Bride gives dad 'purity' certificate to prove she's a virgin

[Bini]

Bride gives dad 'purity' certificate to prove she's a virgin 

 

A Maryland bride presented her father with a "Certificate of Purity" at her wedding to prove she kept a promise she made to him as a 13-year-old.

 

http://usat.ly/1LOw2YH

 

 

---

 

So you can probably guess what my thoughts are on this. Meh. I mean, good for her for remaining pure and keeping a promise she made herself, but the rest is a bit overboard in my opinion. 

[Guest MormonGator]

 

Bride gives dad 'purity' certificate to prove she's a virgin 

 

A Maryland bride presented her father with a "Certificate of Purity" at her wedding to prove she kept a promise she made to him as a 13-year-old.

 

http://usat.ly/1LOw2YH

 

 

---

 

So you can probably guess what my thoughts are on this. Meh. I mean, good for her for remaining pure and keeping a promise she made herself, but the rest is a bit overboard in my opinion. 

 

 Oh my thoughts too. Good for her for remaining pure, but this is overboard and a little disgusting. What kind of father would want to know, to be honest?

off topic-I didn't even ask my father in laws "permission" to marry LadyGator. We both find that custom cute, and this is for us only, but LadyGator isn't the property of anyone. Her father or myself. She asked me not to partake in that custom, and I respected her wished and agreed. 

Edited November 4, 2015 by MormonGator

[Irishcolleen]

Glad she remained pure before marriage, but eew!  The idea of giving anyone a certificate saying they looked up may privates and what they found is just too much information- and especially weird to share it with dear old dad.

[omegaseamaster75]

creepy

[NeedleinA]

 off topic-I didn't even ask my father in laws "permission" to marry LadyGator. We both find that custom cute, and this is for us only, but LadyGator isn't the property of anyone. Her father or myself. She asked me not to do partake in that custom, and I respected her wished and agreed. 

 

Same here. Cute idea, but we were getting married either way and he knew it was coming. At that point she had only been a member for about 2 years, and I wasn't in the mood to hear any more opinions from her (What, our daughter is a Mormon?) parents.

[Vort]

In an age where most (!!) unmarried people fornicate, here is a woman who prized her chastity as her father prized it. And yet we -- a group of mostly Mormons -- see the celebration of this as weird. (And I do see it as weird.) I suspect that says as much about us as it does about this young woman.

[Guest]

Yes, keeping herself pure is great.  I just don't get what kind of relationship she has with her dad that she needs a doctor to prove that she is a virgin to her father?  I mean... he wouldn't believe her if she just plain told him?  This is mighty weird.  Okay, so making it a public pronouncement is weird but I can kinda understand it if she's using her wedding as a platform to preach abstinence.  It's just not the platform I would have used. 

 

 

off topic-I didn't even ask my father in laws "permission" to marry LadyGator. We both find that custom cute, and this is for us only, but LadyGator isn't the property of anyone. Her father or myself. She asked me not to do partake in that custom, and I respected her wished and agreed. 

 

Asking for permission is archaic - although it still happens in the Philippines.  But even then, it's not because the father owns the daughter.  Rather, the daughter is a working member of the family with her roles and responsibilities with the father as the patriarch.  The daughter getting married releases her of her responsibilities to the family and the patriarch will have to figure out how to delegate her duties to other members of the family.  Hence, asking for permission became a tradition.   This may also be accompanied by the prospective son in law offering to ease the burden on the patriarch by offering resources such as money, etc.  The release of duties is arranged by the patriarch which then decides when the marriage can take place if it ever takes place at all.  In old cultures where the woman is not given opportunity for productivity (Philippines circa 1960 and earlier), the father offers the future son-in-law with resources such as money, etc., to take over the responsibility of providing for the daughter, so the permission comes with some negotiation.

 

These days, we don't ask for permission but rather ask for a blessing.  This is a tradition rooted in the role of the father as the head of the household from which the daughter hails from (in Catholic and LDS, the role of the father as the religious leader in the family).

 

But yes, my father did not give his blessing to us, so my husband and I eloped.

Edited November 4, 2015 by anatess

[Guest]

In an age where most (!!) unmarried people fornicate, here is a woman who prized her chastity as her father prized it. And yet we -- a group of mostly Mormons -- see the celebration of this as weird. (And I do see it as weird.) I suspect that says as much about us as it does about this young woman.

 

Eeerrmm... not quite.  It's not the celebration that is weird... it's having to get a doctor to check the hymen that is weird for me...  okay, so it's also weird to have a public display of it at a wedding.  A picture of her and her dad at her wedding posted on Facebook with a note on the bottom that says, "Dad, I kept my purity promise." would have been more appropriate in my opinion.

 

But yes, it doesn't hurt to have more stories of people who remained pure just so we can show our kids that it's not as impossible as your schoolmates want to make you think.

[Bini]

Yep. It's not the remaining chaste until marriage and celebrating it that's weird. What's weird, for me, is that someone would feel the need to prove their purity via a medical document and present it to their parents, or father in this case. I agree with others, it definitely has an eww and creepy factor to it.

 

A slight branch off of this but still in the same vein... Not all women keep their hymen intact, despite, remaining chaste. The hymen can be broken, more likely for girls and women that live physically active lifestyles, so my thoughts are then - how would this poor girl prove to darling father that she IS pure? I agree with Anatess, if you really feel that compelled to appease mummy and daddy, your word should be enough...

[theSQUIDSTER]

I say good for her!

We live in a day where everything BUT chastity is celebrated. This good woman's father is a minister and public figure in his community.. So what these people do is an example for others watching them. It doesn't sound like he made her do anything. She chose to make a public statement and because of the time we live in she decided to get proof.. So all the naysayers can do is not claim that she MUST be lying.. Because nobody's a virgin anymore these days.. Etc etc etc.. So they have to find other things to nitpick at.. Call her medieval.. Weird.. Out of touch ..

Strange, hypocritical, and wicked times that we live in.. Where the Caitlyn Jenners of the world are applauded and hailed as courageous for "taking a public stand" but a woman who gets proof of her hymen being intact before being married must be some kind of grandstanding sicko...

Really?

Edited November 4, 2015 by theSQUIDSTER

[Guest]

Yeah, if my dad had sent me to get checked for virginity. . . 

 

Ick. Major boundary crossing. It's not for a dad to "prove" his daughter's virginity. My dad didn't come with me to my first temple recommend interview to verify my purity. Ick.

[Guest MormonGator]

Yeah, if my dad had sent me to get checked for virginity. . . 

 

Ick. Major boundary crossing. It's not for a dad to "prove" his daughter's virginity. My dad didn't come with me to my first temple recommend interview to verify my purity. Ick.

 My thoughts exactly. I'm proud of her, major fist bump but what happened to trust? "Dad, I made a promise to you. I love you. I am keeping it. " There. 

[MrShorty]

A couple of things.

 

As a private thing, I guess people can do what they want. In a day and age when private things so easily end up on the internet for public inspection, I have some concern that we are publicly criticizing her and her family for something that should probably be more private.

 

As a broader look into "purity culture" (I think we LDS have a variation of purity culture working among us in some circles), it seems problematic to me. The main problem I see is this idea that Intact hymen = virgin = pure.

1) I am neither a woman nor a medical professional, but hearsay I have come across suggests that there are plenty of ways for a woman to lose her hymen that do not necessarily involve sex.

2) I can easily hypothesize sexual activities that we (a conservative LDS community) would label as sinful that would likely leave the hymen intact.

3) There is a gender disparity here, too. If we take the presence of the hymen as proof of virginity/purity, there is not a similar medical test for male virginity/purity.

4) There is no similar certificate or test for "I broke my promise, then repented, and can still be considered pure" scenario in some of the purity culture attitudes that I see. "Purity by abstinence is the same as purity by repentance" sometimes feels to me like a contradiction, but I also think it is true, though I don't think I know how to teach it.

 

Anyway, some thoughts for consideration.

[Crypto]

meh.

Good for her.

It may seem strange to me, but if she did it on her own accord, I don't have any problem with the purity certificate.

Edited November 4, 2015 by Crypto

[David13]

I have to agree that it's perhaps 'weird and creepy' or at least off the wall. 

It seems like she should be giving this certificate to her husband to be.  But even that seems like a bit too much.  He should already know, if he wants to know, and if he doesn't, then she shouldn't try to 'prove' anything to him.

 

As for the permission from the father.  Is it really permission?  Or is it more like you mention that it is your intention to marry his daughter, and she has agreed to the marriage.

And then ask, .. what does the father think?  You should already know what he will say.

He may pull out a gun, and say "why you dirty little rat, I'll kill you before you will marry my daughter."

Or he could say, "I am glad to hear it, I was hoping, etc." 

But in either case you should already know what he is going to say.  But you are showing him the courtesy to voice his opinion.

Allowing him to give his approval out of respect for his position as her father.

dc

 

More or less a formality.  Done more for show that for actual "permission."

Edited November 5, 2015 by David13

[mirkwood]

off topic-I didn't even ask my father in laws "permission" to marry LadyGator. We both find that custom cute, and this is for us only, but LadyGator isn't the property of anyone. Her father or myself.

 

 

I find it stupid myself.

 

My manipulative bullying fil tried to tell me that is what I was supposed to do.  We were already engaged.  I told him it was not his choice and we did not need his approval.

[Vort]

I was very lucky in my choice of father-in-law. He was a gem of a man. Died sixteen years ago, and though I won't pretend my grief was the same magnitude as my wife's, I still miss him. I believe I did "ask his permission", and after a bit of very reasonable questioning, he gave us his blessing. Maybe that will be an example to me when someone comes calling after my own daughter in a future day.

[Backroads]

I too am rather creeped out by this. Yes, purity till marriage is beyond commendable in this day and age. It's the actions rather than the virginity I'm bothered by.

I like that she stayed a virgin, but somehow it feels like everything in the presentation missed the mark. No broken hymen? Wow-zee. A doctor's note? With more thought to her dad rather than herself, her husband, and God?

It doesn't sit right with me. I'm probably over assuming here, but I'm weirded out.

[Guest]

My husbandand I were already engaged when he talked to my dad, but he still wanted to give Dad the respect of assuring him I'd be loved and cared for. I'm the youngest child, and I could visibly see my dad a bit more relaxed to know I had a good man to share life with.

[Blackmarch]

 

Bride gives dad 'purity' certificate to prove she's a virgin 

 

A Maryland bride presented her father with a "Certificate of Purity" at her wedding to prove she kept a promise she made to him as a 13-year-old.

 

http://usat.ly/1LOw2YH

 

 

---

 

So you can probably guess what my thoughts are on this. Meh. I mean, good for her for remaining pure and keeping a promise she made herself, but the rest is a bit overboard in my opinion. 

 

Odd yes but creepy or icky not really - it does strike me that it would probabbly be more fitting or similar to some medieval or tribal tradition or setting. Makes one wonder where she got the idea- definitely generally not common in the US.

[Guest]

Hmmm...

 

I wonder if checking intact hymen is covered by Obamacare...

[Guest MormonGator]

My father in law is a great guy and understood completely. LadyGator was the first born daughter of three. One little sister (also a great person) and a little brother-who I consider my own brother. I always tell people I lucked out in the in law game because I gained a little sister and a brother. LadyGator isn't terribly close to her parents (long story, and it's a shame LDS don't drink, because if I told you, you would probably start ) but we are super close to the siblings. 

[Anddenex]

I say good for her!

We live in a day where everything BUT chastity is celebrated. This good woman's father is a minister and public figure in his community.. So what these people do is an example for others watching them. It doesn't sound like he made her do anything. She chose to make a public statement and because of the time we live in she decided to get proof.. So all the naysayers can do is not claim that she MUST be lying.. Because nobody's a virgin anymore these days.. Etc etc etc.. So they have to find other things to nitpick at.. Call her medieval.. Weird.. Out of touch ..

Strange, hypocritical, and wicked times that we live in.. Where the Caitlyn Jenners of the world are applauded and hailed as courageous for "taking a public stand" but a woman who gets proof of her hymen being intact before being married must be some kind of grandstanding sicko...

Really?

 

Well said.

[David13]

Andenex

While I agree with all that, I just think there was a better way to do it.  Not that I know how that would occur, since, for one thing, I'm of the female persuasion.

Also, I don't know if any of us knew the context on this as presented by Squidster. 

I guess many people could say she was lying unless she had some 'proof'.

dc

Edited November 7, 2015 by David13

[AnnieCarvalho]

Hmmm... it's weird to me.

But I sort of feel, especially in a time when the world has a big old light shining on OUR Church, we probably have no business judging what others do.

 

We'd do better to discuss and understand our own religion.

 

Or to parrot what I've heard other say here, "meh."

Edited November 8, 2015 by AnnieCarvalho