Family Size

[Stellatigirl]

So, I'm probably opening up a can of worms, I'm curious to see what opinion people have of family size. My husband and I have decided that we're only going to have 2 kids, and I'm currently expecting our second. I had a friend tell me that "You know, technically you haven't "multiplied" until you have more kids than you do parents. So, two is just replacing the parents not multiplying :P" How do I respond to that? I want to be respectful of her opinion but honestly, it made me mad. What it felt like she was telling me was that I was not obeying the Heavenly Fathers commandments by choosing to have small family. How would you respond?

[talisyn]

You have a very technical friend lol. Go forth and have as many kids as you want/can afford at the time. There is no right or wrong in family size.

[Moksha]

I had a friend tell me that "You know, technically you haven't "multiplied" until you have more kids than you do parents.

How would you respond?

I would be glad she was not demanding reproduction on a logarithmic basis. Save that for the Celestial Sister-Wives.

[miztrniceguy]

Pray about it and talk with your husband about it. You will know what is right for your family. Originally my wife wanted 4 and me 2. After our 2nd we thought for a while there would be a third, but after much waving back and forth and many discussions we decided we were done with 2. I can't imagine having more now, even if I could, and I can't. I don't know how people with 7 - 9 do it.

[Wingnut]

I'd tell her to screw off and mind her own business.

Okay I might be a little nicer. A little.

[Guest mormonmusic]

Yep - we had a talk on this in our Ward years ago. It's up to the couple to determine the number of children they should have.

People need to buzz off when it comes to making judgments about how many children you should have. To me, it's the sign of someone who has a way to go in terms of being sensitive, kind and genteele when they make judgmental comments like the one you received.

[ADoyle90815]

I think it's sad that in the LDS culture, people like to get in each other's business when it comes to something so personal, such as family size. I can imagine it's especially difficult for someone with infertility or who has had several miscarriages because there was something genetically wrong with the fetus. The way I see it, it's nobody's business except for the couple and the Lord as to how many children they have. Some married couples have children soon after they're married, while other couples put off starting a family until they're finished with their education.

[Elgama]

President Monson has 3 children, President Eyring has 5 children and President Uchtdorf has 2 children

The traditional interpretation was you had to have 1 boy, 1 girl and 1 other so technically if you have 3 boys you haven't replenished:)

[FunkyTown]

EDIT: Double post. My bad.

Edited March 25, 2010 by FunkyTown

[FunkyTown]

I'd tell her to screw off and mind her own business.

Okay I might be a little nicer. A little.

She probably was kidding, Wing.

As an addendum, it turns out that you are multiplying. By 2, since you don't die the moment 2 people are born.

Even if you did, you would be multiplying by 1. Still technically multiplying.

[Gwen]

try not to take it personal and come up with some kind of sarcastic response. you could just ignore that she said it and move on. it's really no more or less insulting or different than the comments ppl with large families get. how many kids does this woman have? if she has 4 or more then i bet she gets comments all the time (i guess if yall are in ut that may not be true lol). i have 5 and i get comments all the time.

if this is a close friend and you want a "healthy" relationship i would talk to her about it. if she has gotten comments on her family size then it should be easy for her to understand the other. but i would quote the church handbook about how that's a decision to be made prayerfully by the couple and the lord. that you understand it was meant in humor but it was very hurtful. i'm guessing she has no idea how hurtful it was. a real friend would apologize and stop making such comments. if she doesn't seem to understand.... i guess it's up to you what to do about it.

[MarginOfError]

There's a whole lot more to the commandment to have families than just multiplying. In fact, the focus on multiplying fails to acknowledge the second half of the commandment--replenish the earth.

There are a couple of ways you can interpret the commandment to "multiply and replenish the earth." It seems that the most common interpretation is the have children and have more children and fill the earth with human souls. If this is the case, then, why bother with multiply and replenish? Wouldn't it be enough just to say multiply, or just to say replenish?

I submit that replenish is added to the commandment to remind us that we need to be careful in how we multiply. It does no human soul any good to be born simply for the sake of being born. We are taught that children are entitled to be born in the bonds of marriage, and to parents who love them and are capable of providing them with the necessities of life, spiritual guidance, and emotional and moral support. The capacity of an individual to provide those things is extremely variable across people. When people who don't have the capacity to provide these things to their children keep having children, they produce a strain on society and usually have children that are not as well suited to handling the challenges of life that they will face. That sounds to me more like multiplying and burdening the earth.

Sadly, it's still the people you least want having children that usually have the most.

[WindRiver]

My only advice to your friend is to mind her own business.

My advice to anyone as far as how many kids to have is to involve God in the process, make it a subject of much prayer, study and pondering, and to have the courage and faith to accept what He has in store for you, be that ZERO kids or whatever.

I personally think we will be held accountable for choosing not to bring children into the world for the wrong reasons.

[Tarnished]

My husband would like a large family, I would like a smaller one. However we have both decided to consult with God regarding each pregnancy. We have to go to the doctor to get pregnant so planning our pregnancies is something we have to do.

As for people who comment about family size. Like many other people have mentioned, they really should keep their noses out of other people's business. Their choices for family should not affect other people's choices. Being righteous is good, but being self righteous not so much.

As my husband and I have had difficulties with having children I have just found pleasant ways to explain the situation to people who ask about why we don't have kids, usually I make it just awkward enough that they don't ask about it again.

[Blackmarch]

So, I'm probably opening up a can of worms, I'm curious to see what opinion people have of family size. My husband and I have decided that we're only going to have 2 kids, and I'm currently expecting our second. I had a friend tell me that "You know, technically you haven't "multiplied" until you have more kids than you do parents. So, two is just replacing the parents not multiplying :P" How do I respond to that? I want to be respectful of her opinion but honestly, it made me mad. What it felt like she was telling me was that I was not obeying the Heavenly Fathers commandments by choosing to have small family. How would you respond?

Family size is between you, your spouse, and God. For some it may mean 1 for others it may mean 14 or more.

Children are a blessing.

Edited March 25, 2010 by Blackmarch

[mikbone]

Im not a math major or nothing but... Last time I checked.

1 x 1 = 1 You done multiplied.

My wife is pregnant with numero nine.

[Guest Alana]

you would be multiplying by 1. Still technically multiplying.

I like that, because it's true:) 2 times 1 is 2. Done.

And for those who have one kid, they just multiplied by .5:P For those with no kids, I'm willing to share mine, hubby and I need to go on more dates.

[Maureen]

...My wife is pregnant with numero nine.

mikbone, have you decided on that great name yet?

M.

[Dravin]

I've heard tell the correct number of kids that every family is doctrinally required to have is √-1.

[JessicaHarper]

The size of your family is between you, your husband, and God. Period.

No two families are the same, there are so many different circumstances to take into consideration.

[Bini]

I don't get offended by that kind of stuff. Others opinions on how I make personal decisions just isn't important enough to me to allow myself to get riled up over. I don't have kids and initially I never wanted them. You can imagine how well that went over with mum (on both sides) wanting to be grandmas. Hubby and I have only recently started discussing having a family and we both agree that one child is probably enough but that two children might be better because we wouldn't want the child to grow up alone. And the experience of having siblings, is something that an only child never gets to have, regardless of how many friends they have at school. It just isn't the same. So I guess my point is, when we finally decide to have kids of our own, we won't be having a throng of 'em. No way. And I don't care what people have to say about it either :]

[annamaureen]

Regardless of what "church culture" says, I firmly believe that the decision of how many children to have is a very private, personal decision that is different for each couple.

There will always be those people that tut-tut over small families, say that birth control is wrong, that by being sealed we're promising to have children immediately, etc... but that's not doctrine. There are also some people who look down their noses at the big, "typical Mormon" families, and I believe that's wrong, too.