What makes a man attractive and unattractive?

[LePeel]

What is it that makes a man attractive to the opposite sex? And on the flip side, what makes a man unattractive? What traits and attributes make a girl swoon, or gag? 

[Guest]

It's a well-balanced person.  These are things you probably know:

• A man who is well-muscled and healthy.  But a "muscle-bound" man just looks freaky.  Understand that this is totally a judgment call.
• Confident without being arrogant.
• Intelligent enough, but not too out of touch or out of reach.
• A leader, but not a dictator.
• Someone who is certain about what he wants and can develop a path to get there.   But he has to be willing to adapt and take into account her feelings , ideas, and desires.

Here are some things you don't know:

• Women find a man more attractive if other women show they find him attractive.
• Women want to feel safe and protected BECAUSE of your presence.  This is above and beyond you simply "being a safe man to be around."  They want a protector.
• They want a man who can make them feel weak, but not helpless.  This is not to say you're supposed to berate or belittle.  It means that because you are a good catch, she feels nervous around you.
• They want someone who makes them a better woman, a happier woman, a more complete woman because of you.

When I met my (now) wife, she didn't really want to have anything to do with me.  Her roommates tried pushing her towards me.  But what finally opened her heart was that her roommates told her that they thought I was cute.  That was the first time she opened her mind to the possibility that I was attractive.  Before then, she never had an opinion about me.

Later, had left for vacation.  She realized that she missed me.  They say absence makes the heart grow fonder.  But that was only because she felt like a better person when I was around her.  If she didn't, why would she miss me?

One more thing (that I don't know if she realizes) is that she really did feel safe when I was around.  Her old "boyfriend" (notice the quotes) was trying to get her attention again.  When he came knocking, he saw the two of us cuddled up next to each other on the couch.  I knew who he was.  I got up and shook his hand.  He was about the same height, but easily had 20 lbs on me.  Yet, he felt scared of me and fumbled over his words.  He soon left and never bothered her again.

Another time, there was a guy in the ward who had a crush on her. But she really didn't want to have anything to do with him because he was still childish in many ways.  This guy was about 6 inches taller and easily had 100 lbs on me.  And in his own way, he was a handsome guy.  But when he got a little too annoying, she grabbed me in a way that let me know she was getting upset and didn't know what to do with this guy.  I told him,"That's enough."  He protested.  I yelled at him,"I SAID THAT'S ENOUGH!!"  He backed down and left.  I think even her roommates were a little amazed at that.

If you're asking primarily about physical attractiveness, that will be an entire post in and of itself.

Edited December 19, 2018 by Guest

[Guest MormonGator]

"confidence and a sense of humor make a man attractive, but different women would say different things. What I find attractive may not be what my friends do."- @LadyGator

[LePeel]

24 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

Women find a man more attractive if other women show they find him attractive.

Why do you think that is? At first glance it seem rather shallow.

24 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

she really didn't want to have anything to do with him because he was still childish in many ways. 

In what ways was he childish? I’d love to know.

24 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

But when he got a little too annoying,

May I ask what he was saying/doing?

24 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

• Women want to feel safe and protected BECAUSE of your presence.  This is above and beyond you simply "being a safe man to be around."  They want a protector.
• They want a man who can make them feel weak, but not helpless.  This is not to say you're supposed to berate or belittle.  It means that because you are a good catch, she feels nervous around you.
• They want someone who makes them a better woman, a happier woman, a more complete woman because of you.

How can this be accomplished? Is it an attitude? A physical presence? A demeanor?

26 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

If you're asking primarily about physical attractiveness, that will be an entire post in and of itself.

I gots to know!

[The Folk Prophet]

Big beards!

https://www.bing.com/images/search?q=big+beards&FORM=HDRSC2

[The Folk Prophet]

2 hours ago, LePeel said:

What is it that makes a man attractive to the opposite sex? And on the flip side, what makes a man unattractive? What traits and attributes make a girl swoon, or gag? 

Shouldn't the question be, "What would make women LePeel is attracted to attracted to LePeel?"

Or if it isn't for you you're asking, "What would make women [a certain man] is attracted to attracted to [the certain man]?"

[The Folk Prophet]

This woman says she likes kind, sensitive, gentlemen who always open the door for her.

This woman says she likes bad boys who drive nice cars:

[mikbone]

 

 

[Guest]

10 hours ago, LePeel said:

Why do you think that is? At first glance it seem rather shallow.

Well, we are talking about "skin deep".  So, how is that not going to be shallow?  But the reality is that physical beauty is always going to be a desirable trait among humans.  And there are biological and psychological reasons for that.

Quote

In what ways was he childish? I’d love to know.

May I ask what he was saying/doing?

We're talking about over 20 years ago.  I don't remember the exact stuff.  But as I recall, he pulled childish pranks and practical jokes all the time.  He wasn't all that smart, but he just kept wanting to give people advice and spout off common knowledge trivia as if it were a great revelation.

Quote

How can this be accomplished? Is it an attitude? A physical presence? A demeanor?

It comes from peace.  Peace begets faith.  Faith begets confidence.  Confidence begets courage.  Courage begets strength.  Strength begets the will to act. 

Get it?

Quote

<physical attractiveness>I gots to know!

It's late.  I'll try to write more tomorrow.

Edited December 19, 2018 by Guest

[JohnsonJones]

It seems so far (including me) most of the people commenting in this thread are guys.

[Guest]

2 hours ago, JohnsonJones said:

It seems so far (including me) most of the people commenting in this thread are guys.

Well, if the women told us, then they wouldn't be such a mystery.  And where's the fun in that?

[Guest]

11 hours ago, LePeel said:

I gots to know!

OK.  So, physical attraction.  There is an actual science to this.

There are three factors that are innate and biological.  Other factors tend to be social/cultural and are completely random.  I can only speak to the former.  The latter, well... is random.

• Averaging
• Persian Flaw
• Reproductive

 

AVERAGING

When we first start looking at the world, we see patterns.  From all the data put into our brains.  From this data our brains form an ideal "average" of the way things are supposed to be.  This is not just people, but all objects that can be seen with the eyes.  We know what an ideal tree looks like because of averaging.  We know what an ideal horse looks like due to averaging.  Likewise, we know what an ideal man or woman looks like due to averaging.

Because people have different experiences and see different people throughout their lives, some people's "average" looks different from other people's average.  This partially explains differences in taste.  But the older we get and the more experiences we have with different people, the more our averages seem to align with others.

This also includes patterns throughout our world being repeated in our minds.  The golden ratio is everywhere in nature.  So, when we see the golden ratio on a person's face, on their body, their hands, etc. We recognize that as beautiful.  We also see symmetry throughout nature.  So, we expect it in people as well.  That is a trait of beauty.

This is also affected by society.  When we see movies and television and magazines, etc. we're being inundated with images of what the media wants to tell us is "beauty."  If we see these images more than real people, we expect that to be the new average.  If we spend more time in the real world, then we're not so affected by that influence.

So, if a person has a nose that is too big or too small, they look weird.  They look ugly.  The same could be said of virtually any feature of the body.

 

PERSIAN FLAW

Being perfectly average in appearance is not enough.  It's boring.  So, in addition to being "near" the perfect norm, we also notice what is termed a "Persian Flaw."  It is something that is "bad" or "not normal" that accentuates something that would be otherwise perfect.  Cindy Crawford's beauty mark.

If a worker calls in sick only once every two years, that one sick day calls attention to his otherwise perfect attendance.  With completely perfect attendance, no one would notice.  He's just always there.  But if he's missed once, people notice just how much they depend on him.

Regarding beauty: I mentioned symmetry is a pattern we look for.  But don't a LOT of attractive people part their hair on one side?  Yes.  This does two things.  

• It calls attention to a fabulous hairstyle and the healthy hair.
• It makes it difficult to find the lack of symmetry in the face.  The centerline is offset in our minds.  So, an approximate symmetry becomes acceptable.

My wife has a perfect face.  But the irises of her eyes have some discoloration that calls attention to her otherwise perfect eyes.  Persian Flaw.  And, believe me, her eyes are fabulous.

 

REPRODUCTIVE

It should be no mystery that people look for physical beauty in a mate.  So, what beauty traits are indicators of reproductive capacity?

For the male, the physical strength and height is an indicator of reproductive prowess.  Whether accurate or not, that is how the underlying psychology works.

For women, lighter build with slightly wider hips and larger breasts are indicative of childbearing and nursing potential.  Again, whether accurate or not, that's what our underlying psychology tells us.  But just like the muscle-bound male, the female can overdo these features as well.  Balance.

In both sexes healthy hair and healthy skin are signs of ... health.  So, that is also desirable in a mate whom we expect to bear, rear, protect, and raise a child.  So, sorry to the acne sufferers.  But that is the underlying biology.

In other centuries obesity was considered attractive because that meant they could provide enough food for the family.  That's what I'm told.  I haven't gone to verify this.  But it makes sense.

SMILES:  Smiles tell so much about a person. 

If you're able to have a sincere, confident smile a lot of the time, people believe that you're probably not so prone to emotional issues. If not a smile, at least have a "positive and uplifting expression" on your face.

They also realize that you're not someone to be afraid of.  Smiles are friendly.  So, they are more at ease. In coupling, that is even more important.  And again, it is part of our underlying biology. 

Do you notice that we don't need to teach a child to laugh or smile?  They do it instinctively in every single culture.  And there is something attractive about a person who smiles.  If you see an average looking person, putting a smile on that face makes them more attractive.

 

GROUP THINK:

You asked about why girls think a boy is more attractive when other women say so.  Women are more prone to group think than men are.  Men tend to be loners.  These traits (among others) feed into the roles of mother and father.

One trick that some guys will do is this: They sign up for a dance class.  Usually, such classes are heavily female laden.  But the idea is NOT to meet girls at the class.  It is to make FRIENDS with them.  Then when you guys can all go out on a group activity -- TRULY -- NOT A DATE, you show up with a bunch of other girls that have lean forms and well formed legs and hips, other women will notice you and see you as more attractive.

So, if you can orchestrate a similar scenario, you'll have an advantage over other guys.

 

ONE MORE THING:

In all social studies (romantic, professional, or any other interaction) the single most off-putting trait for anyone is ODOR.  Shower regularly.  Stay clean.  Put on just a SMALL amount of scent.  Make sure your clothes are clean and wrinkle free.  Check your shoes for wear and odor.  Don't burp or pass gas.  Make sure your shampoo and condition actually have a pleasant smell to them.  Laundry detergent. Brush your teeth, floss, and use mouthwash.

 

This is not an exhaustive list.  But it is most of what I've learned from personal experience as well as studies from experts.  It may not be everything.  But it should give you a good launchpad.

 

Edited December 19, 2018 by Guest

[anatess2]

First of all, I am attracted to people who are seeking God diligently, humbly, honestly, and constantly.  They don't have to be the same religion as I.  They just need to be searching for truth and acting on it in all things.

I like a MAN.  Not a soy boy.  I like someone who takes that gender role seriously.

The Man doesn't have to be McGyver or Tony Stark... like, for example, before my husband and I got married, he didn't know where to put the jack to lift the car to change the tire.  But that didn't stop him from changing the tire telling me to stay out of it even as I told him my dad taught me how to change my own tire because he says it is his job to change the tire.  So, I taught him where the jack goes and he changed my tire.  So, even as I was amused that he didn't know where to put the jack, I was weak-kneed at his very serious sense of responsibility to take care of his woman.  And from then on, he learned where to put the jack.

What I find unattractive are men seriously lacking in self-confidence who put women on pedestals spouting sonnets and slinks away when the woman says "Shoo" as she goes chasing other boys.  What I like about my husband is he didn't bother trying to "date" me.  He became my friend and we did things together with our shared interests, he had girls chasing him, I had boys chasing me, then one day when he was ready, he told me I'm his girl, and that it's time to get rid of those other boys.  A few weeks later we were married.  He is confident I'm not going to cheat on him even as I still have my male best friends we hang out with because, "my wife is not stupid.  She knows she has it good with me."  So, I love that he is confident not only of himself but also of me.

I also find men who don't stand up to their principles (if they even have one) unattractive.  Men who don't know who they are and what their responsibilities are.  When I want my husband to do something that crosses the boundaries of his principles, I can wail and scream and threaten and manipulate... he'd just say, "are you done?" and wait until I've accepted it's not happening.  That's my kind of man.  At the same time, he gives me the freedom to live my principles - to succeed gloriously or to fail spectacularly - with him a steady rope I can hang on to, cheering me on when I succeed, dusting me off when I fail.  Then having the good sense to put the hard breaks on if I'm hurting us too much - like when I almost put us in the poor house.

Oh... also, I want a face I like looking at.  This is the guy that I will wake up to every morning.  I like to start off the day looking at a face I like.  And this is the face that will be passed on to my children.

Anyway, being attracted to a Man is not a constant.  When you marry that Man, he grows and changes according to your influence.  So, he either grows to stay attractive or he grows into something you don't like - which could be a result of how you treat that Man.

[Guest MormonGator]

4 hours ago, JohnsonJones said:

It seems so far (including me) most of the people commenting in this thread are guys.

True, but I asked my wife, didn't just come up with something myself. 

[LadyGunnar]

For me, A man needs to be tall with broad shoulders. I love deep voices.  A man who my dog likes and kids adore is very attractive.  I like a man's man who can be gentle. I also don't like men who are prettier than me. He can be better looking, but not prettier. haha. 

[Fether]

High KD ratios

Edited December 20, 2018 by Fether

[LePeel]

39 minutes ago, Fether said:

High KD ratios

But which one is it? Is it Attractive or unattractive?

[Guest MormonGator]

@LePeel, this does NOT apply to you, but it's what I was thinking of today after a conversation with a friend from here. 

I think everyone is attracted to likable, pleasant people. If you are rude, abrasive, argumentative-you have no right to ask why you are unpopular. 

[Fether]

10 minutes ago, LePeel said:

But which one is it? Is it Attractive or unattractive?

If a woman is not impressed by a strong KD ratio than she isn’t worth your time

[LePeel]

20 hours ago, mikbone said:

 

 

What I want to know is how James Yeager got involved.

[SilentOne]

I didn't answer before because

On 12/18/2018 at 8:27 PM, MormonGator said:

"...different women would say different things. What I find attractive may not be what my friends do."- @LadyGator

 

but since you also said

On 12/18/2018 at 7:32 PM, LePeel said:

And on the flip side, what makes a man unattractive? What traits and attributes make a girl... gag? 

I guess I can tell you that if you want women to find you unattractive, get an obviously extremely unhealthy physique going. The easiest way to do this would be to eat constantly and exercise as little as possible. Find a motorized way to get around the house/apartment, even. You could also go for the disturbingly underweight or 1% body fat bodybuilder looks, but those seem harder to achieve. Avoid bathing and brushing your hair and teeth. Talk over people at every opportunity. Brag about everything you do well and blame somebody else for all your mistakes. Always speak to women as though you doubt they have more than a sixth-grade education, if that, and never look at their face during conversation. If you ever hear them make a good suggestion you can't ignore, talk about it as though it was originally your idea.

If you follow these suggestions, you should repel most women.

[Iggy]

I wrote this to my husband when we were first getting to know each other.

Quote

My Ideal Man:
Is faithful, active and sincere in his calling's in Church.
Has a valid TempleRecommend and who goes to the Temple often.
Laughs easily at himself.
Is not ashamed to shed a tear in sorrow or in joy.
Is willing to taste a variety of foods and be honest enough to say if he likes it or detests it.
If he doesn't like the Opera, will still go with me occasionally.
Won't make fun of me when I read a child's book and cry because of the story.
Is a man, who my cats like. If they don't like you, then I don't want to know you.
Admits to being afraid of meeting all my family the first time, and who can be himself around them and not be intimidated.
Won't push me into doing things that I am terrified of doing:i.e. walking across a bridge, getting in a boat, swimming, climbing past the second rung on a ladder.
Is sought after by children.
Is not desperate to get married.
Doesn't try to buy my attention or friendship.
Doesn't know everything and readily admits it.

Now let me add a bit more,

• Who has good manners at the dinner table
• Who has good personal hygiene.
• Who listens to me, doesn't interrupt, or discounts what I have to say

Granted these attributes are what I was looking for in a husband, but even the most homely man can be physically attractive when he walks with God.

 

 

[Guest]

16 hours ago, LadyGunnar said:

For me, A man needs to be tall with broad shoulders. I love deep voices. 

 

[Colirio]

💰  +   💪  +   💃🕺   =   😍 

 

[Guest]

@LePeel,

Lady Gunnar's post reminded me of another quality: Voice.  I often have to re-train most people when they want to join the choir. 

1. A lot of people have the tendency to talk through their noses.  Some more than others.  But it is simply not a pleasant sound.  It often sounds whiny. There are only three sounds in the English language that require air going through the nose.  mmm, nnn, & ng.  ALL other sounds should go ENTIRELY through the mouth.  Try plugging your nose and talking.  If many of your sounds cause your nose to vibrate (feel it with your face and fingers) then you're doing it wrong.  Only those three sounds should make an impact.

The way you do this is control your soft palate.  To clarify terms: your tongue is called the "palate".  The hard part of the roof of your mouth is called the "hard palate."  Behind the hard palate, there is a flexible mass of flesh and muscle. This is the "soft palate."

The soft palate is a highly flexible muscle.  When pushed up to the back of the nasal cavity, it prevents post nasal drip.  But it also prevents air from flowing through the nasal cavity.  More sound can flow through the mouth.  The resonance of the sound coming through the mouth is a much more pleasant sound.

If you're not used to using this part of your mouth/nose/body then it may take some time to get used to using it.  Start with practicing simple breathing.  Breath in through the nose by closing the lips.  Breath out through your mouth by pursing your lips like you're gently blowing on hot coals to get them to heat up.  Pay attention to the soft palate as you do this.

Then use the same movement of the soft palate when you speak.  

2. A lot of people will speak in the front of their mouths.  We really should be speaking about 3/4 of the way to the back of the mouth.  When singing it can go a little farther back.  But the 3/4 position is just right for a male speaking voice.