Teen mother in the Church

[lydie15]

I wasn't exactly sure where to put this thread, so I just put it in the General Discussion. :)

I'm a born and raised member of the Church, and attended pretty much every week for the first 15 yrs of my life. When I was 15, I went through a stage where I stopped going to Church, and questioned the teachings and went and did my own things. Alot of the things that I did weren't good and I'm not proud of. I got pregnant to my boyfriend at the time and had my daughter at 16, and until recently have not thought of going back to Church or changing my lifestyle.

A few months ago I was looking at my life and realised I wasn't truly happy. I looked at the dreams I had when I was 15, and that in the direction I was going in I wasn't going to fulfill those dreams. I also realised that the teachings and standards that the Church give us are there to protect us and help us, and that I wanted to go back to the true happiness I had when I was attending Church. Also I wanted my daughter to be raised with the same teachings I have been.

I went to Church on Sunday with my Mum for the first time in 2 years and the response from the members of my ward was with shock, happiness and excitement that I'd come back to Church. I brought my daughter with me so everyone was happy to see her.

My question is, although I felt comfortable going back to Church and seeing everyone in my Ward again, I couldn't help but feel that everyone knew what I've done in the past 2 yrs and that I'm not as worthy as everyone else. I know I'm being silly but I can't help but think that's what they're thinking.

I'm also going to YSA now and I'm also worried that if I go to YSA events that everyone would think differently of me since I have a child, and the others, at the same age as me, don't.

Please help me as I really want to get my relationship with Heavenly Father again and be a more worthy person in the Church.

Edited July 14, 2011 by lydie15

[FunkyTown]

The first piece of advice I have to give is:

Don't worry about how worthy you are in comparison to other people. You can never know what struggles others are going through just by going to church.

Just know that you're loved, that everyone wants you back, and that the difficulties you're going through now are only temporary.

[pam]

I was going to say exactly what FT said when I read your opening.

No one knows what everyone else is going through. There may be others that are thinking the exact same thing you are about themselves. The biggest thing is to do what YOU need to do to get yourself back on track. Don't sweat what others think.

[applepansy]

I agree with FT and Pam.

Just work on you and try not to think about what you think others might be thinking. You can drive yourself crazy that way (as crazy as my last sentence :) )

There isn't one person in this world who doesn't make mistakes. You're just as good and worthy as everyone else there. Most times the most serious sins are those not even visible.

I think its awesome you're going back to chuch. Relax and enjoy YSA.

[Suzie]

I wasn't exactly sure where to put this thread, so I just put it in the General Discussion. :)

I'm a born and raised member of the Church, and attended pretty much every week for the first 15 yrs of my life. When I was 15, I went through a stage where I stopped going to Church, and questioned the teachings and went and did my own things. Alot of the things that I did weren't good and I'm not proud of. I got pregnant to my boyfriend at the time and had my daughter at 16, and until recently have not thought of going back to Church or changing my lifestyle.

A few months ago I was looking at my life and realised I wasn't truly happy. I looked at the dreams I had when I was 15, and that in the direction I was going in I wasn't going to fulfill those dreams. I also realised that the teachings and standards that the Church give us are there to protect us and help us, and that I wanted to go back to the true happiness I had when I was attending Church. Also I wanted my daughter to be raised with the same teachings I have been.

I went to Church on Sunday with my Mum for the first time in 2 years and the response from the members of my ward was with shock, happiness and excitement that I'd come back to Church. I brought my daughter with me so everyone was happy to see her.

My question is, although I felt comfortable going back to Church and seeing everyone in my Ward again, I couldn't help but feel that everyone knew what I've done in the past 2 yrs and that I'm not as worthy as everyone else. I know I'm being silly but I can't help but think that's what they're thinking.

I'm also going to YSA now and I'm also worried that if I go to YSA events that everyone would think differently of me since I have a child, and the others, at the same age as me, don't.

Please help me as I really want to get my relationship with Heavenly Father again and be a more worthy person in the Church.

I think it's a blessing that the members of your ward welcomed you with open arms! :) This mean they're happy to see you. Don't worry about it, you will be fine. We are all sinners and Heavenly Father loves each one of us the same. :)

[Bini]

I can relate to what you're saying. I rebelled quite a bit during my teen years as well. Although I did not get pregnant, three of my girlfriends in highschool were not as lucky and became mothers before they were 17-years of age. That was almost ten years ago. I've been able to keep in contact with them via Facebook and for the one out of three that returned to the Gospel, her life and her child's life is much happier and filled with more blessings than she could have ever imagined. That's not to say that returning to the Church will wash away all those challenges we wish to avoid but having the Lord close to us definitely makes the journey more bearable.

Getting back to your initial concern. It's a legitimate one. I know that a lot of people looked down on my friends that had procreated out of wedlock. I remember the nasty things people would say behind their backs. Unfortunately, you will run across people like this (members and non-members alike). The important thing to remember is that no one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone sins. You should be proud of yourself for the progress you have made thus far. Realising that one needs a lifestyle change is not easy. It took me years before I realised I needed to get my act together. You seem to have a better head on your shoulders than I did. So the most important thing to do, is to take care of yourself and your child. Know that there are a lot of supportive people out there that are more than willing to reach out and help. Don't feel pressured to "fit in" with the YSA ward. This is the perfect time to work on yourself :]

Best of luck! And welcome :]

[mightynancy]

There isn't one person in this world who doesn't make mistakes. You're just as good and worthy as everyone else there. Most times the most serious sins are those not even visible.

This.

[Backroads]

Thank-you for sharing that. It's wonderful you are back in church.

Remember, what other people think of you is none of your business.

[skippy740]

You need a different perspective on what you see in the other members attending to church.

Think of it this way: everyone is wearing a mask. Why a mask? Because they want to hide their sins. They smile and are encouraging, but they're still hiding behind their own masks.

Here's the kicker: some masks are more transparent than others. Your mask is practically see-through because you are bringing your child with you to church.

This doesn't mean that members aren't genuine, sincere and caring. They are!

Everyone has something. It's too easy to look out at the congregation and see a bunch of other "perfect people" and then compare yourself to this illusion.

Don't let yourself fall for it.

[Vort]

My question is, although I felt comfortable going back to Church and seeing everyone in my Ward again, I couldn't help but feel that everyone knew what I've done in the past 2 yrs and that I'm not as worthy as everyone else. I know I'm being silly but I can't help but think that's what they're thinking.

I'm also going to YSA now and I'm also worried that if I go to YSA events that everyone would think differently of me since I have a child, and the others, at the same age as me, don't.

Don't worry about your "comparative worthiness". Doubtless some of your peers are struggling with things that may not be as visible as your struggles over the last two years. And if others don't have difficulties of that magnitude -- good for them! But that doesn't mean anything as far as your place with them goes. It's not your place (or theirs) to judge whether you are "less worthy than" or "as worthy as" or "more worthy than" someone else.

Just go to Church, attend activities, and enjoy the fellowship of the Saints. Everyone is at a different place on the path to eternal life. As long as we are on the path and facing the right direction, where we are today along that path is of much less importance.

[Echo2002]

I agree with everyone else, don't worry about what the members might think, you never know who might be holding a dark secret. Your sins are obviously a little more visible, but no one can change the past, you can only press on to the future.

[Traveler]

It is never about where a person has been - The gospel of Jesus Christ is all about where a person is going. Keep this in mind; especially as you make friends and take part in social activities. Do not get caught up in where a person has been but think only in terms of where they are going.

If you meet a young man that has severed G-d well all his life and has fulfilled a mission and is looking for a young lady fixed on returning to G-d and living in the Celestial kingdom - Do not eliminate yourself from perusing such a relationship with such a person. Do not disguise your past - ever but at the same time to not hide or shun your destiny as a daughter of G-d. Worthiness in Christ is not about where you have been - it is all about - and only about where you are going. The spirit teaches this and this understanding is a sign of someone that recognizes this in others because they are influenced by the Holy Spirit.

The Traveler

[lizzy16]

my mom was in a situation similar to yours.

She was a YSA at 19 with a son (my amazing brother.) born out of wedlock.

A year later she married my dad in the temple :)

You are a daughter of God, You have a beautiful child that one day will love and appreciate your sacrifices.

My brother leaves on his mission soon.

I'll miss him tons.

Others can 'hide' there mistakes. Your going to get looks. Probably some nasty ones. But, remember, God loves you!

[LittleWyvern]

My question is, although I felt comfortable going back to Church and seeing everyone in my Ward again, I couldn't help but feel that everyone knew what I've done in the past 2 yrs and that I'm not as worthy as everyone else. I know I'm being silly but I can't help but think that's what they're thinking.

I'm also going to YSA now and I'm also worried that if I go to YSA events that everyone would think differently of me since I have a child, and the others, at the same age as me, don't.

Please help me as I really want to get my relationship with Heavenly Father again and be a more worthy person in the Church.

My take on this: don't worry about what others think about you. Concentrate instead on what Heavenly Father thinks about you.

And that's love. Always.

[MichaelPAGuy]

That is pretty much the advice. if others judge you then that is their problem. Do not worry about them. Worry about your relationship with Heavenly Father and your daughters.

[mnn727]

Remember, for the most part you only see the other members for a few hours a week when they are at their best. Everyone has problems and everyone is a sinner. Congratualtions, you are human just like everyone else. We're all at different levels on the same journey back.

Will some people gossip? yes, that happens both in the Church and out of it, but the people more advanced in their spiritual journey (more Christ-like) will welcome you back and support you not just to your face, but behind your back also.

[shine7]

Dear Lydie,

You are as good as anyone else. Yes, some of your past choices weren't good, but YOU are good, a daughter of a loving and caring God. Everyone has sins/transgressions and things to work on/change. All of us; so you aren't alone in the least. Plus, your experiences can be a way to help someone else with similar struggles and/or questions.

So glad you went back to church and that you want the happiness God has in store for you!!!

Edited July 20, 2011 by shine7

[MarginOfError]

First, yes, they know what you've been up to. But, please consider--

Everyone had a pretty good idea of what the Prodigal Son had been up to as well. When he came back, they didn't care that much.

Second, worthiness is not a lifelong condition. It's an instantaneous condition. You can be worthy now and unworthy in five minutes. While your distant past actions are important, they shouldn't be weighted as heavily as your recent past actions.

[JudoMinja]

The fact that you are coming back and trying to turn your life around means that others around you are going to see you as a great example! You are a young single parent now, which means your mistakes are very "visible". As you repent and become stronger in the gospel, others will be drawn to your sweet spirit and you may find many people coming to you for advice and confessing their own less-visible sins to you. It's happened to me!

I'm a single mother, and I actively participate in church. I'm not the most social person, so I try not to hang around to talk to people afterward, but I always try to offer whatever insight I can during lessons. I've been asked to give some talks and even teach a couple of the lessons in Relief Society. People see me at church with my son and seem to be drawn to me. I've had many of the women in the ward approach me to talk about problems they are going through with divorces, abuse, adultery, etc. They know I've "been there" and can tell I will be understanding and offer them good advice.

Don't worry about what others think of you! For one, their opinions do not matter- God's does. As long as you are right with the Lord, the person sitting next to you could be the most judgemental and harsh person in the world and it wouldn't matter. For another, there will be very very few people that harshly judge you for your mistakes. Many of them have likely "been there", and they will probably be looking up to you and feeling great joy that you are seeking to re-enter the fold of Christ.

[Kindan]

Praise/congrats, and other mushy stuff to you for choosing to return to Heavenly Father.

What has been said, I echo. Comparisons between ourselves and others aren't what the Lord is about.

Consider Zoram in the Book of Mormon. He very publicly was against the church and then joined.

You can be a wonderful example to people who are also sincerely seeking for connection with God.

Any way we can help -- would be glad to.