Would you let your son's girlfriend stay over at your house?

[anatess2]

Just now, JKing said:

Yes. You think just because I am not LDS it is impossible for my husband and I to have the same moral code? 

It's not impossible.  But that doesn't change the fact that you and your husband have different moral codes.

[Jane_Doe]

4 minutes ago, JKing said:

Where did I say that I have no problem with it? It hurts me the way my son is living and I pray that he will repent everyday. So how does that differ from my husband's belief?

The part where you want to continue to pay for your son's fortification under your own roof and treat him as a child.

Instead, your husband wants hold to "me and my house will serve the Lord" and allow your son (if he wants) to be an adult in his own house. 

1 minute ago, JKing said:

Yes. You think just because I am not LDS it is impossible for my husband and I to have the same moral code? 

My husband is an evangelical/baptist.  Yet he and I hold the same moral code, and there will be no fornicating in our house.  There will be respect of parents, respect of God, and encouragement to take responsibility for your actions.   

Edited October 29, 2018 by Jane_Doe

[Vort]

Since when is it "kicking your son out of your house" to tell him, "You are welcome to live here so long as you abide the conditions of living here"?

[anatess2]

12 minutes ago, Vort said:

Look, you can do whatever you want. But why come here to ask? 

So she can argue with you.  

 

Edited October 29, 2018 by anatess2

[JKing]

3 minutes ago, anatess2 said:

You are so blind.  He does it because you allow it.  Just like your 19 year old did it.

My son knows how I feel about what he is doing. He knows I don't condone it.

[Jane_Doe]

1 minute ago, JKing said:

My son knows how I feel about what he is doing. He knows I don't condone it.

But you DO!!!  You PAY for the place for him to do it!!!  

[anatess2]

3 minutes ago, JKing said:

My son knows how I feel about what he is doing. He knows I don't condone it.

This is hilarious.  I don't condone it but your girlfriend can live with us.

Poor husband...

Edited October 29, 2018 by anatess2

[NeuroTypical]

So, JKing, I ask you again - you came here asking a question.  Did you hear our answers?

[JKing]

10 minutes ago, Vort said:

Sister, you do so every time you tell your son to ignore his father and do things your way instead. You and your husband should be united. Your husband assumed you and he shared a moral code, which you claim is true. It is not true. You have no moral compunction against fornication, except maybe the way you don't like it when people track mud into the house. "Yuk. That's not good. But I'm not kicking my child out of the house for it."

30 minutes ago, JKing said:

i have never told my son to ignore his father. Did I feel at times my husband was unfairly strict with our son? Yes. Did I constantly get stuck in the middle of my son and husband's power struggles? Yes. My husband even admits that he was too strict at times and is glad now that I dialled the punishments he gave out back. However, I never told my son to ignore his father. 

 

I am morally against fornication. 

[NeuroTypical]

Before this starts getting out of hand, I just wanted to remind everyone (myself included) of the site rules.

Quote

3. Personal attacks, name calling, flaming, and judgments against other members will not be tolerated.

4. No bickering and nit-picking toward others. Realize that sometimes it is very difficult to be able to express how one feels through written words. Please be courteous and ask for a further explanation, rather then trying to attack and find holes in someone else's post.

Edited October 29, 2018 by NeuroTypical

[Vort]

3 minutes ago, JKing said:

i have never told my son to ignore his father.

I thought you said you were allowing your son to fornicate at your house over your husband's objections. Did I misunderstand?

4 minutes ago, JKing said:

I am morally against fornication.

In what sense? In the sense that you are willing to say, "I'm morally against fornication"? Because that's not much. Are you willing to put your actions where your mouth is and tell your son that he can live at your home only so long as he avoids certain destructive behaviors -- including fornication? Are you willing to grant your ADULT son the ADULT right to make a decision about whether he wants to live according to (what you claim is) your moral standards, or whether he'd rather go out and get an apartment with his girlfriend?

Seriously, JKing, you need to think this through. You are getting a unanimous response from this group. Maybe you should think about what we're saying. Maybe you should quit digging your heels in, and act in a morally appropriate manner. In the long run, it will do your son much more good than your continued enabling of his fornication.

[zil]

20 minutes ago, JKing said:

so at least the fumes wouldn't harm his younger siblings. 

And you think his fornication isn't harming his younger siblings?  Holy cow, woman!  This is seriously messed up.

...and later, after reading about the daughter - guess where the son got the idea that having extra-marital sex is A-OK?  From your response to your daughter's pregnancy - and no, I'm not talking about whether you kicked her out of the house.  You may as well stop teaching your children morals now, because your actions are speaking with an amplifier turned up to 11 and your words will be ignored.

[JKing]

21 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said:

So, JKing, I ask you again - you came here asking a question.  Did you hear our answers?

Yes I get it, you all think fornication is wrong. Although, of course I already knew that and I agree with you, which apparently is a surprise. 

You all think I should let my son move out. Even though, I know that is a terrible idea. I guess you judge rules to be more important than your children. 

Apparently, I don't have a moral code. Despite the fact that I am religious. Go figure 

Oh yeah and my favourite opinion that I have castrated my husband. 

[zil]

30 minutes ago, JKing said:

My son knows how I feel about what he is doing. He knows I don't condone it.

Your words whisper "don't fornicate".  Your actions scream, at the top of your lungs, "do whatever you want, no one will stop you, and if your father tries, I'll make sure your father fails".

[NightSG]

1 hour ago, NeuroTypical said:

3) He'll end up dead in a gutter after injecting gay drugs and worshipping satan and voting democrat.

Usually the voting Democrat thing happens after the dead in a gutter thing. 

[zil]

5 minutes ago, JKing said:

You all think I should let my son move out. Even though, I know that is a terrible idea. I guess you judge rules to be more important than your children.

Why do you keep ignoring the alternative of just stopping him from fornicating with his girlfriend under your roof?  Everyone's consistently given two options:

1) Go live in your own house and make your own rules.

2) Live by our rules under our roof.

[JKing]

14 minutes ago, Vort said:

I thought you said you were allowing your son to fornicate at your house over your husband's objections. Did I misunderstand?

22 minutes ago, JKing said:

Yes you have misunderstood. I haven't allowed him to since my husband objected. Whilst my husband was away I allowed it but I told my son he has to clear it with his dad and that I didn't want to be involved. Although, of course I have ended up involved. Since my husband has told my son no I haven't told my son that his girlfriend can stay over. 

 

17 minutes ago, Vort said:

In what sense? In the sense that you are willing to say, "I'm morally against fornication"? Because that's not much. Are you willing to put your actions where your mouth is and tell your son that he can live at your home only so long as he avoids certain destructive behaviors -- including fornication? Are you willing to grant your ADULT son the ADULT right to make a decision about whether he wants to live according to (what you claim is) your moral standards, or whether he'd rather go out and get an apartment with his girlfriend?

 

It saddens me that my son fornicates, I hoped he would want to live by the same standards me and his father do. However, he is his own person and what good will it do for my husband and I to force him out of his home and our family home just so he can fornicate. 

[anatess2]

6 minutes ago, JKing said:

Yes I get it, you all think fornication is wrong. Although, of course I already knew that and I agree with you, which apparently is a surprise. 

Your house is your castle.  You don't allow the greeks into troy unless you want troy to burn.

6 minutes ago, JKing said:

You all think I should let my son move out. Even though, I know that is a terrible idea. I guess you judge rules to be more important than your children. 

NOBODY SAID THIS.  Everybody said your son's girlfriend should not move in (or move out if she's already in).  Your son stays or goes at his own choosing.

 

6 minutes ago, JKing said:

Apparently, I don't have a moral code. Despite the fact that I am religious. Go figure 

Different moral code.  Reading comprehension is important.  There are lots of religious people beheading other religious people. 

 

6 minutes ago, JKing said:

Oh yeah and my favourite opinion that I have castrated my husband. 

Now that is simply the logical conclusion from your own description of what has been going on in your household.

 

[JKing]

1 minute ago, zil said:

2) Live by our rules under our roof.

Because my son wont. He is stubborn even if I did manage to convince him that he is disrespecting his father by fornicating in our home, he would probably just do it more. 

[NightSG]

43 minutes ago, Vort said:

NEWS FLASH

Rearing children is a moral issue, one of the most important that a parent will ever deal with.

Actually rearing children means having them ready to be adults by the time they reach adulthood.  Sounds like they've got a solid streak of not doing that. 

[Vort]

5 minutes ago, JKing said:

what good will it do for my husband and I to force him out of his home and our family home just so he can fornicate.

How are you "forcing him out"? The choice is his: Live in your home and remain celibate or move out on his own and fornicate to his heart's content.

No force involved. It's just a simple decision that your ADULT son gets to make. Let him make it.

Edited October 29, 2018 by Vort

[Vort]

3 minutes ago, JKing said:

Because my son wont. He is stubborn even if I did manage to convince him that he is disrespecting his father by fornicating in our home, he would probably just do it more. 

Then that's his decision, isn't it? Respect his decision. It's only by making such decisions, sometimes bad ones, that people learn how to make good decisions.

[JKing]

11 minutes ago, zil said:

Your words whisper "don't fornicate".  Your actions scream, at the top of your lungs, "do whatever you want, no one will stop you, and if your father tries, I'll make sure your father fails".

I haven't allowed my son to fornicate since his father has been home. I made it clear to my son that he needs to get his father's permission. 

[estradling75]

Just now, Vort said:

How are you "forcing him out"? The choice is his: Live in your home and remain celibate or move out on your own and fornicate to your heart's content.

No force involved. It's just a simple decision that your ADULT son gets to make. Let him make it.

Indeed...  The Son gets a chance to make an adult level choice.  Force out the Girlfriend... then let the Son make his own choice follow the girl friend or stay home.  No force applied to the Son

[NeuroTypical]

2 minutes ago, JKing said:

I haven't allowed my son to fornicate since his father has been home. I made it clear to my son that he needs to get his father's permission. 

I thought your son was an adult.  How come an adult needs to ask their daddy if they can have sex?  For that matter, how can an adult's mommy not "allow" them?

The obvious answer is "your son is not an adult".

Edited October 29, 2018 by NeuroTypical