tithing and shaming the disabled

[JohnsonJones]

33 minutes ago, Vort said:

I suspect you are badly misrepresenting what happened. The only news item that came up in my intensive, 8-second Google search was the following:

http://fox13now.com/2017/12/12/fbi-surveillance-video-shows-flds-food-stamp-fraud-scheme-in-action/

This suggests that the FLDS Church colluded with its members to defraud the government. That is a vastly different thing from what you're claiming: That a church that requires tithing of benefits is acting contrary to the law.

Are there any lawyers on the forum who are willing to weigh in with an opinion on whether JohnsonJones' claims are true or whether they misrepresent the situation?

I did not say that a church that requires tithing of benefits is acting contrary to law, but that a church that forces or compels an individual to pay upon government benefits for disability is against the law. 

There is a big difference between the two.  However, the LDS church does neither.  This is NOT found in any instructions given by the LDS church.

[e-eye]

I had a friend who was a bishop in an area that was poor.  The missionaries would often find people and promise them help from the ward when they got baptized.  The bishop had to ask them to stop doing this as people would get baptized just to get help.  It sounds like your missionaries and bishop are going about it the right way in what they have taught you through the process.  The blessings you need are the ones that come from sacrificing to pay your tithing.  I will tell you - The Lord does not need your tithing - but you need the blessings that come from paying it.  Some wards have so many needs they limit what they can do to help others beause the resources are not there.  Some wards there is so much available that assistance is given at a drop of the hat.  It's hard to compare apples to apples.  

You have the option of going to your stake president and asking him for advice as well.  He will then go back to the bishop and discuss.  You could ask to go to a ward that is closer.

The assistance that does come from the ward is to be temporary until you get back on your feet.  If this is a 3 year plan you may need to see what you can do to make changes to the situation as it sounds like you need more help than the amount your paying in tithing.  Your wife may have to get a part time job while going to school, if you are able to work at the store house are you also able to get a part time job instead?

[lostinwater]

21 minutes ago, cosmos206 said:

He only said that there was no assistance available for bills or welfare, we hadn't even asked about it. When I asked about doing some activity like working at the warehouse to offset the balance of our tithing which we were told was possible, he told us that was not allowed. I don't know if that is because of changing the ward boundaries or something else. Like I said we have been given so much different advice, without asking for any, nothing make sense.

Very sorry to hear that.  Does not sound like a very reasonable response - but i don't know all the factors involved.  Without knowing his reasons, based on what you've said, perhaps reach out to the stake president and see if something can be worked out.  Also, can you please check your messages - the envelope at the top of the screen.  i sent you one.

[Vort]

8 minutes ago, JohnsonJones said:

a church that forces or compels an individual to pay upon government benefits for disability is against the law. 

What does compulsion mean?

[omegaseamaster75]

@cosmos206 IMHO You do not have to tithe your SSDI this money is not an increase to you, it is money that you are receiving because you did work and did pay into the SS system.  The money your wife is earning at the school should be tithed. 

When you recover? I am not sure if that is in your future or when your wife starts to really work you should tithe on monies that you earn.

I noticed you mentioned that your diet was down to 1000 calories/day...I don't know you and you don't know me but this comes off as a falsehood.

 

[JohnsonJones]

24 minutes ago, cosmos206 said:

He only said that there was no assistance available for bills or welfare, we hadn't even asked about it. When I asked about doing some activity like working at the warehouse to offset the balance of our tithing which we were told was possible, he told us that was not allowed. I don't know if that is because of changing the ward boundaries or something else. Like I said we have been given so much different advice, without asking for any, nothing make sense.

I would say take care of the necessities first.

Most Bishops I know will not tell you to pay on your SSDI.  Most Bishops I know of will only tell you to pay 10% on your increase.  If you do not tithe on your SSDI, most Bishops I know of will  count you as a full tithe payer as long as YOU tell them that you are a full tithe payer. 

That said, I am not your Bishop, and your Bishop may not be most Bishops I know of.  IF your Bishop decides that you are not a full tithe payer, there is very little ramifications from that except that you might not get a temple recommend.  IF this happens, if the Bishop is WRONG in this, then you will not lose any blessings you would have otherwise received if you had a temple recommend.

There are many that try to say that one will always have their needs met if they pay tithing.  I know this is actually NOT a true statement.  I have seen those that have become homeless or worse when paying tithing, especially in the circumstances you describe.  Because of this, I would HIGHLY suggest that you take care of your necessities.  HOWEVER...ultimately, it is up to YOU on what you consider to pay tithing on and how much.

The instruction to pay tithing is that we pay 10% of our increase.  This is normally defined as 10% of our income.  What you define as income in this instance is up to you.  It may be that you count what you have after your necessities are taken care of.  Sometimes this is very easy to figure out.  One works at a job and makes a certain amount of money.  From this they can tell what 10% is.  Other times, it is far more murky.  The general instruction in these instances is to leave it up to the member to decide.

For example, a student that has a full ride scholarship that pays for tuition, books, dorm and food at Harvard may receive up to 25 thousand dollars worth of scholarship.  However, they receive no money.  Does this mean they must somehow suddenly discover or steal $2,500 in order to pay tithing?

Those of us who have dealt with administrative law occasionally know that this is further compounded in SSDI and other disability benefits.  By receiving money from the LDS church, if reported, it can actually contribute to reducing your benefit over time.  If you pay tithing, it can be seen as you may not need as much money.  There are a LOT of factors that go into this.  Hence, instead of getting involved in a legal mess, the advice is normally to stay out of this type of thing and leave it up to the member to decide.

I will tell you that you will be blessed by being a full tithe payer.  I cannot tell you how you are to proceed.  I can tell you about different things and different views.  I can tell you that there are those who do not pay tithing on benefits and are accounted as full tithe payers.  I cannot tell you what your bishop will do. 

AS I said, if I were in your same situation, I would probably make sure my necessities were taken care of first.  If I continued to have a problem and I felt like the bishop was trying to force me to pay on SSDI I would first seek resolution within the LDS church itself.  They have representatives in the Stake with PR...and the Stake Presidency.  Many stakes have had to resolve this situation or one like it previously, if they have not, the Area presidency almost certainly have.  They have an AREA legal counsel that can help clear this up.  Normally it is not a case of a Bishop trying to force someone to pay tithing, but a mistake on one or the other parties about the intent or things that are being said...HOWEVER...if force or compulsion is involved, it needs to be resolved.

I have NEVER seen anything go beyond this.  Normally a Bishop gets instructed on the right way to proceed, and things are cleared up.  I can't tell you the results of that.  HOWEVER, if THAT does not clear it up and it is a clear case of force or compulsion...you can contact the government.  They have officials that actually deal with this and those that WILL take care of it in clear cases of force or compulsion.  In these instances it normally falls under a crime against the Federal government (not you), but it needs to be a clear case of force or compulsion typically.  If it comes to this, PM me with your full case and I will consider it.  I used to have some pretty solid connections to these offices, and may still have them, in which case if I warrant it is valid, I can elevate it to the proper authorities for prosecution or give you the information to contact them.

[JohnsonJones]

20 minutes ago, Vort said:

What does compulsion mean?

Compulsion refers to the forcible inducement to an act. It also means the act of compelling; the state of being compelled; an uncontrollable inclination to do something; duress. Compulsion can take forms other than physical force. The courts have been indisposed to admit it as a defence for any crime committed through yielding to it. It can best be considered under the heads of obedience to orders, martial coercion, duress per minas, and necessity.

[Vort]

3 minutes ago, JohnsonJones said:

Compulsion refers to the forcible inducement to an act. It also means the act of compelling; the state of being compelled; an uncontrollable inclination to do something; duress. Compulsion can take forms other than physical force. The courts have been indisposed to admit it as a defence for any crime committed through yielding to it. It can best be considered under the heads of obedience to orders, martial coercion, duress per minas, and necessity.

That begs the question. I already compared "No temple recommend for you!" to "I'll beat you up", saying that the former wasn't compulsion and the latter was. As of now, you haven't offered any such clarity. What exactly do you think might constitute "compulsion" on the part of the OP's bishop? Do you think he might be threatening him with physical force? If not, what do you think the bishop might possibly do that would qualify as "compulsion"?

[Maureen]

2 hours ago, cosmos206 said:

...The Bishop told me how he had to sell his guitar to pay tithing, and the missionaries had to go without gas for their car, and it showed how strong their faith was....

Are missionaries required to pay tithing?

M.

[Just_A_Guy]

44 minutes ago, Vort said:

That begs the question. I already compared "No temple recommend for you!" to "I'll beat you up", saying that the former wasn't compulsion and the latter was. As of now, you haven't offered any such clarity. What exactly do you think might constitute "compulsion" on the part of the OP's bishop? Do you think he might be threatening him with physical force? If not, what do you think the bishop might possibly do that would qualify as "compulsion"?

The thing is, Vort, that “compulsion” is ultimately defined by the judge hearing the case.  I think a good third of the federal judiciary are Obama/Clinton appointees who can be expected to define that term very liberally in a context of taking federal action against the LDS Church.

It strikes me as being less about black-letter law, and more about using due caution so as to avoid becoming a test case.

[JohnsonJones]

33 minutes ago, Vort said:

That begs the question. I already compared "No temple recommend for you!" to "I'll beat you up", saying that the former wasn't compulsion and the latter was. As of now, you haven't offered any such clarity. What exactly do you think might constitute "compulsion" on the part of the OP's bishop? Do you think he might be threatening him with physical force? If not, what do you think the bishop might possibly do that would qualify as "compulsion"?

I had a lot to say, in a lot more detail than @Just_A_Guy a guy stated, but his is more succinct. 

Basically, Bishops should stick to what the Church instructs in this arena rather than apply their own opinion or bias (the worst I have heard of was a Bishop requiring individual tax returns for verification...which was an absolute aberration of church policy).  That is, as I've said multiple times...

You need to pay 10% of your increase.  That is normally interpreted as 10% of your income. 

Bishops can use the Spirit to guide them, but they should not diverge into it via opinion or bias.  They can EXPRESS their opinion as such, but they can not say that opinion is church policy nor use it as such.

[Vort]

10 minutes ago, Maureen said:

Are missionaries required to pay tithing?

If missionaries are earning money, they should tithe it. Of course, full-time missionaries are not allowed to hold paying jobs, so the vast majority would not be paying tithing. But e.g. if a missionary were profiting from unearned income, he would certainly tithe that.

[JohnsonJones]

12 minutes ago, Maureen said:

Are missionaries required to pay tithing?

M.

These days, not normally. 

Ah...Vort just replied...so...as he said.

[Just_A_Guy]

3 hours ago, cosmos206 said:

@Just_A_Guy

My ssdi is $894  every 3'rd of the month that is after the 2% col adjustment. I also get $25 a month medical allowance from the state. My wife is in work study so all that income goes to her tuition and books, we don't see a dime of that. Since we were just married she doesn't get the max amount in Fafsa due to it being calculated on her mothers income this year. Next year she'll receive the max amount because of my income, which will help. This summer she has an unpaid internship but they might be able to help with a scholarship for next year. 

I do not have a problem paying tithing, that has never been the issue. After all my health needs and living expenses are paid I would gladly give what I have left as tithing, I know it would be below the $87 from 10%, but I will gladly give it. Once my wife completes school we are going to pay the balance of the tithing owed. The only problem is being told to give up housing or meds or my wife's school money to pay the tithing. It was suggested we sell my wife's laptop to help meet tithing costs, but she has online classes as well. The Bishop told me how he had to sell his guitar to pay tithing, and the missionaries had to go without gas for their car, and it showed how strong their faith was.Giving up school and a future, housing or meds is in no way the same and is quite insulting.

My issue is out of the meetings we've had with the Bishop and other members, and home visits from the missionaries, the only thing discussed is tithing. My Book of Mormon, Bible, and Gospel Principals have more written in them then the law of tithing. Out of 12 of the last visits 11 have been only about tithing. A total of 6 hours in a car with other members being told to pay the 10% tithing. So 30 hours or more have been devoted to telling us our faith isn't strong enough, and if my faith was as strong as theirs using money for meds wouldn't be a problem. Are all home visits and visits by missionaries going to be about tithing, does scripture come in only when tithing is paid in full? When did it become allowable for the Bishop and missionaries to become self-appointed bill collectors for God and refuse to help with Scripture study and talk only about tithing? When did home visits become about browbeating members to fully pay tithing and not about expanding faith and knowledge of the Scripture?

The issue isn't the amount or the inability to pay tithing, it is being told we lack faith, we are "putting our wants before the church". We're not buying a vacation property, or a second new car. Or spending money on electronics or going to a resort. It is also being confronted by other ward members about how to tithe properly, when we have not discussed it with anyone else. The Bishop had a financial planner come to our house to go over our finances with us and he was at a lose on what we should do. As he said right now we could be totally dependent on church welfare for food and paying the $87 in tithing would make us even more dependent, for help with rent or electric payments. As of right now we are supporting ourselves with what we have, I have never asked for help from charities because I can make ends meet right now, but their is no room to wiggle.
 

I appreciate the extra detail, thanks.

Thats awesome that you guys are planning to make up the tithing when you are able.  It sounds like once your wife’s FAFSA grants (and don’t forget that she’ll be—and probably now is—eligible for some student loans as well, if you want to go that route) come through this summer the situation should resolve itself.

The odd thing in this context is that, from everything I’ve been told, it shouldn’t matter whether we’re paying our tithing on a monthly payment or whether we make a lump-sum payment at end-of-year tithing settlement, or something in between—as long as you’re current by December 31, you’re a full tithepayer for the entire preceding year.  And it sounds like you’re on track to get there.

My guess as to what’s going on, is that the bishopric is hoping to see your family go to the temple before the end of this year; and at the time of your temple recommend interview you’ll be asked whether you’re paying a full tithe—so the bishop doesn’t want to wait for your end-of-year declaration and he wants to get you in the habit of tithing consistently now so you’ll be ready by the time of the interview.  The fact that he isn’t aggressively following up about the other requirements for a temple recommend may even be a *good* sign, inasmuch as it may suggest that he feels you’ve got everything else pretty well in hand.  What would happen if you just said “Bishop, I’ve made the necessary arrangements so that I will be able to honestly declare myself as a full tithe payer by the end of this year” and left it at that?

Edited January 25, 2018 by Just_A_Guy

[Guest MormonGator]

31 minutes ago, Just_A_Guy said:

at the time of your temple recommend interview 

@Just_A_Guy, are temple recommend interviews ongoing throughout the year, or do they all have to be done by a certain date? Just curious. 

[Vort]

49 minutes ago, Just_A_Guy said:

The thing is, Vort, that “compulsion” is ultimately defined by the judge hearing the case.  I think a good third of the federal judiciary are Obama/Clinton appointees who can be expected to define that term very liberally in a context of taking federal action against the LDS Church.

It strikes me as being less about black-letter law, and more about using due caution so as to avoid becoming a test case.

So JAG, are you saying that there is actually a reasonable possibility that a bishop refusing to issue a temple recommend to someone because he received government assistance and didn't tithe sufficiently (in the bishop's opinion) might actually be found to have exerted compulsion, in a legal sense?

If your answer is yes, do you believe any such absurd opinion could actually stand up on appeal, either to federal courts or to the Supremes?

[Grunt]

First, my opinion is likely worth less than the dirt under your fingernails, so take it at its value.  That said, here you go:

First, what you tithe is between you, your Bishop, and God.  I would suggest you pray deeply on it, gain a testimony of what you think tithing really means, then pay what you think you SHOULD pay.  

Next, I would suggest you step back and humble yourself.  Do you think all these people are trying to hurt you or help you?  Do you think they are being mean or trying to serve you with advice?   I'd also look at WHY they are spending so much time talking about tithing.  To my knowledge, the number of people who know what, or if, you tithe is very small.  I don't know a single person in my Ward, except those who have shared info with me when I was searching for answers, that tithes.  I assume they all do, but I don't have a clue.  I also know outside of scheduled lessons, nobody has EVER mentioned tithing to me unless I've asked.  Why are they asking you?  Is it common knowledge that you're struggling with the concept of tithing?  Are you asking them about tithing?

Lastly, by the tone and content of your post seems to be on what everyone else is doing and how it relates to you.  I did this as an investigator.  I URGE you to stop.  Don't worry about where you tithing or fast offerings go.  There are people in place who watch the watchers.  The commandment is yours to follow.  If the Bishop took your money and burned it in a bowl in front of you it doesn't release you from God's command.  That said, you know it that doesn't happen.  I urge you to focus on your relationship with God, your path to the spirit world, and your adherence to God's commands.  You won't be judged by how well you did in comparison to others.  You'll be judged by how well you did, period.

I wish you well on your journey.  I'm sorry you have so many hardships to deal with.  I know you made the right choice in your life, but I ALSO have a personal testimony that God blesses effort, even when we don't know why we are putting it forth at the time.  Ask Christ for the answer.  He'll give it to you.

[Just_A_Guy]

59 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

@Just_A_Guy, are temple recommend interviews ongoing throughout the year, or do they all have to be done by a certain date? Just curious. 

Throughout the year; but you have to have been a member for at least a year.

51 minutes ago, Vort said:

So JAG, are you saying that there is actually a reasonable possibility that a bishop refusing to issue a temple recommend to someone because he received government assistance and didn't tithe sufficiently (in the bishop's opinion) might actually be found to have exerted compulsion, in a legal sense?

If your answer is yes, do you believe any such absurd opinion could actually stand up on appeal, either to federal courts or to the Supremes?

I don’t know the law in this area well enough to say.  I know that there are plenty of lawyers and judges who will take any opportunity to stick it to the Mormons; and I think it’s fair to say that if the Church doesn’t stay on undeniably safe ground there’s a reasonable possibility that some zealot Obama appointee in the DOJ, in conjunction with some zealot Obama appointee on the federal bench, could create a lot of headaches for the Church—even if the Church ultimately won on appeal.

[Grunt]

3 minutes ago, Just_A_Guy said:

Throughout the year; but you have to have been a member for at least a year.

 

 

I believe you can get a limited recommend immediately.

[NightSG]

4 hours ago, cosmos206 said:

The Bishop had a financial planner come to our house to go over our finances with us and he was at a lose on what we should do.

Sounds like your bishop is a bit on the clueless side.  The financial planners I've met generally know roughly half as much about helping someone in a true financial crisis as I do about menstruating.  They have no personal experience with having to decide between the electric bill and the water bill because the money just isn't there, and they don't particularly care to learn about it either.  They're good at convincing someone that maybe the gym membership and deluxe cable plan could be expendable, or that a 3 year old factory reconditioned car for $20k less might be a better idea if you can't afford to make payments on both a new car and a 6,000 square foot house.  After all, the good money comes from helping people figure out how to barely scrape by on a $125k+ annual household income, so they can both afford to pay for the service and remain dependent on it.  They're not so helpful when your budget is incapable of meeting your actual needs to start with.

[NightSG]

3 hours ago, omegaseamaster75 said:

@cosmos206 IMHO You do not have to tithe your SSDI this money is not an increase to you, it is money that you are receiving because you did work and did pay into the SS system.  The money your wife is earning at the school should be tithed. 

As I understand it, she's not actually getting any of that money at any point.  The best she could do would be to hand over 1/10 of the textbook pages, ore require the bishop to take 1/10 of her classes for her.

3 hours ago, omegaseamaster75 said:

I noticed you mentioned that your diet was down to 1000 calories/day...I don't know you and you don't know me but this comes off as a falsehood.

Been there, done that.  Wouldn't recommend it, especially long term.  (Also had a lovely week of sub 500 cal/day absorption, no matter how much I ate.  I'll leave the details of where the rest went and in what condition to your imagination.  Suffice it to say if that ever happens again, I'll only be eating liquids and very soft solids.)

3 hours ago, Vort said:

That begs the question. I already compared "No temple recommend for you!" to "I'll beat you up", saying that the former wasn't compulsion and the latter was. As of now, you haven't offered any such clarity. What exactly do you think might constitute "compulsion" on the part of the OP's bishop? Do you think he might be threatening him with physical force? If not, what do you think the bishop might possibly do that would qualify as "compulsion"?

What you're describing is called robbery; the simple fact that they felt the need to have a separate statute suggests that there must be some means by which a religious leader could compel payment that wouldn't fall under the definition of a law that already exists in every state.

Or FedGov could just decide that no longer giving the Church tax exempt status is no more a punishment or compulsion than refusing a TR.

[Guest]

44 minutes ago, NightSG said:

Sounds like your bishop is a bit on the clueless side.  The financial planners I've met generally know roughly half as much about helping someone in a true financial crisis as I do about menstruating.  They have no personal experience with having to decide between the electric bill and the water bill because the money just isn't there, and they don't particularly care to learn about it either.  They're good at convincing someone that maybe the gym membership and deluxe cable plan could be expendable, or that a 3 year old factory reconditioned car for $20k less might be a better idea if you can't afford to make payments on both a new car and a 6,000 square foot house.  After all, the good money comes from helping people figure out how to barely scrape by on a $125k+ annual household income, so they can both afford to pay for the service and remain dependent on it.  They're not so helpful when your budget is incapable of meeting your actual needs to start with.

I agree about the financial planner.  Financial planners don't help people figure out budgets.  Nor do they know how to make decisions about a very tight budget.  Financial planners are supposed to help people determine which investment options are best for them.  However, over 50% of the ones I've dealt with are really there to tell you that the ones their getting the best commissions on are the best option for you.

Find someone who has been in financial straits and has had to make those decisions AND came out ok.  They'll be able to help a whole lot more than someone who advises based on commission.

As far as calories: rice and beans with vitamins and other cheap supplements with the occasional toppings.  I survived on that for nearly six months.  Not pleasant.  But I did everything I could to make sure I had proper nutrients on a shoestring budget.  I had to.  I had less money than the OP did.

[NightSG]

34 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

As far as calories: rice and beans with vitamins and other cheap supplements with the occasional toppings.  I survived on that for nearly six months.  Not pleasant.  But I did everything I could to make sure I had proper nutrients on a shoestring budget.  I had to.  I had less money than the OP did.

Also, find out about local restaurants running specials; here, between dollar burger night at the cafe (about 2-3 times as much burger as what McDonalds will sell you for a buck) the free meal at the free-or-$5-depending-on-the-week senior citizens' center dance (usually corn dogs or pizza, but always plenty) and some other similar stuff, you can "eat out" cheaper than staying home sometimes.

[Guest]

I think it may be a good time to talk to your Stake President about your situation and see what he has to say. Sometimes he can help the Bishop understand where the member is coming from and sometimes he can help the member understand where the Bishop comes from.

 

I think people talking about you paying tithing or pressuring you to pay tithing seems odd. It just doesn't seem like something members do. We don't go around talking about others tithing. Have the brought it up to you because you have asked them an opinion? Regardless, when someone other than the Bishop asks you about tithing or makes you feel pressured to pay tithing, kindly tell them that you do not wish to talk about the matter any further and change the subject.

 

Edited January 25, 2018 by miav

[seashmore]

I received checks when I did work study at college in 2004-07. Could be that's changed, or varies from school to school. 

@cosmos206 the following suggestion is something that will probably need to be talked over with a local caseworker, but does your disability plan allow for a professional caregiver, even part time? If so, your wife may be able to "apply" for that "job," so to speak, which may provide you with enough income to feel comfortable about paying tithing.

Any decision made regarding a budget should be discussed as a family council. In your case, that would be you and your wife.

12 hours ago, Grunt said:

First, my opinion is likely worth less than the dirt under your fingernails, so take it at its value.  That said, here you go:

First, what you tithe is between you, your Bishop, and God.  I would suggest you pray deeply on it, gain a testimony of what you think tithing really means, then pay what you think you SHOULD pay.  

Next, I would suggest you step back and humble yourself.  Do you think all these people are trying to hurt you or help you?  Do you think they are being mean or trying to serve you with advice?   I'd also look at WHY they are spending so much time talking about tithing.  To my knowledge, the number of people who know what, or if, you tithe is very small.  I don't know a single person in my Ward, except those who have shared info with me when I was searching for answers, that tithes.  I assume they all do, but I don't have a clue.  I also know outside of scheduled lessons, nobody has EVER mentioned tithing to me unless I've asked.  Why are they asking you?  Is it common knowledge that you're struggling with the concept of tithing?  Are you asking them about tithing?

Lastly, by the tone and content of your post seems to be on what everyone else is doing and how it relates to you.  I did this as an investigator.  I URGE you to stop.  Don't worry about where you tithing or fast offerings go.  There are people in place who watch the watchers.  The commandment is yours to follow.  If the Bishop took your money and burned it in a bowl in front of you it doesn't release you from God's command.  That said, you know it that doesn't happen.  I urge you to focus on your relationship with God, your path to the spirit world, and your adherence to God's commands.  You won't be judged by how well you did in comparison to others.  You'll be judged by how well you did, period.

I wish you well on your journey.  I'm sorry you have so many hardships to deal with.  I know you made the right choice in your life, but I ALSO have a personal testimony that God blesses effort, even when we don't know why we are putting it forth at the time.  Ask Christ for the answer.  He'll give it to you.

Emphasis added: your struggle with understanding how much you should offer as tithes is probably why it's the hot topic for discussions with you. 

You gave the statistic that only 10% of your ward is paying tithing. Not sure how you came up with that number, but assuming that's the case, that might explain why your Ward has so many Sunday lessons on it and also why the bishop may be unable to offer you financial assistance (and why he said anything before you asked, which I would consider uncouth).