ldswithgreeneyes Posted July 23, 2012 Report Share Posted July 23, 2012 I am an 38 year old single mother of two little children and an investigator who is working toward baptism. I have a strong testimony and love the Church. I have also enjoyed spending time with Ward members to include the missionaries. I have also begun to have feelings for one of the missionaries. He comes across as the kind of man whom I could care about, missionary aside. From our discussions, I can tell that we have a lot in common aside from the Gospel. I love his sincerity, his kindness...I don't want to say too much and "out" him on the internet but I feel that he is amazing. I know first and foremost that he is on a mission and would never, ever say or do anything to taint that. He is here for one reason and one reason only. Before he arrived here (tehnically, he came halfway through my "lessons") , though, I prayed to HF to send me a good man, a righteous man...and part of me wonders if maybe, just maybe, this is my answer to prayer. Should I stay in touch when he transfers out? Again, I understand that he is to focus solely on his missionary work. Absolutely. I am just trying to figure this all out. Please be kind and no flames..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beefche Posted July 23, 2012 Report Share Posted July 23, 2012 (edited) So, you are a 38 y/o single mother who has a crush on a 19 y/o missionary, right? And you are wondering if you should keep in contact him while he is on his mission when he transfers to another area? Well, the answer to my second question is easy--NO. No, do not keep in contact with him while he is on his mission. Once he goes home, you may wish to contact him and at that point it would be fine. But, I have to warn you. If you are in the situation of my first question, he may not even be considering you more than an older woman from one of the wards he served in. And my experience with answers to prayers has been that Heavenly Father doesn't answer them by putting someone "forbidden" in your path. Edited July 23, 2012 by beefche Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ldswithgreeneyes Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 23, 2012 Thanks for the post Beefche. Would you please pray that Heavenly Father sends a good man my way? Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bini Posted July 23, 2012 Report Share Posted July 23, 2012 The age thing doesn't bug me but I suppose it's just more acceptable for men to be older (or much older) than the woman. I agree with Beefche, leave him alone to do the Lord's work but after he has finished serving, go for it and see where it goes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 23, 2012 Report Share Posted July 23, 2012 I have cousins... Yeah, there's a LOT of challenges to overcome between a 38 y/o with 2 children and a 19 y/o. If it was 48 y/o and a 29 y/o... maybe - I mean, there would still be a lot of challenges to overcome but the 29 y/o would be at a more mature stage in life to deal with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzie Posted July 23, 2012 Report Share Posted July 23, 2012 Of course I cannot speak about how you feel because only you know but I would like to say it's quite common for investigators (no matter their age) to have crushes on missionaries. If that's the case, it will pass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annewandering Posted July 23, 2012 Report Share Posted July 23, 2012 Age is not the issue. If you are attracted to him then go out of your way to stay out of his way while he is on his mission. How guilty would you feel if it led to disaster? Maybe God has led you to a good man. In your new ward perhaps. By focusing on the missionary you may be missing the man you prayed to met. satan is pretty sneaky that way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bini Posted July 23, 2012 Report Share Posted July 23, 2012 I have cousins...Yeah, there's a LOT of challenges to overcome between a 38 y/o with 2 children and a 19 y/o. If it was 48 y/o and a 29 y/o... maybe - I mean, there would still be a lot of challenges to overcome but the 29 y/o would be at a more mature stage in life to deal with it.This kind of situation is really common in Asia, don't you think? Women becoming attached to their missionaries.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 23, 2012 Report Share Posted July 23, 2012 This kind of situation is really common in Asia, don't you think? Women becoming attached to their missionaries..I have not heard of a single one.There's a Filipino in our ward whose dad got baptized because he thought he could get a visa to the States to go to Salt Lake once he becomes LDS! Although it all worked out in the end because his family ended up getting baptized later on and he gained a testimony after that. But yeah, I'm thinking there could be Filipinos who get attached to their missionaries if the missionary is a foreigner because they see the missionary as the "knight in shining armor" to take them away from poverty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bini Posted July 23, 2012 Report Share Posted July 23, 2012 Obviously this can't be true since OP has had this experience but I thought I heard from somewhere that male missionaries were not allowed to teach single females. Or, maybe it was something like they aren't allowed to be alone with females? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dravin Posted July 23, 2012 Report Share Posted July 23, 2012 Obviously this can't be true since OP has had this experience but I thought I heard from somewhere that male missionaries were not allowed to teach single females. Or, maybe it was something like they aren't allowed to be alone with females?They aren't supposed to be alone with them, but if a male (sufficiently old) accompanies or is in the house with them it isn't an issue. That and sometimes in their zeal to teach someone who is interested missionaries sometimes overlook that particular rule, particularly if the female is someone they'd classify as older. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annewandering Posted July 23, 2012 Report Share Posted July 23, 2012 They aren't supposed to be alone with them, but if a male (sufficiently old) accompanies or is in the house with them it isn't an issue. That and sometimes in their zeal to teach someone who is interested missionaries sometimes overlook that particular rule, particularly if the female is someone they'd classify as older.Obviously a good rule. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Windseeker Posted July 23, 2012 Report Share Posted July 23, 2012 This kind of situation is really common in Asia, don't you think? Women becoming attached to their missionaries..It was very common on my mission. Thank heavens for sister missionaries. I remember a cute Japanes girl approaching me once with picture of a dorky elder (think Napoleon Dynamite) asking me if I knew this Elder and if there was anyway she could get a hold of him. Some of this elders never had any attention from girls in their lives and were ill prepared to deal it over in Asia. I read Spencer W. Kimball's talk "Lock Your Heart." It helped me maintain focus during my mission. We were even able to teach (and hand-off to some sister missionaries) some SE Asian escorts (polite term). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bini Posted July 23, 2012 Report Share Posted July 23, 2012 It was very common on my mission. Thank heavens for sister missionaries. I remember a cute Japanes girl approaching me once with picture of a dorky elder (think Napoleon Dynamite) asking me if I knew this Elder and if there was anyway she could get a hold of him. Some of this elders never had any attention from girls in their lives and were ill prepared to deal it over in Asia. I read Spencer W. Kimball's talk "Lock Your Heart." It helped me maintain focus during my mission. We were even able to teach (and hand-off to some sister missionaries) some SE Asian escorts (polite term).I can imagine. Like Anatess said, some of these women see it as a way out from poverty in their country and believe that life will be better elsewhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blue36 Posted July 23, 2012 Report Share Posted July 23, 2012 As you can see from my post, I have my own man troubles and I'm no expert. But, for what it's worth, maybe HF sent him as an example of what kind of man you should wait for? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dove Posted July 26, 2012 Report Share Posted July 26, 2012 I am an 38 year old single mother of two little children and an investigator who is working toward baptism. I have a strong testimony and love the Church. I have also enjoyed spending time with Ward members to include the missionaries. I have also begun to have feelings for one of the missionaries. He comes across as the kind of man whom I could care about, missionary aside. From our discussions, I can tell that we have a lot in common aside from the Gospel. I love his sincerity, his kindness...I don't want to say too much and "out" him on the internet but I feel that he is amazing. I know first and foremost that he is on a mission and would never, ever say or do anything to taint that. He is here for one reason and one reason only. Before he arrived here (tehnically, he came halfway through my "lessons") , though, I prayed to HF to send me a good man, a righteous man...and part of me wonders if maybe, just maybe, this is my answer to prayer. Should I stay in touch when he transfers out? Again, I understand that he is to focus solely on his missionary work. Absolutely. I am just trying to figure this all out. Please be kind and no flames.....I would suggest a few ideas that may be helpful;First of all, whoa, take a step back and try to, through prayer and thought, determine why you would want this missionary? Has he given you any hint, clue or encouragement that he would want to keep in touch with you, even after his mission? If not, you may not want to search for him even after his mission. As Beefche pointed out, there is quite a difference in your ages. Also, I understand that you are in a vulnerable position right now as a single mother with two young children~That you would like an eternal companion and father for your children. As has been said, please be quite careful right now, as the adversary will try to play on your weaknesses to lead you to sin, or do something wrong or inappropriate. Make God thee Man in your life first, meaning seek Him first above all else, including the need for a spouse. Trust in Him. It sounds like you are doing this in part by praying and asking for a husband. Do all you can to be in the right circumstance/situation to meet a husband. Maybe join a ward for singles your age and like you. Maybe join an LDS dating site. Just whatever you can do to be in the right place to meet an outstanding and available man. Think of this missionary as already married. In other words, off limits. Wait on God while doing all you can to fulfill this need. If you follow Him and do this process in a righteous way, you will be given a wonderful spouse. I don't know when; but, He will provide a mate for you in His timetable that may not be when you thought you should have it. Remember, that if you are doing all you can do to follow Him, all your needs will be taken care of when it is best for you and your children's eternal welfare. Again, though, please be careful, it sounds like the adversary is trying to tempt you. Beware of this.Dove Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted July 26, 2012 Report Share Posted July 26, 2012 I can imagine. Like Anatess said, some of these women see it as a way out from poverty in their country and believe that life will be better elsewhere.Why are you always such a fussy young man?Don't want no Cap'n Crunch, don't want no Raisin BranWell, don't you know that other kids are starving in Japan?So eat it! Just eat it!-Weird Al, circa 1984 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toby Posted July 26, 2012 Report Share Posted July 26, 2012 Obviously this can't be true since OP has had this experience but I thought I heard from somewhere that male missionaries were not allowed to teach single females. Or, maybe it was something like they aren't allowed to be alone with females?My male missionaries don't come in my home unless my husband or one of my kids ages 22 and 24 are present. They will come back at a more appropriate time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna-in-love Posted August 5, 2012 Report Share Posted August 5, 2012 You should obviously wait for him to end his mission and not do anything now. I strongly disagree with the post saying that Heavenly Father wouldnt answer a prayer this way. We never know all of His ways. I know lots of examples of people who met while one (or both) were seving a mission and they stayed true to their work and afterwards got happily married in the temple. Are you saying people like this are not going to enter the Celstial Kingdom?! Just stay faithful and let him finish his mission and He wil bless you (whether with this guy or another). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted August 5, 2012 Report Share Posted August 5, 2012 I strongly disagree with the post saying that Heavenly Father wouldnt answer a prayer this way. We never know all of His ways. I know lots of examples of people who met while one (or both) were seving a mission and they stayed true to their work and afterwards got happily married in the temple. Are you saying people like this are not going to enter the Celstial Kingdom?! She's not saying this at all. The OP herself said she had prayed to Heavenly Father to send to her a good man. I seriously doubt Heavenly Father's answer to her prayer would be to send to her a 19 year old missionary in answer to her prayers for a man for a possible romantic/marriage possibility. I happen to agree with Beefche. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anddenex Posted August 5, 2012 Report Share Posted August 5, 2012 As an Elder once, yes, please leave the young Elder alone while he is on a mission. I would agree with Beefche and pam, who shared how unlikely it would be that Heavenly Father would answer your prayer through the means of a 19 year old boy who is serving his mission in your area. However, after his mission if you feel the same way, then it is your choice, and remember he may be interested in a young lady already back home, and thinking he will marry her. As with most on this site, who served a mission, young man (Elders), are not always the same person on their mission as they will be when they return home. After his mission you may realize how immature, in life, this young Elder is, and with your life and experiences, you may realize he really isn't compatible for you either. You will definitely be in my prayer tonight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misshalfway Posted August 5, 2012 Report Share Posted August 5, 2012 I think that it's inappropriate for a 38 yr old woman to be pursuing a 19 yr old and even more inappropriate when the boy is a missionary. I also think that the older of the two bears the responsibility to keep the proper boundaries. The missionary also needs to understand where line is when talking about personal things. Most likely this missionary is unaquainted with men and things....or women and things :).....and isn't understanding that he is crossing the line. OR, he feels this and doesn't know what to do. If he feels something and is crossing the line on purpose....well, that would be something else and I'd want to talk to him for a few. Having said all that, I do think it's understandable why people develop romantic feelings about the missionaries who teach them. These young men are clean and kind. They are respectful and honorable. And sometimes they come into lonely lives and bring badly needed love and attention. One thing I think that it's important to remember is that often the persona of a missionary is often very different from the actual person. This happens all the time in the church and in the world. We tend to idealize those in authority or who make us feel good. Second, I think it would behoove you to do some introspection about why you are projecting your needs on a younger and "forbidden" person. I think you need to do some work on yourself before you are ready for a relationship. Third, I'm wondering if Father in heaven may be answering your prayer but that maybe he wants to teach you a few things first. Maybe he is using this boy to show you that there are men in the world that will treat you and love you as you deserve. Maybe this is a preparatory thing that may lead you to preparing yourself to meet a man that would be appropriate for you and an answer to what your heart longs for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ldswithgreeneyes Posted August 13, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 13, 2012 Thank you to everyone who responded. I can honestly say that I found value in each response...a few things.. 1) A lot of people buy into the stereotype that every single mother is looking for a father for her children. Well, my kids already have a dad. He was a lousy husband to me but is a good father to the children...go figure. So while a great husband and loving stepfather is needed here, I am not desperately seeing a father figure for them per se. 2) As I mentioned before, I would never act on these feelings while he is on a mission. No way! I have spoken to former missionaries IRL and they reiterated what some of you had to say about how what they are like during the mission vs what they are like before and after, how people appreciate them because of their dedication and whatnot...It is easy to see how feelings can develop. They are helping people grow in the Gospel and perhaps these investigators(along with Ward members) take the place of the missionaries' family and friends for a short time and gives them comfort in that respect. It is a nurturing relationship for all. Like I said before, I respect the missionaries and what they are trying to do. 3) Someone mentioned..sorry, I forget who...that I should "work on myself". Honestly, I had to laugh. OOoookkkk...let me see, I work full time, attend church and RS meetings, go to school, raise my children, volunteer in their school, manage to slap on some makeup and cute clothes and do my hair everyday..what else can I be doing? Believe me, if anyone else knows how else I could improve, do let me know!:) 4) Finding "more suitable" men..I live in an area where people are mostly married. It is not like I live in a pool of unmarried, righteous men right there for the taking:/ There are no single men in my ward. The midsingles Ward is an hour away..I am looking into that very soon. 5) The age difference..well, I dunno. Lots of couples with age differences make it. As long as everyone is an adult and is consenting, then I see no issue with it. One thing I have found is that Mormons come across a bit mature as the average bear. Anyway, thank you for all of your advice:) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 13, 2012 Report Share Posted August 13, 2012 I guess if you don't mind a kid young enough to be your son and he doesn't mind a cougar, best of luck. . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ldswithgreeneyes Posted August 13, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 13, 2012 I guess if you don't mind a kid young enough to be your son and he doesn't mind a cougar, best of luck. . . Missionaries aside and talking about the "real world". Would you say the same thing if a 38 year old man wanted to date a 20 year old woman? Again, talking about the world in general Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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