to_tall60 Posted September 12, 2012 Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 I have recently been sealed to my wife in the temple after dating for about 8 months. She is a great person and it was great dating her. I also dated another before her that i had a great relationship with. I obviously chose my wife but after a month of marriage i cant stop thinking about how much better things would have been if i had married the girl i knew before my wife! Its a wierd feeling to be in love with another girl... it really affects my attitude with our marriage. what am i going to do? If i could go back i think i would change it but im sealed now and i guess im just stuck... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeuroTypical Posted September 12, 2012 Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 (edited) Either get over it and be the man she thought she was getting, or divorce her. Pick one, and do it quickly. The longer she's stuck with some guy with a wandering eye who "cant stop thinking" about the wrong thing, the harder it will be for her. On the other hand, if you can mature into a covenant-keeping righteous man, then that's obviously the best choice. For the love of pete, do NOT bring children into this, unless you pick the 2nd one. Edited September 12, 2012 by Loudmouth_Mormon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted September 12, 2012 Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 This is called "buyer's remorse". In retail, it is the sign of an impulse buy. In marriage, it is the sign of a weak mind or spirit. The cure: Man up. Love your wife. Look at and think about no other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 12, 2012 Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 The grass is always greener. . . You're living real life with your wife and finding that it's not always fun and romance. It wouldn't have been with the other girl, either. Marriage is work. Having a household is work. Building an eternal marriage is work. Do yourself a favor and stop imagining this life that never was and never would have been with the other girl. It's just a fantasy that's getting in the way of your marriage, which is the most important relationship you'll ever have. You made covenants. Now it's time to keep them. And PLEASE never tell your wife that you've been entertaining these thoughts about another girl. Marriage does get better. The beginning can be a little rough, but once you work out the rough spots, it's very much worth it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningStar Posted September 12, 2012 Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 You would be thinking the opposite if you had married the other girl. Marriage is a big adjustment. Put your whole heart into it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misshalfway Posted September 12, 2012 Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 Why did you break up with the first girl? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted September 12, 2012 Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 You've been married one month!! ONE month! I'm speechless. Stop thinking about what could have been and start thinking how blessed you are to have a great girl who was willing to love you and marry you. Then get over your selfishness and be the kind of husband she thought she married. You know... one who loves her and keeps his promises. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 12, 2012 Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 What do you think the meaning of LOVE is? I mean, really think about it. What makes you think you're in LOVE with this girl and not that? Love is not - oh, she makes me feel good. Oh, I can't stop thinking about her. Oh, I get the hots for her. Dying on the cross. That's LOVE. It is not just a feeling. It's a DECISION. A selfless decision to give yourself up completely to the service of another. SERVICE of another... Like applepansy said. One month and you already gave up. You don't know what love is. Do you know why I married my husband? Because, I can honestly look anybody else in the eye - and that includes somebody just as amazing as President Monson who looks like Brad Pitt expressing their undying love to me - and say to him, "You're an amazing guy and all and I'm sure you're going to make a good husband to some lucky girl, but you're not my husband. I chose this guy to be my husband." and not regret it one iota. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ditd Posted September 12, 2012 Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 I would love to have a wife and be sealed to her, count your blessings... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted September 12, 2012 Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 I would hate to be the wife and find out my husband was posting on a random internet site saying they feel like they are "stuck." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarginOfError Posted September 12, 2012 Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 The solution is simple 1) Look up the term "buyer's remorse." 2) Recognize that's what you are doing. 3) Get over yourself and enjoy your marriage. The first month of marriage is not the best part of marriage unless you're doing it wrong. The best part of marriage will come in a few years, but only if you develop your relationship correctly. To do so, you might want to pick up a few books on how to develop those relationships. Lots of study and lots of time and a strong commitment to your marriage is what makes marriage good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted September 12, 2012 Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 After thinking about this all night I want to add: If you want to love your wife and make your marriage work then SERVE HER! Treat her like Christ would! Only when we serve others do we truly learn to love. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rameumptom Posted September 12, 2012 Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 With the sealing, you promised to love and be devoted to your spouse. Love is a choice, not just an uncontrollable emotion. Lust or attraction are emotions. We can always imagine that the one who got away was Ms Perfect, but in reality, no one is perfect. So, choose your wife. Choose her totally and completely. Be glad for your choice. Instead of focusing on what you do not have, focus on the blessings you do have. Eventually, the desire for the other woman will go away, as attractions do not last without real love. Focus on the why you love your wife. Only you can convince you that it is real. It will take time to rewire your brain to fully accept the concept, but if you spend time each day thinking about how wonderful your wife is, and how she loves you, and how you do not deserve her, but are lucky to have her, your love will grow for her. And eventually, you will not want anyone else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ctr123 Posted September 12, 2012 Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 Chances are if you had married the other girl you would still have posted that same post. Some people just seem to always be looking for something else instead of nurturing the spouse that they chose to spend their life with. I just don't understand this. Instead of spending time wondering about the what ifs (which is stupid) spend time with your wife, do things for her, just anything! Instead of looking at love as a noun (a THING that just comes to someone) look at love as a verb (action that you have to DO). Do things that show your wife that you are willing to love her. Than that feeling (that alot of people mistakingly believes just comes) will be in your heart. That's when you will be able to look at your wife and know that you were an idot to think otherwise, that you had married the love of your life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slamjet Posted September 12, 2012 Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 So much I want to post, all of it will get me banned. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prisonchaplain Posted September 12, 2012 Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 So much I want to post, all of it will get me banned. The restraint and discipline that Slamjet exhibited with this post is exactly the type you need to train your mind on the love of your wife and the commitment to your promises. Fear God and obey his commands.Kuddos, Slamjet...glad you're staying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarginOfError Posted September 12, 2012 Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 So much I want to post, all of it will get me banned.The restraint and discipline that Slamjet exhibited with this post is exactly the type you need to train your mind on the love of your wife and the commitment to your promises. Fear God and obey his commands.Kuddos, Slamjet...glad you're staying. Would it be possible to set up a special forum, perhaps in the adult forum, where slamjet can just vent all his rants? I suspect he would find it cathartic and many of the rest of us would be highly entertained. It's a win-win, really. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mnn727 Posted September 12, 2012 Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 (edited) My DW and I honeymooned in Utah. We Temple hopped from ST George up to SLC. We were about 5 days into our marriage and neither of us were happy. Marriage is a big adjustment. When we got to SLC we went to Temple Square and at the time both of us were thinking we had made a big mistake getting married. At Temple Square we did the tour and the young Sister Missionary upon hearing we were on our honeymoon shared a scripture with us that really touched both of us, That was 14 years ago last week and we're still happily married. Once she read this verse to us all the angst went out of both of us and we made it work. That Sisters inspiration and our dedication turned things around for us. Here's the verse she shared with us that day, I hope it helps you too. 2nd Nephi 31:20 Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life. Edited September 12, 2012 by mnn727 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slamjet Posted September 12, 2012 Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 Would it be possible to set up a special forum, perhaps in the adult forum, where slamjet can just vent all his rants? I suspect he would find it cathartic and many of the rest of us would be highly entertained. It's a win-win, really. Only if I get a notarized legal document stating I get full immunity because my filters are pretty much screwed up but oh how fun that would be and oh how many un-friendings I would get! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iggy Posted September 12, 2012 Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 So much I want to post, all of it will get me banned.AMEN Ditto! My tongue and lip are oh so sore from biting them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted September 12, 2012 Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 AMEN Ditto! My tongue and lip are oh so sore from biting them.I have a permanent hole and asked my son for one of his tongue rings. he didn't understand why for several minutes.When I'm on the computer I bite my fingers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted September 12, 2012 Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 I have a permanent hole and asked my son for one of his tongue rings. he didn't understand why for several minutes.When I'm on the computer I bite my fingers. So you're a finger-ringer?You do you even pronounce "finger-ringer"? Hard 'g's both times, I imagine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted September 12, 2012 Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 That about covers it.I'll quit derailing this thread now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slamjet Posted September 12, 2012 Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 Back to the OP, I wonder if deep down it has anything to do with the "well, I've done "it" and I wonder what "it" is like with her?" If that's the case, time to put the blinders on because being a male means you're going to have to fight with this for the rest of your life. That's why the commitments and oaths that are made in the temple are so extremely important to remember and live by. You belong to no one else but your wife. You chose her, she chose you. Its going to take a long while to get used to her just as much as it's going to take a while for her to get used to you. But that's where the difficulties and fun in marriage is. Learning about each other, setting aside the idiosyncrasies and relishing the companionship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mnn727 Posted September 13, 2012 Report Share Posted September 13, 2012 One thing to add, from someone with lots of experience. When you and your wife disagree about something ask yourself if this is worth arguing/disagreeing with your Eternal Companion about and will whatever this disagreement is will it really matter 10,000 years from now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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