Trying to be a good guy but end up being a bad guy.

[Bini]

I admin a community site that has about five-thousand members. We get new membership requests daily, and so, we tend to be the perfect platform for local advertising. One of our rules is that we don't allow lost or found posts. This rule was made based on a poll that members voted on. The vast majority of them did not want to see such posts.

 

So at the beginning of the week, I received a private message, with a lady pleading that I allow her to post lost animals. Being an animal lover myself, I felt for the cause, but could not make an exception for her. Rules are rules. I tried to explain why I couldn't approve it as kindly as I could. I didn't hear back from her. Then last night, I received another message from her, much more aggressive and basically saying that it would be on my head for not having a heart and spreading the word of these lost dogs. I feel terrible about this. I did not respond. I think my last message to her was clear and concise on the matter. But gees. Not sure what I'm asking here. I feel that I handled it properly. I am not the only person to admin the site, there are two other people. Guess I'm torn in whether I should have let this situation slide and allowed her to post? But then, what about all the other people the admins have said NO to? Why does her situation or cause trump anyone else that has lost something of value to them? I totally get a family pet being more priority than a lost iPad but...ugh...I just don't know...I stuck with the site's rules and I just feel blegh over it.

[Vort]

If this were a human life, I could see bending the rules. Otherwise, the rules are there for a reason. You don't want a 5000-member lost and found board. She has plenty of other venues, e.g. Craigslist, posting fliers on light posts, etc. I wouldn't give it a second thought. Or maybe I would, but I encourage you not to.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

You did the right thing Bini.  It's hard, I'm an animal lover too, but as Vort said, she has other avenues to use. 

[Guest]

You did the right thing, Bini. Don't fall prey to the guilt trip. If it really breaks your heart about the lost pets, you can PM her and offer to help sending info of lost pets to the thousands of pet shelters in PetFinder.com or some such.

[Bini]

I did redirect her and in her response she claims she had done all that. I also suggested doing fliers around the area. She is really quite mad at me.

[estradling75]

So basically she is mad because she can not high jack someone else's resources (after all someone is paying for the server, webpage, bandwidth, etc) for their her own personal quest.

 

We get that here often (and I assume most other forums do to)...  Basically it spamming although she was nice enough to ask permission first

[Bini]

So basically she is mad because she can not high jack someone else's resources (after all someone is paying for the server, webpage, bandwidth, etc) for their her own personal quest.

 

We get that here often (and I assume most other forums do to)...  Basically it spamming although she was nice enough to ask permission first

 

Yes, she did ask permission first.

[pkstpaul]

She is way out of line. It may have been in good faith for her to ask for the first exception but to badger you is extreme. You can't carry a burden for doing what is right.

[NeuroTypical]

A dozen Christmases or so ago, my wife and I were getting into our car.  We lived in a less-desirable part of town in those days.  A lady came running towards us crying and yelling for help.  She was very upset.  She said her boyfriend had beat her up and thrown her out in the cold.  (It was in the 20's and snowing lightly).  

 

We offered her shelter and said we could call the cops for her.  She asked for a ride back to her place, so she could see if he was still there.  We said we didn't think that was wise, but again invited her to come in out of the snow - cops were optional, but we weren't going to go drive her somewhere.  Then she yelled a bunch of profanities at us and accused us of being too rich and white to give a [care] about her problems, wished us a "merry [beep] Christmas" and stormed off in the other direction.

 

Yeah, I had a short-term adrenalin-fueled bunch of emotion about the event.  I felt like a horrible person for about 10 minutes.  Then the chemical reaction wore off, and I've spent the last dozen years glad I didn't do anything stupid like drive her where she wanted to go.

[EarlJibbs]

How can you sleep at night Bini? :) 

 

You are not the bad guy, they are for trying to make you feel bad, I would say they are the "bad guy"

[EarlJibbs]

Did you find a picture (Avatar) you like yet Bini? 

 

Your going to confuse the children. 

Edited March 6, 2015 by EarlJibbs

[Guest]

Ohhh! I have quite a story for you!

Last Saturday, we had Rousey fight on TV so we invited people from the ward. A bunch of the men rode together and saw a woman and her car broken down before the bridge. They pulled over and offered to help, and she was soooo happy and grateful, so she got in the car, the men pushed.... and she didn't turn to go into the exit (where there's a gas station). So, they stopped pushing and asked her where she's going? She said, oh, my house is just across the bridge.

Uhm... hello... the bridge is 3 miles long and there's that big hump in the middle so the boats can go under... she expected them to push her car all the way across all that!!!

So they said, ma'am, we can't push the car that far. And she got angry, so they left her in the middle of the road, got back in their car, and drove off.

Edited March 6, 2015 by anatess

[Vort]

Did the fourteen seconds give you your money's worth?

 

I'm appalled at the entitlement mentality so often displayed by some people.

[Mahone]

When you agree to manage a group of people, whether as part of your position at work, at church or online on an internet forum, you have you accept from the outset that you won't be able to please everyone with the decisions you make, and not everyone is going to like you. It's unfortunately part of the role. Had you allowed this, you'd have the issue of precedent to deal with. That rule would suddely become a lot harder to enforce and a much larger group of people would become upset with you, causing you to feel even worse than you do now. You made the right decision.

Edited March 7, 2015 by Mahone

[Bini]

Thank you, Mahone!

[NightSG]

So at the beginning of the week, I received a private message, with a lady pleading that I allow her to post lost animals.

 

 

The local breaking news list has become nearly useless for actual news because of all the lost and found dog posts.  Frankly, I wish animal control would start watching it and issuing citations by the ream.

[Guest MormonGator]

When you agree to manage a group of people, whether as part of your position at work, at church or online on an internet forum, you have you accept from the outset that you won't be able to please everyone with the decisions you make, and not everyone is going to like you. 

THIS. 

[prisonchaplain]

Bini, you absolutely did the right thing.  On the other hand, the lady loves the dogs, and that's her singular focus.  She doesn't know you.  She knows the dogs.  So, she sees herself as fighting for the lives.  She's still wrong, and manipulative to the extreme.  Understanding why people do bad things doesn't excuse them.  It does help us understand why they are attempting to play us, though. 

[The Folk Prophet]

Trying to be a good guy but end up being a bad guy? According to some, that pretty much defines my existence.

 

Fortunately, good and bad are not defined by people's opinions.

[NightSG]

Bini, you absolutely did the right thing.  On the other hand, the lady loves the dogs, and that's her singular focus.  She doesn't know you.  She knows the dogs.  So, she sees herself as fighting for the lives.  She's still wrong, and manipulative to the extreme.  Understanding why people do bad things doesn't excuse them.  It does help us understand why they are attempting to play us, though. 

 

If she's that concerned for the dogs, why not work to keep them from getting lost in the first place?

[David13]

Bini

You are far too insecure.

You made a decision and nothing was wrong with it.

Just because somebody says BOO! to you, or gets mad at you is not reason to reconsider your decision.

You just have to do your job. 

The fact that they get angry means they know you made the right decision.  And they got no better argument.

Like NightSG says the real indication is there is something wrong with that lady, not you.  She doesn't have any respect for your decision and the fact that you have to do your job.

dc

[unixknight]

It seems to me this person got mad because:

 

She's feeling very frustrated and emotional right now because of the lost animals, and was channeling that anger at someone who she perceives as being part of the problem as opposed to helping.  Now all the anger she was feeling toward herself for losing the dogs is being channeled to someone who she expected to help and couldn't, thus creating a villain and a target.  I bet many of the things she said in the nasty gram weren't really directed at Bini, they were what she thinks of herself right now.