Kids and Swearing

[Heckya]

This is almost embarassing to write, but I need some help in talking to my 5 year old about swearing. He has learned a few words from his dad and myself (I admit) and is now experimenting with using them. Of course I have cleaned my language up and my husband is trying...he works with a rough group so it is hard to turn off 100% when he is around the kids.

Anyhow, my 5 year old dropped the f bomb yesterday. I about died (I admit, I laughed a little, but he never saw it). His exact statement was, "What's wrong with this f---ing boot?" He was trying to get his snowboots on.

He doesn't understand why he can't use certain words and I'm not sure I know how to explain it to him. He is just being introduced to religion so I can't really give a big Heavenly Father talk. Any suggestions are much appreciated. Thanks so much!

[Jbs2763]

I'm sorry, but I probably would have wet myself laughing at that. But when i was a young lad and dropped the F bomb, probably around the same age...I my mom intorduced me to the fine taste of COAST deoderant soap, and tanned my hide rather well...i didn't drop another F bomb for at least 15 years in basic training.....lol

[Canuck Mormon]

I must admit that when my son let his first f bomb out I nearly crashed the car. I have since told him that we don't use those kinds of words and to try better next time. he still swears every now and then, but always apologizes right after.

[L_and_P21]

when my cousin was about 3 or 4 she was at my grandmas house and wanted a sucker. so she walks up to my grandma and asks, "can i have a f*****?"

i think we have to remember that they are little children and the dont really understand these words. they learn where the words usually fit in. we should explain why these words shouldnt be used and sort of in the same lines why using these words lowers the vocabulary of an individual.

my friend and i did a little study with a fellow classmate in high school. when would talk he would swear almost every third word. we asked him to stop swearing for 10 min and try to find other words to use instead. he tried it and he sounded like a completely different person, someone who was fairly intelligent.

[NeuroTypical]

He has learned a few words from his dad and myself (I admit) and is now experimenting with using them. Of course I have cleaned my language up and my husband is trying...he works with a rough group so it is hard to turn off 100% when he is around the kids.

Our kids will copy what they see us do. Your kids will probably always swear if they hear you or hubby swear, plain and simple. It's useless to try to impose any sort of double standard on them - they'll rebel. If you try a bunch of "I do it, but you're not supposed to", they won't buy it. You can impose whatever punishments you like, but all you can do is get them to stop swearing in your presence. (I know this from personal experience - I'm the son of an unreligious WWII vet who could peel the paint of the walls with his swearing.)

Second, don't beat yourself or your hubby up too much. We are all imperfect parents, trying to do our best. Maybe your hubby will change his habits, maybe he won't. As someone who beat the habit, I know it's possible. It is possible to be the one guy that doesn't swear in a rough group of cussers. But it's hard, and the group will notice the change and comment on it.

Third, you are in good company with this issue. Bad language is a problem that lots and lots of us struggle with. My wife and I are both mostly reformed swearers. I'm more reformed than she is, and all 3 of our kid's first swear words came from her. We discuss it openly and honestly, and don't really make a huge deal about it. We give them slang words they can use without getting in trouble. We talk about the importance of concise language, and how it's important to use words in the right way.

We're not perfect. Genuine conversation heard in the family car last week:

Kid: Where's the freakin' moon?

Daddy: In the freakin' sky!

[everyone giggles]

LM

[MorningStar]

My mom said there was a kid with Downs Syndrome who did janitorial work at our high school and one day as she was walking by him, he dropped a piece of garbage and said, "OH F***!" and proceeded to see how many versions of the F word he could invent. "F***! F***ERY! F***IN' F***ERY!" She said it sounded funny coming from him.

[Heckya]

I've been cleaning up my language for sometime and it's probably about as good as it's going to get. I really only swear when I'm really mad, then I'm a sailor (but it's better than beating my kids, right!? or if I hurt myself....which is quite regularly)

I understand that I can't raise my kids with the "Do as I say, not as I do" method. That's how I was raised and it doesn't work. I think my biggest problem is not laughing when my kids do swear. It's hysterical and wrong all at the same time.

I do have a good swearing story to share...this one occured at my brother's house shortly after Christmas. My brother and sister in law were having breakfast with their kids and out of a sudden their six year old said, "Jesus Christ!" They both looked at him with fury..."What did you say!" Then he pointed to the picture of Jesus and said "Jesus Christ!" They had gotten the picture for Christmas and forgot they hung it up. It was the first time my nephew had noticed it. Our whole family thinks it is an hysterical story....my nephew wouldn't even know that saying Christ's name in vain was bad.

Well, thanks again for any tips. I keep thinking of making our family use a dollar jar to see if that helps us control our language, but what do you use the money for? You can't spend it on yourself or it's a reward. I'd even be hesitant to give it to charity because while that is a great thing to do, it can still be a reward of doing something nice. Those warm and fuzzy feelings...who ever thought they could be a bad thing. I guess we could give it to the kids (as long as they don't swear), then they get rewarded for calling us on our swearing. Decisions decisions, they give me a headache!

[Joette]

Tell him that there is a special word that is really naughty which he cannot say.Tell him it's

"caralicious" He musn't ever,ever use it.

Tried it & it worked & they taught all their friends too^_^.Never ever heard the f-word again.

[Mahonri]

Imagine this... when my sister was being interviewed for baptism the bishop was asking her worthiness questions.

He asked her if she lied or drank coffee or tea or alcohol or smoked, the he said do you use swear words?

She said, "Nope, but my mom sure does".

Poor mom, she's never lived that down and I'm certain she hasn't used a swear word in 30 years now.

[Heckya]

Tell him that there is a special word that is really naughty which he cannot say.Tell him it's

"caralicious" He musn't ever,ever use it.

Tried it & it worked & they taught all their friends too^_^.Never ever heard the f-word again.

I'll have to try this, but I think I'll wait until he goes to school.

Imagine this... when my sister was being interviewed for baptism the bishop was asking her worthiness questions.

He asked her if she lied or drank coffee or tea or alcohol or smoked, the he said do you use swear words?

She said, "Nope, but my mom sure does".

Poor mom, she's never lived that down and I'm certain she hasn't used a swear word in 30 years now.

That's good incentive. Thanks

[Traveler]

There are strong connections with the spirit that is in your home and about your person and the language that one uses. I know that many people see such things a funny but I am not sure they understand the danger.

I support and honor all that work towards making their home a place where the holy spirit of G-d is welcome.

The Traveler

[Alaskagain]

I've been cleaning up my language for sometime and it's probably about as good as it's going to get.

I know that feeling! Change is hard, and some things take concerted effort over a longer period of time.

Yet, we must reach for our higher potential always; I have met none who have reached perfection in this mortal life. Please do not become complacent in believing that something is as "good as it's going to get". We must always strive to be better.

President Hinckley always encouraged us to do better. In reflecting on his wonderful life, and all that he was able to accomplish in his devotion to the Lord, I am so humbled. He was one person. One person can make a difference.

There are many things in our environment that we cannot control. But we can control our own language, and in doing so, we are one person making a difference in our homes. The use of loving and respectful language definitely makes a difference in mine.

Don't settle for what is now. It's definitely okay to pause every now and then, reflect on what you were, pat yourself on the back, and say "Look how far I've come!" But please don't stop there! Stay the course! Keep striving! Don't ever give up!

[pushka]

When my son was aged 2 1/2 and we were walking thru a shopping centre one day, him in his buggy, he started to repeat 'B.....d' over and over again!! I think he'd picked it up from watching Eastenders, or from his dad, as it was a word I never used.

A couple of weeks ago a friend of mine, in a drop in centre group, was asked to stop saying 'B....r' which is a popular, almost acceptable swear word in the UK. She stopped, then a couple of weeks later while waiting for a mini bus to take us home from a day trip, on seeing the mini bus arriving (late), she started saying 'F... me, he's here!! Oh F.....g Hell, he's here at last!'...she had to be reminded about the non-swearing rule, but we all could hardly stifle our smiles and giggles!! Poor woman! :)

[pushka]

Btw, if anyone wants to know what the 2 B words are, just send me a PM! LOL :)

[Iggy]

Making up a swear word to use instead of the 'common' swear word is swearing just the same. The same tone of voice is used, the same body language, the same anger, frustration and the same inviting of the adversary into your home and heart, because it drives the Holy Ghost out of your life.

It is better to stop what you are doing that is causing you to swear and think of a better way to NOT do it. To not vocalize it at all.

You trip and stub your toe. Does uttering expletives really make the pain go away? No it doesn't. It doesn't help at all. Looking where you are going will help in the future. Grabbing your toe and holding it tight and then gently rubbing it will help now.

Someone cuts in front of you on the freeway and you must slam on your brakes to avoid hitting him. Calling him names - even made up names is not the right thing to be showing, teaching, your children. Thank Heavenly Father for the skills He just gave you for avoiding the crash. Send up a prayer to Father to watch over that other driver to keep him safe from harm and from harming others. Remember the body language and the tone of voice.

Saying Jesus Christ is not swearing- but saying it with anger, disgust, hatred in your voice is. It is also inviting satan into your heart, home because it drives the Holy Ghost out.

As for a 4 year old who is swearing. Whom ever he is mimicking needs their mouth washed out with soap and their bottoms spanked. Putting money in a jar is what I did when I owned my Tavern and I took a dollar from every customer who swore. That money went to help defray the fine I was levied by the OLCC. In my opinion it is not a good teaching tool nor is it a good incentive for a potty mouth parent to cease with the potty mouth.

Later on I realized it is people with very limited vocabulary who swear. I made sure that I kept up with my learning and kept my speech simple and totally void of cuss words. Doing crosswords helped me a lot. As did reading books, newspapers, magazines.

In my not so humble opinion.

[Elgama]

between Granny and Uncle my kids are sunk with language - I just say oh dear thats not the best way to say that how about and give them an alternative in Youth we used words like flower, balloon and tube we all grew out of it. And then I ignore it and don't make a big deal.

My daughter did say for G sake come here you little b to her brother at church a couple of weeks ago I just laughed it off it was very funny

-Charley

[sgallan]

LOL on the thread.... one going on long trips I'd listen to Ozzie live, and at the beginning of the CD he says "lets go @#@#@# crazy. Now my then six year old knew darn well the "f" word was REALLY bad. But apparently she didn't know exactly what the "f" word was. She says to me; "daddy play the CD where hes says, "lets go @#@#ing crazy". It was so cute and sweet the way she said it. I said, "Reni you are not in trouble but you just said the "f" word".

Now at age twelve she is the one who chews me out when I swear!

[jadams_4040]

I'm sorry, but I probably would have wet myself laughing at that. But when i was a young lad and dropped the F bomb, probably around the same age...I my mom intorduced me to the fine taste of COAST deoderant soap, and tanned my hide rather well...i didn't drop another F bomb for at least 15 years in basic training.....lol

Yep this is definately one of those things that needs to be nipped in the bud real quick and pronoucedly, usually hurts mom and dad a lot more than it hurts the child, but it needs to be done!:)

[Abraham]

In the schools it is amazing what our kids learn, I have 8 and had a teenager live with us for 6 years also. Since I have never sworn ever ever in my life I tell them if they hear me use a word it is okay. I love the word califarious or whatiever it was. Try not to have them use the word homosapien as it is technically correct but kind of too close to gross. Terrific strategy however!

If you swear then you should stop. It is a hundred candle power mouth trying to compensate for a single candle power brain.

I was at the park and this 7 year old Arab boy was swearing up a storm. I very politely told him that the crap that came out of his mouth I would not hold in my hand. He was shocked and amazed, he had never thought of it that way before.

I have worked consturction a few times, and it is amazaing how the men and sometimes the women are worse, can denegrate their mothers, your Deity and on and on. They don't even know what they are saying.

BTW - don't ever use the term 'bloody' while watching the changing of the guards in London. I found out that is a swear word in the King's english.

I did not seem to be self righteous as we all have our weakness (just aske my wife hee hee). However, should we not emulate the Savour and set the example?

Regards,

Abraham

[sgallan]

However, should we not emulate the Savour and set the example?

Uhh.... other than a couple of specific things stated in the Bible.... most swear words are cultural and only a swear word in the manner in how they used. The is nothing wrong with saying there was a arrect made in a cock fighting. Or look at that nice pussy cat. So to say "do not swear is some sort of religious issue" is hardly correct. It is more of a "what is correct in a civilized society" type of thing.

[Elgama]

true to me an ass is a donkey the UK equivalent sounds so much more satisfying lol I would never dream of using the US weaker word if I was going to swear - to say a made up swear word is just as bad is not true you try saying, flower, tube or balloon and remain serious enough to be angry, for me swearing is when you intend the person you aim the word at harm or they feel offense which raises an interesting question in todays society is even the f word really not that offensive but its the style of delivery that is what makes it a swear word. Personally I don't even notice when other people swear its pretty much part of the language of my area, no matter how well educated you are only thing that determines is frequency

And the limited vocab thing is not true I know several with doctorates in a variety of disciplines that swear some on a regular basis.

_Charley