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Dear German, You've had it rough for many years now. I know that. I'm not a hater, though. I think you're a very cool language. Truth is, I think in your best moments you're beautiful, as much so as any other language, and more information-dense than most. You're not the glitzy prom queen. You're more like the studious and slightly nerdy girl who everyone would see is actually quite a beauty, if only they took the time to look past her unstyled hair and lack of makeup -- but as it is, only those guys who dislike makeup and pretense manage to notice. Frankly, some things are just plain unfair. People mock you for your gutterals, but your "ch" doesn't really sound like someone clearing his throat. That's a stereotype from Hitler impersonations or something. It's actually quite a pleasant sound, when spoken with care. And your gutteral "r" is almost identical to the French "r", yet in French it's considered "beautiful". How is this fair? (Poor French has her own image problems, especially among Anglophones. I realize you and she are often not on speaking terms and that your relationship is complicated. But that's beside our point here. Maybe I'll write French her own letter later on.) Anyway, back to you, German. Where do I start the list of wonders? The fact is that I love those German cognates! I see Der Mann ist alt, and I get all tingly! It's almost like reading in Englisch, but different! And I have to laugh at my own mistakes, like reading the above sentence as "The man is tall." Hilarious! I'm missing my own linguistic cognate because of Romance language interference! I think alt=alto rather than alt=old.Mädchen! What a wonderful word! It's like something from a fairy language.Plus how you get that "sch-" sound for every word that starts with s-consonant. Not every language gives you that kind of bonus. Nosirree, that's plain German goodness!And it doesn't stop here. The list goes on. You're like the cousin I never really knew, then found out that you're not only familiar, but dang, you're hot! A kissing cousin! But dear German, you do have...how can I put this...issues. Spinach stuck between your teeth, as it were. Or maybe something less superficial than this, more structural, like six fingers on each hand. Now perhaps that's just part of your charm and allure, but it does tend to be off-putting. First off, there's the whole gender thing. I'm very good friends with Italian and well-acquainted with her sisters French and Spanish (not so much with the baby sister Portuguese), and they all do gender, too. But, German, come on -- THREE genders? Really? Don't you think that juuuuuuuuust a bit of overkill? I realize that the Romance's parent Latin had three genders -- but Latin is dead. There's a reason for that, German. In the 21st century, three genders is more likely to apply to pop social theory than linguistics. It's time to move on. Then there are the various definite articles. Look, as I said, Italian and I are buds, and she has a whole load of definite articles. But, see, when she says il or la or lo or l', I know she's talking singular. If she wants plural, she uses i or le or, if she's having a bad day, gli. Same with her sisters. But you, German, honestly, what are you thinking? Die is singular and plural? Do you really think that's wise? And here's another point of the gender deal. Since when did Mädchen get assigned as neuter? And then you don't even give it its own plural form? German, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? I see die Mädchen, I'm assuming we are talking about One Feminine Girl. SImple. Logical. No confusion. If we're talking about several girls, then maybe they're, I don't know, die Mädchenen or something. What the heck sense does das Mädchen even make?! You think I want to go out on a date with some neuter? Yes, the Romance chicks have their own problems with this gender stuff, but you take it to a new level. Also, do you really have to decline the heck out of Every Single Substantive? I speak English. I'm okay with singular and plural. I can even do a genitive. But your accusatives really rankle me. Would you really be any worse off if you quit saying deinen Whatevertheheckthewordisen and just used a normal nominative? It's not like you aren't already doing that with half your words. So you have a special declension that is precisely the same as another declension, except when it isn't. Brilliant. Special cases really don't help make your meaning clear. They come across like you're just being cliquish. This might have something to do with your ongoing feud with French, you know. Just saying. Listen, I'm not trying to pile on. We all have our little quirks. I'm sure I'll have more to say on the topic as I continue learning about you. But don't take it as harsh personal criticism. Consider it more like constructive feedback from a concerned and caring relative. A kissing cousin. *wink* With sincere affection, Your American admirer

When traveling by my self - I always stay for all 3 hours. When traveling with my wife we only stay for sacrament meeting when we do not know the language or do not have a translator. On my first trip working in Taiwan I took a crash course in Chinese. Upon arrival I had a translator but my efforts to learn did not amount to much. My translator was off for the weekend so I attended church by myself. I attended church in the attitude fully expecting to be given in some part - the gift of tongues. Sacrament meeting was quite difficult. I know the sacrament prayers by heart but could not identify a single anything in the prayers. I attended Sunday School and there were pictures I recognized but I understood nothing at all. After the class the teacher approached me (because I was an obvious foreigner but thinking I may had been a return missionary knowing Chinese). I could not even understand him until he started speaking to me in English with an accent. He asked if I enjoyed the lesson. In sorrow I told him that I had not understood even a single word. and asked what the lesson was about. The gift of tongues he replied. I should have known - seldom are my prayers answered in a way I expect them to be.

A friend of mine encouraged me to visit this site about a year ago and I’ve been a semi-regular lurker ever since. I considered registering a number of times but life kept getting in the way. It still is, but I did it anyway. I’ve been a member all my life; active for about half of it. (The current half) Looking forward to participating. Hopefully I won't be too much trouble. :)

One belief that we share is that God sometimes heals by divine intervention. This one even the doctors are calling a miracle: http://l.facebook.com/l/8AQFTXfcU/www.usatoday.com/media/cinematic/video/22895679/mom-prays-dead-son-comes-back-to-life/

Obama

A very insightful comment, and one that I agree with totally. There is a language school not far from me that intentionally uses non-native speakers to teach the beginning courses for a foreign language. The rationale is that non-native speakers can explain the twists and quirks of the new language to new learners far better than a native speaker could. I think this is a close parallel to convert missionaries.

Its not a function of number of wards.... Its a function of attitude. Too many people in your area seem to have the attitude of "its someone else responsibility to clean up after me" Until that attitude changes your building will be a mess

I can understand why a 17 yo convert may need more time to wrap their head around the idea (and thus not go at 18) but yes, the obligation is the same for all able-bodied men (as far as I know anyway). It is not uncommon for young men at this age to have reservations (whether convert or not) so I would suggest he talk to his bishop about it. Furthermore, maybe he was prompted to join the Church sooner rather than later so he would have the chance to serve. You never know! Also, has he gotten his Patriarchal Blessing? That could help with the decision as well. Just a thought.

I think you need to tell her, when you've been together for a while, you see a future, and you know you trust and love each other. Having been in this situation, I really appreciated my SO's honesty about this issue, and because we are committed to each other, we were able to overcome the negative feelings about it. It hurts a lot, and honestly it can be very hard to forgive someone who has had the issue in the past, but that's part of the Atonement: she will eventually, if she is the one for you, forgive you and your relationship will grow stronger because of that trial. I do also agree that there will always be the potential for relapse into that habit, so she has even more right to know, in case it does.

I could not agree more. And I also admit that an eternity of being, as the mortal Jesus taught, the servant of everyone else doesn't sound all that promising. But I believe God's word through Paul: But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him. Perhaps my favorite scripture of all. I take it very literally. I believe the joys of exaltation are literally incomprehensible to us, except in a dim manner, "through a glass, darkly" (to quote Paul again).

No I do not plan my vacations around church

Well, I'll say one thing for him; he's got more people praying than any President I can remember. Granted, a lot are praying that he'll go away and take Biden with him, but still.

Thanks for all the replies guys. I have been looking through profiles and updating my own. I think I can verify that a lot of men are not LDS. The very last thing I want is another cheat and liar, so pretending to be another faith is off to a really bad start. I wish I could move but I have a 5 year old son in school, and Scotland's not a bad place to be :) I think its awful that someone was given abuse for saying they only wanted to date another Mormon, surely there are loads of dating sites available for non members to cruise until their hearts content. I was mostly amazed by the amount of people who have 'rarely' or 'never' under church activity, why go there if you are non active? Its good to know its working for some people, I guess its a case of being patient. xxx

I was single in a family ward and stuck out like a sore thumb. go for you and no one else, it'll get better. You're here and asking because you feel the need, so just do it for awhile.

I guess I've never really thought it was necessary for Satan to magnify our doubts. We do a fine job of that ourselves. Considering the ramifications of new information is one of the marvelous, miraculous, and almost magical qualities of our ridiculously overdeveloped frontal lobes. Unfortunately, our weighting of both the importance and the likelihood of various bits of information we take in is badly skewed, so we almost always should approach our conclusions tentatively. Don't be too quick to believe your own take. Doubt your doubts. I guarantee you that many "scientific truths" that we accept today without a second thought would have gotten you laughed at and scorned, if not threatened, in most historical eras. If the Church is true, it is true because its claims accurately represent reality, past, present, and future. How well it fits into current social trends and philosophies is utterly irrelevant.

Short form: You and your wife both are not much more than immature children in adult bodies. Don't run away; love each other and progress together. Long form: She isn't the woman you thought she was. And you aren't the man she thought you were. You aren't even the man YOU think you are. This is the nature of our lives in this sphere. We are constantly revealing ourselves to each other (and to ourselves). "I love you" doesn't mean "I accept you so long as you are exactly who I thought you were and you don't change, ever." In retrospect, you would have done much better to deal with this issue THEN, rather than papering over it. Consider it a tough lesson that you have, hopefully, now learned. Yep, that was a very big mistake. If she chucked the ring at you and walked away, you should have let her go. If she requires you to come get her every time she throws a tantrum, that's signing up for a lot of abuse. But it's done now, so look forward rather than back. Let me reveal to you the deep, dark secret of how to deal with such behavior: Refuse to deal with it. Don't get nasty, don't retaliate, don't yell and carry on. SImply say, "Nope, not gonna happen." And mean it. Such actions are dishonest, so say that you will not be dishonest. You will change as YOU see fit, not as SHE sees fit. If you agree with her that your behavior or demeanor or actions need to be changed, then do so. Otherwise, don't. Honestly, it's as simple as that. Now, there will be consequences. She might leave you. She might divorce you. She might hate you. You have to be willing to accept any of these outcomes, because she is a child of God and an agent, just like you, and she gets to choose. And if you're going to go this route, it will require you to be brutally honest with yourself and openly admit when you're wrong. So it's not an easy course to follow. But it is very simple. Baloney. The two bolded parts contradict each other. Here is a News Flash: When your wife is unhappy with you and acting all cold and (frankly) like a jerk, you will not be happy. This is a fact of married life, and the basis for such aphorisms as "Happy wife, happy life" and "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy". Yes, it's unfair. Yes, it's stupid. But it's also The Way It Is. Cursing reality doesn't change reality, or even hurt its feelings. The good news is that it encourages you to go outside yourself a bit, work to be a little more unselfish to help out your wife. Don't back down from your principles or act in a cowardly or shameful way. But if you can help her feel happier and more secure in your love, then do so. Do it even if it's unfair, even if it costs you something. Actually, I expect you are indeed exaggerating. She's a newlywed wife, exploring the new space she's found and trying to figure out her place in it. You need to figure out your own boundaries, ideally no later than yesterday, and then establish those boundaries firmly. Your feelings of despair are painful and probably a bit (or a lot) overblown, but the actual experiences you're having with your wife really just aren't that unusual for a young newlywed couple. Have you discussed this with her? It doesn't sound "ridiculous" so much as it sounds "selfish". Now don't misunderstand. I married with the idea that I would be happier with my wife than without her. And on the whole, that has been far more true than I could have understood. But my wife doesn't "make" me happy. That's my job. I'm thinking if you try viewing things from your wife's perspective, you might see things differently. I am truly not without sympathy for you. I understand how painful and difficult this is for you. But you need to take a larger view of this. You have receded into your bubble, and that's your only reality. Part of being an adult man, especially a married man, is the willingness to step out of your bubble and take another's viewpoint. Please give it a try.