pkstpaul

Follow the money.

Ditto to Eowyn's words.
 
Yours is a story often repeated in the forum and I am a member of the forum for less than a year. I can assure you, you are not alone in what you face.
 
My two cents: Your life will change only by your doing. You cannot look to your husband, family, or church to change what you face. By "church", I mean the institution, not the gospel. AND, change will take time.
 
You can walk away from what you have and accept some temporary (years) of discomfort living on welfare while you sort things out or you can start to make changes internal yourself while in the "relative" comfort of the life you have now. I assure you, it will be easier to do it with the resources you have now. At least now, you can set goals and plan without having to worry about daily survival an comfort.
 
Put NO blame on your husband or your current or past circumstances. Focus only on what you are going to change. Focus on physical health - diet; security - save some money (however small); and rejuvenate yourself spiritually - pray.
 
You don't have to go to your bishop to become active at church, but you may wish to meet with your Relief Society President and ask about activities you can go to or service you can provide.
 
I'm sure you don't expect things to change overnight, but change will come when you start to act.

Ditto to Eowyn's words.
 
Yours is a story often repeated in the forum and I am a member of the forum for less than a year. I can assure you, you are not alone in what you face.
 
My two cents: Your life will change only by your doing. You cannot look to your husband, family, or church to change what you face. By "church", I mean the institution, not the gospel. AND, change will take time.
 
You can walk away from what you have and accept some temporary (years) of discomfort living on welfare while you sort things out or you can start to make changes internal yourself while in the "relative" comfort of the life you have now. I assure you, it will be easier to do it with the resources you have now. At least now, you can set goals and plan without having to worry about daily survival an comfort.
 
Put NO blame on your husband or your current or past circumstances. Focus only on what you are going to change. Focus on physical health - diet; security - save some money (however small); and rejuvenate yourself spiritually - pray.
 
You don't have to go to your bishop to become active at church, but you may wish to meet with your Relief Society President and ask about activities you can go to or service you can provide.
 
I'm sure you don't expect things to change overnight, but change will come when you start to act.

We did the summer camp thing one year. That was it. Otherwise, the boys did just as you expect - played in the neighborhood.
 
Now, my granddaughter is different. We have the money now, which we didn't have as parents, to put her in all kinds of activities and have booked her summer (not literally every day). She's extremely active and needs the stimulation. We also chalk it up to "education".  So, I'd like to say we found a balance where she has the free time but also structured time.
 
As for safety, you teach your kids how to be safe and then trust them. A little reinforcement from time to time is important, as child development requires repetition through the years.

Follow the money.

Hi everyone! 
 
My turn to introduce myself :) 
 
My name is Swart. I live, together with my lovely wife, in the city of Amersfoort in the Netherlands. 
I'm 26 years old. My wife is 25. We are both serving in the church in several callings. We are both temple workers in The Hague Temple. We've been born in the church and both served a mission. 
 
I already love this forum. I leave judgement to the Lord in almost all cases. I will try to invite people (everywhere, including this forum) to come unto Christ. 
 
With brotherly kindness, 
 
Swart 

There aren't any dead folks in the temple. Not physically anyway. For the record, I can't say what is unique about the ceiling over the font and I've been in the font.

The one thing that always bugged me with Church culture, is that so many people believe that continuously putting up with crap and being trod on for the sake of avoiding divorce, is what God intended. Thing is, it takes two to make something work, and if one party sits on their rump or is abusive - you gotta make a choice in what you're willing to live with. Do you stick around, regardless of your emotional and physical well being? Or, do you make the decision to progress, where you are able to grow as an individual and your children, too - in a healthy and safe environment?

I love the book "Wind of Fire", by Stephen Fritz. I mention it every chance I get (some forum posters might think I have only one drum to beat).  It is a fictional story told with an LDS perspective. It is fiction, so it has its "interpretation" of things and not to be considered totally doctrinal based, but you did ask about theories. The story ends by giving a perspective of day-to-day life following the Second Coming.
 
There was a post just yesterday about different perspectives/theories on the millenial period. You might want to check that thread out.

Just to add a voice... I agree with the comments above. I would welcome you on a personal level but you should expect some frustration if you want to be in full participation but the leadership cannot progress you (i.e. you would not be asked to give prayers for general meetings other than Sunday School, and you won't be offered a calling). You should definately attend and let the Spirit guide you.

There is great wisdom in what James12 shared with you. I would not reject without pondering it and meditating upon it. I have struggled in my marriage over the years. In some ways I have felt like you have. I have also struggled with wanting my wife to make changes and have fallen in to the trap of repeatedly judging her. Ultimately I have decided that I care more about my relationship than I do about my selfishness. As long as your spouse isn't being abusive you must simply love them. Do not judge them. When I married my spouse one big reason I did so was so that I could have a companion who would be there with me through thick and through thin. I wanted to get married so that I could always have a friend in life, especially during the most difficult times when I might be suffering in sin, illness, or any other difficulty. It is hard to see past your own hurt and pain. However, as James12 suggested, when we stop judging and start just focus on changing our lives and becoming like Jesus Christ we will find that we can bear the pain and the rejection and the hurt that comes from a spouse who isn't treating you the way that you wish they were.
 
It is important that you do not do things for any other purpose other than to glorify Christ and God. Don't do things because you want your husband to change. Do all that you do for Jesus. Look to Him for your reward and you will NEVER be disappointed. Pray for your husband. Pray to have a soft heart. Pray that you and your husband will be humbled. Be patient. My marriage has gotten better not necessarily because anything external to me has changed but because I have decided to change how I deal with reality. Yes, my wife has changed too but it wasn't because of anything I did. I can live at peace, feel happy, and know that I am doing well despite what is going on around me.
 
-Finrock

Thanks. Reading this and re-reading your question helped. I don't find discussion of the topics get "prickly" within our church settings. Certainly not as prickly as they do in this forum. I think the facelessness of the forum brings out some extremism. Even myself tend to be more liberal than I am in person just because some of the hard-liners in the forum bug me.
 
Your initial post is about "discussion" and I think I have only stated that discussion in a forum is different than in person. In person, we may have strong opinions but are less likely to be argumentative. We do allow more diversity of opinion to those who are active at church and with whom we interact. The reason being that we know that, while active at church, we are "exposed" to the truth and are "growing" in testimony. We are happy to state our opinion but not looking to convert within our own ranks. In a forum environment, we are more likely to take the time to formulate an argument and find evidence.
 
I personally don't intent to convert anyone with my arguments. They are stated as mine. I have an obligation to share my testimony with others but I'm more than happy to let them die in their sins (tongue in cheek).

I think a conversation about leaving a faith is only of interest to a former member or athiest. To discuss what someone doesn't like about a faith is to attack the faith. I don't discuss why I left Catholisim with my devote Catholic family but I do discuss with them Mormonism in the context of how the gospel brings me happiness.

I'll give you my honest answer. 
 
Growing up most Christian religions I encountered openly proseytized against the church, showing movies like "The Godmakers" and catagorizing my faith as a cult and not Christian. Spreading lies and deceiving others about our faith was the least of the problems. A group of kids at my school led by an evangelical kid got drunk and urniated all over the inside of my LDS friends car. That's just one of a long list of experiences which led me to believe that non-LDS Christians encourage the idea of "infidel' where it's either encouraged or simply allowed to persecute and mistreat members of the LDS Church. I was struggling with a young family and just started working in the computer industry for a small reseller. They were Christian and we opened our day each day with prayer which I thought was great. The week of Christmas it came out that I was LDS and I was fired the next day. Coincidence?..Not in my experience. My Dad supported our family for 14 years where his boss used to purposely smoke and blow it in his face. So LDS learn to take these things in stride. 
 
While these experiences are difficult, they are easily forgivable, and I have many friends that are evangelical, some are very active in Young Life one is the founder of a Christian clothing line. But in my experience, it does not make much of discussion when someone is more interested in telling you what you believe then hearing what you believe. When I state this is what I believe, I often get the feeling that they think I'm lying and they are waiting for the real truth to come out. A close evangelical friend ended our discussion by quoting "Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves". LOL..So I just don't think we can be taken at face value.
 
Anyway those are my thoughts. 
 
You are rare in my experience PC, a great representative for Christianity and a relief. 

I believe it is due to extremes. All religions have extremes in dogma (at least as perceived by other faiths) and have believers who act to the extreme. Too often it is the extremes of two faiths juxtaposed against each other. If we were to concentrate on common ground with an attitude of tolerance, we'd have more prolonged discussions.
 
Unfortunately, I have found that even in this forum, the use of the word "tolerance" isn't tolerated.

Service--especially manual labor--strikes me as a win-win for building Church congregations:  current members become closer to each other, the bond between the persons serving and the person served strengthens, and--though we certainly don't do our alms to be seen of men--the missionary implications don't exactly hurt, either.
 
When was the last time your ward had a service project that got the participants good and dirty? (Or at least sweaty?)
 
Also:  Not to detract from everything your ward's doing right, but the convert retention sounds frankly disastrous.  What's going on?  Does anyone really know why these folks left?  (If not, that's part of the problem right there.)

What's a Duggar?  Is that like a tribe in South America or something?
 
(Refuses to click the links)

I'm going to be candid here (and I say this as a recently-released 11-year-old leader with five years of tenure in two different wards, and now just called to be a cubmaster):
 
This water-gun nonsense just confirms what I've suspected for a long time:  These overpaid bozos at National have no freakin' idea what it's actually like to work with boys.
 
I'm tired.
 
I'm tired of overpriced uniforms.  I'm tired of a program in a constant state of flux, requiring the purchase of a never-ending array of updated "training materials".  I'm tired of roundtable meetings where they spend fifteen minutes berating us because our Friends of Scouting contributions weren't higher--knowing very well that the guy delivering the sermon makes three times my annual salary.  I'm tired of my local Council Office, which has taken three weeks to figure out if the materials for the 2015 Cub Scout program are or aren't actually available for purchase yet.  I'm tired of whatever committee of boneheads decided that the creepy new computer-generated cub scout character that's all over the new books, is something the boys would think is "cool".  I'm tired of sub-par websites and support services, and byzantine advancement tracking/procurement protocols.  I'm tired of staff at National who can barely speak English but are assigned to "customer service".  I'm tired of needing multiple layers of permission and approvals and "tour permits" to drive my boys to a Cabela's five miles away because it's technically out of our district or council or whatever.
 
I do what I do because I respect the Church and want to help it move forward--and frankly, I like the kids I work with, which makes it all easier.  But, as for the BSA? 
 
As far as I'm concerned--the gays can have it.
 
Oh--and there will be water pistols at our next pack meeting; national nincompoops bedarned.

I have some experience with an SO that, given some understanding of his circumstance, needs some opportunity to overcome the incredible shackles put on all SOs by default. Because of the stigma, he finds doors closed everywhere which only adds to his isolation and the issues that led to his offense. Having said that, you shouldn't be in a position to have to judge each offender and it is a safe bet to treat them all the same (as we see is what happens). 
 
A long winded response, but the short end is that you are better off banning the SO. I only added the explanation because I do understand that SOs shouldn't be painted with one brush and am basically grateful that you felt they could have a chance.

I liked a post that gave advice about focusing on active members being happy and that will draw in new members and help in reactivation. That post got shot down by one of the Pharisees in the forum as kowtowing to members' whims.
 
I personally feel the suggestions were valid and the "health" of the ward has everything to do with the growth and leadership can take very direct steps to ensure members are serving the callings for which they are well suited, etc.

Forty two years ago, I ran into a friend from high school in a public restroom.  We hadn't seen each other in two years. We renewed our friendship. 
 
My friend invited me to her apartment for dinner and a singles family home evening group which the full time missionaries also attended.  I thought of myself as "the devil's advocate" rather than as curious andI asked many questions.
 
One of the missionaries said that it would be a lot easier to answer my questions if I just took the Missionary lessons.  My first thought was, "What have I gotten myself into now?"  I then decided that I couldn't condemn something I knew nothing about.  I decided to take the lessons, read the assigned scriptures and pray as instructed so I could look my friend in the eye and tell her that I had learned for myself that she was being deceived. 
 
I received answers that I was not anticipating and three weeks later I was baptized.  I have since served a full time mission in the Harrisburg Pennsylvania Mission, Married my sweetheart in the Salt Lake Temple, raised four wonderful children (three of whom are curently married) and become a Grandma.
 
I have also had many trials, served in many callings and had my testimony challenged and reaffirmed time after time.  My testimony of the divine origin of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints remains strong.  I have joy in my life and hope for my future. I do not fear what life or death have to hold.  I love my Savior and I'm eternally grateful for the inspired church leaders he has called upon to guide me through this wonderful journey.

I consider them the same. I think knowing our prophets today helps us to understand the nature of the prophets of old (i.e. they being very human and imperfect).

Its seems to me that the more we are willing to submit and humble ourselves to following God's plan for us, the more the Lord will help us find the strength to do exactly that.
 
It will be hard, that is the nature of stripping ourselves of pride and the demand to do what we want verse what the Lord would have us do.
 
The problem generally is not that it is hard, the problem is convincing people what God really wants for them.  To many are of the Idea the God wants us to be happy, must mean that we never be asked do things that are hard 

I've learned that when it comes to finding someone on the Sex-Offenders list try and keep an open mind, find out what they did to be on the list (yes it can be an awkward conversation), and then decide the best way to protect your family if needed.

I know a lady who's husband is on the Sex Offender list and she lives in fear that their ward will find out and pass judgement on her and her children without even knowing his story. I know his story, did he make some serious mistakes, yes - did he ever hurt a child directly or have intent to hurt a child, no. Yet our justice system treats him like he is a repeat offender. In fact the Parole Officers have a hard time with him, because he actually follows the rules and his therapist is pushing to get him through the system faster but everyone seems to want their pound of flesh before they are done with him.
 
So I guess in my perfect world I would like everyone to do their homework, take it to the Lord, and then hopefully pass a righteous judgement that will keep you and your loved ones safe.

 

I'm not much in agreement with many of the comments. I think slower is better. A new member will be overwhelmed the first six months. I would wait a year for the Blessing. You want to have a firm testimony in order for the Blessing to be meaningful. Like Leah said, you don't need to immerse yourself in study. It will be enough just to learn the organizaion and working in a calling and dealing with three hours of meetings....the list goes on.
 
Your family is #1 - above the Church. You should give them the utmost respect. That doesn't mean give up your membership, but it does mean to assure it does not hurt your family relationships. Be respectful of their opinions and let differences work out over time. For me, the changes in my life were so positive that there was no argument that joining the Church was the right thing for me to do. I would let things happen naturally and not feel forced to reveal your decision. It isn't something you will be able to hide.
 
You may be living in a Branch and not a Ward and therefore may have a Branch President and not a Bishop.