Am I going too far?

[Augustmoon]

I am an active married endowed member of the church. My husband really likes lingerie and after being married for 11 years I have finally started to like it as well. Is it inappropriate to not wear your garments and wear lingerie under your clothes if you are going out on a date with your husband?

[Wingnut]

I don't think so, if it's only very occasionally, but there are many who will disagree with me.

[Iggy]

Is your husband and active, endowed member of the church?

Personally I think it is inappropriate. I was married for 28 years to a non-member, and I was inactive and not endowed. He relied on all things visual to set the mood for intimacy. XXX movies, xxx mags, flimsy lingerie and revealing outer clothes did nothing for me.

I felt like a prostitute being paraded around. If any man looked at me, my husband got angry, and took it out on me.

We are divorced and I am now married to a LDS man, we are active and endowed. We are eternal companions. Our garments are not a deterrent to how we see and react to each other. From grade school on, I have always preferred modest clothing. It was only after marrying my first husband and his insistence that I dress in revealing clothes that I did.

Within the confines of our home - we dress and do as is comfortable for us. When our curtains are open, we are fully clothed. When they are closed, then we get comfortable.

When you were endowed, you willingly made a covenant with God, to always wear your garments, 24/7. With the exceptions of: Bathing, swimming, being intimate with your spouse, giving birth for women, undergoing surgery.

I do not recall the Temple Matron adding wearing sexier lingerie thus also wearing sexier more revealing outer clothing when you go out on a formal date with husband, when she had her talk/council with us prior to receiving our initiatory and endowment.

That is my two cents worth.

[Augustmoon]

Yes my husband is an active and endowed member of the church. In the beginning of our marriage I really struggled with sex... We had three young children and my sex drive was non existent. My husband often felt rejected by me and we went through some rough times. I finally feel like I have found my sexuality and our sex life has been much better which in turn helps us get along better as husband and wife. I feel closer to him than I ever have before. It's like, the more I want sex the happier my husband is and the closer we become. If wearing lingerie out on a date with him ends in us getting closer, I don't see what is so bad about it.

[slamjet]

My .02, because I can...

A few things:

1) A wife wearing lingerie was described to me as a "thank you" card for her husband. With that, if I were still married and with what I know now, I'm not sure I would expect but I wouldn't ask my wife to forgo garments for lingerie. But I wouldn't have a conniption fit if she did just that.

2) At the risk of sounding confrontational, if you don't see what is so bad about it, why are you asking the question?

3) Kudos to you and your husband for sticking together even though sex was a problem. There are many couples I know that have split because of this issue. To stay together through all that really speak volumes of what kind of love and commitment you have to each other.

[Leah]

Instead of asking for approval from strangers on the internet (or your friends), better to go to the temple and ask and follow the counsel/direction given there.

You will always find someone who will "approve" the non-wearing of garments for whatever reason, but it really isn't for them to say.

[estradling75]

It seems to me that you are stretching the 'not while being intimate' exception pretty far.

But you have found something that works for you and your marriage and that is a good thing. Now just remember that the lingerie is just a tool used to help you get in the 'Right frame of mind.' So now is the time to learn how to get in that mindset without going hours in lingerie (and out of garments)...

[Suzie]

I am an active married endowed member of the church. My husband really likes lingerie and after being married for 11 years I have finally started to like it as well. Is it inappropriate to not wear your garments and wear lingerie under your clothes if you are going out on a date with your husband?

Augustmoon, this is something that you and your husband should discuss about and decide what is best for you guys. Of course, you can consult with the Lord if you both need to do so as well. Just like nobody should tell you what you should or shouldn't do during intimacy, you and your husband are the only ones who should decide about the lingerie. All the best. :)

[Gwen]

The instruction I was given was that no one can interpret the instruction but you and the lord.

Go to the temple and do some proxy work where you get the garment, talk to the bishop and listen to the paragraph they always read when you get your temple recommend. After listening closely and praying about it no one can tell you (even the bishop) if you are wearing the garment correctly. If you can stand before the lord and say you feel you have kept your covenant then that is all that matters. Even in the temple interview they don't get into specifics. They read a paragraph about the covenant and then ask if you are wearing your garments as covenanted. You answer yes or no.

If you want to change due to the clothing not being modest then I'd say it may not be a good idea. If your clothes are still modest and it's a rare occasion that you are running off after dinner for a romantic location then I'm not sure I see it as any worse than prolonging the intimacy by sleeping the rest of the night after naked instead of jumping up and getting dressed asap. The counsel is that intimacy is for more than procreation.

Unfortunately no one can answer this question for you but you. Pray, pray, pray.

[applepansy]

I"m seeing the younger generation take off their garments and wear strapless evening gowns for their anniversary or a wedding. Your question about not wearing garments on a date seems a long the same line. For me "Its a special occasion" doesn't seem like an appropriate reason to not wear your garments.

I'm happy you've worked through the issues you've had and your marriage is stronger. However, I highly value my husband thinking I'm sexy in my garments. What his attitude tells me is that he wants to keep our covenants with Heavenly Father and be together for all eternity.

I'm seeing more and more young LDS couples post pictures on facebook of their anniversary, wedding, or other special occasion where they removed their garments for evening or day. I'm saddened that more and more people are looking for reason to not wear the garment as commanded.

[Wingnut]

I do not recall the Temple Matron adding wearing sexier lingerie thus also wearing sexier more revealing outer clothing when you go out on a formal date with husband, when she had her talk/council with us prior to receiving our initiatory and endowment.

The OP said nothing about her outer clothing, only what she wears beneath it.

However, I highly value my husband thinking I'm sexy in my garments. What his attitude tells me is that he wants to keep our covenants with Heavenly Father and be together for all eternity.

I understand that many LDS feel this way, because the covenants are so highly valued. I respect and am grateful for my own covenants, but if my husband told me he found me sexy when I was wearing just my garments (as opposed to wearing lingerie), I think I'd be a little put off that he found me sexier when I was more covered, and in highly unattractive items. Just me. (I agree with everything else you said in your post though, however, I'll reiterate what I said above to Iggy: the OP said nothing about wearing revealing outer clothing.)

[mnn727]

I see nothing wrong with it if you are going out on a date with your husband if its an occasional thing and you only do it while together.

To me it come under the heading of foreplay

Edited June 5, 2013 by mnn727

[mrmarklin]

I am an active married endowed member of the church. My husband really likes lingerie and after being married for 11 years I have finally started to like it as well. Is it inappropriate to not wear your garments and wear lingerie under your clothes if you are going out on a date with your husband?

Absolutely! I never wear my garments when I do sports.

[EarlJibbs]

I am not sure I see the advantage of taking off your garments to go on a date just to wear some sexy lingerie. Does this fall under the covenant of "both night and day" exceptions? We all have times that we obviously need to take our garments off, but unless you are doing it to also wear sexier clothing that wouldn’t look the same with garments on (which I advise against), I fail to see the reasoning, other than sex drive.

In the end, this is personal and if you have doubts, it is appropriate to council with your bishopric since it does fall under your temple covenants and recommend.

[Jennarator]

Random thought:

I realize a date can be a form of forplay. However I think it would be too long for the garment to be removed, just me, no reason for that thought that I can back up. Buth ere is my random thought. Why not carry the cute stuff in your purse and put it on at the end of the date, so yo can go right into the bedroom when you get home? I don't know if that helps or even id ok, but it's an idea.....

[anjelabelen]

I know this post has already been up for a few days, but I thought I'd add my two cents anyway.

I definitely think that this is a very personal decision, that you ultimately have to feel good about. That being said, for me personally, I don't see anything wrong with it. I have found that this adds a little extra fun to our sex life, just as occasionally sleeping naked instead of rushing to get dressed after sex does. I still dress modestly on our date, the point for me isn't to show off my body to anyone, the point is that I feel sexier and we think it is fun. It enhances our sex life, which, let's face it, is a pretty big part of marriage and we have a lot of years of that ahead of us. If we don't change things up every now and then, we are more likely to have problems later on.

As a side note, I generally do this on dates that are specifically supposed to be romantic. I wouldn't forego garments for dinner and a movie or something of that sort, but a romantic picnic in the park, absolutely.

[Praetorian_Brow]

Garments have nearly the same significance as the unwritten rule of wearing white shirts for men. People are more interested in what other people do and its ironic that how they see other people treat the matter determines their perspective.

Its a personal matter, as most clothing is. Wear at your own discretion.

[Backroads]

I lean first towards the "If it works for you..." end of the spectrum--but with some reservations still.

I like lingerie. I have nothing against lingerie. Therefore, my first response is "If it really is part of your sex life under foreplay, eh." Besides, it's no skin off my nose.

BUT I do feel it is standing right before a slippery slope. I've heard from endowed Mormons who not only wear the lingerie on the date, they use it as an excuse to wear immodest closing. Now, by all means, it's awesome when husbands and wives find each other physically attractive. But why prove it in public? Are you trying to be all sexy and revealing for your spouse (which you can do all you want in privacy) or are you trying to impress everyone around you? ("Look! Mormons aren't so weird! We wear sexy clothing!")

So I suppose I have no problem with the action itself, but it should not turn into an excuse not to wear the garment.

[beefche]

Garments have nearly the same significance as the unwritten rule of wearing white shirts for men.

Huh? You mean that we make promises to wear white shirts? White shirts have symbols to remind us of our covenants? In order to receive the ordinances of the temple, we have to answer truthfully that we wear the white shirts night and day? Is that the significance you are talking about?

[Quin]

Huh? You mean that we make promises to wear white shirts? White shirts have symbols to remind us of our covenants? In order to receive the ordinances of the temple, we have to answer truthfully that we wear the white shirts night and day? Is that the significance you are talking about?

LOL. (Wait. You missed that part? You don't wear a white Oxford 24/7? Lucy. I think you have some 'splaining to do....)

I think what he meant was deferring to others judgement instead of the dictates of ones own conscience. Perception over substance.

Q

[pam]

Garments have nearly the same significance as the unwritten rule of wearing white shirts for men. People are more interested in what other people do and its ironic that how they see other people treat the matter determines their perspective.

Its a personal matter, as most clothing is. Wear at your own discretion.

Personally I find this comment offensive. You can't compare garments to white shirts.

[Praetorian_Brow]

Why is that? Its trying to accomplish essentially the same thing, even if one is less obvious than the other.

[pam]

Why is that? Its trying to accomplish essentially the same thing, even if one is less obvious than the other.

Garments are sacred. White shirts are not. You just can't compare them.

[Praetorian_Brow]

Is the cloth covering the Sacrament on the stand sacred? Or is its function sacred?

Does a white shirt symbolize purity? Do garments denote worthiness and a reminder of covenants or are they in fact the covenants themselves and therefore meeting your idea of sacred?

There is no disrespect intended, despite your tone being on a warning level.

[mnn727]

I have to agree, there is no comparison between garments and white shirts; one is sacred, the other is cultural.

But like I said a couple months back when this thread was new, wearing the occasional sexy thing for a spouse will not get you consigned to the outer darkness