Considered Suicide. worried about living

[SomeAnonymousGuy]

I have come to make this thread for a simple reason, and I intend for no one to

see this as a joke. This problem involves the high school that I go to, I'll explain.

For some reason I had always been quiet, and have never been able to acquire a single friend, i would always be alone and continue to struggle to get friends. Because of that people at school had assumed that i am mentally handicapped which I am clearly not, and explaining does not work. The lies keep getting stronger and more people there continue to bother me every year, they talk behind my back taking these lies as if i don't notice the world around me, i have become paranoid because of it and have considered suicide. Even the girl i had a severe crush on had tried to say hurtful words to me. Its not as simple as moving to another school, the closest one being 40 miles away. Why doesn't the lord answer my prayers to stop this? I've been asking for 3 years now for him to stop this and am starting to believe the gospel does not exist. Its not worth living life if i cant have a normal adolescent life, I'm no where near mentally handicapped. Please do not bring hate upon me, just help me, what should I do?

[Guest ceeboo]

Hello someanonymousguy,

First, welcome to this forum :)

I DO NOT feel like you are joking nor do I think your situation is a joke AT ALL.

I am not sure what to write to you at this point but maybe I'll just share a few words with you and IF YOU wish to reply to me, I will be MORE than happy to extend my hand in friendship to you.

To be clear with you, I am not LDS, so if you were looking for LDS advice, support, or friendship, I will totally understand and it is NO PROBLEM.:)

Enough for now :)

God bless,

Carl

[countrygirl66]

hi someanonymousguy

I wish I had answers for you. I would share with you that I grew up in a small town and school was a giant nightmare for me. It was something to get through. I too prayed to somehow be removed from the situation. It never happened. A lot of times church was the same. I will say that I still have my testimony that the church is true. I do not know why when you are in that situation others around you just make things worse. I was a foster kid growing up in a small narrow minded town. I pretty much hated most of it. The good news is that once I graduated, other than seeing my parents I never had to look back. I don't know if this will bring comfort to you but I want you to know you are not alone.

On the upside, I learned to do a lot of things that I could do by myself. At times I had friends but for the most part it was not permanent. And the friends that I sometimes had were harder on me than those who never claimed to be my friends. I as an adult have had a much better life than most of them. I was able to develope patience and long suffering at an early age. It has benefitted me a lot when I am called to work with an especially difficult child or notice a shy one in my ward.

I hope you will keep posting and know you are not alone. You can find many friends here that have struggles of their own and draw support from that. Take gentle care of yourself.

[skippy740]

Seek professional advice.

Talk to your bishop and get a referral to LDS social services. They have LDS counsellors that can help you or refer you to a competent professional.

It is possible to get the church to help you pay for this service.

No matter what other helpful information we can post, it won't help you as this advice will.

Call him right now and don't feel that you're interrupting him. This is IMPORTANT and that's what he's there for!

[Misshalfway]

Hello. My name is Misshalfway and I would like to be your friend. See? You just made another friend. :) Now how easy was that?

It sounds like you have been treated terribly. I am sorry for that. I don't know what it is about high school that seems to bring out the nasty in people, but it just happens. I am sorry that you have been the subject of such gossip and that people haven't taken the time to get to know the real you behind your quiet persona.

I know a little of despair. I have battled many long midnights trying to see my way thru it ...trying to convince myself that I was worth something even though friends were hard to find. I am grateful for my "time in the dark". It wasn't fun and I wouldn't wish such experience on anyone, but I found wonderful strength because of the adversity. I am different and better now. I have found meaning in my sufferings and I am grateful for them.

Having said that, I must tell the truth. People's words hurt sometimes. They just do! They can call into question our worth and our quality of life sometimes. But.....and this is a big but..... they only have as much power as we allow them to have. You sound like you know that you are a great individual. That is good. Now I think maybe changing how you think about your experience could help too. Perhaps Father in Heaven isn't lifting this trial because he knows it will increase your wisdom or your compassion. Perhaps Father is trying to teach you to move out of your comfort zone in some way or to find the strength to push back in loving ways and to stand up to the injustice. I can't really know. What I do know is that disguised in every trial are wonderful treasures of opportunity. Perhaps asking Father in Heaven to show you some of them may help.

Remember too, that High School does end. Life gets better. There is college and other experiences that most assuredly will expose to you kinder and more compassionately matured individuals. So hang on. The light will come. And until then, make your own light!! Love yourself. Make your life fun as you explore your interests and expand your talents. Be a good friend to someone too. I guarantee that you are not the only lonely and sad one out there. And don't give these unkind people anymore sway on your feelings. Don't let them decide how you feel!!! You take that power back!!

Best wishes and welcome to the forum. There are many good and funny and diverse people here. And if you wait 10 min, there will be some good drama too. You are indeed welcome here. So.....come on in and take a load off and have a laugh. Tell us who you are and let us see a little of what makes you YOU. Betcha 20 bucks you will have a few friends in no time.

[bytor2112]

Please....talk to your parents. Be completely honest with them...if you feel like you can't do that or your home life is bad also...the see a school councellor. If these feelings dominate your thought...go to the hospital...don't delay. If you are LDS and even if your not go to see the Bishop.

I know it seems difficult to imagine....but high school doesn't last forever. Teen agers can be such jerks.....remember they are being ignorant. Your life has purpose and meaning and though I don't know you.....the world is a much better place with you in it. You can have an amazing future.....amazing, please don't let insensitive, ignorant jerks hurt you so badly that you could ever consider harm to yourself. Sometimes life seems unbearable and that it's just not worth the hassle...but it will improve. High school will end,....and then you get to pick and choose who you see everyday and will not have to be subjected to these abuses everyday.

Hang in there and seek help.......from adults....Bishop, Doctors, Councellors, Parents......don't delay....do it today.:)

[ztodd]

Hello SomeAnonymousGuy, how are you doin man? Listen, hang in there- I was a real social dud in high school- I've never been a real socially popular person, but like MissHalfway and Bytor2112 said, high school doesn't last forever- and you still have a wonderful life ahead of you. There was a time on school trip I went on when the people I roomed with weren't the best influences, and I felt really down in the dumps one night, so I prayed for quite a while that night that things would get better, and the next day some other guys who I felt a lot better about invited me to hang out with them the next day. I didn't even realize it then that that was an answer to my prayer. Looking back now, I can see how God was looking out for me back then.

If you're crying unto God (praying with all your heart), you need to know that God does hear and will answer you. Sometimes it's not exactly the way you expect, but keep your eyes, ears, and heart open to watch for those answers to your prayers.

Hope you know you've got some friends here bud. Hope to hear more from you soon about how things are going.

[NeuroTypical]

Hi SAG,

I don't really have much for you in the way of advice. Just wanted to let you know that my teen years really stank too - in similar amounts to what you describe. Now that I think about it, my pre-teen years stank also to a great extent. I remember my first thoughts of suicide before I turned 10. It was a family vacation to Yellowstone. I remember trying to will myself into running into a geyser, but I couldn't make my legs obey me.

Funny thing was, I didn't really have much to be sad about, besides stuff like you mention. The social outcast stuff was rough - especially in middle school. I eventually dealt with it by learning how to become invisible - that served me well throughout high school. You talk about being quiet - I got good at going entire days without a single word passing my lips from the time I left for school until the time I came home. I tried for a whole week a few times, but couldn't quite pull that off. Then I later dealt with it by actually finding friends. Again, if I had some advice on how I fixed myself, I'd give it. But I don't think I fixed myself, I think it was just a combination of maturing my way out of my problems, while the people around me matured into people that stopped being a bunch of cruel idiots. Oh - and not doing myself in - I guess that was important too.

Now, in my late 30's, I've got what I yearned so much for. A good, legitimate testimony based on a clear, undeniable spiritual experience - straight from God to me. A good wife, a couple of kids, and for whatever reason, I wake up each morning not exactly sure how I ended up being this good at life.

God did not answer my pleas during those dark years - but He did eventually enter my life in powerful ways. I had to endure those years and last longer than they did. I guess maybe if I had advice, that would be it. One day at a time, my friend.

Good luck.

LM

Edited October 8, 2008 by Loudmouth_Mormon

[Wingnut]

SuicideHotlines.com - When You Feel You Can't Go On -- Let Someone Know Your Pain.

[Guest tomk]

I have come to make this thread for a simple reason, and I intend for no one to

see this as a joke. This problem involves the high school that I go to, I'll explain.

For some reason I had always been quiet, and have never been able to acquire a single friend, i would always be alone and continue to struggle to get friends. Because of that people at school had assumed that i am mentally handicapped which I am clearly not, and explaining does not work. The lies keep getting stronger and more people there continue to bother me every year, they talk behind my back taking these lies as if i don't notice the world around me, i have become paranoid because of it and have considered suicide. Even the girl i had a severe crush on had tried to say hurtful words to me. Its not as simple as moving to another school, the closest one being 40 miles away. Why doesn't the lord answer my prayers to stop this? I've been asking for 3 years now for him to stop this and am starting to believe the gospel does not exist. Its not worth living life if i cant have a normal adolescent life, I'm no where near mentally handicapped. Please do not bring hate upon me, just help me, what should I do?

That is a real shame people are treating you this way.

Since they are not likely to stop, and God is not likely to stop them (since this would interfere with their agency), it is up to you to respond in a Christlike manner.

Love your enemies. Bless them that hate you. Pray for those who despitefully use you and persecute you.

If this seems like too much to bear ... that is why we pray for the grace of God to make us equal to this task. By yourself, unaided, you are not equal to this cruelty. But if you ask for the Lord's help, He will help you. He may not take you out of the situation. He may not change the hearts of others so that they will magically be nicer to you. But He can change YOUR HEART so that you can bear the abuse for a season even as Christ did during His mortal ministry.

You do need to communicate with those who are doing this. Confront them and tell them that you don't appreciate their lies. Counsel with the Lord about this. Follow the counsel you receive.

Good luck. It's not the end of the world. It will pass.

[georgia2]

skippy740

;268283]Seek professional advice.

Talk to your bishop and get a referral to LDS social services. They have LDS counsellors that can help you or refer you to a competent professional.

It is possible to get the church to help you pay for this service.

No matter what other helpful information we can post, it won't help you as this advice will.

Call him right now and don't feel that you're interrupting him. This is IMPORTANT and that's what he's there for!

AMEN TO THAT !

My husband and I joke all the time about those strange Mormons!

Anyway, LDS social services are good if you are in an area that actually has them. Here we only get to see someone once a month (if that much) and also have to travel long distances.

In addition to seeing a counselor, you could also talk to your school counselor.

Another idea is to seek out the clubs or organizations that have things of interest to you. What do you like to do? What would you like to learn? It could be something outside of school, like a city or county group, YMCA, or community thing. . Then you could join that club or begin to attend those activities. Then you could start up a conversation about that topic. No one would know you and you could start a fresh chapter in your life, gain confidence, then it would spill over in to your school life.

What about your Young Men's presidency? They would love to help if you would just open up to them. People aren't mind readers unfortunately.

LAstly, I think most people have contemplated suicide. There have been times in my life that were so agonizingly painful that I did want to die. BUT, I knew I couldn't, wouldn't do it. Know that you ARE NOT ALONE !!!!

[Elphaba]

I have come to make this thread for a simple reason, and I intend for no one to see this as a joke.

Hi Some,

Thinking about killing yourself is never a joke. It is about pain. It's about pain so all-encompassing that the only way you can think of to make it stop is suicide.

For some reason I had always been quiet, and have never been able to acquire a single friend, i would always be alone and continue to struggle to get friends. Because of that people at school had assumed that i am mentally handicapped which I am clearly not, and explaining does not work. The lies keep getting stronger and more people there continue to bother me every year, they talk behind my back taking these lies as if i don't notice the world around me, i have become paranoid because of it and have considered suicide. Even the girl i had a severe crush on had tried to say hurtful words to me. Its not as simple as moving to another school, the closest one being 40 miles away. Why doesn't the lord answer my prayers to stop this? I've been asking for 3 years now for him to stop this and am starting to believe the gospel does not exist. Its not worth living life if i cant have a normal adolescent life, I'm no where near mentally handicapped. Please do not bring hate upon me, just help me, what should I do?

I had a similar experience in high school, and I am not allowed to write the words I want to say about those people. I don't care if they were just high school kids--they are mean, mean, mean. Just plain freaking mean. NO ONE should have to go through that.

Someone suggested you call your bishop right away, and I competely agree. You need to get some help today!

Also, where are your parents in all of this? Do they know that you feel suicidal?

Someone also said that once you get out of high school, things change. They are right, they do change. For me, leaving high school gave me a chance to start over with people, and I discovered that I could make friends, and that they would even like me. I never knew that in high school.

Unfortunately, I've struggled with suicidal thoughts all of my life, and made a serious attempt in 2006. To this day I don't know who found me. But once I was out of the ICU, and able to look in a mirror, I looked at my chest and it was every color in the rainbow.

That brought me to my knees, as I realized how close I had come to DESTROYING a wonderful person who DID NOT DESERVE TO DIE.

You do NOT deserve what you are going through. But you also DO NOT deserve to die because of it.

It seems so trite, I know, but at 52 years old, I can tell you high school does end, and people do mature. They grow up and realize it is wrong to be so mean to their fellow human beings.

Sometimes, what helps is just getting angry. I'm not talking about destroying anything because of your anger. But you have every right to be angry, and hopefully that anger will, at first, keep you from letting anyone, ever again, take advantage of you and your personality. Again, I can't write what I'd like to...but they do deserve your anger.

This is where a therapist could be very helpful, as anger can be a destructive thing as well, and that would only make things worse for you. But I get the sense you have no one to share your pain and anger with, and that is so wrong.

Hopefully, you soon will see that you are a human being, and you deserve to be treated with respect. And if someone in your life is not willing to do that, then they are gone. Period. That's what you deserve.

Please come back and tell us how you're doing. A lot of people come to the board and are going through something really traumatic. But they never come back, and we all worry about them, like we'd worry about you.

You're in my thoughts,

Elphaba

[jschroeder]

Hi

I have to tell you that I would never take a post like yours as a joke because I have been there. It's not an easy road to walk and it can be lonely and discouraging. I would have to echo a lot of what has been said already.

Talk to people you trust, who know you and your worth, your true worth. KEEP TALKING until someone understands you or you feel heard.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! Heavenly Father may be answering your prayers, actually I KNOW HE IS, it's just that at times when we do not get the answer we are yearning for we miss His answer. He will give you strength to deal with this adversity, He will make weak things strong IF YOU TURN TO HIM. He will never give you more to handle than what you AND HE can handle TOGETHER.

I spent years dealing with chronic major depression. I was in and out of the hospital trying to get medications adjusted, trying to stay alive and trying to raise two kids. It's hard, and in the present I am thankful for those trials, for those hard times. I still struggle at times with the depression but I am much more able to handle it. I do the same things most people here are telling you to do. They work, give them a try.

We can either let our trials make us or break us. Try to use this as a stepping stone to something much bigger and better...not sure what that is? Ask Heavenly Father....He WILL guide you.

And please, come back and let us know how you are doing. I'm sure I speak for many, if not all of us, when I say come back and find a place where you can be who you really are, let us know how you are doing.

Since I don't know your name I will just keep you in my prayers, anyways, as I'm sure Heavenly Father knows you very well. He knows your pain, He knows your weakness, He knows your strength and He knows your name.

Again, Talk, keep talking and then pray and keep praying and then listen and follow through with what you know to be true.

One last thing because I know this is long already....Yes what others say hurts, life is not fair sometimes. Even the Saviour will not interfere with others freedom to choose, but He will assist those who choose to walk in His paths. Even He, the Lord Himself, asked Father to remove the suffering He was going through in the garden, but as an example He submitted to our Father's will and THEN He had angels minister to Him to strengthen Him to accomplish what He then knew He must do. Follow His example in all things and all will be well.....you can have peace in the midst or turmoil :)

Take care my FRIEND!!

Edited October 8, 2008 by jschroeder

[SMG]

I had an awful time in high school, too. I recall my days of feeling hopeless, alone and lost in a metaphorical blizzard. Cold, tired, alone and the drive to continue on weakening. It still bothers me to recall that time.

I can only echo what others have said. Get in contact with your bishop, your parents, your school counselor, any adult you trust. Reach out, there ARE people who will reach back and help you, they just may not be the people you expected.

As Elphaba said, don't be afraid to express your anger (in a non destructive way). Anger is a perfectly human response to what you've gone through. Bottling your anger can be just as damaging as letting it run rampant. You are in my prayers. Please don't be afraid to reply or send messages if you want to talk. My, and the ears of many others here, are open, and our shoulders are strong.

[pam]

Thanks everyone. Wonderful posts. It's wonderful we have such great members of this site who can help and support those who feel in need.

[RainofGold]

I am sooo sorry that youa re going through all this pain. I want to tell you that you are not alone, you have a loving Heavenly Father that loves you.

You are His son, and He wont leave you alone. I will pray for you so that you can have the strength that you need, please don't give up. You sound like a sweet, kind and considerate young man.

Your new friend,

Rainofgold

[Twospirit]

I haven't read all the posts, but I have read your post.

I counsel young adults for a living and from what I have read, maybe explore going for professional counselling young friend. Maybe that trained person is able to guide you gently in disovering yourself and the beautiful soul you truly are. It can only help you.

Keep in mind, Although it may not seem like it for you now... But God is there, watching over you and will provide resources for you to get through this. Seek professional psychologists through the network your church provides and begin there. Then take this step for step, day by day.Different people take different amounts of time to learn and grow, and God has His perfect timing for you to discover yourself , your place in life, and Him(first and foremost). Have faith in that. You will get there.

Wishing You all the Best.

[Dove]

Hello,

Thank you so much for sharing your pain with us, and for reaching out for help!! I am so glad you are doing so!!

A lot of people really relate to what you are going through. I also went through a lot of sorrow in school. People started teasing me when I was 8 years old and it didn't stop throughout high school.

Sometimes I still feel teased by people around me to this day! Even people my own age. I have also struggled with thoughts of suicide! I have often wondered why Heavenly Father didn't help me more with all this.

It's taken me most of my life (I'm 40, now LOL) to realize something very important. That Heavenly Father wants me to do all that I can do to solve my problems while he helps me. That I need to try with all that I have to make myself happy. You have already shown your willingness to do this by asking for the help of the people on this site. As you can see, we are all pulling for you and are hurting with you because so many of us have gone through things like you have.

Many people also have given a lot of good suggestions as to what you can do to make this better. Have you thought about talking to your school principal and making him aware of what is being done to you? Reach out to your parents, bishop, a therapist, friends, anyone you can trust to help you with this. I had someone writing insults and names on my locker for months. I even changed my locker to try and get away from the person who was doing this. They found where my locker was at and started writing on it again. It wasn't until I got the principal involved, and she started getting fellow students out of class to question them about this that the problem was resolved.

Along with all the wonderful advice you've been given, I would just like to add to fight for yourself and your own happiness. Do all that you can do to resolve it and the Lord will show up for you in making it better

Dove

[Tamrajh]

I am so impressed with the responses everyone has posted; what love dwells herein.

I too know the pain you are going through. I had a horrible time in high school and was quite a loner. Although everyone knew who I was and said I was a really nice person, I had no friends. No one I could rely on. I always felt alone and did attempt suicide. I can tell you that it's not the answer and having to swallow charcoal is not a good experience or memory. It is just as disgusting as it sounds.

You are not alone. There are others who feel the same way you do, maybe for different reasons, but they feel just as alone as you. It gets easier once high school is over. I know it's hard to see past those three years, but 3 years compared to the next 60 is a small portion to have to deal with. It does suck. I'm not discounting it. It sucks a lot, I know. You will come out of this stronger, with more compassion and empathy, more patience, more tolerant than others, a better manager than most, and a better person overall. I'm not sure why Father feels you need these qualities and all the others He's helping you develop, but I'm sure there's a reason. He loves you. We love you. We understand you and we will always listen to you.

Come on here and open your heart to us, visit us in chat, email any of us. Take your pick, we will continue to help you through this. You are not alone and you are loved.

[MorningStar]

You sound like a very nice guy and I'm sure loads of people are missing out on your friendship! Kids are such idiots sometimes. For years during grade school, I was friends with girls I didn't even like and didn't treat me well. I went a couple years without playing with anyone outside of school because I was so fed up and it just dawned on me that they weren't real friends. Junior high, I started building friendships, and then high school I made a great group of friends through choir. We all had different beliefs, but we had music in common. Four of us now still get together every month and we graduated 15 years ago. If it hadn't been for choir, I don't know if I would've had close friends like that.

What are your hobbies? Are you in any clubs, sports, etc.? It's hard to get to know quiet people and it can be misinterpreted in many ways. I was quiet in most of my classes and one guy told me he thought I was a snob until he got to know me later. With the kids who weren't accepted when I was growing up, I feel terrible that I didn't reach out to them. I was never mean to them, but I wish I had invited them over or something. In fact, just a couple months ago, I googled two girls in particular like crazy because I wanted to see if everything turned out OK for them. I hoped they would grow up and be so awesome, sticking it to all the morons who treated them like crap. One girl was a very talented artist and I don't think she knew how great she was.

These people don't determine your worth. Have you ever read "You Are Special"? It's a great book! It's for kids, but I love it. Please check it out and let me know what you think. :)

Someday you will be able to help people who feel like you do. Please let your parents know what you are going through. I have so much I want to say, but I'm feeding my baby and typing one handed. Hang in there!

[Hemidakota]

I have come to make this thread for a simple reason, and I intend for no one to

see this as a joke. This problem involves the high school that I go to, I'll explain.

For some reason I had always been quiet, and have never been able to acquire a single friend, i would always be alone and continue to struggle to get friends. Because of that people at school had assumed that i am mentally handicapped which I am clearly not, and explaining does not work. The lies keep getting stronger and more people there continue to bother me every year, they talk behind my back taking these lies as if i don't notice the world around me, i have become paranoid because of it and have considered suicide. Even the girl i had a severe crush on had tried to say hurtful words to me. Its not as simple as moving to another school, the closest one being 40 miles away. Why doesn't the lord answer my prayers to stop this? I've been asking for 3 years now for him to stop this and am starting to believe the gospel does not exist. Its not worth living life if i cant have a normal adolescent life, I'm no where near mentally handicapped. Please do not bring hate upon me, just help me, what should I do?

Seeing what others already said, I for one, am your brother and friend.

[Gretchen]

First off, I'd like to congratulate you; it takes great courage to post that.

Secondly,you are not alone; I have been a cutter for almost three years, and I often think that the world would be better off without me. I have suffered abuse at home as well as at school. I've been called everything from a witch to a fat person, and although your circumstances are different, I know that you can pull through this too.

I have a picture of Jesus in my room that says: I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it.

And this too shall pass...

Gretchen

[ruthiechan]

Dude, I feel for ya, and I am so sorry you're going through such difficulties. I had some seriously depressing times myself and had all sorts of people harassing me. It was awful. I discovered that I had to pick and choose my battles. The Spirit will help you with that.

I used to want to go to Never Never Land, or simply die, but death is never simple. If you think about it, after you die you will have to face your Redeemer and explain to him why you chose to kill yourself. As long as you can think of such things you are still of a sound enough mind to be accountable for your own death if you chose that route.

In one of my darkest times what helped me was this Anime Music Video. Here it is on YouTube:

And here are the lyrics, and I suggest you listen to the song while or before reading them: Frou Frou - Let Go Lyrics

Then, I watched Naruto, the Japanese version. I found it inspiring. I would watch it, but ONLY IN JAPANESE! The American dubbed version is sooooo lame and they really muck it up.

And try to remember, all those punk expletives are really just insecure and taking it all out on you. It's wrong, but you can't change them and their actions. You can only change yourself and how you deal with these people.

*HUGS*

You're in my prayers bro.

[LDSpunkrocker]

Loneliness really hurts and i don't think a lot of kids realize that or they wouldn't treat shy and quiet kids so badly. High school is such a trying time on the youth, it is not easy for the many who seek friendship but are teased for being a little different or out of the norm from the elitists in the "popular" circles. I had a very hard time making friends, i was very shy and quiet, i was kind of a black sheep and i always felt different from most of the other kids in my school as well as my church ward so i secluded into my own world. I was picked on throughout school and often felt like it was god's doing, i always felt like i wasn't loved even though i know now how wrong i was. throughout the years i have made friends, some good and some bad, i allowed myself to fall in with the kids who would accept me....misery loves company:p . many of the friends i made were into smoking dope and drinking so of course i wanted to be liked by them so i started doing the same things thinking it would make me cool (sounds like an after school special ) I didn't think nothing of it at the time but around this point is when i started having serious problems with depression, I contemplated suicide so many times but i didnt ever try to hurt myself yet. i graduated by the skin of my teeth (actually i cheated to graduate since i was more interested in getting high rather that studying) had a college education paid for since i have tourettes syndrome, i didn't do well. most of my time was spent getting high and doing various other criminal activities....i discovered speed, meth, crank, whatever you want to call that filthy evil drug. all i really remember is a lot of confusion, my parents just beside themselves with sadness and pain, my mom always apologized for not doing the best she could in teaching me the correct principals... it breaks my heart to even think of the pain i put them through. i did try suicide, first i think it was just a call for help, it worked, went to rehab when i was 19, stayed clean for a bit and then started using again, this went on for years, i started cutting myself a lot (i still have some scars from it) in my early 20's i overdosed on pills and alcohol, back to rehab but first i got to spend some time in the psych ward in redlands ca. fast forward all the cliche stuff, drugs, jail, hospital etc etc....the last time i tried to kill myself was about 5 years ago, i meant it this time, i had degenerated into such a hateful self loathing person, i had abandoned God and Christ (even though all the time i had felt like it was I who had been abandoned) i took a lot more than the required amount of pain pills, sleeping pills and alcohol to do it this time, i remember feeling so tired, i could hardly form coherent sentences (it still feels like it was a dream ) for some reason i answered the phone. no idea why i answered it but i did, it was my younger sister, she could tell something wasn't right and she called 911. the next thing i remember is waking up on a concrete bench at a facility in phoenix, i dont remember much since im pretty sure the pills were still affecting me , i dont even know how long i had been passed out but i know the last thing i had remembered was trying to smoke a cigarette and barely able to lean against the car when the paramedics showed up to the house. I now know that it was nothing short of a miracle that my sister called at the time she did and i am so thankful to her and my heavenly father who i believe inspired her to call. I am now getting my life in order and working towards being an active member of the church. I am so thankful that my suicide attempts failed because if they hadn't i know beyond any shadow of a doubt where my spirit would have ended up. there is so much to live for, from the joy i get drawing my funny yet creepy cartoon characters to the ultimate which is the love of God and his son Jesus Christ and the possibility for me to live with my eternal family, see my loved ones who have passed on. press on, the rewards will be worth it. you will be in my prayers as will all those who struggle with this.

your friend and brother in Christ. god bless you.

p.s. forgive me for being long winded and terrible at grammar

[Hemidakota]

Gretchen, thanks for sharing your experience. It is helpful to know, others on this forum are a helping hand with exceeding experience for individuals to look too for guidance.

I have heard this phrase first from Elder John B. Dickson, “Nobody Said That It Would Be Easy,” Ensign, Nov. 1992, [page 45]. It is interesting how such a phrase spread throughout the church. A catching but a excellent phrase to use in our daily lives.

Even the US Marines, which logo used on a 1970 poster, quoted; "We never promise you a Rose Garden." Is the same unique phrase in a sense? Perhaps.

However, looking in the scriptures, we can see why this quote was used and perhaps Elder Dickson paraphrase it from both the Marine logo and Matthew recording from what the Savior spoke, "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:30). Now, if we turned to Matthew 5:10-12, I do believe it does depict what the quote,” He never said it would be easy, He only said it would be worth it":

"Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

"Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.

Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Elder Dickson recited this poem to add to give some vestige his article theme called “The Oyster.”

There once was an oyster

Whose story I’ll tell,

Who found that some sand

Had worked under his shell.

Just one little grain

But it gave him a pain,

For oysters have feelings

That are very plain.

Now did he berate

This working of fate,

That left him in such a

Deplorable state?

Did he curse the government,

Call for an election,

And say that the sea

Should have some protection?

No! He said to himself

As he sat on the shelf,

“Since I cannot remove it,

I think I’ll improve it.”

Well, years passed by,

As years always do,

Till he came to his destiny,

Oyster stew!

But the small grain of sand

That bothered him so

Was a beautiful pearl

All richly aglow.

Now this tale has a moral,

For isn’t it grand,

What an oyster can do

With a small grain of sand?

And what couldn’t we do

If we’d only begin

With all of the things

That get under our skin?

Edited October 9, 2008 by Hemidakota