Stranger Danger

[Backroads]

I bring this up because of a series of unrelated conversations including a comment or two recently on this board (can't tell you who said what for the life of me) seemed to all converge in one short time frame.

 

Stranger Danger: how are we teach our kids about strangers?

 

Now, I long grew up with the idea that one needs to be able to interact with strangers on a certain level even from a young age. As a teacher, I noticed all the child safety gurus taught pretty much the same thing and that completely avoiding strangers was bad.

 

But lately I've seen all sorts of dissenting voices on the matter, encouraging a much more filtered interaction or no interaction at all with strangers.

 

Where do you all lie on the spectrum?

[pam]

I think it's a good thing but can be taken to extremes.

 

For example.  When I'm working at Hobby Lobby and cutting fabric for a customer and they have kids, I'll try to engage the kids in a conversation.  There was one family where not one of the kids would talk to me at all.  The mom finally told me that they were taught not to talk to strangers.  Do we take it to such an extreme that even simple conversation becomes a no no even when the parents are present?

[Backroads]

Self-preservation certainly is a good thing, but I agree that's an odd thing, Pam.

 

My criticism of such things is that a total no-stranger policy discourages children (and even adults) from developing that gut instinct.

[Bini]

You always have your polar opposites. Pro vacc, anti-vacc, pro-circumcision, anti-circumcision, etc. Ultimately, parents teach what they feel is in the best interest of their kids, whether or not, they're sorely misguided. I haven't ran into anyone that promotes ALL STRANGERS = BAD. I teach my DD about "safe strangers" and "strangers", we also talk about what things should NEVER happen, even with safe strangers.

[Traveler]

Sadly this is all a culture thing.  Once while visiting Japan - myself with 4 other non-Japanese men walked the shorter back roads in the dark of night to get dinner.  Keep in mind we were all foreigners.  A Japanese girl (hard to tell how old) in her school uniform started approaching from the other direction.  I felt uncomfortable for the girl thinking that if this took place in the back dark paths of a US city the girl would be terrified.  But as she passed she showed no sighs of fear or even concern and though no words were exchanged she met our eyes as we passed and pleasantly smiled.

 

I do not understand why adults will tolerate those that children need fear any place of comfort in our society.  I regret we must teach innocent children that do not understand rather than adults the fully know better.

[char713]

I work as a nanny right now for an almost-two year old girl. We go on walks around her neighborhood every morning at the same time when many of her neighbors are also out jogging, walking their dogs, or walking with their kids to the park. Just over the past couple of weeks there has been a big change in her language development as well as her social interests and energy - and whenever we meet a friendly stranger on our walks she clings to me and hides her face. She never used to do this before. And I am beginning to sense that a few of these people who we see regularly think that a) I am her mother and b) that I am somehow teaching or encouraging her to be scared of everyone. I'm not at all worried about changing their perceptions of me, but I do want to re-think the ways in which I personally approach strangers so as to be a better example for her. 

 

One good rule of thumb though, for more in-depth stranger interactions that I have heard of and appreciate is the "secret vs surprise" question. It's an easy concept for children to grasp early on, and it is vocabulary that I want to make sure I always use in my interactions with children. It means knowing the difference between someone asking you to keep a secret - something you will never tell and that would make someone sad, and a surprise - something you are going to save for later but when you do tell the person it will make them happy. 

[Vort]

On occasion, I have spoken with children who have been friendly and voluble. I think it's utterly charming. I could possibly see it being unwise in some cases, but especially when the parent is right there, I do not see what good we do for our child, either short-term or long-term, by intentionally instilling a fear of strangers into them.

[Guest]

I believe Stranger Danger is bad advice.

It is like zero tolerance policies. It hinders a child's ability to learn to discern for himself when he is in real danger. There's a statistic out there from the group that puts missing kids pictures on milk cartons that shows child abductions are done just as much, if not more (I don't really remember), by someone the kid knows than someone who is a stranger.

That skill of reading people's non-verbal communications can only be acquired through experience... that is, putting the kid in a situation where he is interacting with a lot of people. Stranger danger puts things in too simple terms such that kids feel unsafe with strangers and feels safe with non-strangers even when the opposite is true.

Zero tolerance policies are the same thing. In this case, it removes the teacher's responsibility in proper discernment in judging a situation for the danger present. They renege on taking responsibility because it is easier to just sweep all of them up into dangerous category.

Edited June 3, 2015 by anatess

[NeuroTypical]

We don't do 'stranger danger'.  We do talk about how not everyone is a good guy, and sometimes it's people you know.

 

Anyone know the percentage of child sex abuse by a relative or known adult?  I don't off the top of my head, but it's pretty dang high.

Edited June 3, 2015 by NeuroTypical

[Guest]

Anyone know the percentage of child sex abuse by a relative or known adult?  I don't off the top of my head, but it's pretty dang high.

This news story is about the rarity of Child Abductions by strangers.

http://news.discovery.com/human/psychology/stranger-child-abductions-actually-very-rare-130514.htm

This news story (it's back in 2000 though) states that in child sexual abuse cases, 60% of boys and 80% of girls are sexually abused by family members or someone known to the child.

http://news.discovery.com/human/psychology/stranger-child-abductions-actually-very-rare-130514.htm

[yjacket]

I believe Stranger Danger is bad advice.

 

I concur; I don't teach stranger danger, I teach behavior danger, what types of behavior is bad and what the child should do in bad behavior situations.

 

I think "stranger danger" taught at a young age leads to mistrust of other human beings at a later age, where inherently everything is seen through a prism of "they might be a bad guy".  Unless the behavior is really indicative of a "bad guy", there is no reason to generally distrust other human beings.

[sxfritz]

I love that my granddaughter will talk to anyone. It shows her compassion. She's taught right from wrong and trusted to do the right thing. Fear is not productive and people skills is extremely valuable. I hope to take whatever gift it is she has and develop it for myself.

Edited June 3, 2015 by sxfritz

[NeuroTypical]

You don't have to instill fear to teach caution, and the reality that some people are bad people.  Right?

[NightSG]

I felt uncomfortable for the girl thinking that if this took place in the back dark paths of a US city the girl would be terrified.  But as she passed she showed no sighs of fear or even concern and though no words were exchanged she met our eyes as we passed and pleasantly smiled.

 

 

That's because she already had a plan to strangle each of you with your own intestines.  Don't you watch movies?  All young Oriental girls master ninjutsu about the same time as potty training and can take on up to a dozen clumsy foreigners without breaking a sweat.

[Bini]

That's because she already had a plan to strangle each of you with your own intestines.  Don't you watch movies?  All young Oriental girls master ninjutsu about the same time as potty training and can take on up to a dozen clumsy foreigners without breaking a sweat.

Haha!

Japan sounds different. In China, there's little to no eye contact between you (being a foreigner) and locals, you're invisible unless you're wanting to buy something. Then suddenly, smiles smiles smiles

[pam]

 In China, there's little to no eye contact between you (being a foreigner) and locals, you're invisible unless you're wanting to buy something. Then suddenly, smiles smiles smiles

 

I noticed that when I went to Hong Kong.  

[Guest]

In the Philippines (and in Japan as well), a blonde kid walking is going to get many strangers touching his hair... they think it's good luck. Hah hah. Anyway, it will be hard to avoid them.

[The Folk Prophet]

I plan on teaching my children if a stranger ever talks to them to kick them in the...shin as hard as they can and run away screaming bloody murder. Not because I am worried about Stranger Danger so much, but just because I think it will be funny.

 

 

 

 

Kidding, of course. :)

[Palerider]

One of my favorite Christmas movies is Home Alone .....I mention that because in that movie is a great line ....Kevin is at the Grocery store and the lady starts asking him questions ....she asks ....where do you live ?? He says I can't tell you ....she asks why and he says ...because your a Stranger ..... Sorry this thread made me think of it.

[Capitalist_Oinker]

Yeah, what yjacket said.

Of course it's easier to feel that way when you live in small town where the weekly police report consists of a couple of dog fights and old man Osborn throwing a pie plate at Mrs. Osborn.