunday21 said:

I know! @zil! We could have the security shakedown! Frisk people for weapons before entering the building! No guns, knives, bows and arrows!  And if they're insufficiently armed, arm them.

FTFY.  We'd need a Bishop's Armory to store donated arms.

Meanwhile, for the Road Kill Coordinator:

 

[zil]

My customized calling would not be a calling which doesn't exist, but it would be time-consuming enough to be my only calling - I would be the VTer (no companion) to all the sisters who have no VTer assigned, and send them hand-written letters.  I think we have too many in my ward to manage a letter to all of them every month, but maybe one every other month.  (And yes, I think hand-written is critical if you want to actually influence the recipient - otherwise they'd assume it's handled the same way snail-mail spam is handled.)

[JohnsonJones]

I am looking for the...Old People in the ward that don't need callings...calling.

That's a hard one to get sometimes...though...especially when you are still able-bodied.  I'd like to just be a nobody who doesn't have to do anything?  Maybe HELP clean the ward building every few weeks and such (so no cleaning coordinator calling) and that's it.

We'll see what happens when I eventually get released from my current calling...though I doubt I'll suddenly be able to go incognito and never have any more callings ever again.

Hopefully people don't think this is too terrible of me to want.  I just want to stay at home and enjoy my family, so that's probably what driving my desire for the no calling...calling overall.

I guess that's not very saintly of me though...probably a little selfish on my part.

[anatess2]

4 minutes ago, JohnsonJones said:

I am looking for the...Old People in the ward that don't need callings...calling.

We already have that.  It's called Church Greeter.  You know, like the Walmart greeters.  They stand by the door before sacrament meeting, greet people as they enter and hand them the programme.

[Iggy]

54 minutes ago, anatess2 said:

We already have that.  It's called Church Greeter.  You know, like the Walmart greeters.  They stand by the door before sacrament meeting, greet people as they enter and hand them the programme.

In my Branch that calling is given to the newest baptized adult, so that he/she can more easily become acquainted with the members. We recently had two married couples join the church, so they all were called and they take turns being the greeters. I love it. Being hearing impaired, now I get to talk Face-To-Face and greet and be greeted by them, and actually hear their names. I also write their names down so I am certain of how to pronounce them. One couple has two children who are 7 [soon to be 8] and 6. Both stand at the door, and the 7[soon to be 8] girl tells all that after her birthday she is getting baptized and then she will be CALLED to guard the doors. One day I am going to ask her what she is guarding them from.

This same little girl announced to everyone right after her parents got married [which they did in preparation to getting baptized] ~ Now we can have another baby. I want a baby brother again! The Branch President told her, well now your parents can get Baptized. She said: Oh Yeah, Baptized, not Baby.

[mordorbund]

Ward reverence child?

[mordorbund]

5 hours ago, Sunday21 said:

Coat Tail Puller

First off, I looked at the article and I'm relieved that wasn't the calling I thought it was.

Second, one Sunday I took it upon myself to serve others selflessly. I stopped when I got my second black eye. You know how you sit for a while and you get a sort of "keister cleavage" when you stand? We stood for the intermediate hymn and I saw the sister in the pew in front of me could use my assistance so I shook out her skirt for her. She didn't take it very well and clocked me good.

Hmm? The second black eye? Well, when I saw how upset she was at what I did, I went ahead and tucked her skirt back in for her.

[Sunday21]

On 2018-02-14 at 8:25 AM, zil said:

My customized calling would not be a calling which doesn't exist, but it would be time-consuming enough to be my only calling - I would be the VTer (no companion) to all the sisters who have no VTer assigned, and send them hand-written letters.  I think we have too many in my ward to manage a letter to all of them every month, but maybe one every other month.  (And yes, I think hand-written is critical if you want to actually influence the recipient - otherwise they'd assume it's handled the same way snail-mail spam is handled.)

Perhaps the Bishop would see the urgency of maintaining a fountain pen library? Just for research purposes? 

Edited February 18, 2018 by Sunday21

[Sunday21]

3 hours ago, mordorbund said:

Ward reverence child?

As an example? Now look how well Sandy is sitting!

[e-eye]

2nd and 3rd hour hall monitor.  Blessing for sitting in the hall... count me in.

[Fether]

21 hours ago, mordorbund said:

Ward reverence child?

I’ve been in one ward that had that. Two children stood at the front of the congregation on the stand with folded arms. They would peer out over the congregation and judgment ally state at any of their colleagues that didn’t match their reverence. 

Its a good preparation for being Bishop.

[Fether]

On 2/14/2018 at 5:48 AM, Sunday21 said:

Can I please be a shirt puller? What calling do you wish your ward had?

Ward drum set player in the ward rock band.

Edited February 15, 2018 by Fether

[Fether]

Or ward heckler, get up and shout obsinities during talks. Persecution builds faith right?

Or that guy that is obsessed with the end of the world and deep doctrine. Every fastbsunday I bear a 15 minutes testimony on when the end will end, that Polygsmy will be reinstated, that we need to start living the law of consecration or we will be swept away, calling members out for sins I have been inspired about and when a nuclear holocaustbwil occur. but I never acknowledge that all my previous prophesies never came true  keeps people awake

[Sunday21]

6 minutes ago, Fether said:

Or ward heckler, get up and shout obsinities during talks. Persecution builds faith right?

Or that guy that is obsessed with the end of the world and deep doctrine. Every fastbsunday I bear a 15 minutes testimony on when the end will end, that Polygsmy will be reinstated, that we need to start living the law of consecration or we will be swept away, calling members out for sins I have been inspired about and when a nuclear holocaustbwil occur. but I never acknowledge that all my previous prophesies never came true  keeps people awake

I visit teach an elderly sister who keeps riffing on how evil the world is today!

[Fether]

34 minutes ago, Sunday21 said:

I visit teach an elderly sister who keeps riffing on how evil the world is today!

I knew an old man on my mission that had food storage filling his entire house and owned a ton of guns (don’t know that he ever shot one in his life). He called it his anti-Muslim stash. He was convinced Muslims were going to invade the US. His testimonies at church were wild xD

This is the same man that would call us once a week and help him get off the ground because he had fallen and couldn’t get back up. He also invited us to dinner once. He prepared half the chicken 4 hours before we got there and forgot to cook he rest. So we had some chicken cooked, some raw, all them room temperature.

[mordorbund]

19 hours ago, e-eye said:

2nd and 3rd hour hall monitor.  Blessing for sitting in the hall... count me in.

You're in charge of the class in the hall: Gossip Essentials

[mirkwood]

Ward firearms and tactics instructor.  Budget $35,000/year

[NeuroTypical]

"Guy who shows up early to set up the AV for the Stake Conference broadcast, and tests everything by blasting his favorite music through the entire empty church"

Oh wait - that's a real calling, and I already have it.  Don't tell anybody, but this is what doing that calling looks like.  

 

(In the spirit of adhering to fountain pen overcommunication etiquette: The Wooden Overture is an orchestral remix, of a dubstep song, based on a grimdark fanfiction, in which we learn the nasty secret behind how the pegasi make Equestria's rainbows.  Google at your own risk.)

[zil]

40 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said:

"Guy who shows up early to set up the AV for the Stake Conference broadcast, and tests everything by blasting his favorite music through the entire empty church"

Oh wait - that's a real calling, and I already have it.  Don't tell anybody, but this is what doing that calling looks like.  

[video]

(In the spirit of adhering to fountain pen overcommunication etiquette: The Wooden Overture is an orchestral remix, of a dubstep song, based on a grimdark fanfiction, in which we learn the nasty secret behind how the pegasi make Equestria's rainbows.  Google at your own risk.)

Meanwhile, I'm all in your public upload video list and am wondering if that's the guest bath, the master bath, the kids' bath...

[seashmore]

Sacrament meeting nanny.

I've already done this, just sit in a row or with a family who has more kids under ten than they have adults. Saved someone's hide when his wife had to go lead the Primary program, leaving him with a screaming one year old in one arm, a crying two year old in the other, and an infant in a car seat at his feet. As I grabbed my purse and sidestepped over the old guy sitting next to them, I felt like Mrs. Doubtfire when she screams "help is on the way!" and leaps over the restaurant railing.