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[priesthoodpower]

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Edited August 10, 2020 by priesthoodpower

[Guest]

10 minutes ago, priesthoodpower said:

Dont get mad at me, im bringing up a  real issue and hoping for insightful feedback. If this does not affect or concern you then please pass on by...

Its either a happy overweight wife or super hot ex. She wont let me have it both ways.

Why should she?

[priesthoodpower]

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Edited August 10, 2020 by priesthoodpower

[Guest]

2 minutes ago, priesthoodpower said:

This has helped our relationship a lot and I am trying to reconcile with her, she wants to stay together and work it out but admits that all the drama over the years has burned her out.

What drama?

2 minutes ago, priesthoodpower said:

Maybe on another day when I have more time to write I will share my experience when God sent an angel to help me in my marriage.

Please clarify:  Do you mean this has already happened?  That doesn't sound like it fits in the context you just gave us.  Or are you saying that this is your hope?

But I'd ask you to consider, why should she let you have it both ways?  This is not a snarky question.  It is one that I ask to get you to really think about what you want and what your expectations are.

[priesthoodpower]

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Edited August 10, 2020 by priesthoodpower

[priesthoodpower]

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Edited August 10, 2020 by priesthoodpower

[JohnsonJones]

1 hour ago, priesthoodpower said:

Thanks for your concern. We turned the paper work in about four months ago and are still waiting for the final court date, since then we have grown closer together and then through a message from God he told me that I need to change my ways (another long story). The divorce is not final and we have verbally agreed to not go through with it and work things out, what happens next i dont know. I never been through a divorce before so Im assuming that at our court date we will both say we dont want to divorce? or at least thats what I will say, hope my wife still feels the same.

I believe if you want to cancel the divorce you can simply ask for a dismissal.  If it is before the court date, I think you can even get a county clerk to do this for you.

On your topic, it sounds like you cannot have it both ways. 

The following is MY thoughts, not necessarily what is the right thing, so please do not take it the wrong way...

You can either have a wife that is hot in regards to worldly matters, or if she slacks off as you say as she grows more comfortable with the relationship, you can simply see her physical features as the world might see them and be disappointed, OR, you can have a wife that you still see as beautiful as when she was young because you can see beyond the physical into what made you fall in love with her in the first place.

It is up to each of us to see decide whether we see the beauty in someone or not.

Edited December 6, 2017 by JohnsonJones

[Guest]

2 hours ago, priesthoodpower said:

The same could be said of Men that work 10-12 hour days, giving their all to satisfy their boss and clients, only to come home and sit on the couch, eat, go to sleep. Why should a man tend to his wifes needs when the bare minimal of the bills being paid are already met?

Exactly.  I believe you misunderstood the intent of my question.  It was not meant to be snarky.  I'm asking you to think about it.  Do you really have an answer?  Why should you go to work 10-12 hours a day and then go home and be expected to tend to his wife's needs?  Why should you?  Why should she "stay beautiful" for you?

Do you have an answer?  The thing is that depending on your answers and her answers, you will know whether you can really work things out or not.  Again, it was not snark.  It was an attempt to really get you to think.  I'm sure you have some vague notion.  But once you both put it into words and ask yourself if those words make logical sense on some level that both of you can agree on, then you have a hope of actually getting there.

[Bad Karma]

Priesthoodpower,

Hey man, we grow old, our bodies begin to show the wear, and its' ok. Love transcends all that, one day, just having one more day together will be the highest wish.  A little junk in the trunk will be meaningless. I'm sure you're no underwear model either. 

File Superior court of your state "Petition for dismissal" you both have to print your names, date and sign (In Pro Per), one as Petitioner, one as respondent, respectively. File with the clerk, it will be handled in the manner your state's Superior does so. it takes TWO of you to dismiss a dissolution of marriage action in the works. 

Good luck, now you two quit dragging your feet and go kill that divorce. 

[Guest]

6 hours ago, Bad Karma said:

File Superior court of your state "Petition for dismissal" ...

PP lives in Australia.  I'm not so sure the procedures are the same.

[Guest MormonGator]

Dude, come on. Don't do this. You'll file for divorce and when/if it goes through you'll find out that the market for a divorced man with several kids who also is not in his physical prime ain't that great. 

And besides, any guy who talks about his wifes weight gain after she's had three kids by him is a grade A jerk. 

Edited December 6, 2017 by MormonGator

[Bad Karma]

3 hours ago, Carborendum said:

PP lives in Australia.  I'm not so sure the procedures are the same.

OOPSIE! I didn't pay attention to location like I should of.  Dog one it! I'm slacking!

[NeuroTypical]

Hi priesthoodpower, I don't really have anything helpful to say.  Just I'm sorry you folks are going through this, and I hope there is a good outcome for your family.

[Guest]

2 hours ago, MormonGator said:

Dude, come on. Don't do this. You'll file for divorce and when/if it goes through you'll find out that the market for a divorced man with several kids who also is not in his physical prime ain't that great. 

And besides, any guy who talks about his wifes weight gain after she's had three kids by him is a grade A jerk. 

Amen to that!

How "hot" your wife is has everything to do with pride (showing off to other people) and zero to do with your capacity to have a happy marriage (barring extreme exceptions, e.g. your wife looks like a heavy meth user). 

Just as I am deeply concerned many members of the Church are becoming too obsessed with riches, I think many Mormon men are way too obsessed with having a "hot" wife.  This leads to unfulfillable expectations, women who cannot find husbands, worsens pornography issues, and increased problems with pride and worldliness in general.

End rant

Edited December 6, 2017 by DoctorLemon

[anatess2]

14 hours ago, Carborendum said:

Why should she?

Because she loves her husband.

I want to look good for my husband.  I want his day to start off with a person he likes to look at.  Would he be upset if I don't look too good anymore?  No.  But I try my best because I want him to have icing with his cake.

Full disclosure - I fell off the wagon when I got sick a couple years ago.  I tried to get back to it - there's a thread by... I can't remember her name - my memory went with my health, hah! - where I tried to get things back under control.  I'm still struggling today.  My husband loves me no different.  He is worried about my health and I don't want him worried anymore.  The thing is, he also fell off the wagon because of 2 herniated discs - went through a depression cycle and everything.  So we're both trying to help each other get back on the wagon for the sake of our kids.  We don't want to leave them orphans before they finish a mission and get married if we can help it.

But yeah, my husband wouldn't go on social media telling people how fat his wife is...

 

Edited December 6, 2017 by anatess2

[JohnsonJones]

2 hours ago, Bad Karma said:

OOPSIE! I didn't pay attention to location like I should of.  Dog one it! I'm slacking!

Same here.  I was going by US procedure.  Don't know Australian procedure.

I imagine they have something similar, he could ask about it, but not sure.

[Guest]

1 hour ago, anatess2 said:

Because she loves her husband.

The question was addressed to PP.  It doesn't matter how you or I or anyone else answers that question.  The only thing that matters is how HE and HIS WIFE answer the question.  If they agree, then great.  Work at it.  If they disagree, then they have to work something out.

[Grunt]

These threads make me sad.  I understand how it gets to this point, but it just doesn't have to.

[priesthoodpower]

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Edited August 10, 2020 by priesthoodpower

[priesthoodpower]

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Edited August 10, 2020 by priesthoodpower

[Guest]

23 minutes ago, priesthoodpower said:

To me, gaining weight is a result of being (physically) lazy which is true in my wifes case. If she had health issues that caused her to be overweight then I would'nt hold it against her. If she got into a car accident one week after our marriage and lost both her legs I would love her even more and want to take care of her for the rest of her life. I guess I have a hard time having empathy for lazy people especially since I have been working two jobs for 6 days a week the past 12 yrs.

* To be fair, in every other aspect of her life she is outstanding. I dont want to lose her and thats why we are trying to make it work. I believe that I have worked on my inner self and with the help of my Heavenly Father I am a better person then the one she has been dealing with the past 16 yrs.

PP,  you're changing your story.  I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and just blame it on poor writing / communication skills.  But it's not good to change your story like that.  It makes people suspicious of your story.

Now, maybe you have every right to be upset with her and maybe she's just plain being lazy and you've been the saint (hee-hee, "saint".  See what I did?).  But if so, you went about it the wrong way when you started talking to her like that.

First, have you actually considered putting to actual words why you should work so hard to support your family and tend to your wife's needs?  Have you actually put to words why your wife should "keep herself up" for your benefit?  Don't just have the notion or idea in your head.  Actually write it down.  If you can distill it into very clear words, it becomes much more stark.  Then you can really tell if it is worth it or not.

EXAMPLE:

I support my family because I'm supposed to.

Hmmm. . . very inspiring.  Do you think this will hold up to all the ravages and tests of time?  Not likely.  So, why do you do it?

Keep thinking about it.  Actually write it down and ask yourself if this is something that gives you a vision and inspires you.  Do the same thing with why you think your wife should keep herself up for you.  How can it inspire her?

Edited December 7, 2017 by Guest

[priesthoodpower]

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Edited August 10, 2020 by priesthoodpower

[Guest MormonGator]

3 minutes ago, priesthoodpower said:

Thanks for your sympathy. 

Very welcome. 

[priesthoodpower]

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Edited August 10, 2020 by priesthoodpower

[Guest]

9 hours ago, priesthoodpower said:

"I support my family because I love them"

So, if that's your statement.  The next thing to do is ask yourself:  Does this actually inspire me every day to get out of bed and go to work even at those times when I hate it?  Because we all know there are those days.  I'm having one right now.  If the answer is yes, then great.  You've found your vision.  If not, then you need to find another reason.

Then write down the statement about why your wife should keep herself up for you.  "So you don't get divorced" is not a good reason.  What would be the reason that when she reads it, she would become inspired to keep herself up without you telling her that she's let herself go?