Missing the church

[MichaelAnthony]

I am not exactly certain why I am writing this but I do have a story that I feel compelled to share. I was born in NYC but at a young age my family  moved to Utah. I spent ages 13-30 in Utah, primarily Provo. I did all the things, I joined the army at 17, went on a mission later and then graduated from BYU. I got married and sealed in the Temple, served EQ secretary, taught on Sundays. I had a very quintessential Mormon life. At around 29 however things got wonky. My wife had an extramarital affair with another woman. At that moment I felt like a "sucker" and decided I'd seek out my own adventure. In what might seem like a manic episode I left the church formally, divorced and at 30 moved to NYC to pursue my dream of drama school. I church hoped for a bit but then ditched that for pleasures of the flesh. It was a great time, I indulged in alcohol for the first time in my life, was in constant excitement and best part is I met a woman who also shared my hedonistic desires. We get married then COVID happens. She gets introspective one day and decides to revert back to the church she was raised in. I have never seen a 180 like this in anyone. The church is evangelical in nature and very contentious critical and in my opinion uses a lot of shame and guilt. 

The cautionary part of this story boils down to when you leave the bounds of the church for the world there is no guarantee where you will end up. I married again for superficial purposes and ended up in fairly weak marriage in a church environment I didn't truly choose because the waves of life and even Satan will take you in any direction if you don't already have one.  Is the church true? Maybe I am a relativist but the joy I felt in the church, the priesthood power experienced and the immense love of Christ feels real to me. I am no longer a member of the church as I withdrew my records in 2019. The saddest part is that the priesthood lineage I got as a young man, my callings, temple endowment are all gone. Due to lawsuits that had taken place in the 2000's when you request your name withdrawn from the church you can not have records restored. The only way back would be rebaptism as essentially a new member. Feels sad like I cut off my "Mormon lineage". I still love the church and miss it dearly now. 

Thank you to anyone who is reading this as I realize it's quite long.

Edited June 29, 2023 by MichaelAnthony

[Carborendum]

1 hour ago, MichaelAnthony said:

I am not exactly certain why I am writing this but I do have a story that I feel compelled to share. I was born in NYC but at a young age my family  moved to Utah. I spent ages 13-30 in Utah, primarily Provo. I did all the things, I joined the army at 17, went on a mission later and then graduated from BYU. I got married and sealed in the Temple, served EQ secretary, taught on Sundays. I had a very quintessential Mormon life. At around 29 however things got wonky. My wife had an extramarital affair with another woman. At that moment I felt like a "sucker" and decided I'd seek out my own adventure. In what might seem like a manic episode I left the church formally, divorced and at 30 moved to NYC to pursue my dream of drama school. I church hoped for a bit but then ditched that for pleasures of the flesh. It was a great time, I indulged in alcohol for the first time in my life, was in constant excitement and best part is I met a woman who also shared my hedonistic desires. We get married then COVID happens. She gets introspective one day and decides to revert back to the church she was raised in. I have never seen a 180 like this in anyone. The church is evangelical in nature and very contentious critical and in my opinion uses a lot of shame and guilt. 

The cautionary part of this story boils down to when you leave the bounds of the church for the world there is no guarantee where you will end up. I married again for superficial purposes and ended up in fairly weak marriage in a church environment I didn't truly choose because the waves of life and even Satan will take you in any direction if you don't already have one.  Is the church true? Maybe I am a relativist but the joy I felt in the church, the priesthood power experienced and the immense love of Christ feels real to me. I am no longer a member of the church as I withdrew my records in 2019. The saddest part is that the priesthood lineage I got as a young man, my callings, temple endowment are all gone. Due to lawsuits that had taken place in the 2000's when you request your name withdrawn from the church you can not have records restored. The only way back would be rebaptism as essentially a new member. Feels sad like I cut off my "Mormon lineage". I still love the church and miss it dearly now. 

Thank you to anyone who is reading this as I realize it's quite long.

Thank you for sharing.  I hope we can help you along life's journey.

[Traveler]

1 hour ago, MichaelAnthony said:

I am not exactly certain why I am writing this but I do have a story that I feel compelled to share. I was born in NYC but at a young age my family  moved to Utah. I spent ages 13-30 in Utah, primarily Provo. I did all the things, I joined the army at 17, went on a mission later and then graduated from BYU. I got married and sealed in the Temple, served EQ secretary, taught on Sundays. I had a very quintessential Mormon life. At around 29 however things got wonky. My wife had an extramarital affair with another woman. At that moment I felt like a "sucker" and decided I'd seek out my own adventure. In what might seem like a manic episode I left the church formally, divorced and at 30 moved to NYC to pursue my dream of drama school. I church hoped for a bit but then ditched that for pleasures of the flesh. It was a great time, I indulged in alcohol for the first time in my life, was in constant excitement and best part is I met a woman who also shared my hedonistic desires. We get married then COVID happens. She gets introspective one day and decides to revert back to the church she was raised in. I have never seen a 180 like this in anyone. The church is evangelical in nature and very contentious critical and in my opinion uses a lot of shame and guilt. 

The cautionary part of this story boils down to when you leave the bounds of the church for the world there is no guarantee where you will end up. I married again for superficial purposes and ended up in fairly weak marriage in a church environment I didn't truly choose because the waves of life and even Satan will take you in any direction if you don't already have one.  Is the church true? Maybe I am a relativist but the joy I felt in the church, the priesthood power experienced and the immense love of Christ feels real to me. I am no longer a member of the church as I withdrew my records in 2019. The saddest part is that the priesthood lineage I got as a young man, my callings, temple endowment are all gone. Due to lawsuits that had taken place in the 2000's when you request your name withdrawn from the church you can not have records restored. The only way back would be rebaptism as essentially a new member. Feels sad like I cut off my "Mormon lineage". I still love the church and miss it dearly now. 

Thank you to anyone who is reading this as I realize it's quite long.

Interesting – I also grew up in Provo and seemed to follow the same path up until when you turned 29.  Being in the army during Vietnam was difficult for me when I returned home from a mission because of the friends I had made and lost in Vietnam.  My journey is perhaps different enough that I should not attempt any advice.

After BYU I went to work for the Defense Department just outside of Washington DC.  Unlike you I was most out of place on the east coast.  I have known a number of individuals that have left the Church and started over.  Some seem to have become much better for it.

I personally believe that two things are important in life.  Where you have been to have learned what you have and the second is where you intend to end up.

Thanks for posting here – I would be most interested in your thought as you move forward in your journey – wherever it is you intend.

 

The Traveler

[Just_A_Guy]

1 hour ago, MichaelAnthony said:

I am not exactly certain why I am writing this but I do have a story that I feel compelled to share. I was born in NYC but at a young age my family  moved to Utah. I spent ages 13-30 in Utah, primarily Provo. I did all the things, I joined the army at 17, went on a mission later and then graduated from BYU. I got married and sealed in the Temple, served EQ secretary, taught on Sundays. I had a very quintessential Mormon life. At around 29 however things got wonky. My wife had an extramarital affair with another woman. At that moment I felt like a "sucker" and decided I'd seek out my own adventure. In what might seem like a manic episode I left the church formally, divorced and at 30 moved to NYC to pursue my dream of drama school. I church hoped for a bit but then ditched that for pleasures of the flesh. It was a great time, I indulged in alcohol for the first time in my life, was in constant excitement and best part is I met a woman who also shared my hedonistic desires. We get married then COVID happens. She gets introspective one day and decides to revert back to the church she was raised in. I have never seen a 180 like this in anyone. The church is evangelical in nature and very contentious critical and in my opinion uses a lot of shame and guilt. 

The cautionary part of this story boils down to when you leave the bounds of the church for the world there is no guarantee where you will end up. I married again for superficial purposes and ended up in fairly weak marriage in a church environment I didn't truly choose because the waves of life and even Satan will take you in any direction if you don't already have one.  Is the church true? Maybe I am a relativist but the joy I felt in the church, the priesthood power experienced and the immense love of Christ feels real to me. I am no longer a member of the church as I withdrew my records in 2019. The saddest part is that the priesthood lineage I got as a young man, my callings, temple endowment are all gone. Due to lawsuits that had taken place in the 2000's when you request your name withdrawn from the church you can not have records restored. The only way back would be rebaptism as essentially a new member. Feels sad like I cut off my "Mormon lineage". I still love the church and miss it dearly now. 

Thank you to anyone who is reading this as I realize it's quite long.

Whether as a “new member” or a “restored member” . . . come on back.  It’s not easy (as you well know); but it’s even better than you remember it.  🙂

[Vort]

2 hours ago, MichaelAnthony said:

Is the church true? Maybe I am a relativist but the joy I felt in the church, the priesthood power experienced and the immense love of Christ feels real to me. I am no longer a member of the church as I withdrew my records in 2019. The saddest part is that the priesthood lineage I got as a young man, my callings, temple endowment are all gone. Due to lawsuits that had taken place in the 2000's when you request your name withdrawn from the church you can not have records restored. The only way back would be rebaptism as essentially a new member. Feels sad like I cut off my "Mormon lineage". I still love the church and miss it dearly now.

You are mistaken, my friend. To come back, you only need to be rebaptized -- the same requirement that has always existed. After you have been rebaptized for a year or so, the stake president will interview you and review your time since rebaptism. If you have a testimony of the gospel and a true desire to follow Christ, and if your actions over the previous year confirm this, he will notify the First Presidency, asking that your blessings be restored. Upon approval, he will lay his hands on your head and restore your blessings. Your original baptismal date will still show. Your original line of authority will remain unchanged. Your original covenants, including the date you received them, will be restored. You have lost nothing except the decades that you lived beneath your privileges. Come back and start claiming those blessings.

Edited June 29, 2023 by Vort

[scottyg]

41 minutes ago, Vort said:

You are mistaken, my friend. To come back, you only need to be rebaptized -- the same requirement that has always existed. After you have been rebaptized for a year or so, the stake president will interview you and review your time since rebaptism. If you have a testimony of the gospel and a true desire to follow Christ, and if your actions over the previous year confirm this, he will notify the First Presidency, asking that your blessings be restored. Upon approval, he will lay his hands on your head and restore your blessings. Your original baptismal date will still show. Your original line of authority will remain unchanged. Your original covenants, including the date you received them, will be restored. You have lost nothing except the decades that you lived beneath your privileges. Come back and start claiming those blessings.

This is true. Lawsuits cannot stop the blessings of God. Rebaptism is possible for you, and your local leaders have the keys to return you to church membership. A previously endowed person who is rebaptized is eligible to receive a full and complete restoration of all previous priesthood and temple blessings (with First Presidency approval) after at least one full year from their readmission/rebaptism. It is often a difficult road, but the end result will be better than what you have now would it not?

The only time our blessings are truly gone is when we choose turn away from them. You can change your life, and you can feel that peace again. Far more who have done far worse than you have returned to the church, and have been blessed greatly afterwards. I would encourage you to seek a meeting with your local Bishop to get the process started. After a 1 on 1 with the Bishop, he and his counselors will need to meet with you, later followed by a meeting with the Stake President and his counselors before baptism can occur. At the very least, having a talk with him will help you feel better about yourself, and the vast potential your life still has.

[Grunt]

1 hour ago, Vort said:

You are mistaken, my friend. To come back, you only need to be rebaptized -- the same requirement that has always existed. After you have been rebaptized for a year or so, the stake president will interview you and review your time since rebaptism. If you have a testimony of the gospel and a true desire to follow Christ, and if your actions over the previous year confirm this, he will notify the First Presidency, asking that your blessings be restored. Upon approval, he will lay his hands on your head and restore your blessings. Your original baptismal date will still show. Your original line of authority will remain unchanged. Your original covenants, including the date you received them, will be restored. You have lost nothing except the decades that you lived beneath your privileges. Come back and start claiming those blessings.

This.  Some of my favorite experiences in the Church is watching people who's journey took them away from God for a bit returning and having their blessings restored.

[Still_Small_Voice]

I ran across this quote recently and I liked it.

The Prophet Joseph Smith taught: “There is never a time, when the spirit is too old to approach God.  All are within the reach of pardoning mercy, who have not committed the unpardonable sin."