gaspah Posted April 3, 2009 Report Share Posted April 3, 2009 hi there.. just wondering, I still have coffee in my house (i have trouble throwing stuff away, but ive kept the WoW) and my family and a few of my friends are non-members.. Someone is coming past my house early in the morning and was wondering if i had coffee? Am I allowed to serve them coffee in my home or what? I'm just not sure. thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WillowTheWhisp Posted April 3, 2009 Report Share Posted April 3, 2009 There is no teaching as far as I am aware to prevent you from serving coffee to anyone who is not a Church member. I do it myself. I do offer them an alternative but if they decline and prefer coffee then coffee is what they get.I look at it this way, if I went to their home and they offered me coffee I would be unhappy if they didn't permit me an alternaive even if that was only a glass of water, so we should be accommodating to others if we wish them to be accommodating to us, without compromising our own standards.I alwys explain to them why I don't drink coffee when I offer them my alternatives, but ultimately the choice is theirs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaspah Posted April 3, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2009 awesome.. thats the response i was looking for :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dravin Posted April 3, 2009 Report Share Posted April 3, 2009 (edited) WillowWisp is correct, as far as I know there is no official doctrine on the matter. However, if you don't feel comfortable doing so or otherwise don't want to this talk by Robert E. Wells talks about how to deal with such issues without offending, most of it though is about handling having it offered to you, there is only a couple paragraphs about getting around expectations of serving it.Edit: Some more searching turned up this but its about alcohol not coffee. (Note: I have a question is not considered Official Doctrine) Edited April 3, 2009 by Dravin Further searching Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WillowTheWhisp Posted April 3, 2009 Report Share Posted April 3, 2009 “Neither thanks, but a lovely hot lemon tea would be nice.”- Robert E. WellsJust be careful of saying that here in Englnd or you will be offered normal tea with a slice of lemon instead of sugar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maya Posted April 3, 2009 Report Share Posted April 3, 2009 My family is onlu LDS on both sides so we have coffe ... instant type for family. I like barleycap and I also put it and a bit sugar in natural youghurt mmmm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain_Curmudgeon Posted April 3, 2009 Report Share Posted April 3, 2009 George Romney kept alcohol in his home to serve to guests. You could look it up in Time magazine. That may be going a little far, but I don't think I should impose my own values on everyone else. If I did, the home teachers would have to leave their clothes on the porch every month. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mahone Posted April 3, 2009 Report Share Posted April 3, 2009 George Romney kept alcohol in his home to serve to guests. You could look it up in Time magazine.That may be going a little far, but I don't think I should impose my own values on everyone else. If I did, the home teachers would have to leave their clothes on the porch every month.I hope you didn't realise how dodgy this sounds when you wrote it for your own sake hehe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Madriglace Posted April 3, 2009 Report Share Posted April 3, 2009 My friends know I am LDS and what I believe and bring their own beverages if it is other than what they would expect in my home. Anyone who doesn't know get offered whats in the house which doesn['t include coffee or black tea. Just the herbal kind and really good water from our really good well! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim108 Posted April 3, 2009 Report Share Posted April 3, 2009 Yes, you can serve coffee. Jim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Churchmouse Posted April 3, 2009 Report Share Posted April 3, 2009 When my wife and I were dating, Catholics didn't eat meat on Friday. On more than one occasion my future mother-in-law made me a sandwich with meat while they ate fish. I learned from her that we should never do anything to make a visitor feel uneasy or uncomfortable in my home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest missingsomething Posted April 3, 2009 Report Share Posted April 3, 2009 I think thats a personal choice - but apply it this way - by accepting the WOW you know or acknowledge that it is a commandment from God... so would you willingly help someone break another commandment? I do not allow people to drink in my home and I do not serve coffee. My mother in law watches my girls and drinks coffee- she must bring it herself. I also do not have tea parties with my girls... we have lemonade parties. Better to get them used to it young, at least it wont be on my head if they do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WillowTheWhisp Posted April 3, 2009 Report Share Posted April 3, 2009 by accepting the WOW you know or acknowledge that it is a commandment from God...Yes but it is only binding on those who understand it to be such. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john doe Posted April 3, 2009 Report Share Posted April 3, 2009 When my wife and I were dating, Catholics didn't eat meat on Friday. On more than one occasion my future mother-in-law made me a sandwich with meat while they ate fish. I learned from her that we should never do anything to make a visitor feel uneasy or uncomfortable in my home. Were you proscribed from eating fish with them? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ADoyle90815 Posted April 3, 2009 Report Share Posted April 3, 2009 Those of us who are not LDS are not bound by the rule against drinking coffee or tea, but I would offer alternatives to any LDS houseguests I have out of respect for their beliefs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moksha Posted April 3, 2009 Report Share Posted April 3, 2009 I think it is a point of graciousness to have simple treats on hand that your guests may desire. I have a friend from the ward that stops by at least once a week. He drinks coffee and likes to smoke - preferably both together, at least once an hour. Since I will not permit smoking in my house, and do not own a coffee maker, I keep instant coffee on hand for such guests. I get him a cup and he goes out in the backyard to smoke. Makes him happy. He will also drink coffee while we are sitting and talking. It does not bother me and I rather like the smell of coffee (as opposed to cigarettes which gag me). Besides, coffee keeps him at bay from my horde of Diet Coke! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest missingsomething Posted April 3, 2009 Report Share Posted April 3, 2009 Yes but it is only binding on those who understand it to be such.Exactly - YOU know its wrong...its your house... whats that scripture... "but as for me and my house..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain_Curmudgeon Posted April 4, 2009 Report Share Posted April 4, 2009 I've been thinking about this in relation to "The Golden Rule" and how different formulations of it lead to different actions. It seems to me that there is a sort of ordering that is interesting. OTOH, I don't have the energy yet to write it out in full. Short version. Seems to me that George Romney and Churchmouse's mum-in-law are more ethically advanced than I am. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maureen Posted April 4, 2009 Report Share Posted April 4, 2009 Exactly - YOU know its wrong...its your house... whats that scripture... "but as for me and my house..."That's fine for you and your family in your house; but when visitors come to visit it is only considerate to offer them choices. My MIL always had tea available for those family members that would visit.M. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dravin Posted April 4, 2009 Report Share Posted April 4, 2009 That's fine for you and your family in your house; but when visitors come to visit it is only considerate to offer them choices.It's also considerate for them to consider the social mores and morals of the people they are visiting (which horror of horrors may be different from their own). For the Lent situation I would have been perfectly happy to eat fish, wouldn't have been offended if nothing else was offered.Personally I think the whole thing is a wash, do what you want. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted April 4, 2009 Report Share Posted April 4, 2009 I've had friends that have come to stay with me ask me if I have coffee. The majority knowing I am LDS. When I have explained I don't...they have brought their own little jar of instant coffee. I just had to supply the mug. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheyCallMeMom Posted April 4, 2009 Report Share Posted April 4, 2009 I guess I differ a little in we do not such items in our homes.. just as I would not want a visitor to have a drink or smoke a cig, act inappropriately etc, I would not allow them to have other forbidden items.. if they want options we have water, lemonade, milk, hot cocoa, and usually root beer or ginger ale.. I guess I would rather do without company than to comply with company who does not respect my home.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john doe Posted April 4, 2009 Report Share Posted April 4, 2009 I guess if I was a former coffee drinker and I still has the stuff on hand I would offer to let guests drink it. I wouldn't go out and buy it for my guests, though unless they gave me money to buy it for them. If it became an issue of our friendship, I might consider how much their friendship meant to me and decide whether I would want to give in to their requirements to be their friend. I guess it's kind of like this site. I like it enough to send Palerider my monthly dues payment, and he lets me stay and allows me to think I'm important. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prisonchaplain Posted April 5, 2009 Report Share Posted April 5, 2009 I find it interesting that coffee is not taboo for Gentiles, and yet most probably would not offer alcohol in their homes (some do, I know). Most of my church family would never dream of serving alcohol in their homes--and would like be rather upset if someone asked it. "Hey preacher, you got some booze?" Give me a break. Personally, I would not knowingly enter an LDS home and ask for coffee. Then again, ettiquette is that I would not ask for anything, but would wait to for my host to offer me whatever they want to. If I was asked what I want to drink, and new I was in a javaless household, I'd ask for something else, not embarrass my host by asking for something I know they don't consume. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moksha Posted April 6, 2009 Report Share Posted April 6, 2009 I find it interesting that coffee is not taboo for Gentiles, and yet most probably would not offer alcohol in their homes (some do, I know). Most of my church family would never dream of serving alcohol in their homes--and would like be rather upset if someone asked it. "Hey preacher, you got some booze?" Give me a break. That would be dicey asking a preacher for booze. Even raunchier would be to asking for a nip of sacramental wine. They need to have courtesy towards the office.However, when Mitt Romney keeps alcohol around for his guests, he is acknowledging that it is part of their culture and he extends the offering through a desire to be a gracious host, even though his beliefs preclude him drinking the alcohol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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