Being Single in a Family Ward

[ctr2961]

Does anyone knows the rules about being single in a family ward? This sounds like a dumb question but in the pasts I been approached by members of the stake presidency and a few members of my non Utah ward that unattached singles should not be participating in family ward activities(picnics, temple trips, testimony Sunday) and I should only be going to the singles ward which is 60 miles(out of Stake) away every Sunday.  The Bishop was not informed about this.   I just want an understanding why I was told this.

[zil]

38 minutes ago, ctr2961 said:

I been approached by members of the stake presidency and a few members of my non Utah ward that unattached singles should not be participating in family ward activities(picnics, temple trips, testimony Sunday)

It's one thing to counsel with a person about what ward they attend (assuming they're eligible to attend multiple wards, or have a good reason to not attend their geographic ward), but it's a whole other thing to tell them not to participate in the ward in which they live.  IMO, people who do the latter should be dragged to the principal's office and given a stern scolding!

I am an "unattached" (holy cow) single in a Utah "family" ward - and I'm the RS President therein.  One of my co-workers is also a single, female RS President in her "family" ward.  We're in the Salt Lake area.  Technically, somewhere, there's a multi-stake singles ward to which we could be sent.

Quote

3 Nephi 18:25 And ye see that I have commanded that none of you should go away, but rather have commanded that ye should come unto me, that ye might feel and see; even so shall ye do unto the world; and whosoever breaketh this commandment suffereth himself to be led into temptation.

https://www.lds.org/ensign/1996/03/belonging-to-a-ward-family?lang=eng

https://tech.lds.org/forum/viewtopic.php?t=4909

Quote

According to the Handbook (p 169), a single member who is eligible to be in a single or student unit has the option to choose to be in that unit or remain in a conventional family unit. As long as the member is eligible, the member retains the option.

Wise bishops and a stake presidency may feel that a single member will be best served by the single unit bishop, and they would probably want to also counsel with the member and his or her parents in making that determination.

It is also interesting to note that the current Handbook points out that membership in a young single adult ward should be viewed as a temporary preparation for serving in a conventional ward.

I'm assuming that's handbook 1 - which your bishop has, and can let you read.

Edited August 30, 2018 by zil

[Jane_Doe]

39 minutes ago, ctr2961 said:

Does anyone knows the rules about being single in a family ward? This sounds like a dumb question but in the pasts I been approached by members of the stake presidency and a few members of my non Utah ward that unattached singles should not be participating in family ward activities(picnics, temple trips, testimony Sunday) and I should only be going to the singles ward which is 60 miles(out of Stake) away every Sunday.  The Bishop was not informed about this.   I just want an understanding why I was told this.

The individual telling you this was wrong and ovestepping their bounds.  Forgive them their error and keep attending everything to your heart's content.  

I myself attended a family ward for years when I was single, just for the fact that it was my preference (strange as it sounds, I found I couldn't concentrate in Sacrament Meeting without screaming babies in the background)

[Lost Boy]

On 8/30/2018 at 9:42 AM, ctr2961 said:

Does anyone knows the rules about being single in a family ward? This sounds like a dumb question but in the pasts I been approached by members of the stake presidency and a few members of my non Utah ward that unattached singles should not be participating in family ward activities(picnics, temple trips, testimony Sunday) and I should only be going to the singles ward which is 60 miles(out of Stake) away every Sunday.  The Bishop was not informed about this.   I just want an understanding why I was told this.

There are a number of singles in my ward.  The thought never crossed my mind that they should be in a singles ward.  I mean, who really cares?  If they want to go to the family ward, who really cares?

It is sad that we have so many busy bodies in the church.

[Guest MormonGator]

1 minute ago, Lost Boy said:

It is sad that we have so many busy bodies in the church.

:: starts a slow clap :: 

Amen brother. 

In fairness, it's more a problem with human nature than it is with Mormonism. Not an excuse for being a pest though. 

[Sunday21]

Some people like tidiness. They like to put all the red balls here and the blue balls there. If they were to serve you a meal, no doubt they would be clearing your plate away before you had finished dinner. Ignore them. I suspect there will be special counseling for them in the celestial kingdom. 

Edited September 1, 2018 by Sunday21

[Guest MormonGator]

My heart breaks for single people in the LDS culture. You don't want to rush into a marriage just to be married-that can lead to serious problems down the road-so they seem to be in limbo for as long as they remain unmarried. I see more and more return missionaries delaying marriages (just a brief observation from my Facebook page, nothing more) so maybe things are changing. 

[pwrfrk]

What sucks is the only LDS woman willing to go out with me is an hour away, and even then I think she's inactive.

[KScience]

Its normal for us singletons to attend family wards everywhere else in the world...we only have family wards.  Much easier all round

[seashmore]

On 8/30/2018 at 8:42 AM, ctr2961 said:

Does anyone knows the rules about being single in a family ward? This sounds like a dumb question but in the pasts I been approached by members of the stake presidency and a few members of my non Utah ward that unattached singles should not be participating in family ward activities(picnics, temple trips, testimony Sunday) and I should only be going to the singles ward which is 60 miles(out of Stake) away every Sunday.  The Bishop was not informed about this.   I just want an understanding why I was told this.

I just spent four years living in a branch where the nearest singles anything was 90 miles away.  Before that, I served 7 years in Midwest YSA wards.  Trust me when I say these people misinformed you.  Especially if the nearest singles ward is outside of your stake.  Rather, they have it backwards: people who are not single or of a certain age should not be attending singles activities (unless expressly invited).  _{Don't get me started on 32+ regularly participating in YSA.}

[zil]

6 hours ago, seashmore said:

I just spent four years living in a branch where the nearest singles anything was 90 miles away.

Really?  Your grocery store didn't carry Kraft Singles?

Edited September 7, 2018 by zil

[SilentOne]

42 minutes ago, zil said:

Really?  Your grocery story didn't carry Kraft Singles?

Challenge for all the writers here: Write a story centered around grocery shopping in which the presence or absence of Kraft Singles plays a vital role.

[zil]

On 9/6/2018 at 4:12 PM, SilentOne said:

Challenge for all the writers here: Write a story centered around grocery shopping in which the presence or absence of Kraft Singles plays a vital role.

I think it'll be a spy story.  There's supposed to be a dead drop under the Kraft Singles - but there are no Kraft Singles!   You frantically, but furtively examine the cheese case.  Nothing.  People will die if you don't get the message that's supposed to be there!  In a fit if irrationality, you start pulling cheese out of the case in hopes the message was put under the "Great Values" slices, or maybe behind these Sargento cheddar slices.  Cream cheese, shredded cheese, Cache Valley cheese, blocks of cheese!  Soon the floor is littered with cheese.  You're almost at the end.  Babybels go flying.  And then you see it:

You scream at the realization all is lost, and that commie cow is laughing at you!  In the next instant, a police taser has you writhing on the floor, kicking cheese around.  Then @mirkwood hauls you off on charges of disturbing the cheese.

Or....  Your child has refused to eat anything until you make pigs in a blanket.  He hasn't eaten a thing in three days.  You're starting to believe his will is stronger than yours.  You go to the store, pick up a can of Pillsbury crescent rolls, make your way to the cheese area, and oh the horror!  The only cheese your child will eat is Kraft Singles (aka "fish food") ... and ... they're out!!!  The nearest other grocery store is an hour away.  You reach up to pull your hair out, and pause.  Hmm, you think.  Maybe it would be easier to just let him starve.

Edited September 7, 2018 by zil

[seashmore]

On 9/6/2018 at 5:12 PM, SilentOne said:

Challenge for all the writers here: Write a story centered around grocery shopping in which the presence or absence of Kraft Singles plays a vital role.

Aaaactuallyyyyyy....I'm doing NaNoWriMo this year.  One of my housemates was watching an episode of Stephen Universe that mentioned something about "fifty pages of wedding cake."  She scoffed at the notion, and my reaction was: thanks for the NaNo Challenge.  50k words about wedding cake will be written by me in the month of November.  A facebook friendshipversary featuring a photo I took of a couple pinky-swearing to not smash cake in each other's faces that showed up a few days later cemented the plans.

[SilentOne]

@seashmore Well, you'd better find space in there for a scene about Kraft Singles. I'll check up on you if I happen to think of it while I'm online during November.

[SilentOne]

@seashmore We're a week in. Have you written your cheese scene yet?

[MarginOfError]

Handbook 2, 16.4

Quote

Eligible members may, in consultation with their parents, choose to be members of the young single adult ward or to remain in their conventional ward. The stake president may authorize the young single adult ward to find and fellowship other young single adult members of the stake who are less active. Those who become active may then choose to belong to the young single adult ward or to their conventional ward.

Church leaders do not decide which ward you attend.  You do.

(Note: the quote above is in reference to Young Single Adult wards. I can't imagine the direction is any different for Single Adult wards of the older variety)

[Guest MormonGator]

5 minutes ago, MarginOfError said:

Church leaders do not decide which ward you attend.  You do.

 

Does that go for anyone? Just asking, not arguing. 

[MarginOfError]

Just now, MormonGator said:

Does that go for anyone? Just asking, not arguing. 

Yeah, I should clarify:

When an individual has a choice of attending either the conventional ward in which boundaries they reside, or a Single Adult unit, it is the individual who decides which ward to attend. Priesthood leaders are then expected to ensure records are in the unit of choice and the member is accepted into full participation.

 

[Guest MormonGator]

Just now, MarginOfError said:

Yeah, I should clarify:

When an individual has a choice of attending either the conventional ward in which boundaries they reside, or a Single Adult unit, it is the individual who decides which ward to attend. Priesthood leaders are then expected to ensure records are in the unit of choice and the member is accepted into full participation.

 

Thanks. 

Being stuck in a ward you don't get along with and have nothing in common with is a huge and serious problem. If the church made it easier to go to a different ward, I'm guaranteeing that attendance and retention would go up. 

[Vort]

2 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

Does that go for anyone? Just asking, not arguing. 

In a sense. There are requirements for singles ward membership. I'm confident that being unmarried is one of those requirements. But, for example, there exist certain language-specific wards which, AFAIK, are opt-in. You can choose to attend a Chinese-speaking ward if there is one in your area.

Beyond singles' wards and the uncommon example of language-specific wards, I'm pretty sure ward membership is strictly geographically based, with all exceptions approved by the stake presidency or presidencies of the specific cases involved.

Please note that I'm speaking strictly from my own understanding and not from any position of authority.

[Guest MormonGator]

1 minute ago, Vort said:

Please note that I'm speaking strictly from my own understanding and not from any position of authority.

Actually, I trust you as much as I trust stake presidents and bishops when it comes to questions like this. 

[Vort]

Just now, MormonGator said:

Actually, I trust you as much as I trust stake presidents and bishops when it comes to questions like this. 

Thanks, MG. I appreciate the compliment. But don't. (Seriously.) Those leaders have access to Handbook 1 and other resources and training, and can give actual authoritative answers. I'm just some anonymous guy spouting off on a discussion list.

[zil]

15 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

Does that go for anyone? Just asking, not arguing. 

No.  There are certain statuses which enable one to choose from a limited number of options:

• 18-30 (Young Single Adult / YSA), if there's a single adult ward for your area, you can choose it or your regular ward
• Single Adult not even sure what age range(s) this covers, but if there is a specific ward for older single adults, you can choose that or your regular ward
• Language-specific: sometimes there's a branch (perhaps even ward) for those who don't speak the local language fluently, and they can choose either to attend that or their regular ward

In all cases, you choose between the special ward designated for your status and geographic area, or the ward in which you reside.

The only other case I know of is when someone requests for personal reasons to have their records transferred to another ward in their stake (or perhaps the neighboring stake).  Examples I've heard of are work schedule and personal conflict with someone in your geographic ward.  In this case the stake president(s) has to approve the change, and your records are transferred.

Anything else is you just acting on your own without your records transferred.  If your records are not transferred, these things are more-or-less true:

• You appear to be inactive in your ward (though it's possible someone(s) in your ward will know otherwise by observation or you told them)
• You cannot have a calling in the ward you do attend (because they don't have your records)
• You may not be able to renew your temple recommend (attendance questions)
• If you have people "assigned" to minister to you, it's unofficial, as would be any ministering you do
• It has some degree of financial impact - e.g. if you pay tithes and offerings, it would go against your ward's numbers, but the expense of you (if any) would go against the ward you're attending (e.g. you attend their activities, or get manuals or the like from them).
• It's something of a headache for the leadership of both wards - someone from the old ward may be assigned to fellowship you, on the assumption you're inactive; meanwhile the numbers are all skewed and you don't show up on reports, blah blah blah.
• A lot in the Church really is handled kinda like a business as far as records go

That said, better that someone attend Sunday meetings and feel of the Spirit and be reminded of / learn the doctrine than to not go at all.  Ideally, they'll at least try to meet with the stake president and see about having their records transferred - even if denied, at least the bishop of your ward will know his ward has some problem or other.

Edited November 8, 2018 by zil

[seashmore]

9 hours ago, SilentOne said:

@seashmore We're a week in. Have you written your cheese scene yet?

Not yet.