A question about modesty

[Nahilolo]

I was wondering about modesty... I understand that it is to make sure you are properly covered so you dont cause anyone any lustful thoughts but I was also wondering if it also has to do with not drawing any attention to yourself in gereral.

Most LDS people I see, along with dressing modestly are a little more on the "plain" side. (I'm very sorry if that statement offends anyone) You know very natural hair colors, no flashy jewelry, and etc. I am a hairstylist and my hair is the main way I express myself. I have had my hair every color under the sun, from black to purple to its current shade of platinum white blonde.

So could I dress modestly and still have pink hair? Or is that a no-no?

[Hemidakota]

Reminds of this quote but have a resounding saying when we purchase alot of toys (materialism) that draws attention oneself.

“Modesty in dress and manner will assist in protecting against temptation. It may be difficult to find modest clothing, but it can be found with enough effort. … You can be attractive without being immodest. … Draw some rigid parameters, a line in the sand, as it were, beyond which you will not go.”

President Gordon B. Hinckley, “Stay on the High Road,” Liahona and Ensign, May 2004, 114.

LDS.org - Ensign Article - Modesty Matters

Here is a question that may answer your specifc thought: "How would you feel, if President Monson came up to the pulpit with pink hair?"

LDS.org - Ensign Article - More than Hemlines and Haircuts

[Jenamarie]

Come to my ward, we've got all sorts of hair colors going on here.

And modesty isn't *all* about not causing lustful thoughts in others (although that's one aspect about it). It's also about showing respect for ourselves and the body that we have been blessed with by Heavenly Father. It's about not using our body as a billboard for wordliness (I think of the scriptural terms "costly apparel" and "fine linens" that are often mentioned when the Lord's people start to get too proud). We're to dress attractively, but without showing too much skin and without using our appearance to show off how "well-off" we are, or how "hip" we are. And I'd say a lot of that has to do with our *attitude* in our appearance, if we're wearing our clothing because it's comfortable and practical and we feel we look our best in it, or if we're wearing it to draw attention to ourselves and the praise of the world.

Not sure if I'm making any sense... Anyway, those are my thoughts on modesty.

[Hemidakota]

Good point...

[Wingnut]

...but I was also wondering if it also has to do with not drawing any attention to yourself in gereral.

Definitely. That doesn't mean that we all need to be clones, though. It also doesn't mean we have to be frumpy. Consider a missionary's "uniform," though: they all wear white shirts, dark suits, conservative ties, short haircuts. Sister missionaries wear conservative blouses and sweaters, and long skirts. The point is so that the people they teach are not distracted by appearances, and they can focus instead on the message.

There is a woman in my ward who, like you, is a stylist. It's not uncommon for her to go through two or three hair colors in a month. Usually it's either bleached, maroon, purple, bright pink, black, or a gorgeous deep red (almost blood red). It's always fun trying to guess what color she'll show up with the next week. But she covers herself modestly, and though she's outgoing and (in social situations) very much the life of the party, she doesn't change her hair to deliberately draw attention to herself.

[hordak]

I was wondering about modesty... I understand that it is to make sure you are properly covered so you dont cause anyone any lustful thoughts but I was also wondering if it also has to do with not drawing any attention to yourself in gereral.

Most LDS people I see, along with dressing modestly are a little more on the "plain" side. (I'm very sorry if that statement offends anyone) You know very natural hair colors, no flashy jewelry, and etc. I am a hairstylist and my hair is the main way I express myself. I have had my hair every color under the sun, from black to purple to its current shade of platinum white blonde.

So could I dress modestly and still have pink hair? Or is that a no-no?

Larry Scott. Devout Mormon and body builder.

Many would consider this, if worn to the office, a bit immodest (to say the least) however since it was his profession it's a bit different then having the dentist come in for your x rays in this getup.

Depending on your skin tone many "natural" colors could draw the same attention.

So personally i would say if your NOT doing it to temp others sexually (i have never known someone to be tempted based purely on hair color) and it is "part of the job" i would worry.

Follow up question . Why do hair dressers have the weirdest colors/ and cuts anyway?

Seems like going to the mechanic with the most busted up car.

[FunkyTown]

I have seen LDS members of all stripes: Everything from Mormon punks and straight-edgers to GAs.

Right now, I'm wearing an off-white suit that is, as the saying goes 'Pimping'. I have never had any complaints about it being immodest.

If by 'Modest clothing', you mean "Free from pomp or affectation", my suit would be immodest.

Here's Dictionary.com's definition of 'modest'.

1.

having or showing a moderate or humble estimate of one's merits, importance, etc.; free from vanity, egotism, boastfulness, or great pretensions.

2.

free from ostentation or showy extravagance: a modest house.

3.

having or showing regard for the decencies of behavior, speech, dress, etc.; decent: a modest neckline on a dress.

4.

limited or moderate in amount, extent, etc.: a modest increase in salary.

I'm fairly certain that 'Modest clothing' has to do with #3. I love to dress up. I like looking good. I may have a bit of chub-chub around the waist, but I like to be original in dress and behaviour.

There's a difference between being sexy and being sexualized. Be original if you want to. :)

[Elgama]

I had pink hair at one point, sure you can be modest, i'm certainly not conservative in dress I love colour and to look a little different

[Nahilolo]

You may find this rather shocking and maybe a little stupid but most hairstylists have crazy hair because we are bored and want to try new products. It is totally normal to go to work in the morning see that it's going to be a slow day and just decide on the spot that you and your co-worker want to try that haircut you saw on so and so or there is a new color technique you want to try or both. Thats how I suddenly became a blonde. It was a horribly slow day at work and we wanted to try this new "miracle" bleach, so I went from a fire-engine red head to a platinum to see if this bleach could do what it said without making my hair fall out. It did thankfully!

All hairstylists are just human guinea pigs

[Wingnut]

You may find this rather shocking and maybe a little stupid but most hairstylists have crazy hair because we are bored and want to try new products. It is totally normal to go to work in the morning see that it's going to be a slow day and just decide on the spot that you and your co-worker want to try that haircut you saw on so and so or there is a new color technique you want to try or both. Thats how I suddenly became a blonde. It was a horribly slow day at work and we wanted to try this new "miracle" bleach, so I went from a fire-engine red head to a platinum to see if this bleach could do what it said without making my hair fall out. It did thankfully!

All hairstylists are just human guinea pigs

I always thought it would be fun to be a wine connoisseur, and to know what pairs perfectly with a meal, what vintages were the best, etc. But I could never truly be one without drinking it. How can you vouch for products, etc. if you haven't tried them?

[FunkyTown]

All hairstylists are just human guinea pigs

Go nuts. We all need a way to let off steam.

The moment we stop experimenting and trying new things, we end up dead or boring. You can be part of the church and have any color hair you want.

[beefche]

Funky, YOU IS DA MAN!

Wingy, when I think wine connoisseur, I think of that dude in Houseguest--makes me laugh.

I think that extreme hairstyles can be immodest; however, I don't think changing hair color is immodest. Once on my mission, one of the Elders got a hair cut and the dude buzzed his hair. Not that big a deal EXCEPT at the time, Neo-Nazis were making their way into the country and had that hairstyle. Not good for a Mormon missionary to be confused with a Neo Nazi in a Eastern European country. Thus, in that case, his hairstyle was immodest (or maybe just stupid--whichever, it was bringing improper attention to him).

[Hemidakota]

You may find this rather shocking and maybe a little stupid but most hairstylists have crazy hair because we are bored and want to try new products. It is totally normal to go to work in the morning see that it's going to be a slow day and just decide on the spot that you and your co-worker want to try that haircut you saw on so and so or there is a new color technique you want to try or both. Thats how I suddenly became a blonde. It was a horribly slow day at work and we wanted to try this new "miracle" bleach, so I went from a fire-engine red head to a platinum to see if this bleach could do what it said without making my hair fall out. It did thankfully!

All hairstylists are just human guinea pigs

Then, don't worry about it...just be you.

[mnn727]

Boring is not bad.

Having said that there is nothing wrong with changing hair colors, mines gone from brown to grey over the last 15 years.

[Hemidakota]

Oh man, no laugh button again...

Edited July 8, 2010 by Hemidakota

[applepansy]

I didn't have time to read through everything so if this has been stated...sorry.

I was taught while growing up that modesty is more than how much skin is covered or clothes that aren't too tight. Its an attitude. I believe our dress, hair, etc. is a reflection of our attitude. :)

Hair can be colored and modest. It can be styled and still modest. Again...attitude.

Edited July 8, 2010 by applepansy
typos

[crazypotato]

If your hair is extreme looking, it is possible that people will misunderstand who you are and assume you are wild and edgy. What is the first impression that your appearance gives to another? Your appearance not only includes clothes and hair, but facial expression and body language.

I think women can get away with different hair colors more than men, especially as hair stylists. Personally, whenever I see hairstylists that are always changing their hair color, I think they are the creative, artsy types. What's immodest about that?

But if I see a girl who is say, black hair and white makeup, my honest first impression is that she is a moody goth and must be a bit weird and eccentric. Or if I see an older man with pink hair, tatoos, and edgy clothes, I assume he is a a bit of a wild child. If I see a teenager with blue hair, I think nothing of it other than he is trying to annoy his parents.

Often, when I am bored, I will change my hair color from brown to blonde or add highlights or something.

[mordorbund]

I tried really hard to read your post but can't take my eyes off that picture. It just draws so much attention to itself (even now I'm staring at it, so I can't be held accountable for what I write).

I'm guessing you wrote something like

Here's my standard of modesty. Every day I call Larry Scott and ask him if he wants to hang out. If he says "no," then I know I'm wearing something that embarrasses him and need to change.

For what it's worth, I still can't tell you what color Larry's hair is.

[Tarnished]

I think that extreme hairstyles can be immodest; however, I don't think changing hair color is immodest. Once on my mission, one of the Elders got a hair cut and the dude buzzed his hair. Not that big a deal EXCEPT at the time, Neo-Nazis were making their way into the country and had that hairstyle. Not good for a Mormon missionary to be confused with a Neo Nazi in a Eastern European country. Thus, in that case, his hairstyle was immodest (or maybe just stupid--whichever, it was bringing improper attention to him).

When my brother was on his mission he started to go bald, the mission president shaved his head at the time and so my brother shaved his as well. Later his mission president saw him and asked him to regrow his hair, the next time the mission president saw him he told him to shave it again as it looked better and more "tidy" I guess when it was shaved. I agree with you that it really depends on the circumstances and how the hair style causes you to come across.

Another "Neo-Nazi" example I have came from when my husband was going through cancer. It was right after his bone marrow transplant and so he was bald (with no eyebrows) and he had to wear a breathing mask (that did that whole Darth Vader breathing sound effect) and he liked to wear his long black leather trench coat because it was February. So one day we are walking into a Walmart and an african american woman is walking out with her kids, she took one look at him and gathered her children closer to her and hurried away. Sometimes our appearance can confuse others even when we have little control over it.

[not_ashamed]

If your hair is extreme looking, it is possible that people will misunderstand who you are and assume you are wild and edgy. What is the first impression that your appearance gives to another?

Sadly, yes people do make assumptions and have misunderstandings of who you are based on appearance. Not all that long ago I was totally in to body piercing, I still like them but choose to no longer wear them. It was always kinda funny to me how people would judge my character based off body piercings and sometimes not so conservative hair colors. I think it says a lot about how judgemental we are as people.

[crazypotato]

I was wondering about modesty... I understand that it is to make sure you are properly covered so you dont cause anyone any lustful thoughts but I was also wondering if it also has to do with not drawing any attention to yourself in gereral.

Most LDS people I see, along with dressing modestly are a little more on the "plain" side. (I'm very sorry if that statement offends anyone) You know very natural hair colors, no flashy jewelry, and etc. I am a hairstylist and my hair is the main way I express myself. I have had my hair every color under the sun, from black to purple to its current shade of platinum white blonde.

So could I dress modestly and still have pink hair? Or is that a no-no?

I also think that wearing interesting clothes and pretty jewelry is totally a good thing. I don't want to look plain. I think the problem is when people wear really expensive clothes and then look down on others for wearing cheaper, plainer clothes. You know, the snobby types that look down on others for not wearing designer clothes. But Eliza R Snow, back when Utah was being settled, had silkworms brought in so that the women could have silk dresses, and it was important to her to look beautiful, not plain and cheap.

[Guest mirancs8]

I have seen LDS members of all stripes: Everything from Mormon punks and straight-edgers to GAs.

Right now, I'm wearing an off-white suit that is, as the saying goes 'Pimping'. I have never had any complaints about it being immodest.

If by 'Modest clothing', you mean "Free from pomp or affectation", my suit would be immodest.

Here's Dictionary.com's definition of 'modest'.

I'm fairly certain that 'Modest clothing' has to do with #3. I love to dress up. I like looking good. I may have a bit of chub-chub around the waist, but I like to be original in dress and behaviour.

There's a difference between being sexy and being sexualized. Be original if you want to. :)

Dang it where's that laugh button Pam!! off-white suit ey? I'd say definite 'pimping' going on with that get up

[Suzie]

Pimping? I was thinking more of John Travolta.

[FunkyTown]

Dang it where's that laugh button Pam!! off-white suit ey? I'd say definite 'pimping' going on with that get up

Pimpin' ain't easy, Mirancs.

And my suit scores a 9.4 on the Keppler Scale of Sexitivity!*cues the sounds of 'Can't get enough of your love'.*

[Melissa569]

I personally don't bother to go any further than not being "trashy". Meaning my shorts are never more than an inch or two above my knees. My V-necks never show an actual bust line, and my sleeves don't go past the upper curve of my shoulders. And of course, I don't show my belly.

Other than that, I don't really care what anyone thinks.

In my opinion, it doesn't matter how much you cover up, somebody is going to lust after you. And jewelry? I've never known a man to flirt with a woman because of her jewelry... lol. As far as hair goes, some men prefer natural looks, and other men love a frisky burst of color.

Men still find a way to lust after the women in Afghanistan, who totally cover themselves in a robe, from top to toe. At some point, you have to hold the OTHER person responsible for the lust in their mind. You don't control their thoughts, and nothing you do (or wear) will ever give you that ability.

And then you have to consider the fact that not everybody is attracted to the same thing. Whats modest to one person, might be very exciting to another.

Take me, for example (this is going to sound EXTREMELY unusual, but its still true, and I'm going to say it anyway just to prove a point):

I am VERY attracted to men dressed entirely in black, or in suits, or in robes-- yes ROBES! Don't ask why, I just love how they drape and flow when someone moves. Those things are supposed to be attempts at modestly and decency. But to me, its more attractive than a man showing skin! In fact, the more skin he shows, the less attracted I am. Very odd, I know. But true, nonetheless. I have no idea why this is, its just the way I've always been.

The point is, I've spoken to others, both male and female, who share my (strange but very real) opinion. Do what you like, but it won't work on everyone. In all your attempts to repel one pair of eyes, you'll be attracting another. I say live up to your own understanding of modesty. That's all you can do. :)

Edited July 12, 2010 by Melissa569