struggling wearing my garments


jbgirl33

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I don' t need judgement as I said before... This is why Mormons get a bad name.  I am just having a hard time and want to know what I would be giving up if I stopped wearing them.  Because if it means me not being sealed to my family, I would just deal with it,...

Wait a minute.....you can lash out and make negative comments about Mormons, but someone giving their opinion or advice is "judgmental"? That's a bit hypocritical.

Again, you've been given wonderful counsel here, but it is apparent that you are not interested in that or that the correct thing to do is to wear your garments as Covenanted. You are simply looking for someone to tell you that......hey...no worries....you can skip wearing your garments, breaking your covenant, and it won't matter in the area you are concerned about. That's not to going to happen. Any consequences for breaking a covenant are up to Heavenly Father.

This issue of yours is one that should be taken up with your bishop. Not with random strangers on the Internet. Your bishop is the one with stewardship over you.

You might also benefit from some professional counseling. But in both of those situations, you need to be willing to open your mind and your heart.

So...yeah...that's my judgment.

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I know you didn't ask whether or not you should wear them, but I say wear them. Wear them all you can. Make sure you dress in a manner than allows you to wear them. 

 

Now then, my other two cents. Are you breaking covenants by not wearing them? Yes. What is another covenant you made? To be baptized. Would you go to the rest of church and not go to sacrament? Skipping out on what may seem trivial could have eternal consequences. I think that is your biggest concern, breaking a covenant with God. Which we know from Moses, Joseph Smith and others that didn't do as instructed or agreed upon, God is serious about his side of the promises made and if we break them, he is serious about the consequences. 

 

Will you be excommunicated? No.

Can you still go to church? Yes

Can you still have a calling? Yes

Can you go to the temple/renew your temple recommend? No

Are you to be sent to a lower kingdom as someone may have suggested? I am careful not to tell people they will or will not go to any which kingdom as it is not my place. But could you? Yes. 

 

My sincere suggestion is that you write down the promises God has made you. Write down the promises you made God. And then write down the cons of deciding not to wear the garments. In the end it is your decision, but I do believe that in the end if your only reason is that you don't like them, take a longer harder more spiritually guided look at your priorities. Can you still be a wonderful person? Yes, absolutely. Can you still be blessed by doing well and doing good for others? Yes. Be and do your best and let God do the rest. 

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Guest LiterateParakeet

Wait a minute.....you can lash out and make negative comments about Mormons, but someone giving their opinion or advice is "judgmental"? That's a bit hypocritical.

 

 

I have to disagree.  While most of the comments were supportive, and I support finding a way to wear the garment,  there were a few comments that felt judgmental to me.  I can understand why JBgilrl felt judged.  So, I don't think she was being hypocritical. 

Edited by LiterateParakeet
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I have to disagree.  While most of the comments were supportive, and I support finding a way to wear the garment,  there were a few comments that felt judgmental to me.  I can understand why JBgilrl felt judged.  So, I don't think she was being hypocritical. 

 

I agree. To me, the OP seemed very matter-of-fact. I'm sure jbgirl "gets it".

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My main concern is what are the consequences of not wearing them?  I really do understand the importance of them... truly, for that reason I wish I could go back and wait to go through the temple until I was ready to make this kind of commitment because as a young 19 year old girl, I had no idea.  So back to one of my questions.. Does anyone know if me not wearing them would actually break my sealing to my husband and children?  If their is a bishop or stake president that could answer this for me that would be great.  I could go to my bishop but I already know what he will say and it will be to do it anyway, pray, etc.  I have done all those things... nothing has changed.  Sometimes I will do good and wear them for awhile and then I go back to not wearing them again... I hate this feeling of guilt.  I have always had a little bit of rebellious side in me and I feel like I have to constantly fight an internal battle of you should do this or you have to do that.... Why is it so easy for some people????

jbgirl33-

I am going to say some things that are blunt, but please don't take them as judgmental or rude.

So you wish you could go back and not make your temple covenants? This is a serious thing to say. You need to see your Bishop very soon.

I am confident that there are Bishops/former Bishops, and possibly Stake Presidents on this board, but they will not be able to help you with your concern because they do not have stewardship over you. There is no cookie cutter handbook answer to your concern. The Bishop has the keys needed to help you on a personal level. Go see your Bishop.

I must respectfully disagree with something your said. You do not know what your Bishop will say. There is no way you can know. You might have a pretty good idea, but you do not know. Go see your Bishop.

This may hurt, but here it is: I can tell by what and how you have said some things that you are struggling with pride. Please hear me out. I know that internal battle because I fight it too! I have yet to meet one person that doesn't fight it. Don't compare yourself to others.

Right now the Lord is showing you a weakness. I don't know about you, but when He shows me my weaknesses, it is very.......humbling........and that humility will destroy pride. It's not a comfortable process, but the results are blessings and abilities to overcome things that we can't overcome by ourselves.

Rebel against your rebellious side........

......and go see the Bishop. :-)

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  • 2 months later...

Yikes. I removed my wedding ring some weeks back to give a rash on my finger time to heal and let my finger sort of resume a normalish shape. I find I need to do that every year or two. Hope that doesn't mean I'm not taking my marraige covenants seriously. :)

Great example! I'm sure your husband understands the legitimate reason for your removing your ring and that the intentions of your heart haven't changed just like Heavenly Father knows our struggles and intentions for simply wanting comfortable underwear. There are many times I need to remove them for days while health issues resolve. Many of the health issues being caused by the poor design of garments I might add.

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I have seen people write these posts before and all anyone wants to do it is tell them that they will get used to it, but it has been 15 years and I still havent gotten used to wearing my garments! It is the hardest thing for me. I struggle daily and to tell you the truth I probably only wear my garments a few times a week! I live in Florida and it is soooo hot here and I am so uncomfortable in them. They never feel right and bunch up or always peek out of something. I also get heat exhaustion really easy. No excuses though, they really bug me. So here is the only questions that I need answered...what happens if you don't wear them besides obviously that you cannot go to the temple. Can you be disciplined? Will that mean that your sealing ties are broken? Just want to know what it is that would happen if I didn't wear them. I know the church is true and I have no doubt about that andI have a strong testimony but I really cannot handle wearing them all the time. I would appreciate some answers from people that actually know the consequences of this. And please no judgement...

I just want to tell you that I really understand what you are saying and completely sympathize with you. Garments are terribly uncomfortable. I too was told, "you'll get used to it" and here I am 5 years later after wasting money on every experimental size and fabric possible only to be perpetually uncomfortable day and night. They fit wrong and chafe in all the worst most sensitive areas and they have caused multiple skin infections from all of the fabric bunching and holding heat where it shouldn't. They are not compatible with bras, pads or the shape of a woman. I have a hard time believing that heavely father wants so many women to struggle and suffer in these terribly designed garments, unless mortification is the goal. Until reading other posts here, I'd had yet to find a woman who has felt comfortable or happy in her garments. I wish there was a solution. I can only hope for some serious changes and improvements in the future. Don't feel alone.

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Well there's yer problem.

 

 

They'll do that when you try and wear them under short-shorts with a tank top.  :P

 

 I personally don't have a modesty issue and I can attest to the garments still bunching and slipping out and becoming exposed just the same. I see plenty of "garment slips" on other modestly dressed people as well. Aside from that, only Heavenly Father knows the hearts intent as people struggle with garments and other challenges.

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Huh. I guess never thought of myself as unique in my actual physical comfort with wearing garments. I'm quite particular about making sure they can't be easily exposed by a slip (if so, it means outfit/garment style change for the day).

 

FL2015, I'm sure you try your best and I'm not saying you're buying the wrong clothes and/or garments, but...

 

Looking at the other "garment slips" I see around, I also see that many of these women are wearing the wrong fit of clothing in general.

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1.  It  appears that the church is aware of some of these issues with the garments.  I remember earlier this year that they surveyed members regarding garments, but haven't seen anything since then.

 

2. I know someone who had a special adaptations made to his garment design.  They even had a special SKU (product ID) number for this design.

Don't know the specifics, but I'm sure others have suggested that you might check with the RS President and tell her your concerns.

Edited by cdowis
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  • 1 month later...

JBgirl133

 

Wearing your garments is between you and the Lord. If you are overheating that is medically unsafe. Think of it this way. Wear your garments whenever you can! If you can't then you are still keeping your covenants. The Lord does not want you to overheat and put yourself in medical harm. When you go to the lake and you are jumping in and out of the water, you do not put your garments on in between. However, if there is a period of 3 hours and you have the opportunity to wear them, do it! Do not let others tell you to get used to it. Use personal revelation. Wear your garments in air conditioned areas. You are not going to lose your temple recommend when you obey God. It very specifically says its between you and the lord. If you were doing it because you liked your outfit without it, that is different. You would have to ask yourself, am I taking every good opportunity to keep my promises. Etc. Good luck! Go forward without guilt! From one person who overheats to the next!

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From a male perspective...I joined the Chuch while living in Germany in the 1970's, sealed in the Swiss Temple. Back then of course had to wear tops under T-shirt required color shirt. Then returning Stateside to Georgia, thought everyday I would die of a heatstroke daily. I got out in middle 1980's before military garments tops. As to bottoms...still live in Georgia and back when working thought I would did of heatstroke. Yesterday spent day on lake with some friends, it was an unusually cool morning so did not wear shorts...so to wear a regular T-shirt, garments underneath. They (garments) have become so much a part of my life...even when I go to a lake and don't wear them, I can't get them back on quickly enough! :)

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May I share a personal insight on this? My husband and I are in a second marriage after divorce. He lived in Tampa Florida for several years, and sees this as one of the big steps of his wife's life that led her to completely leave the church and become relatively anti-Mormon. 

 

Your story sounds very much like hers. They had been married about 10 years, and she was very physically uncomfortable with the heat and her garments. She began, like you, leaving it off some days, then more days, and eventually just gave it up. They later moved to Washington DC and Colorado (he was in the Air Force) but she never put the garment back on. She began finding reasons the church was a problem; she began to fight and bicker with him over his continued activity and faithfulness to his covenants. Eventually, of course, they were divorced, mostly over the issues related to that initial decision that the garment was "uncomfortable" and inconvenient. She, too, wanted to wear shorts and sleeveless tops in the heat. While I understand your physical discomfort, I have to wonder if there is yet a lack of testimony of the great gift the garment is to us. One dear sister in my ward put it well, "I should be looking for opportunities to wear the garment, not opportunities to take it off."

 

As has been said, you can special order sizes and shapes. I personally get my bottoms specially made for a little more snug in the middle and longer in the leg than my conventional size. I also only wear cotton due to health issues, and cotton garments are not made in a variety of sizes/shapes like other fabrics, but you can order them made just for you, and they cost the same as the regular garments. I hope you are able to attend the temple often. That is the most important thing you can do to learn about the garment and it's amazing blessing. (Don't you have Air Conditioning--or maybe you are like my husband--he loves working in the yard way too much to stay indoors where the AC is keeping it comfy!)

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I have seen people write these posts before and all anyone wants to do it is tell them that they will get used to it, but it has been 15 years and I still havent gotten used to wearing my garments!  It is the hardest thing for me.  I struggle daily and to tell you the truth I probably only wear my garments a few times a week!  I live in Florida and it is soooo hot here and I am so uncomfortable in them.  They never feel right and bunch up or always peek out of something.  I also get heat exhaustion really easy.  No excuses though, they really bug me.  So here is the only questions that I need answered...what happens if you don't wear them besides obviously that you cannot go to the temple.  Can you be disciplined?  Will that mean that your sealing ties are broken?  Just want to know what it is that would happen if I didn't wear them.  I know the church is true and I have no doubt about that andI have a strong testimony but I really cannot handle wearing them all the time.  I would appreciate some answers from people that actually know the consequences of this.  And please no judgement...

 

 

article in this months Enisgn "New Sizing for Women’s Garments"

https://www.lds.org/ensign/2015/09/news-of-the-church/new-sizing-for-womens-garments?lang=eng

----------------------------------------------------

 

I had an experience this past week that helped me appreciate my Garments and life in general.

 

Let me go back to the beginning of this year January 2015, My daughter is turning 8 in June so she keeps reminding me about how great an event and how exciting it will be for her to get baptized. Im not sure about other men but as a priesthood holder and father that will baptize her Im constantly thinking about that baptism date and how I need to be on my best behavior to be worthy to perform these sacred ordinances. Through out the year as Im faced with temptations or situations that I might want to act out in an irreverent way (for example: giving the finger to idiot drivers on the road) I remind myself to be better. I am determined to baptize her and make it a spiritual experience for me and her.

 

Well June comes along and we plan to do the baptism with the stake on the first saturday in July, there wasnt enough kids, (only one, us) so they canceled it. August comes along and my wife has a mandatory class for her MBA degree on that saturday, I thought that she doesnt care about our church functions so Im planning to do it without her. She got mad at me and said she wants to be there so at the last minute we postpone it until September.

 

This past week Thursday, September 3rd, I was doing some roof work at a clients house. I had just completed the job and was wrapping up my equiptment. I must have gone up and down the ladder 6 or 7 times through out the day, this was the last time going up the ladder because I was finishing up, what I did not take into account was that it had just started to rain.

 

As I got to the top of the ladder the bottom slipped out and I fell 15ft to the ground (backwards) onto a tile stoned patio.  My feet hit the ground first then my hips, shoulders, then my head. It all happened so fast, the only thing I remember was hearing the ladder making a loud noise as it hit the ground and then the back of my head making a loud noise too as it smacked the ground. The sound of my head hitting the ground was so sickening and it didnt stop there it bounced and impacted a 2nd time. Two loud thumps. I thought I was dead.

 

I then heard my voice as I cried out in shock while curling up in a fetal position holding my head. My next thought after realizing that I didnt die instantly was, I dont want to die slowly. I thought my head would have cracked open and bled to death or some organs in my body wouldve failed. After about 30 seconds of moaning on the ground and the shock wearing off I sat up and realized that all my limbs were moving fine. I didnt break anything. I stood up and my head was fine, my body was fine, just a bruise on my left knee and left elbow. I loaded up the ladder and my tools and went home.

 

As i lay in my bed that night (a little sore in the knee and elbow) I thought to myself how is it that only my knee and elbow are bruised. I didnt even get the wind knocked out of me, neither did I pass out or show any signs of head trauma. None of the skin or areas under my garment were scratched or hurt. I believe that God was watching over me that day and my Garments had something to do with it.

 

Two days later, yesterday, I was able to baptize and confirm my 8 yr old daughter.

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