Marrying too young

[Suzie]

Often times, we hear phrases such as "he/she is too young to get married!". In your opinion, what is "too young"? What are the possible advantages and disadvantages?

[SpiritDragon]

I think by far and away age has less to do with it than maturity... I have known 16 year olds who would be ready and 40 year olds who may never be.

I think most people need at least a year living away from their parents before they are ready for marriage.

I personally have no problem with people marrying at 18 years of age, but I think they will have a better chance of success if they wait until 20-21 or more.

I was 24 when I found my beloved... she is a little older.

Edited March 7, 2014 by SpiritDragon

[Backroads]

I also have no problem with 18-year-olds marrying, but I do agree a certain sense of independence should be ingrained first.

[Roseslipper]

I think no one should get married before 24!! There is a time and season for all things.

[Palerider]

One of my daughters married at 18 . She graduated from high school one week and was married the next week. They were married in the Temple and have been married now for 11yrs and they have one child who is 3. My son in law is 8 yrs older than her. He served his mission when he was 24. I guess each situation is different. I had several members tell me what they thought about my daughter marrying someone 8yrs older. I then responded with....there was 10yrs difference between my mom and dad. I wad 22 when I got married and my wife was 24.

[classylady]

I have a daughter that married one week after her 18th birthday, and a son that married at 19. I would have preferred them waiting for several years. But, I would rather have them married than living with their significant others without the benefit of marriage.

I tend to believe that age isn't the significant factor, but rather maturity.

[prisonchaplain]

I'm going to say something that sounds arrogant--but the world needs a higher ration of God-fearing children. If our young adults marry younger they can have more children. Having said that, Marrying at 25 gives most families time for 3-5 children. So, I'd simply lobby for marrying sooner than is typical now--and I would not apply that counsel to any particular couple. Of course, it's easy for me to say all this--I was 31 when I tied the knot. :-)

[notquiteperfect]

I also think it has more to do with maturity level and not age and that living away from home for a bit beforehand is best.

As far as advantages/disadvantages - one that comes to mind is that those who wait longer may be used to having/doing things their way and that could be a rough transition. Oh, also those who wait longer will (hopefully!) have a bit more money in the bank so finances aren't as much of a stress.

[Quin]

The man I loved at 17, instead of the boy I married at 23.

I think on those things, sometimes.

I think it has a great deal less to do with age, than it does with the individuals involved.

I think that there are times in our lives when where're sure of ourselves, and times in our lives when we're plastic. I think those times are different for everyone. Strength & weakness, change & stability.

I don't think there's a right or wrong answer.

Q

[Just_A_Guy]

I think Kimball nailed it: It boils down to both parties' having a commitment to the Lord and to each other. I shudder when I look back at my immature, 23-year-old self. I don't hold myself out as an example of marital felicity; but Just_A_Girl and I haven't made it this far because we were aged or mature at the time of our marriage--except insofar as we were mature enough to recognize and honor what marriage was supposed to be; and mature enough to make a commitment to making it work. In many, many ways--we grew up together, after the wedding.

Sadly, for whatever reason, these days our society seems to be doing a phenomenal job of creating an unprecedented number of "man-child"s who can't even muster a basic level of commitment. Hard to keep a marriage going when one party just isn't committed . . .

[skippy740]

Or princesses with an entitlement mentality looking for a substitute father figure?

[Blackmarch]

Often times, we hear phrases such as "he/she is too young to get married!". In your opinion, what is "too young"? What are the possible advantages and disadvantages?

no idea. there was a time when the age was around 12-14. Probably more to do with maturity, preparedness, and support.

[Just_A_Guy]

Skippy, you broke the code. Males aren't supposed to talk about such things . . .

[Guest]

My philosophy:

It has nothing to do with age. There are some 16 year olds who are more ready for marriage than some 36 year olds...

What do I consider ready? Everybody goes through a period of self-focus. This usually happens during the teen-age years when people are more focused on themselves than they are of anybody else. It takes some maturity to be "done with myself" and be ready to serve others.

These days... everybody is more self-focused. The I-Me-Mine culture has been ingrained since the flower-child days of the 60's and 70's. So, you have people getting married who are not ready to shift the self-focus to their spouse. Everything is about Me. Even when they say, "I Love You and I'm doing this for you", it has self-focus because there's always the caveat of, "because I want you to do this back to me". And if the "return of their investment" falls short of what they want, then trouble arises. And that is a recipe for marital disaster.

[Meerkatarmy]

I don't think I will ever be ready for marriage but I am heck of lot closer than I was at 18.

It is a psychological fact teenagers regress to toddler behaviour, feelings and ability to understand other peoples needs. Would you marry a toddler? I wouldn't therefore I wouldn't marry anyone under the age of 20/21

[LittleWyvern]

I'm taking a class on marriage at BYU that delves into a lot of family science research. Here's some recollections from what I've read that I think are relevant:

• There's two forces at work here. Research does show that later marriage age of the wife does decrease the chances of divorce later in life, but only up to a point (this trend ends at 21-24 depending on who you ask).
  
• There is then a range of ages where the chances of divorce flatline as well as reported marital satisfaction. Past a certain age (around 25-28 depending on who you ask) marital satisfaction declines while the chances of divorce stays flat. These two forces suggest that the errors lie at the extremes.
  
• Marrying young isn't bad intrinsically: many people marry in their late teenage years and do well. My past two points were simply statistics. However, marrying young may be a sign of incorrect models of thinking about marriage, such as "soulmate" thinking or the idea that "we felt the spirit together so we must be meant for each other." The reasons, then, behind being married are of utmost importance.
  
• In summary, age is a factor in marriage success, but research shows that other factors, such as personal maturity, effective communication, mature love, and good couple processes affect marital success far more than age past the age of 20 or so.
  

Edited March 7, 2014 by LittleWyvern
bad grammar

[Wingnut]

I'm going to say something that sounds arrogant--but the world needs a higher ration of God-fearing children. If our young adults marry younger they can have more children. Having said that, Marrying at 25 gives most families time for 3-5 children. So, I'd simply lobby for marrying sooner than is typical now--and I would not apply that counsel to any particular couple. Of course, it's easy for me to say all this--I was 31 when I tied the knot. :-)

You assume, though, that just because they can have more kids (before the age of being considered "high risk") that they will. I don't think that's necessarily true.

[Quin]

no idea. there was a time when the age was around 12-14. Probably more to do with maturity, preparedness, and support.

I was really shocked when I took my first Enlglosh history class to find that for over 1,000 years the average age for marriage was ...

Over 30.

Yep.

Reason given was inheritance. In that it took 10-15 years of working to save up enough to buy a house if you were the 2nd-10th son (1st son due to inherit the farm). Technically HALF a house. Since your wife to be would also be working (usually in service). Not that you knew each other, yet. As most people didn't start dating until they could wed.

Only the exceptionally wealthy (top 3%) could afford to marry younger.

Although they often didn't for reasons of politics.

And pioneers.

Meaning those of our grandparents who were off in the colonies married up young to breed as much as possible. Since so many of us were dead before 30, it was sort of prudent.

Since I had kids young, it didn't even enter my mind what my bestie was floored with :

OMG... If for over a 1000 years we were all having kids in our 30s & 40s, I think I can take a deep breath and relax.

Huh. Yup. Makes sense.

Q

[Bini]

Your brain isn't even fully developed until you're early to mid twenties, I believe doctors have said that magical number is about 23-years of age.

I agree, teens should definitely wait on marriage, and I was a teen bride in my first marriage.

Wait until you're at least 23 but preferably older

[Quin]

Your brain isn't even fully developed until you're early to mid twenties, I believe doctors have said that magical number is about 23-years of age.

I agree, teens should definitely wait on marriage, and I was a teen bride in my first marriage.

Wait until you're at least 23 but preferably older

Tongue firmly in cheek.

I dunno. It seems like (totally anecdotally!) the marriages I know that have gone 50+ happy years either started under 18, or after 30. There's like is no-mans land of the perilous 20s. Long enough to have been on your own to not like it, but not long enough to know who to add to it.

Meanwhile those right out of school have never been on their own, and those over 30 are pretty solid in who they are and where they're going.

_____

For real, I still think it's an individual case by case basis.

Q

[AngelMarvel]

Often times, we hear phrases such as "he/she is too young to get married!". In your opinion, what is "too young"? What are the possible advantages and disadvantages?

My husband and I were married when we were 17 years old. We divorced when we were 21 years old.

WHY? Because we were both so immature, naive, wanted to still play around, party, drugs, etc were involved. We were not going to Church. It wasn't that we didn't love each other... we did! But, all the above over took what we had together.

When we divorced, we went our separate ways. Neither one knew where the other went.

I actually looked for him over the years and he looked for me...but, couldn't find each other.

One day when I was working on my family genealogy I put his name in but found nothing on him. I decided to check Facebook...found nothing on him. But, I did find his sisters.

I made contact with them...they told him I had made contact. He made contact with me and we talked on the phone...then met in person.

You can imagine how seeing each other again after 34 years was. (We were 21 years old the last time we saw each other and 55 when we met again... AMAZING!

We got together again and married and sealed in the Manti Temple in 2011.

The Lord is so good. How different things are when you grow up physically...but, mostly when you grow up spiritually.

[Lakumi]

I'm going to say something that sounds arrogant--but the world needs a higher ration of God-fearing children. If our young adults marry younger they can have more children. Having said that, Marrying at 25 gives most families time for 3-5 children. So, I'd simply lobby for marrying sooner than is typical now--and I would not apply that counsel to any particular couple. Of course, it's easy for me to say all this--I was 31 when I tied the knot. :-)

I don't fear God, nor would I ever raise any children to...

Mind you the mere idea of being a father (or a husband) terrifies me, even at 25

my parents married early (enough) and only had two children

[Guest]

I don't fear God, nor would I ever raise any children to...

Mind you the mere idea of being a father (or a husband) terrifies me, even at 25

my parents married early (enough) and only had two children

I think you may have the wrong impression of what the word "Fear" means when used to the context of Godly fear or fear of God.

[Lakumi]

I think you may have the wrong impression of what the word "Fear" means when used to the context of Godly fear or fear of God.

oh probably...

still any spawn I unleash on the world (hopefully none), would have to find their own belief system, as I was made to do

[Anddenex]

If you think marriage is just to have sex...then you are too young (no matter the actual age you are).

Wife was 19, I was 23 when we married.

If the Lord confirms, and both partners efforts are for a successful marriage built upon the principles of the gospel. We will be fine. Too young for me, if you marry while you are still in high school.