torn...

[Sumiko 410]

I have not been to an LDS church in nearly 9 years. I was a convert at 16 (the only one in my family) and left at 21 while battling with drug addiction (just like my father... however I've been sober for 7+ years now). I love and miss the church. But I know I will not be welcome. I have been married for 5 years to my spouse who happens to be the same sex as me. While I am not a lesbian but identify as what you could call bisexual so yes I could fall in love with a man, I cannot imagine leaving my spouse and breaking their heart after a total of 6 years together. When I resigned my membership 9+ years ago I never thought I would want to return but honestly as great as my current church is, no church feels like home the way LDS church did.

[estradling75]

It depends entirely on what you mean by welcome.

 

You resigned your membership which means that you are no longer a member.  However nothing is stopping you from going to the local meetings and sitting down and listening, and simply being there.  Generally speaking the church highly encourages that for all non members who are interested.

 

Now clearly your life is not currently in harmony with the gospel in some major areas, so should you show up they (church members/leaders) will try to help you try to you start living the teachings.  That is what they do (or should be doing) for everyone.  However your pacing, timing, progress, and all that is totally up to you and what you are ready for.

 

Of course everyone that you might meet at church is also strugging to be more Christ-like, and have their own sinful burdens that they dealing so they might not do/say the right things.  That could potentially lead to you feeling unwelcome.  This is a down side for the church being a hospital for sinners rather then a group of perfected beings.

[Bini]

Sumiko, follow what your heart tells you. And by that, I mean the harmony and wholesomeness you feel inside, won't lead you astray. Saying this, your marital situation does place a damper on your membership within the Church, as in, your participation will be limited. As for feeling welcomed and accepted, you'll always find people that taste like vinegar, no matter where you go. So surround yourself by the positives and brush the negatives off your shoulder.

 

Good luck! This forum is a great place to learn/re-learn about Mormonism. We are also a forum of many backgrounds, not all LDS, and with diverse views and opinions. 

[Str8Shooter]

The only reason why anyone would not be welcome is if they were being inappropriate. That's it.

We are all sinners and that's why we have church. It's to help us be better people and feel the spirit.

If you are getting a spiritual prompting to come back, come on back! It might be difficult but it is well worth it.

[pkstpaul]

Just to add a voice... I agree with the comments above. I would welcome you on a personal level but you should expect some frustration if you want to be in full participation but the leadership cannot progress you (i.e. you would not be asked to give prayers for general meetings other than Sunday School, and you won't be offered a calling). You should definately attend and let the Spirit guide you.

[Vort]

To be clear, Sumiko: You are always welcome at Church. (As long as you're not, you know, disruptive or insulting or something.) There is always a place for you in the congregation. You are our sister, in spiritual descent if not in shared membership. Please come and partake of what we have to offer, our fellowship if nothing else.

 

But as a practicing homosexual, you cannot be baptized. Fornication, which for our purposes means sexual relations outside of marriage, is strictly forbidden, and a same-sex union is not recognized by the kingdom of God as marriage. As a non-Latter-day-Saint, your ability to participate will of course be limited. You will primarily be a spectator rather than a participant. I have known several people in this situation, and in all cases I personally know, the people either got baptized or quit coming to Church. It can be hard to be in the "neither fish nor fowl" category.

 

But one step at a time. If you feel the desire to come back and visit the Church, please do so. See how you like it. As everyone has said, you are certainly welcome to come.

[Jane_Doe]

Overall I would say that the above posts are very good.  I would like to clarify one thing though--

 

... You will primarily be a spectator rather than a participant....

 

I find the word "spectator" to be slightly misleading here because in my mind a "spectator" does nothing.  As a non-member you can do many things at a Mormon church still, such as--

 

Come to all local activities

Join in singing songs of praise, and celebrating our Lord

Listen and ponder to words spoken from the pulpit

Ask questions and contributing to discussions in Sunday School

Join in prayers conducted by the congregation

Pray to the Lord as yourself

Receive counseling from ward leaders

Host visiting and home teachers (if you so desire)

 

There are some things not being a member would exclude you from--

 

Leading the congregation in prayers, teaching, or other such things

Temple trips

[Sumiko 410]

But as a practicing homosexual, you cannot be baptized. Fornication, which for our purposes means sexual relations outside of marriage, is strictly forbidden, and a same-sex union is not recognized by the kingdom of God as marriage. 

 

Vort - you assume that I am sexually active. I am not. I do love and care for my partner but that is not currently part of our relationship and has not been in quite some time.

Edited May 30, 2015 by Sumiko 410

[Guest MormonGator]

Sumiko, I can offer you no advice, but please know you are in my prayers. 

[Vort]

Vort - you assume that I am sexually active. I am not. I do love and care for my partner but that is not currently part of our relationship and has not been in quite some time.

 

Hmm. I do not know the Church's policies on being legally "married" to an individual of the same sex but practicing celibacy. I suspect (but do not know) that the "same-sex marriage" aspect would constitute a barrier to baptism. But your fellowship at Church would be welcome in any case.

[Just_A_Guy]

FWIW: one of the current LDS apostles (D. Todd Christofferson) has a brother who is in a gay relationship. He attends his local LDS congregation regularly, though I believe he is not permitted to participate in church rites (sacrament, temple, etc).

I hope you choose to resume your attendance; but I should warn you that your statement that your marriage is platonic, will probably not make the relationship somehow "kosher" in the eyes of the bishop who will have to determine your eligibility for sacrament, temple rites, and that sort of thing.

[Str8Shooter]

Church is tomorrow.  Let us know how it goes.   :-)

[estradling75]

Vort - you assume that I am sexually active. I am not. I do love and care for my partner but that is not currently part of our relationship and has not been in quite some time.

 

In Vort defense I think it is very common to assume that a married couple are sexually active...  While obviously it might not always be true it is usually a pretty safe assumption.

[askandanswer]

I believe there may be some participants in this forum who have had to seriously contemplate choosing between their spouse and their church membership. I hope some of you might be inclined to share any helpful experiences and insights you may have had with Sumiko, perhaps via direct personal message. Sumiko, you will know if someone from this site has sent you a direct personal message by checking the icon of an envelope near the top right corner of the screen, just under where it says lds.net, and slightly to the right of where it says View New Content. I think if there is a message waiting for you there the envelope will have a red flag which you just need to click on to view.  

 

You say that at present, you cannot imagine leaving your spouse and breaking their heart after a total of six years. You say this from the perspective of someone who has not participated in church services for nine years. Perspectives can change. If you gather up the faith, courage and strength to again begin participating in church services, it may well be that what you cannot now imagine may well become imaginable from the perspective of someone who has begun the return journey to full church activity. One of the most marvellous things about the gospel of Jesus Christ is its capacity to bring about change in people. I really hope that someone you can find an active LDS friend who can assist you with your decisions and your journey, things are much easier when done with a supportive friend. Contacting the missionaries and beginning to meet with them in your home would be a great place to start..

[priesthoodpower]

I grew up in a small country town predominately LDS. Everyone knows each others family for generations so it really is a family setting in a church environment. The benefit to this is that we look at others the way a brother or parent views them. No one is ashamed of their convict son or gay daughter or divorced parents. Its all love.

 

Now that I have been living in another state for 20 years and been in 4 different wards, I notice that same family feeling seems to exist with the generational local members more then transplants.

 

I can see how it would be rough for you in your situation but I suggest that you decide what town you want to live in and make it your permanent home, go to sacrament meetings and remember the names of the members that come and greet you. While out in the community if you see those members make it a point to say hi and converse. Try to make friends with members outside of the normal church scene because too many members are caught up in the mentality of "assigned friends" from church callings.

 

Wishing you the best Sumiko!

[priesthoodpower]

I grew up in a small country town predominately LDS. Everyone knows each others family for generations so it really is a family setting in a church environment. The benefit to this is that we look at others the way a brother or parent views them. No one is ashamed of their convict son or gay daughter or divorced parents. Its all love.

 

Now that I have been living in another state for 20 years and been in 4 different wards, I notice that same family feeling seems to exist with the generational local members more then transplants.

 

I can see how it would be rough for you in your situation but I suggest that you decide what town you want to live in and make it your permanent home, go to sacrament meetings and remember the names of the members that come and greet you. While out in the community if you see those members make it a point to say hi and converse. Try to make friends with members outside of the normal church scene because too many members are caught up in the mentality of "assigned friends" from church callings.

 

Wishing you the best Sumiko!

[Sumiko 410]

Okay. Almost one year later and I went to lds church today! This ward is nothing like my hometown ward was. I'm too embarrassed to go to that ward though, yet anyway... plus it's an hour further from my current  house than this new ward is. The bishop asked my address, name, birthday, and baptismal ward so he can "transfer records", I told him that may be hard as I resigned about ten years ago. We'll see what happens I guess... 

[anatess2]

Yeay!  It was Fast and Testimony Meeting which can be really uplifting for an investigator or an inactive member or can be a full hour of cringe...  Hope it was the uplifting kind for you!  Tell us about it.

[Guest]

12 hours ago, Sumiko 410 said:

Okay. Almost one year later and I went to lds church today! This ward is nothing like my hometown ward was.

That sounds awesome.  So, what was it like?  Did you make any friends?

Edited May 2, 2016 by Guest

[Sumiko 410]

Oh it was a full hour of cringe LOL sadly... Lots of indistinguishable mumbling and sobbing. I was sitting there like "Yup, this is why outsiders think  LDS  is a creepy cult...". The sister missionaries were nice and one sat with me after I told her how nervous I was though. 

[Guest]

16 minutes ago, Sumiko 410 said:

Oh it was a full hour of cringe LOL sadly... Lots of indistinguishable mumbling and sobbing. I was sitting there like "Yup, this is why outsiders think  LDS  is a creepy cult...". The sister missionaries were nice and one sat with me after I told her how nervous I was though. 

Fast & Testimony meeting.  Yeah.  I often get the same feeling.  But there are some who find it the most fulfilling of meetings.  I'm apparently not one of them.  But let's not get sidetracked.

I'll hope and pray for the best for you.

[Vort]

 

37 minutes ago, Sumiko 410 said:

Oh it was a full hour of cringe LOL sadly... Lots of indistinguishable mumbling and sobbing. I was sitting there like "Yup, this is why outsiders think  LDS  is a creepy cult...". The sister missionaries were nice and one sat with me after I told her how nervous I was though. 

Sorry to hear it. In my ward, fast and testimony meetings are almost always wonderful and uplifting. Of course, we do get the occasional bizarre "testimony". One of the hazards of having Open Mike Sunday every month, I guess. But in general, people stick to their own witnesses of the truth and experiences related to those witnesses, so it's very nice.

[tesuji]

Sumiko,

I would recommend that you continue to seek what God wants you to do with your life, and then doing it. 

I hope you will continue to go to church. And if people don't accept you, that you can ignore that and go anyway. But hopefully they will accept you.

Sorry to hear about the cringe testimonies. I guess that's part of following Jesus, to have patience with other people (and ourselves).

Best wishes to you.

[letmeoff]

On 26/05/2015 at 9:48 AM, Sumiko 410 said:

I have not been to an LDS church in nearly 9 years. I was a convert at 16 (the only one in my family) and left at 21 while battling with drug addiction (just like my father... however I've been sober for 7+ years now). I love and miss the church. But I know I will not be welcome. I have been married for 5 years to my spouse who happens to be the same sex as me. While I am not a lesbian but identify as what you could call bisexual so yes I could fall in love with a man, I cannot imagine leaving my spouse and breaking their heart after a total of 6 years together. When I resigned my membership 9+ years ago I never thought I would want to return but honestly as great as my current church is, no church feels like home the way LDS church did.

What brought you back to opening that door to home again?

Are you hurting about something?