Crypto

I completely agree with some of you!
 
Things have been getting out of control, the younger generations are very disrespectful, are way too materialistic, self-absorbed and they have no manners whatsoever like in the previous generations. Tsk, tsk, tsk... It is a shame.
 
That's why I agree with this quote 100%:
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Ah, thanks Socrates ( c.470-399 BC)

I agree in part.( please forgive me if i'm reading to far into this)
 
There is an underlying trend i've been noticing brought up in church on occasion, it's this idea that all things physical, carnal are bad. People hinting that their bodies are gross and disgusting, their appetites are bad etc.
 
It is the job of the Spiritual to over come the Physical, but that doesn't mean the physical is bad. We got our bodies because they are good. Yes they and physical things can be used improperly, and there are flaws because of the fallen state of the world, but sometimes people need to remember of how physical things are also a blessing, to complement the spirit. 
 
https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/93.33?lang=eng#32
The body complements the spirit, to receive a fullness of joy.

I agree in part.( please forgive me if i'm reading to far into this)
 
There is an underlying trend i've been noticing brought up in church on occasion, it's this idea that all things physical, carnal are bad. People hinting that their bodies are gross and disgusting, their appetites are bad etc.
 
It is the job of the Spiritual to over come the Physical, but that doesn't mean the physical is bad. We got our bodies because they are good. Yes they and physical things can be used improperly, and there are flaws because of the fallen state of the world, but sometimes people need to remember of how physical things are also a blessing, to complement the spirit. 
 
https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/93.33?lang=eng#32
The body complements the spirit, to receive a fullness of joy.

you hear people talk alot about having a moral compass. well, I say you need a compass for everything else too.
- Friendship compass
- hobby compass
- church calling compass
- work compass
- family time compass
- diet compass
- excercise compass
- arguing with your wife compass
- how to raise a child compass
etc....
 
not knowing your limits and finding that perfect balance will help you avoid un-needed stress/anxiety
 
my two cents

My wife and I have been married for 33 yrs. We were sealed in the Logan Temple a few months after I returned from my mission. I often get asked how we made it that long and what's the secret. I have told others it wasn't easy. My wife came from a divorced family and I came from a family where my Parents should have divorced. We have always been active in church and paid a full tithe and attended the Temple as often as we were able. We still hold hands when going out in public. We don't critize or put each other down in public. If we do say something that offends the other we will mention it later in private. One other thing and it's important ....you have to find a way to keep dating even after your married. That's right the husband needs to ask his wife out on a date. Needs to happen often, even if it's just for a walk.
All of our kids are out of the house and married and we still date and we still have prayer together and we still read the scriptures together. We are not perfect but we do love and respect each other.

I think backroads concisely illustrated the difference in thinking.

Different people prioritize different virtues, in this case idea of stealing versus charity. Different paradigms. When presenting facts from differing paradigms under such paradigms I would suggest that not much agreement will be found. 
 
When it comes down to it which is more important to you, Freedom, Justice, Charity, or Goodwill? Which you do prioritize at the expense of the others? Is there a way to do this without putting something at the expense of another virtue? 

If he's out in the oil field, I would pray for his heart to be softened as there's not much talking you can do in the meantime. You need your best communication for when he gets back. Also, pray for your heart to be softened.

I can appreciate Anatess's question. It'd be interesting to see what people consider to be a "successful marriage". My own thoughts...A successful marriage is a healthy and happy one. I suppose you could have one without the other under certain contexts, but to have a wholesome enriched marriage, I'd say both are needed.
 
From my own experience, and having gone through a divorce with my first marriage, I would say that the biggest factor was that I married too young - I was a teenager and hadn't matured quite enough. That said, while I admit to having had my own faults, I was willing to work through any hardships my then marriage encountered, but after chronic infidelity on my then husband's part, I had finally had enough. I wanted to be in a loving marriage where my husband respected me. I didn't want to bring children into our mess. So I filed for divorce. Best decision of my life! I remarried a wonderful man who has never given me reason to doubt him, and who has proven through his actions, that he unconditionally loves me. I'd say that what's made our marriage successfully work overall is our communication. I can wear my heart on my sleeve and be an open book, and so can my husband. Also, I can say without a second thought that my husband IS my better half. He genuinely makes me want to be a better person. I am so blessed to have a husband who is calm and collected. He has been my lifesaver so many times.

Just a quick word on expectations. Your spouse (whether you like it or not) still retains their agency. As you have probably seen threads, they might even leave the Church. 
 
When you look for a spouse you need to expect them to change and give them the room to do so. They may fall (hopefully not too far) and just like our Heavenly Father doesn't give up on us, we shouldn't give up on our spouses. I think it's reasonable not to expect or tolerate the 3 A's (Abuse, Adultery, Addiction). 
 
For me looking back the things that are important to me in looking for a partner as the following 
 
1. Healthy emotional relationship with their Parents and Siblings.
2. Realistic understanding of the Gospel (I don't have time to elaborate, but I'll just say not glassyeyed and completely "out of the world", and overzealous in being perfect but able to put the gospel into context that we all sin, that we all have weaknesses, willing to forgive, able to be in the "world and not of the world")
3. Honest and Courageous and not afraid to speak their mind, 
4. Independence. Content to be by themselves. (Opposite of Co-Dependent). Have their own hobbies independent of whether or you participate or not. 
5. Mostly positive (Glass half full). 
6. Sense of Humor and ability to laugh about set-backs.
 
those are just a few things off the top of my head. 

To me it's very simple.
 
Look outward, not inward.
 
I'm still learning to do this, but have come to realize it's the foundation of true love and our personal happiness.
 
The next step is to keep the commandments as it has been mentioned. Whether its paying your tithing, going to church or abstaining from sin.
 
Beware of contempt. Contempt is the marriage killer. So be very careful if you have feelings of contempt or resentment or if you detect those feelings from your spouse. If those feelings exist, resolve them and get help doing so from your Bishop or a professional counselor if you can't get over them.
 
I myself have gone thru a divorce and am working on my second marriage. I have learned allot and am still learning. 
 
Here is some sound advice from someone who has been thru a divorce. 
 
http://jamesrussell.org/blog/blog/beautiful-advice-from-a-divorced-man-after-16-years-of-marriage
 
"In the end marriage isn’t about happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come. Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time."

If anything would save a marriage, I think true love and open affection helps. I remember reading a story about a woman who was going to be divorced had only one request, to be hugged/held everyday for a month, and afterwards if the husband still found divorce agreeable she would go along with it. People give and receive love in different ways, and when hostile arguments arise, love, charity, and compassion are proverbially pushed off the stage and replace with the actors of darker feelings. Marriage counselling would be ideal.
It will be hard for people on the internet to give you the advise and counsel you need. There could be more going on, and we don't know you personally, which makes things a little more difficult.
If divorce happens, allow yourself to go through the grief cycle. Most importantly find someone you can trust to help you through it.
Keep strong, now might seem like a dark time indeed
but along the horizon there will be a bright future shinning.

I've heard from teachers that teenageritis generally hits after winter break in the 6th grade. Prepare yourself anatess!

Do: Keep the commandments.
 
Do not: Not keep the commandments.

Diligence
Only a few years ago this was probably one of my strongest strengths, now it's a weakness. I lost a few of the talents I was supposed to multiply. It seems much harder to regain something you have lost than to keep it. Don't do it, seriously, be Diligent. Diligence in my own life will improve nearly every other aspect, so that's why I choose it.

I'm really sorry this is happening to you, OP.  It's so hard to offer advice on this without really hearing what your wife feels but, it does sounds like she is pretty good at defenses like dismissing the problem or blaming you or making you jump through hoops to pacify or buy her time.  I couldn't know, but it sounds to me like there is underlying issues for sure and my guess is they are emotional in nature.  And I'm sorry all your efforts to diagnose things have proved so fruitless and frustrating.
 
I will say that, in general, I don't think women really understand what its like for husbands to not get sex.  I don't think we understand what if feels like to get turned down and how hard it is to feel close and safe in the relationship without it, and how hard it is to navigate a woman who is always a moving target.  
 
Perhaps on the flip side men struggle to understand women too, but in the Mormon culture, I worry that women see male sex drive as something unbridled or lustful or selfish.   And therefore, it's something that is easily dismissed.  I wonder if, because of our lack of education/understanding about sex that women feel somehow triggered when they see a husband aroused and hungry for sex.  As if it means that the man only wants sex and doesn't love them or value them.  And that if she gives in she'll only be an object of lust and somehow be used in the transaction.  It makes sense to me that if a person feels objectified they are not going to feel safe and are probably going to shut down to protect themselves.  I can't know if this bears any relevance whatsoever to your wife's sexual reluctance, but I offer it anyway.
  
I do want to say I believe that the best sex grows in emotional safety.  Something that may be a newer idea in an age where "good sex" comes from "turning each other on".  Not that using human attractions to sex is wrong or bad, it's just that pleasing and placating behaviors, even if they come from a loving place, are actually distancing behaviors.  So, what's meant as  a method of connecting two people actually ends up separating them.  And, as most of us know,  real intimacy and emotional safety only happens when both parties are real, vulnerable, open, and present.  If one is using vacuuming as a way to communicate all their deepest emotional longings....well, chances are the message will not get through.  And maybe something else will get communicated.  Like, "Hey, I really only want sex.  I 'm not really thinking about you and how I'm longing to be close to you.  I'm thinking about how I can get what I need the fastest.  So see the cleaned dishes?  I did the right thing, can you put out?"  I mean it's not like women are cold drink dispensers.  Put in the right quarter and she'll "turn on" for you.  You know?  And it's not like talking about marital duty is the best aphrodisiac.  If you are going there, you might as well say, "Brace yourself, Effie!"
 
I don't know what's going on with your wife.  Maybe sex is painful.  Maybe her hormones are off.  Maybe she doesn't feel loved or cherished or pretty anymore.  Maybe she has a secret wish to be a nun. I don't know.
 
What I do think I heard, was that she tries to tell you her pain and she didn't get heard.  Like when she talked about how hard it is to be left home with kids and housework.  And how you may have dismissed her or defended yourself by saying work isn't exactly easy either.  What I see there is that her emotional needs are being dismissed, much like your sexual needs are being dismissed.  The responsiveness, the warmth, the soft place to fall stuff is all missing.  I mean, maybe when she asks for you to help with the house, she really just needs you to see what she's going through and to feel like she's not alone in carrying the weight of raising kids.  She needs you to take out trash, yes that's helpful...but she really needs your empathy, your responsive and insightful support, and she needs YOU to fill the void.  Clean dishes can't do that.  You see?
 
Hope i've offered something helpful.

That doesn't make any sense.
 
The rule is to keep your passions within the bounds the Lord sets. Those bounds are legal and lawful marriage, not only if you're expressing love.
 
There is nothing wrong with engaging in proper and "lawful" behavior to fulfill desire. My wife can ask me to give her a back rub "for her" because she really wants a back rub and it feels good and not because she's expressing love. Likewise a husband can desire marital relations.

When it comes to seeking and finding divine truth, honest, humble, faith filled, sincere prayer, coupled with diligent, humble, faith filled scripture study will get you more in the way of spiritual understanding than participation in online discussions. (And I've always disagreed with the implied suggestion that you have a second rate mind  :) )

Well said.
 
I have a friend (I posted about this not too long ago on here) whose marriage was down spiraling, and was stalled at a crossroads because she didn't know whether to listen to her own gut instinct, or heed to the opinion of others. Her then husband was not physically abusive. He'd never struck her or their children. But he had commit adultery and his words were often poisonous. This friend had sought out help from a couple resources, one within the Church, and one outside of it. Both kept telling her that these things can be overcome, and the marriage could be salvaged. She stuck it out for some time but nothing got better. I should add, they have a severely autistic child, who is hyper sensitive to just about everything. When daddy would start yelling at mummy, his tone and volume, would send her into panics and hysteria - it was completely unhealthy for this 5-year old child - even if mum could take it. Not only this, but her 3-year old son was being affected by daddy's temper tantrums too. In one instance, her son had cried angrily in the heat of daddy and mummy disagreeing, and said: "Don't shout at mommy!" I seriously cried myself when she told me this because her son and my daughter are very close. This little boy is such a lover and his heart is being torn into two right now.
 
So yeh, don't be too quick to pull the plug but don't be too slow to act, either. Your children become top priority above all else. Doesn't matter who seemingly is right or wrong. If your children are being hurt, get them outta there.

Eowyn started this 2-3 years ago and I've done it every year since.
 
Each year you choose a single word to concentrate on.  I've done strength and motivation. I have a 3 ring binder for each word and I add stories, talks, scriptures, quotes, and pictures having to do with this subject.
 
The word I have chosen for 2015 is endurance.  Again like motivation, this is a word that can encompass many things.  Not only religious but goal wise and other things in my life.
 
What word will you choose?

My little boy, my 37 yr old pumpkin, is engaged!  I think they will get married at the end of next term.
 
They've been dating 2 years, she's a doctoral student as well - in education statistics, for crying out loud. Petite (former gymnast), a blond Swede to match my son's 20% Finnish background (we got tested).
 
She actually came with me to a church activity. I'd say the two of them are what I understand to be 'dry Mormons.' They like a lot about the Mormon lifestyle, but aren't ready to make the commitment, but culturally, at least, there's a meeting of the minds on modesty, family night, preparedness, homeschooling, the role of the father in the family, etc., which is good. Actually, other than homeschooling, this is pretty much how we lived before I converted. I'm glad he wants to repeat it in his own family, whether he's in the Church or not. 
 
She's 28 and ready to have babies (her words), so, perhaps I'll be a nana before they put me in the assisted living facility.
 
 

Well now,
 
I consider myself a typical family-oriented mormon and happened to have married outside of my race. Actually there are several other forum members here who married outside their race as well. Perhaps you need to re-evaluate your view of typical family-oriented mormons. 
 
Were not as backwards as you think.

I feel that emotions are a powerful and critical part of our ability to recognize truth.  In fact, I feel that proper discernment of spiritual promptings is a superior form of learning than anything else, and emotions are a key facet to spiritual communication.
 
Think about how important it is to know if God lives or not. If the Book of Mormon is true or not.  These are considerations of life and death importance.
 
Today we love to talk about history, archaeology, anthropology, all kinds of -ologies and discuss them as evidence for or against, oh the Book of Mormon for example.  This is interesting and I love learning about this kind of thing, but I also recognize that in 1830, when the Book of Mormon was published, there was the same necessity to learn that it is true then that there is today.  In 1830, however, there was not the amount of information in regards to all the history and -ologies.  We today are lacking much information compared to what people 100 years from now will know, but our necessity to know the truth is the same.  1830's LDS investigators, ancient Israelites, 2nd century Christians, and everyone anywhere at any time needs a reliable tool to know what is true that does not rely on Man's learning and understanding.  We can't afford to wait until we "have all the facts (how could you know what you don't know?)" before we make a decision because right now, today, is the time for men to prepare to meet God.
 
Emotions are universal to human beings.  They do not rely on technology. They are not dependent on language.  They are in us, and with a little training people can learn to be in control of them.  To act, rather than be acted upon.  People do often say that emotions can be manipulated, but the emotions that you feel aren't lies.  The dishonesty is in whomever created the false environment to coax an emotion.  God teaches us to bridle our passions, and to be in control of our emotions.  This way they become an integral part of how He communicates with us. 
 
I truly believe that the apparent gulf between logical thinking and emotional understanding is entirely man-made and false.  Like one is more useful than the other, or that they are foreign concepts to one another.  God, knowing all things, is as logical and scientific a man as you could ever encounter.  Yet He chooses to communicate to us, His children, using a combination of reason and emotion.  Don't you believe that God would use the best possible means of teaching critical truths He wants us to know that is available?

May I suggest that if this was your intent, then you've been asking the wrong questions. You may want to consider some of these:
 
What role does the LDS Church have in shaping and influencing communities and cultures ('none' is also an acceptable answer)? You'll learn a little about when the Church has gotten involved politically and when it has kept out. You might also hear about some local interfaith initiatives.
 
James says pure religion is caring for the poor and the need. How does the LDS Church and its members fulfill this initiative? You'll learn a little about the Church's humanitarian programs and the Church's welfare program.
 
And then of course there's the fundamentals that you've completely skipped over. Remember the primary purpose of a church is salvation. It assumes an afterlife and a God, which then goes to inform life's priorities. Remove God and the afterlife and you're dealing with a social club. With God in place, you then need to discover what the rules of this game are. Now that's a useful line of questioning.
 
What is the purpose of life?
Why does God allow so much inequity in this life? Do I have a moral (even spiritual) responsibility to address it?
What does it take to be saved? Is salvation as unfair as this life seems? I think you asked something similar and got to hear a little about the pre-mortal life, but I think the discussion was abandoned before you understood the implications.
What does it mean to be saved?
What do you recommend I do to learn if these models are indeed correct? For instance, a community of scientists would tell me about the scientific method and encourage me to duplicate their reproduceable results, and a community of philosophers would instruct me on the rules of logic and encourage me to rederive the same conclusions they have. What is the Mormon scientific method or rules of logic? 

Intellectually, feelings are not a solid form of evidence. However to deny our emotions and feelings is to deny a part of our very humanity. Emotions are largely our guide to morals, such as a near universal feeling that murdering people for "fun"(I really can't see murder as fun) is intrinsically wrong. Emotions act as a compass that point us towards the things we think intellectually, are motivated to do, and believe. As such I personally believe emotions have validity, not as solid evidence, nor as something that can't mislead, just as logic can also mislead, but as the compass that it seems to be.
On the spiritual side of things, the holy ghost is described as a still small voice. You Don't have to feel a burning bosom to be feeling the holy ghost. Actually I think the holy ghost speaks through quiet feelings of peace and comfort more so than other methods. I Don't think the spirit is exactly the same as my regular emotions, but I'd take into consideration where that compass of yours is pointing towards. (The holy ghost is like a compass to Isn't it? Maybe that's why we describe it like feelings or a prompting)

To suggest no one has a duty to care for themselves is to advocate a slavery - based system.